Reborn
by maxgofish
Summary: Postrescue. Jate. She's gone. She's back. She loves him. She doesn't. She's free. She's in prison. She's pregnant. She's home. Can their love survive throughout?
1. Starting Over

_Title: Reborn_

_Author_: _mcanj25_

_Rating: T_

_Characters: Jack and Kate all the way; minor mention of other castaways_

_Summary: Post-rescue, Jack has to learn to join the world he had been lost to while he struggles with the decision to find Kate or forget her. _

_Author's Note: This story takes place after rescue. There was capture by the Others, but none of the specific events in the third season min-arc are applicable. _

* * *

He turned the key slowly, testing the feel of it in the lock. After living for weeks out of a hotel in the Palisades, it was time for him to find a new, _permanent_, place, and—at his mother's urging—he'd found one quickly, settling for the first suitable space the realtor had shown him. It was odd, beginning life again, coming back from the dead. His mother had saved a few things from his old condo, but most of his belongings had been dolled out, donated, or sold. It was practical, he understood. His mother wasn't one to waste the money on storage for a son she believed was dead.

The new space was clean, or empty, he wasn't sure. Compact, but in a cozy way. Stationed in a fashionable district of Los Angeles, only a few blocks from the beach, the apartment boasted one master bedroom, a smaller study, the required living room and kitchen, a single bathroom suite. Bathed in warm colors and sturdy hardwood floors, the place—as his realtor had swooned—was a rare find. Ironically, he hadn't been looking too hard when it had fallen into his apathetic lap. The only problem was filling the space, seemingly cavernous with the absence of furniture. He found that he was in no hurry to settle in. He longed for the steady monotony of work to win out over the mediocre adventure that decorating offered. He made his way into the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, somehow expecting to find a cold beer waiting. The space was empty.

He sighed, leaned back against the island counter and thought about the mild and monotonous tasks ahead of him. Being reborn, he was discovering, was not an easy task. But it all seemed pointless, all the chores and paperwork, the shopping and acclimating—they were small and insignificant in the face of what he'd just escaped. Life on the island had been a strange gift, he realized now. If not for the perspective it offered, than for the second chance it had given him. The chance to start again, to unload the burden he had been lugging with him everywhere before the crash. And then there was her. If he was given any gift by the island it was her. Infinitely her. He couldn't think about the island without the sweeping knowledge of her existence. What she meant to him then, and now even more so. Where was she?

_It had been just over a year on the island before the hope of rescue had renewed itself in the form of a military craft bobbing on the horizon one warm evening in December. It had felt odd. Relief mingling so closely with anguish. The push of glee paradoxical to the pull of remorse. It ended too soon, perhaps. _

_He felt the kick of sand at his calves as she slowed to a stop behind him. His eyes focused on the faint twinkling of lights in the distance, unable to form the words to speak to her now. Now that she no longer belonged to the island, which meant she somehow no longer belonged to him. With the onslaught of civilization so near, the indomitable spirit that had characterized her was slowly slipping back towards the darting, tentative Kate that belonged to the real world. There, back on the mainland, back in the cities and grime, she was an animal on the run. Too wild to be caged by love, or him, if the two were even separable. _

_They'd only admitted their feelings something like three weeks ago, though the feelings had been there for far longer, they both knew. Sure, they had never acknowledged anything_ official_ during their brief time together, had made no promises, never consummated the fledging of a relationship they had somehow forged a year too late. But before he could ruminate any longer over the bittersweet pool of emotions he found himself wading through, her soft voice broke his thin veil of solitude. _

"_It was bound to happen, I guess, but damn. Pretty awful timing, huh?" she mused. _

_He could tell she was trying. Trying to make this a little less painful. He let her voice wash over him a moment before turning and meeting her eyes, shining with the moonlight or with unshed tears, he wasn't sure. He studied her for a moment before letting out a short, defeated laugh. _

"_Yeah, damn awful timing." He took a step towards her and saw her tense. Wishing only to feel her warmth, commiserate with her, he purposefully moved towards her, arms stretching ever so slightly towards her. She blanched and took a step backwards, putting her hands up defensively._

"_Maybe we shouldn't." she whispered. He stopped abruptly, his brow creasing immediately with hurt. Seeing this, her eyes softened._

"_It's just that it'll only make it harder," she ventured, "You know, when I have to…"_

_Angry now, he turned on her. "Have to what, Kate?" He bit out. "What are you going to do? You going to run?" She bowed her head at his outburst, the curls of her messy pony tail spilling over her shoulder. He had to stifle his heavy breathing to hear her muffled words._

"_You know what I have to do, Jack. I can't just…I can't just let them take me. Not after being here, _free_ for so long. I can't go to jail, not after everything that's happened here."_

_Boldly, he stepped forward and took her by the shoulders._

"_We can do this, Kate. We can get you a great lawyer and fix this. We can get passed this and you can live a normal life. It doesn't have to be this way—you running. I don't want that for you, for us." He studied her eyes, hard brown meeting weary green. _

_She smiled ruefully, smoothed her hand over the stubble of his cheek as he let out a puff of air. Ducking and bending his forehead against her own, he spoke softly, resigned, and reduced._

"_Don't run, Kate. Please. Please stay with me. _Be _with me. Don't run."_

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So that's chapter one. I'm not sure how frequently I'll be posting updates, hopefully once a week at least. Please review, I'd love your feedback, and I'm sure it'd spur me onwards towards updates!

_Chapter Two: Jack's first week back in the real world, how he and Kate got together, and a surprise!_


	2. Recollection

_Hey guys, thanks for your reviews, they were really nice! Here's chapter two. Like I said in the author's note from chapter one, the Others did capture Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, but none of the events of Season 3 happened. Enjoy! Please review!_

The time they had spent with the Others was lost to them. The two weeks that had elapsed during their stay translated into nothing. No recollection. Ironically, the past—so overbearing and omnipresent before—was now elusive.

Though Kate and Sawyer had returned virtually unscathed, minus a few errant needle-pricks spotting the inside of their arms, it wasn't until roughly three weeks later that Jack was…released.

When he had woken—groggy from sedation—it had been in a small clearing, foreign even when his eyes had refocused in the harsh sunlight. He spent ten minutes yelling. Voice hoarse from lack of use or lack of hydration, he called for Kate and Sawyer at the top of his lungs before spending another fifteen minutes tearing through the thicket, searching for something, _anything_ that would orient him. It wasn't until he collapsed against a tree, clutching his gut, heaving for breath, that he took a moment to steady his thumping heart. He set off in a straight line, pace steady, determination fierce. He'd reach the beach and spend a day and a half following the shoreline until, in the powdery light of morning he'd see the wispy outline of campfires dotting the shore ahead. Home.

The only thing Jack remembered from his time with the Others was a single, frayed memory. A memory stretched by the adrenaline of fear, weakened by the repulsion and guilt he experienced when he'd recalled it one morning, the day after his return to camp.

He had woken in a stark white room, eyes wet and air clinical. He tried to speak but found he couldn't. Grunting against the gag in his mouth, his tongue dry, he worked to sit up. Movement, he discovered, was prohibited by five thick leather straps: two for each arm, two for each leg, and a broad one to force his chest down. They were strong. He turned to his left and his thrashing ceased. There she was. Kate. Bound and unconscious in the same dentist-like chair he was strapped into. His eyes widened and he tried to crane his neck to take her all in. He took a visual inventory for any injuries, but the only intrusion was a single IV line, filtering an amber liquid into her bloodstream. He started pulling at the restraints again, grunting louder, louder, until an older man, face partly shielded by a surgical mask, leaned over him. He looked critically into Jack's eyes, furrowing his eyebrows in decision.

"Settle now, Jack." He said evenly.

Jack twisted furiously, eyes hard and accusing at the man above him. He swung his head towards Kate, watched the easy weight of her eyelids—settled, unmoving. His eyes swept up and down her body. Same clothes. Same dirt streaked cheeks and knuckles. Her freckles dusking in contrast to her paleness. But no, it was the light, wasn't it? Harsh and unforgiving, leaving her warm tan robbed and waifish. He focused in on her chest, waiting for the steady rise and fall of her breathing. He waited. Nothing. But wasn't it hard to tell from here? Wasn't he in a poor state to be judging her condition? He turned sharply back at the man above him, who had moved to adjust the IV bag hanging loosely near Jack's bed. Jack thrashed purposefully again. The older man looked down at him with a bored expression. Jack thrust his head in Kate's direction. The man followed the signal and frowned.

"Kate? Oh, she's fine. Don't you worry about her." He smiled knowingly. "She's all taken care of."

Jack's eyes widened and he resumed his struggle, rattling the heavy apparatus of the chair. He moaned furiously through his gag, fists clenching and unclenching where they were strapped at his sides.

The man above Jack sighed, only mildly aggravated, like a father disappointed by his son's petulance. He bent towards a tray next to the chair and chose a long needle from the batch. Jack's movements stilled only for a moment at the sight, then he began pulling at his binds with all his might, trying to kick his legs out of their casings. The man leaned over towards Jack's IV and injected the serum from the shot slowly, his eyes meeting Jack's as the new solution funneled through the line. The man smiled, satisfied that he'd fixed the problem for now. Jack lost him in the dark clutches that found him then, stretching over him like a cold, dense fog until there was nothing.

When Jack came back to his new apartment, still sparsely decorated and void of the usual comforts indulged by bachelors, it was night. Two weeks after he'd first stepped foot into the place and the air still felt too cold, the ground too solid, the windows and walls all formidable. The unstable walls of his island tent, the crinkling of the tarp flap, the way the sand gave way beneath his weight—before he could decide to enjoy the comforts of civilization, he found himself missing the crude trappings of island life. Or perhaps just what the island had on it.

He walked into the kitchen, flipping on the lights and dropping his keys—only two: the apartment's and the rental car's—on the granite island counter. He toed off his sneakers and socks, letting both pairs to lie haphazardly on the cool kitchen tile. Opening the refrigerator door, he perused its meager contents, deciding finally on a carton of old Chinese food. He peeled apart the top, sniffed the noodles inside and shrugged to himself. Reaching into the sink, he grabbed a used fork, and made his way barefoot into the living room.

His mother had helped in a few major furniture purchases—only the necessities, she'd argued. A simple bed and dresser for the master suite, a living room set that screamed Pottery Barn in its compatibility, and a few other pieces that stood out awkwardly in the stark space. He settled onto the couch with a huff, legs stretched out atop the coffee table, body sinking into the cushions. Without the glow of the end table's lamp or the more artificial one from a blaring TV set, the room was dark, only a faint flush of light glowing from the kitchen. As Jack began to dig through the food carton, suddenly tired for no particular reason, a small voice, all too familiar, piped up from the armchair diagonal to where he sat.

"Hi, Jack."

_Oo La La! Who could it be?! We'll find out in chapter three, along with how Kate and Jack's relationship on the island began. I'll update soon, but the more reviews, the quicker! _


	3. Guess Who

Jack stopped, a fork twirled with noodles half way to his mouth. The lamp on the end table flicked on, illuminating Kate's features where she sat, small in the overstuffed armchair. Her smile was weak, waiting, her expression betraying her uneasiness at his scrutiny. By now he'd dropped the fork back in the Chinese carton, but his mouth still hung slightly open as he gaped. She softened at his goofy expression; she smiled a little more sincerely.

"You can close your mouth now, Jack."

At the sound of her voice, he knew for sure that she was real. Kate was sitting in the dark of his living room, looking beautiful as ever. Her curls tumbled past her shoulders. Her figure was in the same lithe, athletic shape as it had been on the island. Her tan had only diminished slightly, but the same radiant glow, along with her freckles, adorned her cheeks and scattered across her nose. Finally, Jack shook himself out of his reverie, returning his mouth to its normal position, while his eyebrows settled into a line, hard and penetrating.

"Kate." He said it with strength, but the taste of it was still registering on his tongue again. He was silent for a moment longer, before attempting a whole sentence.

"How'd you get in here?" The question seemed lame after the long build up. She smiled at this, amused and somehow relieved at the easy question.

"You left a spare key under the mat." She said, gesturing absently towards the door. "You should really think about finding a better hiding spot." She jabbed, smiling playfully.

"Or move. I can't believe the doorman let you through." He huffed.

"He did."

"Sure I won't find a broken window somewhere? I know this is a few floors up, but knowing you—"

"_Jack."_

"Sorry." He looked down at his jeans, running his hands along his the fabric towards his knees, nervously pulling at the fabric.

"Aren't you going to ask why I'm here?" She prodded, tilting her head to get a better look at his eyes.

He was quiet for a long moment before exhaling dramatically, then rising abruptly.

"You want a drink or something?"

"Jack—"

"_I _need a drink." He said. Before she could reply, he strode into the kitchen, walking quickly past her.

He wrenched the refrigerator door open, grabbed a beer, yanked the drawer beneath the sink open, withdrew the bottle opener and uncapped the beer. He took a swig, long and hard. When he put turned to peak into the living room, she was seated on the bar stool on the opposite side of the island counter, head resting on her closed fists, tucked beneath her chin, watching him intently.

"So…" she breathed, meeting his eyes tentatively.

He had forgotten how green they were. They seemed to glow in the recessed lighting of the kitchen, and for a moment he forgot the absurdity of her presence, the abandonment he had felt when she had ran, or the incessant ache in his chest since she had be gone.

Carefully, he put the bottle onto the counter, then pushed it towards her with a single finger, slowly. She smiled a bit, then reached for it, drew it to her lips and took a pull. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and pushed the bottle back towards him.

"Ask me." She said. He looked at her hard before answering, letting all the pain of the past two months accumulate in his belly, flavoring his words before they flew off his tongue.

"No." he barked. His tone was harsh and he saw her flinch before recovering. She swallowed.

"Why not?" She let her arms drop in front of her, crossed defensively over her chest.

"Because, Kate. Because I don't want to know why you're here if you're just going to leave." He braced his arms against the cool granite and met her eyes with ice in his own.

Her eyes, glossy with fight, softened and filled with hurt—guilt. Remorse. She bowed her head, her curls draping her face.

She traced an invisible design with her fingertip atop the granite while she found the words and steadied her voice.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her voice thick with tears. He moved a fraction of an inch, almost ready to embrace her. To reach across the counter, take her face in his hands and ask her anything she wanted him to. To smooth her hair from her face, meet her eyes and say all the things he'd planned before rescue came. The words he'd known for so long but had never worked up the courage to utter. Instead of those things, he set his jaw, held his ground, and looked away.

"I'm sorry." She said a little louder, looking up at him now, tears evident in her watery green eyes. She bit her lip, then said it again, heavy with guilt. "I'm _sorry_. That's why I came. To…to tell you that I'm sorry, for everything. I wanted to see you and explain. I—I never meant to just take off. I got scared, and I knew you wouldn't let me run, and the only thing I thought I could—"

"Stop." Jack bit out, voice low and threatening. "Just _stop_ it."

She let out a strangled sob but lodged the rest deeper, refusing to let them chip loose. Refusing to let them fill the empty space of his apartment with her cries, hopeless and commanding in their agony. She bowed her head again, swiping furiously at a tear.

"I knew I shouldn't have come." She whispered to herself, turning on the bar stool and hurrying towards the door.

His arms still bracing the counter, he closed his eyes against the decision he had to make: go after her, or willingly let her go this time. Wrenching his eyes open, he jammed his open palm into the countertop, a loud smack echoing through the empty kitchen and sending a jolt of very real pain up his arm. He shook his head roughly, ran a hand over his hair and breathed deep, letting it out slow. _Damn it_, he muttered before crying out.

"Kate!"

When he rounded the corner towards the doorway, her forehead was bowed against the wood of the door, her back to him, arms bracing her on either side.

"Kate." He said softly this time, his voice beseeching.

She turned her head over her shoulder, eyes sad as she appraised him. Afraid of what he might say, what he might ask of her.

"Just wait." He heaved, defeated. "_Wait._"

She turned to face him fully, arms crossing over her chest after she brushed away an errant tear that had managed it's way down towards her chin.

"Why?" she whispered incredulously, eyes wet with tears as she studied him.

He took her all in then. The dirty clothes, the tear-streaked face, the way her shoulders seemed to be holding something heavy, a burden that he couldn't lift.

"Because," he started, approaching her. Her arm tightened across her chest as he took a step towards her. "I don't want you to go yet. I want to know why you ran from me and where you've been…if you're _okay_, if you're still the same Kate, the same Kate I-…I just want you to stay. For now."

"You're not still mad?" She sounded small as she sniffled and brushed an unruly lock of her hair away from her eyes.

He let out a relieved laugh. "I don't know, Kate. Let's just talk first, alright? Stay the night and we'll figure things out tomorrow."

She looked apprehensive at his invitation.

"I'll take the couch." He hurried. He watched her relax a bit, though still pensive. She was quiet for a moment.

"Okay." She said softly, her lips turning up into a brave smile.

"Okay." He echoed, his shoulders dropping in relief. "Okay."

Who knew what the morning would bring.

Sorry it took longer to update, but things have been crazy around here. I know I promised the origins of the relationship, but it's going to fit in better as a flashback in the next couple chapters. Please review, the ones I've gotten are lovely! They make it all worth it. Thanks, everybody. Happy reading!


	4. The Morning After

Hey lovelies! Sorry it's taken so long to update--to make up for it I made it sort of longer than usual. The next chapter will be up much sooner than the last. Please review! I'm not sure what I think about this chappy...lemme know!

* * *

_After his release from the Others and his subsequent trek back to camp, Jack wasn't sure what to expect upon his return. Unsure of how much time had elapsed since his capture, he was hesitant to make assumptions regarding the changes that might have occurred in his absence. As he trudged along the sand towards the outline of fires in the morning's spotty light, he let his thoughts rise above his heavy breathing and drift to Kate. _

_He wondered if she would be there, sinking into the shoreline as her curls blew restlessly behind her. Maybe she hadn't made it back yet; maybe she would make it back to camp soon after him, appearing at the edge of the tree line minutes after he'd passed the first tent. Then, he feared the worst: that she wouldn't be there at all, that she wouldn't return—that he'd lost another opportunity in his volatile relationship with her, never having broached the subject of their feelings for each other, or her possible feelings for another. He thought of Sawyer, if he was alive. What his death would do to her. _

_He shook away the thoughts as he neared camp. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were sore from strain. His legs ached and his chest felt heavy. With another stretch, he had entered the imaginary boundary into camp. Though it was early, he could make out a few faint murmurs muffled by tents and the breeze, carrying the words away. Now that he was here, he was unsure what to do next. Call out for anyone? I'm back, he thought of yelling. Instead, he made his way over to the water trough, scooped a handful to his lips and drank greedily, feeling the cool liquid slide down this throat. _

Jack bolted up from his position on the couch. He blinked away the remnants of sleep, ran a hand over his stubbly chin. What had woken him? He heard a bump in the kitchen. Turning his head at the sound, he waited for another. There. He got up quietly, feeling around the floor for his jeans. He drew them up his legs haphazardly, zipping them but leaving them otherwise unbuttoned. He tiptoed to the doorway before peering in.

Kate sat at the counter, swirling a spoon around a half empty bowl of cereal. Jack shut his eyes and released the breath he had been holding.

"Jesus, you _scared_ me."

Kate jumped in her seat. Jack smirked.

"Sorry." He said, taking the stool opposite her. She smiled at him tightly before returning her gaze to the pit of her cereal bowl, and he could make out the familiar crease between her eyebrows: the telltale sign she was in deep thought.

"Couldn't sleep?" he asked. She looked up at him again, eyes a little less guarded, then let the spoon drop into the bowl, shaking her head.

"No." she said. "Sorry I woke you up."

He brushed the comment aside. "It's okay, I wasn't really sleeping anyway."

"Liar."

"I wasn't—I had—_have_ a lot on my mind."

"Yeah, thanks to me."

"Stop. Who cares about sleeping anyway, this is the first time I've seen you in what—I don't even know. Forever."

As soon as the words flew from his mouth, he remembered the ease in which they used to banter. He regretted the exchange instantly. This wasn't the time for flirting. He was mad at her. She was on the run. She'd abandoned him. She'd crashed his apartment. But, he had to admit, he was glad she did.

There was a long silence. He unabashedly watched her while she watched the contents of her cereal bowl.

"I see you found everything okay." He smirked, gesturing to the cereal bowl. She looked surprised that he'd broken the silence, but smiled.

"Yeah, I was lucky I found anything. I knew you were anal, but I didn't think that meant cheap, too." She jabbed.

"Hey, it's not like I have a lot of time for grocery shopping."

"Right, you spend most of it interior decorating." Her smile was teasing, and for a moment he let himself wash in the moment, how easily they flew back to being the people they were on the island. She caught the nostalgia in his eyes and recovered, dipping her head back to her cereal bowl.

She moved to put the bowl in the sink, but he was up from his stool in an instant, ushering it from her hands.

"I got it." He mumbled, rinsing the bowl out and setting it in the sink. She smiled, said a quiet thanks and stood where she was, unsure of what move to make next.

_When Jack had returned, it was quieter than he expected. Not that he was complaining, but the peace that accompanied his return was unnerving compared to the constant hustle he had been in before the capture. He found himself sleeping later, attempting to shave less, and stepping into the leadership role as little as possible. He thought he was flying below the radar, but if one person noticed the change in roles more than he did, it was Kate. _

_Since his return, she'd been attached to his side. Never mind the tearful bear hug she'd given him when she'd seen him sipping water at the trough the morning of his return. He'd turned around, when a shocked Kate had been standing there, eyes awash with confusion, joy, and disbelief. She had mumbled a faint "_Jack_" before she had latched her arms around his neck. Her tears had wet the neck of shirt and he was still breathing heavy, but he didn't mind. He had held her close, stroked her hair absently and thanked the God he didn't believe existed that she was in his arms, and even more so, that she was alive. _

_It hadn't been an easy adjustment—settling back to the way things were before the Others. Though it had only been five weeks, the changes that had transformed their miniature civilization confounded him. Different shelter structures, food and water systems, new couples, and another pregnancy. At the same time, Jack was surprised that some things on the island hadn't changed at all. Kate still climbed the highest trees and refused to let Jack treat her scrapes. Locke hadn't changed—he'd only become more mystifying and independent, though Jack had thought it had impossible. _

_Though the differences in island life weren't drastic, Jack felt lost in the sweep of readjustment. His role as a leader seemed unfitting now that it'd been compromised. He had been dead and had come back to life, and though it had been miraculous, some of the others looked at him differently, like they had questions they wanted to ask but weren't sure how to go about asking them. _

_Jack wasn't sure if he was the right person to lead these people anymore. When it came time to make decisions, he'd find himself floundering, and when pressure built he found that he couldn't rise to the occasion as easily as he had before his capture. Insecurity was something he was used to suppressing, but with the fate of forty something castaways under his direction, the block of weakness he felt was an obstacle he was finding impossible to overcome. _

_Despite his trouble finding his place with the others in camp, he and Kate had grown closer than ever before. Before they were captured, they'd danced around each other, afraid to make assumptions or make a move, but the games they had played before seemed trivial now that they'd both experienced the same loss. Loss of time. Loss of memory. _

_As Jack and Kate turned to each other to rebuild after their stay with the Others, it seemed Sawyer enjoyed his solitude. The snappy remarks and witty retorts had only decreased slightly, and instead of haggling Kate so often, he'd been spending more time in the jungle, chopping wood or hunting with Locke. _

_Kate had expressed her worry to Jack once, but he'd shrugged it off—saying that Sawyer had to deal with the same trauma in his own way. Jack had convinced himself that it wasn't jealousy over Kate's concern that allowed him to proffer this advice, but he knew a margin of it was. He felt so close to her now that the idea of losing her to another man, instead of a force, was a blow he didn't want to stomach. _

_Still, their relationship grew without words or pushes, both content to enjoy each other's company. Kate showed him the best trails to find fruit and Jack let himself have fun, flirt. He'd help her over a rock by taking her hand and guiding her by the small of her back, trying not to notice the feeling of her skin between the hem of her t-shirt and the top of her jeans. She tried to teach him to climb a tree once, but after embarrassing himself with his awkwardness, he said he'd catch the mangoes she'd throw down to him, as long as she promised not to get too high up. At night they'd eat together by the fire and during the day they'd take swims farther down shore. He'd blush and turn away when she would push her jeans down her legs, while she pretended not to notice when he stripped down to his boxers. They were playful and sincere, kind and affectionate. _

_Kate had helped him find his way back amongst the others at camp—encouraging him to relinquish some control, releasing some of his former duties to Locke, Sayid, and Sun. She was patient when he was short with her, but fiery when he condescended. He tried to advise her without being commanding, and every time a situation arose when he found himself beginning to order her around, a flash in her green eyes told him all he needed to know. _

_Other castaways knew the signs that their relationship was evolving, but stayed quiet. Except for Sawyer, who was happy to make snide remarks about getting caught in nets, invite-only golf matches, and supposed skinny dipping ventures in his find of a waterfall. Though they blushed and mumbled awkwardly at Sawyer's comments, Jack and Kate knew that whatever was going on between them was building towards something actual, something they had been close to encroaching upon before their capture, but the idea then was not nearly as feasible as it was now._

_Jack knew that their exchanges would amount to something soon, but he found himself fighting it. He knew he had feelings for Kate, but the moment he indulged in them he was reminded of their circumstances—less than ideal for romance. Whatever had been holding him back pre-capture had reared its ugly head again and made him second guess every flirty exchange they shared. He had been content for weeks just getting to know the little things about Kate. Her favorite color: purple. The first car she drove: _not _a car, but a motorcycle, surprise surprise. _

_Every time he thought a moment was arising that would provide the perfect opportunity for him to make his move, he convinced himself that she didn't feel the same way. For some reason, Jack resented Kate and Sawyer on some level for their release from the Others. Maybe it wasn't resentment, but it was certainly the feeling of the situation being unfair altogether. He knew he was misplacing his frustration: the idea of being totally helpless at the hands of his captors, even submissive enough that he had no _memory_ of the ordeal, was what he was really angry about._

_Whatever was troubling him—being unable to make the first move with Kate or his unresolved time with the Others—he couldn't find his way out of it. So he found himself taking out his aggression on blocks of wood out in the chopping clearing. Sawyer had certainly taken to the job, and Jack got a little smirk of satisfaction taking over for a day. He was letting the heave of the ax replace his nagging thoughts, when a distinct Southern drawl lazed into the clearing. _

"_What's up, doc?" Sawyer drawled. He was leaning against a tree on the perimeter of the clearing, thumbs hanging loosely from the pockets of jeans. He had a smug smile on his face, and somehow Jack knew he was there to do more than exchange pleasantries._

_Jack let the ax drop to the ground. Relaxing, he wiped his brow, slick with sweat, then fixed an unamused and impatient look towards Sawyer. _

"_Sawyer." He greeted, then hiked the ax up and took a swing at a log, neatly slicing it in two._

"_Looks like you took my job." Sawyer mused, and took a few steps toward Jack. When Jack didn't respond, and instead swung again at a neighboring log, Sawyer waited until the halves split before venturing again._

"_Nice shot."_

"_Something you want, Sawyer?" Jack shot. He turned towards him, lifting his eyebrows—inviting a response, obviously one with a point._

_Sawyer let his dimples emerge._

"_Thought you'd never ask." He said dreamily. The sarcasm wasn't lost on Jack, but before he could fire back another remark about wasting his time, Sawyer piped up._

"_Noticed you and our ol' Sassafras have been spending a lot of quality time together there, Jackass."_

_Jack was silenced for a moment and the only sound in the clearing was his heavy breathing. He let the comment go and split another log—this one was off-center. He heard Sawyer let out a chuckle. _

"_Oh I get it. Don't kiss and tell, eh?" _

_Jack stopped. "Look Sawyer, if you want to say something about Kate, or me and Kate, just say it." _

"_No need to get all huffy, doc, just looking for some juicy gossip 'round this island. Hell, I ran out of good readin' material couple weeks back," he flashed a dimpled grin, "gotta have something to keep me entertained…"_

_Jack let out a laugh._

"_I hate to disappoint you Sawyer, but there's not much to tell." He gave Sawyer a pointed look. "Kate and I are friends."_

_Sawyer watched him skeptically a moment as Jack turned and rested the ax against a stack of wood._

"_Just friends, huh?"_

_Jack set his hands on his hips. "_Yeah_," he nodded thoroughly, a little peeved, "_friends_."_

_Sawyer beamed. "I guess that leaves room for me then, don't it? I mean, Freckles was _awful_ lonely with you gone, and who do you suppose was there to keep her company?"_

_Sawyer saw Jack's weight shift and his eyes harden like diamonds. His jaw set, but he made no move to speak. Sawyer narrowed his eyes and dug in, taking a few steps closer. _

"_Yeah, she was real torn up about you missin' and all. See, we all thought you were a goner, but Freckles? Nah, she was always the one leading a pack into the enchanted forest." _

_Jack was surprised. He knew Kate had been upset at his absence, but distraught wasn't a sentiment he would normally attribute to someone as strong as Kate._

"_What do you mean?" Jack ventured. Sawyer looked like he'd accomplished something._

"_I _mean_ she was really hurtin', doc. Moping around, not eating much, always moving. Wouldn't let anyone talk sense into her. I'll be the first one to admit I thought it was a lost cause, going out after you," Jack rolled his eyes, "but she kept saying it wasn't what _you_ would do, that you would never leave anyone behind."_

"_She said that?"_

_Sawyer smirked. "Scout's honor."_

"_Did she say anything else?" Jack asked. He kicked himself for putting himself at Sawyer's mercy and teasing, but he had to know. Was there something more?_

_Sawyer eyed him. "Nope." He said simply, then turned and walked towards the trees._

"_Sawyer." Jack said pointedly. Sawyer turned slowly._

"_She loves you, doc. She don't have to _say_ it for it to be true. Everyone on this damn island knows it…'cept you that is…and maybe her."_

_Sawyer walked out of the clearing, leaving Jack to his thoughts—now more troubled then ever. The feelings he had for Kate that he'd been trying to suppress for the last months now bubbled to the surface easily. Did she love him? There was only one way to find out._

Kate let the awkward silence in the kitchen carry on for a moment longer before cutting through it.

"Well, I guess I'll head back to bed." She said, making a move to go past him. He grabbed her arm gently, the touch on her bare arm making her suppress an involuntary shiver. The moment he'd walked in the kitchen, she'd noticed that he was shirtless and muscley, with stubble that sent her mind flying back to fervent kisses on the island, the prickles scratching against her neck. But when Jack's hand closed around her bicep, she realized her own state of undress. She had shed her over shirt and had opted to wear the thin white tank top underneath, then had pulled out a pair of long basketball shorts from Jack's drawer. The short tank top, combined with the baggy shorts left a considerable gap, leaving her taut stomach exposed.

She felt Jack's grip on her arm flex.

"Wait." He said softly. She turned over her shoulder and saw his eyes scanning the flesh of her shoulders and lower back. She gulped and pinked. He looked up at her, his eyes a shade darker. She turned, and let one hand rest on his side, the other braced on the flat of his chest. He let the hand gripping her arm slide down to her side and rest on the skin between her tank and shorts. He leaned forward slightly. Kate closed her eyes in anticipation. Jack stopped almost to her mouth. He blinked. What was he doing? He let his arm drop away from her hip immediately. Her eyes opened, clouded with confusion and a hint of desire.

"Kate, I—we can't do this right now. Just sit for a second, okay? Just sit _here_." He said, plopping her into the bar stool she had just vacated. She looked confused.

"What—"

"Just—just sit. I'm going to sit _here_." he said, his words rushing out in a flurry, moving around the counter, and sitting, palming the counter and taking a breath. "I can't believe that almost just happened." He said to himself softly.

Kate narrowed her eyebrows, annoyed now.

"_Hello!?"_ she shot, trying to meet his eyes.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to happen. God Kate, I haven't seen you in months and now…" he ran a hand through his short hair. "I just need to take a breath and think about this for a second."

"Okay."

He studied the granite swirl of the countertop for a few long moments, brow furrowed. He looked up suddenly.

"Let's just do this. Let's just—just tell me everything now. Everything about where you've been and why you left and…everything. Just tell me everything."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Everything?" she said disbelievingly.

He seemed determined and bobbed his head. "Everything. I want to know. No lies."

She let a long breath and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Where do I start?"

"Where have you been?"

"A lot of places, Jack. I'm a wanted criminal."

He brushed away her shortness. "Okay, the last place you've been." He folded his hands and set them on the counter in front of him.

Kate studied the muscles of his shoulder and torso before she gave in to answer. She knew this was going to be the last moment of quiet and almost peace she had once she told him. She wished he'd led off with a different question.

"Where, Kate?"

She shot him a sad look. His determination was sweet, but she was waiting for the fallout. When she spoke, she closed her eyes...

"With Sawyer."


	5. Fight or Flight

Here's chapter five. I promised a quicker update this time, so here you go. I think I like this chapter. It's pretty simple. Please lemme know what you think. I love getting the feeback and it really inspires me to write more. Thanks, enjoy!

* * *

Jack was quiet for a long moment, his eyes unreadable.

"Sawyer." He said slowly, testing out the syllables on his tongue. Kate risked a glance at him.

"Yeah."

"Want to elaborate on that one, Kate?" He said with a harsh laugh. His eyes were sharp and Kate felt wounded by his stare before she recovered.

"After leaving L.A. I thought the best thing to do was to get out of the city, where all the press was. I headed to Texas at first, stayed for a few days before I—"

"_Sawyer_, Kate. How did you end up with_ Sawyer_?" His voice was edgy and she knew that her peculiar relationship with Sawyer was a sore spot for Jack. Even after they had admitted their feelings for each other, Jack was always wary of Sawyer. It didn't help that Sawyer took every opportunity to make a come-on to Kate if Jack was around to hear it.

Kate took a deep breath. "When I ended up in Tennessee, I had run out of cash and I knew Sawyer was in Nashville—"

"How did you know he'd be in Nashville?"

"He had said something about it. Just before we all made it to L.A., he mentioned that's where he was headed, that I could look him up if I ever needed—"

"Of _course_ you could look him up. Jesus, Kate. _Sawyer?_" Jack bit out.

"Would you just let me finish? You don't even know what happened!"

"Do I even _need_ to hear the rest of the story?"

"You're the one that wanted to know Jack, you said no lies and I'm only trying to be—"

"Honest? Honesty? Jesus, a little forthcoming would have been nice _before_ you hit the ground running. We weren't back in the states two minutes before you ran. You didn't say anything, Kate. Not a word. One minute we were all crowded by people and reporters and the next minute I turned around and you were gone."

Kate bowed her head against the truth. She swiped a tear from her cheek and took a long breath. She was tired. It had been a long time since she'd had to worry about explaining herself to anyone. Telling the truth, sharing secrets—those things were already hard enough for her, but sharing them with Jack was entirely different.

"I said I was sorry that I ran like that. If I'd had time to explain—you have to believe I would've..." Her voice was quiet, but Jack didn't soften. He ignored the nagging at the base of skull and pressed her more.

"What happened with Sawyer?" Jack asked in a calm voice, but the edges of it were rough.

Her head shot up at his question. She knew it had deeper meaning, that the monster of jealousy was coloring his words now.

"How could you ask me that? You _know_ nothing happened with Sawyer. I could never do that to you, Jack. Not after everything that happened between us on the island." Her eyes bored into his, and he immediately felt guilty, but pushed it aside just as quickly. She laughed bitterly. "_God_, Jack. Do you really think that's who I am?"

"I don't know _who_ you are anymore, Kate." He looked hard into her watery eyes, "Maybe I never did."

She flinched at his words; a sob threatened to chip loose, but she tucked it deeper, refusing to crumble just yet.

"This isn't about Sawyer, is it?" She said in a quiet voice. "You're never going to forgive me for running, are you? No matter what I say…" She shook her head incredulously, letting the realization seep in.

Jack swallowed and didn't answer. His fingers itched to touch her, to take back what he said, but he knew he couldn't. She was right, he wasn't sure if he could ever forgive her. Sarah had left him—the woman he'd loved—and then Kate too, just as easily and with even less of an explanation. The hurt he'd soothed over mildly was still throbbing in his chest every time he looked at Kate, and he wasn't sure forgiving her would even make it stop.

She nodded finally, then stood slowly. She pulled at the hem of her tank top for a moment, then smiled sadly at him.

"It's okay, Jack. You don't owe me anything. I know what I did, I—I'm just going to go."

Jack's eyes met hers quickly. He was almost going to insist she stay but found he didn't have the strength. The quicker she left, he realized, the quicker he could get over her—once and for all.

Kate walked past him and down the hall to his bedroom. A few moments later she emerged wearing her clothes from before, a ragged backpack hanging off her shoulder. She stopped at the entrance to the kitchen. His shoulders were heavy and he rested his forearms on the counter. Jack didn't turn to face her.

"Goodbye, Jack." Kate said in a small voice. It seemed final and for a moment she was sure the twitch she saw fly across his back meant he was going to turn around. That he was going to stop her and take her in his arms, spreading kisses all over her face and telling her that he _did _forgive her, that nothing she could do could make him stop loving her. But after a moment of without a motion, Kate let that hope float away as she moved towards the door.

She lingered a moment longer at the knob. Hearing no sound of movement from the kitchen, she pressed her eyes shut against the tears that threatened to slow her down. She pushed through the door, and as quickly as she had resurfaced in his life, she was gone.

_Kate and Jack were walking clumsily down the beach, their clothes sticking to their damp bodies. They'd just finish an evening swim and were heading back to the warmth of the fires at camp. Their steps were lazy and from time to time, Kate found herself leaning into Jack but she didn't resist. The night was cool and her long hair was wet. The warmth that seeped from him was welcoming._

_It had been a nice day: they'd played a quick round of golf and had gone mango hunting down the island. Peeling a few on the way back they'd munched on them while they talked, then opted for a quick dip in the ocean to soothe the heat from the day. The sun had set over the thick line of ocean and they'd relaxed in the surf as it beat at their shins. _

_Jack walked Kate over to her tent at the far end of camp, more secluded than the others. It was later in the evening, and only a few fires dotted the beach, casting a shadowy glow about the sand. A few murmurs floated through the air from behind the shelters on the opposite side of camp._

"_How about another golf game tomorrow? I'm in the mood for winning." Kate chirped at his side. She had a devilish smile on her face and Jack couldn't help but return her grin._

"_Well if you're in the mood for winning, maybe you shouldn't play _me_, Kate." Jack gloated._

"_Oh yeah, because I haven't beaten you the last four times we've played, right?" Kate laughed._

"_Come on, Kate, I _let_ you win. I could take you at golf any time, I was just being nice. I'm a doctor, remember?" Jack teased, nudging her shoulder playfully. _

"_How could I forget? You remind me every time you take a swing." Kate joked. They came to a stop in front of her tent. Jack set his hands on his hips and his eyebrows rose in amusement._

"_Hey, next time you fall out of a tree trying out Sayid's newest invention, don't come crawling to—"_

_Before Jack could finish, Kate's lips pressed against his insistently. They were warm and wet and all he had remembered, but instead of the desperation and sadness that had comprised their first kiss in the jungle, this one was more confident and rational. Just before he was about to respond to the kiss, she pulled away. _

_She looked flustered and tucked a strand of wet hair behind her ear. "I—I'm sorry. That was stupid. I just thought that we…that you and I…forget it. I'm sorry." She said in a hurry, and was about to turn and escape into her tent when Jack held her in place by her shoulders._

"_Hey, wait a minute, don't run off so fast." He urged. He licked his lips, still recovering from their kiss. "Do you mean it?" he asked._

_She hadn't met his eyes and was trying to turn against his hands. "Are you really sorry?" he asked again, turning her so that she had to meet his eyes._

_She didn't answer, but that was all he needed to know. He smiled at her softly, and relinquished his grip on her shoulders, confident she wouldn't run. _

"_I wish you'd stop apologizing after you kiss me." Jack laughed. Kate didn't seem to find it as funny. She shuffled her feet anxiously. _

"_I want to kiss you too, Kate." Jack said softly, lifting her chin with his finger. Kate's eyes were soft and vulnerable. "And it's my fault that you keep having to make the first move. I just…it's never been easy to jump into a decision like this, to be with someone. It's not easy for me to trust people."_

_This garnered a snort from Kate. Jack smiled. "Right. I forgot who I was talking to." He laughed, rubbing at his forehead. "I guess you're right. We're damaged goods." _

"_Why didn't you?" Kate said softly. Jack bent lower to meet her eyes._

"_Why didn't I what?"_

"_Why didn't you kiss me back that day, in the jungle? Or just now? If you want to, then why…"_

_Jack sighed. "It's complicated. I was going to kiss you back, but timing and then you pulled away and…I don't know." He was quiet for a moment before he met her eyes. They were darker in the shoddy campfire light, but they still pierced a part of him like no other eyes could. Her wet hair waved softly in the breeze of the ocean. Her freckles were still visible and he found that he wanted to count every one, kiss every one, until he knew each one. _

"_I think you know how I feel about you, Kate." He ventured._

_She looked up at him, studied the shadows of his face in the dim light and smiled. "Yeah, I think I do." _

_He chuckled lightly before turning serious again, eyebrows knitting. "Let me do this right this time." He said determinedly. Kate's eyes turned confused._

"_What do you mean?" she asked._

"_I mean, I'm going to kiss you and there's not going to be anymore confusion about us, and I'm going to do it right this time. No more apologies."_

_Kate looked surprised, but nodded, waiting for his next move. She wrung her hands nervously in front of her, suddenly awkward in front of one of the best friends she'd ever had._

_He took a deep breath and stepped closer to her so that she had to crane her neck upwards to meet his eyes. He placed one hand on her waste, fingers gripping the fabric of her damp tank top. He tugged her closer so that she took a clumsy step into him, placing a steadying hand against the broad plane of his sternum. So close now that their chests were brushing, eliciting an immediate but almost imperceptible shiver from her. He raised the palm of his hand to cup the side of her face, his thumb sweeping over her dusting of freckles. She closed her eyes against his touch and brought her other hand to brace against his bicep. _

_They were close now, their faces less than a foot apart. Jack swallowed and leaned his forehead against hers, their noses brushing. _

"_Jack." Kate said softly, her eyes still closed as her breath hit his lips in a dizzying sensation._

_In response, Jack drew his mouth down to hers, brushing slowly—tentatively—across hers. His lips were dry, so he wet them and pressed them against hers again, firmer this time. Her grip on his bicep tightened as she opened her mouth to him. His tongue ventured inside, prodding hers and forcing a soft moan from her throat, encouraging him. He pulled her tighter against his chest as he deepened the kiss, his hand coming around to weave into her hair, pressing her mouth closer to his. Kate stood on tip toe to get closer to his mouth as he nipped at her lower lip before soothing it with the tip of his tongue. _

_Kate let her tongue explore the roof of his mouth as she sighed, then let her hands travel down to his hips, anchoring there and forcing his pelvis into hers. Jack groaned and broke the kiss, breathing heavy but staying close. _

_Their eyes stayed close as they leant their foreheads against one another's, breath labored. Jack pressed his lips against hers, twice in succession as she spoke between kisses:_

"_I think you did it right this time." She whispered against his lips, a giggle bubbling up from her throat. He laughed loudly, then pressed a firm kiss on her mouth, prying her lips open with his tongue and enjoying the soft whimper that came from her throat as she pressed her body closer to his, warm and molding under his weight._

Jack tossed and turned the rest of the night. When he'd collapsed onto his bed after an hour of pensive staring, the sheets smelled like Kate combined with something like vanilla—from her shampoo he suspected. He nuzzled into the pillow, wondering after her scent and letting it lull him into a light and fitful sleep.

The next morning Jack woke late. He hadn't gone back to work yet, letting the stipend the airline had paid him carry him over for a few months until he got back on his feet. It wasn't that he didn't want to go back to work—in fact, that's exactly what he _did_ want—but the hospital wasn't ready to rehire him so soon after the rescue. It seemed everyone was convinced that Jack needed time to adjust, when all he really wanted was to jump back into the routine that had given his life purpose before the crash.

Jack ventured into the kitchen barefoot and bare-chested, eyes sleepy and mind heavy. After opening and closing the various kitchen cabinets, he realized Kate hadn't exaggerated when she'd insinuated the bareness of his cupboards. For a moment, Jack stared blankly at the single box of Raisin Bran and the almost empty quart of milk on the counter.

Enough was enough, he decided. Determined to put last night's events behind him and create a plan for the day, he sat down to make a to-do list. He almost laughed as he labeled the date on the little piece of notebook paper, thinking about what Kate would say if she saw him. She'd make a joke about being him being a control freak. Of course, he wouldn't get offended and would silence her with a firm kiss and say something equally teasing before she punched him playfully in the arm.

He pushed away the scenario and settled into planning mode—a mode he was familiar and comfortable with. 1. Buy groceries. 2. Hire a decorator. 3. Call mom. 4. Go for a run. 5. Look for a car. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. The list lengthened with mundane activities—the simple but hassling tasks necessary after resurfacing in a world that had so totally forgotten him.

With a sigh, Jack looked over his list again. He felt the familiar comfort of having order in his day—a plan to follow. Jack dressed in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, tied up his sneakers and set out to reorganize his new life, sufficiently wiping away the remains of his previous one.

By ten o'clock that night, Jack had completed all the things on his list. His cupboards were stocked with an array of food and cooking supplies and ingredients. He'd hired an interior decorator his mother had suggested after their hour long phone conversation—consisting mostly of Margot nagging and Jack acquiescing with sigh. Then he'd headed out to a car dealership and had taken a test drive of a few nice cars, promising the sales person he'd be back later in the week to close a deal on one of the models. He'd gone through the pile up of mail that had accumulated before the crash, and then after. He'd sifted through the boxes he'd tucked away into the study—boxes full of artifacts from life pre-island. Photo albums and a few old trophies, a few old, early edition books he'd collected over the years, a vase Sarah had picked out once and had left in their house after she'd left, and other various knick knacks that Jack would have rather left in the past.

Now all his chores were complete and real life, it seemed, was underway. Despite the weight that had lifted from sorting out all his duties, there was a nagging that Jack was desperately trying to avoid. He stared listlessly at a sports recap show on ESPN and thumbed the remote so that the volume rose. He pinched the bridge of his nose, and then craned his neck back to look at the door in the hallway. He shook his head out of his stare, then let out a long breath. Where was she now?

For some reason, he suspected she'd have come back by now. For some reason he had held that hope at bay all day. He knew that it was unrealistic, knowing Kate, but he couldn't help but rely on her return. Frustrated, he clicked off the TV and let last night wash over him.

He knew that he hadn't been fair to her. He _had _asked that she be honest and tell him everything, and as soon as she told the truth he'd attacked her before she could explain herself. He'd been jealous of Sawyer; it was a natural inclination and the news that she'd been with Sawyer instead of him wasn't news he was expecting. But she had been right when she'd said that it wasn't all about Sawyer.

It was the question he'd been suppressing all day. Could he forgive her? He wasn't sure why she had come to L.A. after fleeing it months before without a warning, but he knew that at least a part of the reason had been what she said it was: to apologize. Kate may have made a mistake, but he knew she hadn't done it maliciously. But the abandonment he'd felt after she ran reminded him why he couldn't forgive and forget so easily.

At odds, Jack ventured into the bedroom and lay down atop the covers. Her scent had vanished since the night before, and he found that he missed it and was grateful all at once. Maybe tonight he'd get some rest.

It was around one in the morning when Jack heard the front door creak open. His head shot off the bed. Still fully dressed, Jack hastily got up, but in his hurry to make it out of the bedroom he tripped over the fallen bed sheets. He quickly recovered and flew through the doorway towards to the hallway.

"Kate—" Jack said breathlessly as he skidded into the hallway, voice hopeful.

But it wasn't Kate who was sneaking through the door.

* * *

That's chapter five! Chapter six we'll find out who made the late night visit to Jack, some more Jack/Kate flashback(s), and possibly in the next chapter or the one after--the _real_ reason Kate came to L.A. Thanks! Please review, I'd love to hear your thoughts on anything. Por favor! 


	6. Reckoning

"Jesus, Marc. You scared the shit out of me." Jack said, exasperated and on edge. He had hoped it was Kate sneaking through his door past midnight, but instead his almost drunken best friend, Marc, had stumbled through it instead.

"Hello to you too, old pal." Marc said sarcastically, closing the door behind him. The man was only a year or two younger than Jack but somehow looked boyish trying to slip through the door past midnight, an impish smile on his face at being caught red-handed.

"What the hell are you doing here? What time is it?"

"Like one or something. I got in a fight with Nicole, and I was out and needed a place to crash."

"You mean out—as in out at the bar." Jack said knowingly, crossing his arms and sending his friend a look that eerily reminded him of one his father would give. He shook off the feeling.

"Relax. I had a few drinks. Just let me take the couch tonight and I'll be out of your hair tomorrow morning."

Jack relented. "Fine, but come get some coffee or something. You're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

They moved silently into the kitchen. Jack smirked as he prepared the new coffee machine he'd bought: the kitchen seemed like the hub of all the significant activity in his life. He smiled ruefully—he wished the bedroom was that active.

"So where've you been lately, man? I haven't seen much of you since you got back."

"I've been pretty busy." Jack shrugged, pushing the question aside. Marc snorted from his sit at the counter.

"Yeah, I'll bet. What with all the work, and parties, and girls, and—"

"Hey, I've got plenty to handle. Besides, look where partying got you." He turned to face him as the coffee began percolating. "What'd you do?"

Marc looked at him curiously for a moment before it registered. "What, with Nicole?"

"Yeah with Nicole."

"Oh. I don't know. Some stupid fight." Marc rubbed at his eyes. "I can't even remember."

"Bullshit." Jack said as he sat. "What was it about?"

Marc rolled his eyes, but answered anyway. "She says I'm not home enough. That she has to deal with the twins all day and I don't spend enough time with them or with her."

Jack was quiet for a moment, letting his own memories wash over him. That same infamous curl of fear or guilt—or both—swelled in his gut, reminding him of Sarah and all the mistakes he'd made in their own marriage.

"What are you going to do?" Jack asked thoughtfully.

Marc sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know. Cut back on hours or something." He quieted and kept his eyes fixed on his hands, folded in front of him. Jack allowed the silence.

"Well, what's up with you? What's been going on?" Marc piped up, forcing the classic, fun-Marc expression on his face.

Jack laughed. "Nothing, really. Just getting settled again, you know?"

"Women?"

Jack rolled his eyes, but laughed again. "No. No women. Not really."

"Wait, wait, wait. Not _really_? That's something. Spill."

"Seriously, nothing. There was someone but…I think I screwed things up, or she did, I don't know."

Marc groaned. "You always over-think things, Jack. Why not have some fun before you go headlong into another Sarah. You just got back from hell and you're the island hero everyone's talking about. Just go out and get some. Jesus."

Jack laughed again, realizing that he had missed Marc's camaraderie and advice, however misguided. "Island hero? Where'd you hear that? Good Morning America?"

This time, Marc chuckled, but it was tired. "I'm just saying. You're so serious _all the time_. Was this girl really worth it to be that tortured?"

"Who said I was tortured?"

"Oh come on, Jack. I've known you since we were kids. You get your head wrapped around something and you got nuts until you can figure it out or fix it or _whatever_."

Suddenly defensive, Jack stood. "I think you have enough of your own problems to deal with before you start on mine, Marc." Jack spat. Marc was taken off guard for a moment, but recovered, backtracking.

"Alright, alright. Sorry." They were quiet for a long moment. Jack turned and eased the coffee pot from its machine and poured some in a mug. He slid it across the counter to Marc.

"It's hot." Jack warned.

"What, no cream and sugar?" Marc joked, accepting the warm mug between his hands.

Jack took his seat again and let what Marc said absorb him. Fixing things. He hadn't forgotten what said about him. He remembered it everyday. Whenever he thought of Kate, whenever he let himself indulge in his feelings for her—whenever he considered the potential future they might share, however farfetched—he worried what his complex of fixing things might do to her. Would he ever be satisfied? Would a woman, as she was, be enough for him? Or would he need to tweak and mold her, secure her insecurities until he could send her on her way, brand new. He didn't want that for Kate. He didn't want to fix her.

"So tell me about her."

Marc's voice broke Jack abruptly from his thoughts. Jack met his friend's gaze and didn't fight it this time.

"She's from the island. We…we were together for a little while. Before the rescue."

"Was it serious?"

Jack shrugged. "I guess so. I never slept with her, if that's what you're asking. But it was intense. I mean, no one on that island thought there would _be_ a rescue. It'd been over a year. After the crash, when we met—there was always _something_, you know? But we didn't figure it out until about three weeks before the boat came."

"Timing, huh?"

Jack laughed ruefully. "Only one of our problems."

"What, she has intimacy issues or something?"

Jack thought for a moment, deciding how much about Kate he would reveal to Marc.

"You could say she has trust issues. And…she moves a lot."

Marc quirked an eyebrow at him. "Moves a lot." He repeated skeptically.

Jack rolled his eyes and pushed away from the counter. "It doesn't matter anyway. She came to see me after and I messed it up. She's already gone."

"Hold it, she came here? To see you?"

"Yeah."

"And you let her go."

"I—something happened and I thought I could forgive her but—"

"Christ, Jack. Stop being so cryptic and just give me some damn details."

Jack was quiet, sorting through the conflicting approaches in his head. He could tell Marc everything, about Kate's fugitive status, about Sawyer and everything that went along with her and the island. When he considered this, he realized that it wasn't concern for Kate's privacy, or the complexity of the situation—the reason he didn't want to tell Marc everything was because his best friend's opinion mattered to him, and like it or not, a part of him was ashamed of Kate's secrets.

He felt disgusted at himself. Kate was a criminal, but it wasn't as if she was a cold-blooded killer on the loose. He knew he loved Kate, and the fact that he couldn't share that knowledge with his best friend was unnatural. Talking it out, getting some perspective—he needed it from Marc, but couldn't get it. Because Kate's situation was that fragile and volatile.

"I can't really go into details, Marc." Jack said calmly, firmly deciding that maybe he should start caring about Kate's privacy instead of his own image.

"Why the hell not?"

Jack let out an exasperated sigh. "It's just complicated, okay? Plus, it's Kate's business—I shouldn't even be talking about it."

Marc was silent for a moment, a knowing smile on his face. "Kate, huh?"

Jack shot him a look. "Just forget it, okay? It's doesn't matter. Whatever was going on between she and I—it's over, so you don't have to worry about it."

Marc looked at him annoyed for a moment, then incredulously. Finally, a wash of understanding spread over his face.

"What?" Jack snapped.

"This girl really got to you, didn't she?"

"What are you talking about?"

Marc laughed giddily for a moment, then slapped himself on the forehead.

"I'm talking about this girl. Kate. You are _in _it, aren't you? Jesus, Jack. I didn't think you'd get involved again after Sarah. I mean, seriously, I thought you were done. But this girl really did a number on you, huh." By now Marc had a large grin stretching across his giddy face.

Jack looked at him incredulously.

"Is she hot?"

Jack groaned and snatched the mug of coffee from Marc.

"Hey, I didn't even get to drink that!"

"I don't care." Jack said, tossing the contents of the mug into the sink. "Take the couch. I'm going to bed. There's aspirin in the cabinet above the stove." Jack turned to leave the room.

"I'm not hearing any denials, Jack." Marc quipped.

Jack groaned again, rolled his eyes and left the kitchen, calling over his shoulder in a singsong voice: "Goodnight, Marc!"

That night, as Jack lay awake in bed, eyes cast towards the ceiling, he thought about what Marc had said. Kat really _had_ done a number on him. What was it about her? He supposed he'd never quite figure it out, but the thought of her still kept him tossing and turning for the remainder of the night. The only thought that allowed him to be overcome by a thin veil of sleep was the lingering hope that he could catch her scent on his sheets.

_After the rescue, when all the castaways were back in L.A., the media had been in an uproar. Cameras had surrounded them the moment they'd met the public, flashes temporarily blinding them when they stepped outside. Jack had gripped Kate's hand tighter, sending her a reassuring smile. He stooped down and whispered in her ear._

"_Don't worry. We're going to figure this out."_

_Kate wasn't reassured. Jack seemed to be under the impression that she was going to turn herself in and hope for the best. Jack had never exactly been an optimist, so his naiveté regarding the legal system astounded her. Of course, he knew that it wasn't a cut and dry case—Kate was a wanted murdered who had been on the run from the Feds. But he still seemed to be holding out hope that it could be resolved somehow. _

_He had told her that he would always wait for her, no matter what happened. She had smiled, but it hadn't reached her eyes. "I know, Jack." She had said softly, resigned. She hadn't quite made the decision yet about her own fate, but Jack seemed sure she would choose him. _

_Now they were back in L.A. Sun burnt castaways who had survived a plane crash and had started their own miniature lives on a desert island. The media loved it. When the castaways had come through the doors, they had swarmed them. A hundred cameras vying to get a snapshot of the survivors. _

_She hadn't been in front of this many people in her life, and her status as a wanted criminal hadn't changed—though she had, a year and some stranded on an island. She shielded her eyes against the popping of flashes, paparazzi shouting "Over here! Over here!" Jack released her hand for a moment to shake hands with the Oceanic Airlines representative that had escorted them. _

_Jack exchanged pleasantries with the man, despite the ruckus consuming the group. When Jack turned back to say something to Kate, she was gone. Charlie was in front of him, using his shoulders as leverage, he pushed himself up on his ties and tried to peer over the small crowd—hoping to catch a glimpse of Kate. _

_Not seeing her, he pushed his way through a few people. Not seeing her amongst them, he became more frantic. Shoving a man aside and pushing roughly through another few people. _

"_Kate!" He shouted, trying to see over the top of crowd. He turned around in a circle, scanning the crowd for her familiar brunette curls. He saw the back of a woman at the edge of the crowd. Wrestling furiously through the mass of people, he turned the woman around roughly by the arm. It wasn't Kate._

"_Sorry." He said numbly, releasing her. _

_The world seemed to be closing in on him. The voices of the cameramen faded, the sunlight dimmed. She was gone. She had run. She had run from him. _

* * *

That's chapter six, guys. Thanks so much for your support and reviews, you have no clue how much I appreciate them and how inspiring they are. I told someone who reviewed that I knew it was all for fun, writing and reading fanfiction, but I think no matter what level you're writing on, feedback is so welcome, fun, helpful, and encouraging! Next chapter: In some form or another, we find out what Kate's been doing while on the run post-rescue, if Jack decides to forgive her, a flashback, and something huge! Stay tuned..it's coming! Please review, I'd really appreciate it. 


	7. Hideout

_So I think I promised a flashback and some other things before, but once I get started it all sort of takes it own shape and goes where it will, so those things will come soon, until then here's the next installment. Please review! And enjoy!_

* * *

Jack woke early the next morning. The overcast sky did little in allowing the sunshine to lift his spirits, but determined to move on from thoughts hovering around Kate and their mistakes, he strode into the hallway trying to be as upbeat as he could.

Marc lay haphazardly on the couch. His body obviously too large, as one leg was propped atop the far armrest and the other hung off the side. His mouth was open and the soft whir of his snoring was the only sound in the apartment. Jack, now on his way to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, smirked at his friend's dishevelment, then turned on the coffee machine.

After Marc had woken—groggy and certainly hung over—and Jack had skimmed through the Sunday paper, Jack called a cab for his friend. When it arrived, Jack walked him down to the street. Before stooping into the taxi, Marc turned to Jack.

"Give me a call or something, okay? Keep in touch." He encouraged.

Jack, hands tucked into his jeans pockets, bobbed his head enthusiastically.

"Definitely, I'll give you a call. Next weekend—the bar or someplace?"

"Yeah, sounds good. Next weekend." Marc returned, smiling, then lowered himself into the cab.

After the car had pulled away from the curb, Jack took the stairs back up to his apartment. Feeling invigorated from the climb, he threw on some exercise clothes and headed towards the beach, intent on a run. By the time he was done, an hour later, he was tired and sweaty. He'd forgotten how out of shape he was, but it didn't stop him from swinging by the bagel place on Beecher Street before heading home.

The clouds had started to part, a little sunlight peeking through. The day seemed to be going well, Jack thought as he punched the elevator button to take him up to his floor. The run had done wonders for clearing his mind. He started planning the rest of his day, and had hardly noticed that all thoughts of Kate had been banished to the far reaches of mind. He tried to ignore the fact that they weren't gone completely, but only seemed to be retired for a few hours. Pushing away the admission, he exited the elevator doors after the satisfying _ping_ that sounded as they opened.

With an orange juice in one hand, the bag of bagels in the other, and his keys in his sweat pant's pocket, he opted to hold the top of the brown bag in his mouth, while carefully balancing the orange juice from spilling, then digging into his pocket for the ring of keys. Once he fished them out, he was prepared to fit them into the lock on his door, proceed into his apartment and enjoy a freshly toasted onion bagel in peace. Instead, he was stopped in his tracks by Kate, sitting on the floor—back leaning against his door, looking up at him intently.

His mouth still full of brown paper bag, he looked dumbly at her.

"You look surprised to see me." Kate said, standing and taking the orange juice from his hands, allowing him to shift the paper bag from his mouth.

"I am." He said. "I didn't think you'd—you know, come back." He offered lamely.

Kate nodded. "I know. I didn't think I would either." She said, with a shrug of her shoulders.

She was dressed differently he noticed. She looked tired, and dirtier. Her hair was tied back into a messy bun and she was clad in a pair of wrinkled tan cords and a dark green tank top, a smudge of dirt at the hem. Despite her obvious disarray, Jack noticed how the outfit—however mangled—seemed to accent her figure: lithe and athletic as he remembered. She looked lovely, he noted mildly. She seemed to notice his distraction.

"Jack?"

He met her eyes again, blushing slightly, but hurrying on.

"So why _did_ you come back? If you didn't think you would. Was there something else?" He said, realizing his words sounded more flippant and cold than he would have liked.

Kate only showed the flash of hurt in her eyes for a slight moment. "Do you think we could talk inside?" She asked, eyes darting behind and around him as she motioned absently towards the door behind her.

"Yeah, yeah, sure." He hurried, slipping past her and unlocking the door. He pushed it open, then let Kate walk in first. She nodded her appreciation, and he noticed how she pinked a bit at his politeness.

She stood awkwardly in the hallway while he closed the door behind her and set the lock. He turned and faced her, not sure what to say. Should he dive into questions? Make small talk? Things were different this time. He didn't want to let his emotional draw to her color their exchange this time.

Jack was just starting to realize how often he seemed to repeat his mistakes. Maybe it was his conversation with Marc last night, how he needed to fix things. Jack realized that he was given the opportunity to start fresh, and he was determined to not let his baggage compromise this second chance. He didn't want to even think about anything romantic with Kate right now, he just wanted the truth. He realized, now, that the best way to getting that wasn't by yelling in a jealous rage.

"So…you want to sit down? You hungry?" He offered, trying to disguise his nervousness. She seemed mildly surprised at his friendliness.

"Sure." She said hesitantly.

"Alright. Kitchen then?"

He led the way, bagels in tow and Kate behind. She sat and he unloaded breakfast. He pulled a dozen assorted bagels out of the bag with a few different spreads, and set them on the counter.

"Any particular—"

"Is there any onion?" She asked. She must be hungry, he thought. Onion bagel. His flavor. He smiled and narrowed his eyes at her.

"Did you know that was my favorite?"

"How would I know that?"

"I don't know." He shrugged. "You're sneaky like that, aren't you?" He said jokingly, but it didn't have the desired effect; it seemed more like a jab at her furtive nature and criminal history.

She looked down at the counter awkwardly. He felt like slapping himself in the forehead. He cleared his throat.

"I didn't mean it like—"

"It's okay." She said, meeting his eyes. He watched hers for a moment, then tore away from their staring match.

"You're going to have to fight me for it." He said.

"Fight you." She repeated unimpressed. He smiled.

"An onion bagel is an onion bagel. I don't give up so easily."

She laughed. "You can have it if it means that much to you. Besides, they give you bad breath."

He raised his eyebrows in mock indignation. "Trying to trick me out of my bagel, I see. It won't work. I'm not scared of bad breath."

"Hmm," she mused playfully, smiling, "I remember." She teased. Jack's eyes softened at her recollection of their time together. She quieted, realizing what she'd inadvertently brought up.

"Tell you what," Jack began, hoping to ease her discomfort, "I'll split it with you."

"No, you can have it, it's okay." She refused.

"No, really. Let's split it. Like I said, an onion bagel is an onion bagel." He said, smiling at her. She smiled back.

"Okay."

Breakfast was mostly quiet. Jack had poured the orange juice into two glasses and split the bagel into halves. They munched quietly as the pungent smell of onion wafted from the warm food. When they were finished, Jack stored the rest of the bagels in the bread bin and cleaned up the counter. Kate offered to help, but Jack shooed her away, smiling all the while.

"Can I use your bathroom?" Kate asked when Jack had finished.

"Sure, it's through the bedroom." He said, showing her to the bedroom door. "I'll just be in the living room."

"Thanks." She smiled, ducking into the bedroom. Jack tried to ignore the pull in his stomach at her presence. It felt good.

When Kate emerged a few minutes later, Jack could tell she had tried to clean herself up a bit—maybe splashed some water on her face, readjusted her messy bun and rubbed away another smudge of dirt that had been on her forearm. Jack was sitting on the couch, flipping through a magazine.

She stood awkwardly at the armrest of the couch, fiddling with the waistband of her jeans.

"Here, sit." Jack encouraged, patting the cushion next to his.

She sat, hands rubbing at the knees of her jeans. Jack eyed her.

"Why are you so nervous?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows at her.

She shot him a look.

"I mean besides the obvious." He acknowledged. "But it's more than that. You seem really tense."

She didn't answer, avoided his eyes and instead fiddled with a loose thread on the couch cushion.

Jack set the magazine on the coffee table and turned towards her.

"What is it?" he asked, concerned.

When she turned to meet his eyes, her own were glossy with tears.

"I'm in trouble, Jack." She said softly, eyes unguarded and vulnerable. Jack moved closer to her, hand finding her knee comfortingly.

"Tell me, Kate."

She swallowed and turned her eyes back towards her knees.

"God, I was so _stupid_." She exhaled exasperatedly, rubbing at her eyes. "After I left here, I didn't have any money. I just slept in the park. I was going to leave early the next morning, find a ride out of town. But I guess I overslept. A ranger woke me up and I could tell he thought I looked familiar. I walked away fast, trying to get out of there, but he must have remembered who I was and radioed someone. I couldn't even think. I knew it was stupid to stay in L.A. for too long, I _knew _someone would recognize me." She paused and swiped away a tear.

Jack gripped her knee tighter, and smoothed a hand down her arm, trying to encourage her to continue. She looked up at him, eyes wild with tears and truth. "I hit him so I'd have time to get away. I—it wasn't hard enough and he got me back first, but I hit him again and again until I could run. I didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't—I couldn't let them so I did it." She choked out, shaking her head furiously at herself.

She lowered her eyes and took a deep breath.

"I just ran as fast as could until I was sure no one was behind me. I knew it would be too risky to try and hitch a ride once the news got out that I was in L.A., but I had no money, no one I knew around here…except for you. I snuck under a bridge to sleep, trying to wait it out a little before finding you again."

She was quiet for a moment, swiped at a tear on her cheek. "I'm so sorry, Jack. I shouldn't have come to start with and now I'm just—if they find out you're helping me then—"

"Hey, hey," he urged, bowing his head so she would meet his serious eyes. "I don't care what happens, it's going to be okay, alright? Whatever you need, I'll help you." He studied her watery eyes. When she didn't say anything he prodded her again. "Okay?"

"I just need some money, then I can get out of the city. I don't want to get you in trouble, Jack." She said, shaking her head.

"No, you're going to hide here for a while. Lay low. I'll take care of you. No one will know." He said, surprised that the words were spilling out of his mouth. Earlier today all he wanted was to forget about her, try not fix things—and now he was offering his apartment as a hideout from the police.

"No, I can't. If they find me—"

"They're not going to find you here. I don't want you going back out there and getting caught. It's too dangerous."

Kate let out a strangled laugh.

"I can't believe you're saying this." Kate said. Jack offered a wry smile.

"I know."

Kate closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm tired." She said softly.

"You must be. Here, I'll make up the bed." He said, about to rise from the couch when Kate grabbed his hand.

"I can't stay here long, Jack. Just for a few days, until it's safe." She urged, her eyes telling him so many things at once. Don't get attached to me. Don't be mad when I leave. Don't make this harder. Don't make me want to stay.

He looked down at her pensively. "Okay. But promise me one thing, Kate. Promise me you won't just up and go. Tell me before you decide to take off. Give me the benefit of the doubt, okay?"

She was quiet for a moment, then nodded. "Okay." She said softly. He nodded down at her. "Alright." He replied.

He moved past her into the bedroom. Hastily he cleaned up the room a bit—throwing a few clothes into the hamper, swiping the loose change and scraps of paper atop his dresser into the top drawer. He was about to strip the sheets when her voice piped up from the doorway.

"It's okay, you don't have to." She said.

He paused, then nodded. "It's all yours." He said, gesturing towards the bed. "If you want to change or anything, there's some sweat clothes in the third drawer down." He offered, nodding towards the dresser. She nodded her understanding. "Get some rest, you must be exhausted."

She walked over to where he stood, keeping a respectful distance. "Thanks, Jack. You have no idea…I don't—I don't trust anyone like I trust you. So thanks." She finished lamely.

Jack was a little stunned at her vote of confidence, but smiled. "I'm sorry about a few days ago, Kate. Treating you like that after all you did was tell me what I wanted to know. I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

She nodded. "It's okay."

They stood there facing each other, silence falling between them as they gazed intently at one another, a glowing warmth and admiration flitting between their eyes.

"Well, I'll let you take your nap." Jack said, clearing his throat and walking past her. But as he brushed by her, she reached out for his arm.

He turned towards her questioningly just as she flung her arms around his neck, squeezing him in a tight hug, the length of her body pressed against his. He stood awkwardly for a moment before slipping his arms around her slight frame, holding her just as tightly, closing his eyes against the feeling of her body against his again.

"Thank you." She whispered in his ear, then released him.

His hands anchored at her waist. "I'm glad you're here." He said softly, eyes serious.

In that moment, she didn't fight the attachment she could already feel burrowing its way into her heart. Instead, she squeezed his forearm in agreement, smiling brilliantly at him—in his bedroom of all places—and replied softly:

"Me too."

* * *

_Chapter eight will be here soon, and I won't make any false promises about what it will be made up of, but things should go okay for a little while and ease off of the fighting and stuff. That's all! More to come asap! Review!_


	8. Close

While Kate napped, Jack set about the apartment hoping to distract himself. Her presence was a little more than disconcerting. He realized that no matter how angry he had been after she ran, the last thing he wanted was for her to get caught—for her sake.

After flipping mindlessly through the TV, wiping down the kitchen counters, balancing his check book, and following up on a call to the interior decorator, he was nervous and bored. What would happen after she woke up? He was dying to find out where exactly she'd been since she had run. Maybe get an explanation about Sawyer, he though begrudgingly.

On the couch now, staring blankly at the blank TV screen, he nodded his nose down into his t-shirt. He hadn't gotten the chance to shower after his run, what with Kate making her unexpected appearance. Feeling inspired, he decided he'd take a shower, then head out and pick up a few things for Kate. Some clothes, toiletries—just enough to make her feel a little more comfortable. He walked over to the bedroom door, listening outside of it for a moment before turning the knob slowly and pushing quietly through the door.

She must have taken him up on his offer and borrowed some of his clothes. The sheets were only pulled up to her hips, revealing a baggy Columbia sweatshirt, his favorite, hanging loosely over her torso.

He moved towards the bathroom door, and he heard a soft mumble. Turning his head in her direction, he smiled lopsidedly at her scrunched eyebrows as she snuggled deeper into his pillow.

Jack stood for a while under the hot spray of the shower. In the span of a week Kate had slept in his bed twice. Without him in it, he reminded himself. Of course, he knew, he still had feelings for her. Her presence had easily reminded him of that. But he'd forgotten how physically attracted to her he'd been. Her beauty hadn't escaped him in her absence, but seeing her in the flesh, curled into his sheets—he decided to run the shower cold.

After he finished, he tied a towel around his waist and peeked out of the bathroom door. She was still asleep so he tread carefully over to the dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Then he quietly stepped over to the bedside table, careful not to wake Kate. He dug through the bottom drawer, fishing out a pair of boxers.

He noticed her discarded clothes on the floor near the bed. He eyed her sleeping form again before digging through her jeans and tank top for the size tags. Size six. Just as he was fingering through the shirt for its tag, Kate's head lifted off the pillow, eyes squinted in almost sleep.

"Jack?" She asked, voice groggy. He pinked, almost naked, holding a pair of boxers and her shirt. He smiled ruefully.

"Yeah, just me, Kate." He said, backing away, the hand holding his boxers coming to grip the knot on his towel more tightly.

She turned over, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. When her eyes refocused, they settled onto his chest, still a few drops of water making their way down through his coarse chest hair.

"Oh." She said dumbly, bowing her head as a shy smile twirked her lips.

"I was just taking shower before I went out." He hurried.

"Where are you going?" She asked, meeting his eyes. Then looking at her shirt in his hands and crinkled her nose adorably. "And why are you holding my shirt?"

"I was just going to head to the store and pick up a few things. I was checking your size so I could grab a few extra pairs of clothes for you." He explained.

She smiled sincerely. "Thanks, Jack."

He beamed at her. "No problem."

They were silent for a moment longer before Kate settled back onto the pillow with a sigh, still facing him.

"Your bed is comfy." She muttered.

He laughed nervously. "Yeah." He paused awkwardly. "Well, I'll let you get back to sleep. I'll be back in a little while."

"It's okay," she said, sitting up and stretching her arms above her head. "I think I'm going to take a shower too if you don't mind."

"Not at all." He said, his eyes creeping towards the thin stretch of flesh exposed at her midsection while she stretched. He noticed an ugly greenish bruise on her abdomen. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Kate, what happened?" He asked. She looked confused for a moment before seeing his steady gaze on her stomach.

"Oh." She said, dropping her arms abruptly, pushing the sweatshirt down. "It's just from the ranger. In the park." She conceded, dropping her eyes.

His brow was knit with concern. "Do you mind if I take a look?" He asked, trying best to keep his voice strictly clinical, though he knew that the very real hint of concern in his voice was filtering through.

Her eyes fixed on his towel, then darted up to his eyes. She pinked, realized that she'd been checking him out. "Do you want to get dressed first?"

He blushed, mumbled an agreement, then headed back into the bathroom. When he emerged a minute later, fully dressed and hair still slick, she was sitting cross legged, sheets pushed down to the foot of the bed. He saw now that along with his sweatshirt she was flooded in a pair of his basketball shorts. He smiled, enjoying the sight of her in his clothes.

She was staring blankly into her hands when Jack joined her on the bed, sitting a respectful distance from where she was. She seemed to be startled by his presence for a moment before relaxing.

"I'm okay, Jack. Really, it's just a bruise." She argued weakly.

He gave her a pointed look. "Lift up." He instructed, gesturing to her shirt. She rolled her eyes before pushing the sweatshirt up, just below her breasts. He gulped, trying to push any erotic thoughts away. Doctor. Think _doctor._

An angry bruise, stretching halfway across her abdomen glowered at him. He prodded it lightly, then prodded the surrounding flesh with his fingers. He heard her suck in a quick breath.

"I think you're okay. It's a nasty bruise, though." He said, meeting her eyes and withdrawing his hands reluctantly. Her skin had been warm.

She pushed down the sweatshirt, smiling nervously at him. "Told you I was okay." She teased, smiling more genuinely.

"Any other injuries I should know about?" He asked.

"Nope."

"You sure?"

She rolled her eyes. "_Yes_, Doctor Shepherd. I'm perfectly healthy, I promise." She teased. Both noticed after she spoke the flirtation that had been in her voice. It wasn't unwelcome, but it was certainly familiar.

"Alright." He said softly after a long moment. "I guess I'll go. Anything specific you want from the store?"

"Just no frills, please." She smiled. He laughed.

"Of course, no frills. I wouldn't dare." He teased, smiling brightly.

"I'll pay you back, okay?" She said after a moment, turning serious.

"You don't have to do that, Kate."

"I don't want to owe anyone anything. I'll pay you back." She insisted, eyes set.

"I'm not anyone—it's me. You don't owe me a thing."

She softened. "Well, let me make you dinner or something, okay? I want to be useful if you're going to buy me all this stuff." She said, trying to lighten the situation, but her eyes were moist.

He smiled. "Deal." She returned his smile, eyes still a little glossy.

Without thinking, he lifted his hand to her face, using his thumb to swipe over her cheek. Her eyes fluttered closed against his touch. He leaned forward a little, wanting more than anything to kiss her.

"Kate." He said softly. She was so close. He leaned closer for a moment, liking how she sucked in a breath as he got nearer. Her eyes flickered open, dark green and waiting. They studied his seriously, their mouths seemed only a breath away. He swallowed, and shook himself out of the moment, letting his hand drop from her cheek.

"S-Sorry." He stuttered, backing away from. He let it go too far. She was here because she needed a place to stay. He wasn't about to get involved with her again. He could feel himself slowly winding his heartstrings around the idea of her being here forever. He cleared his throat.

"I should go." He said.

She looked up at him, her eyes a little hurt, but she blinked and the emotion was hidden away.

"Yeah."

"Go ahead and take your shower. I'll be back in an hour." He said.

She nodded.

He exited the bedroom quickly. Once he'd made it into the hallway he let out a long breath as he ran a hand over his face.

_Jesus_, he thought. _That was close._

He wasn't sure if he wished he hadn't gotten so close, or if he regretted pulling away.

"Jack_." She breathed between kisses. They were somewhere near the grove Kate and Sun had been managing, pressed together against a tree. It was the afternoon, and especially humid, making their clothes stick together deliciously._

_They kissed hard, tongues twirling lively around one another's, bodies pressed flush. Jack's grip on Kate's hips tightened, pulling them into his suggestively. A moan escaped from Kate's throat as her hands, flat upon Jack's chest, slid lower and lower until they slipped under the hem of his shirt, stroking the skin of his lower abdomen. _

_It'd only been two weeks since their first kiss on the beach, but things had been progressing steadily since then. The urge to consummate their relationship was there but for whatever reason, they'd held back—Jack especially. At first they'd been content to engage in the things new couples did:_

_One day on the way to the hatch, Kate had slipped her hand into Jack's. He'd smiled widely down at her, linking their fingers, bringing their joined hands up to his mouth and pressed a kiss against Kate's knuckles. _

_  
Another time, while they both happened to be on hatch duty, Jack read to Kate from an old magazine while she stretched her legs out across his lap. His hand had absently stroked up and down her calf and thigh while he read, and instead of listening to the mundane article he read aloud, she had watched his strong jaw move with the words. _

_Another time Kate had helped Jack shave, and when she nicked a spot of flesh on the corner of his jaw, she had efficiently swooped down and soothes the spot with her mouth. His Adam's apple had bobbed, then his hand had slipped around her waist and pulled her into his lap, quickly leading to another make out session. _

_And yet again, after cuddling on the beach one night, Kate's stomach had grumbled from where she was tucked into his side. _

"_Hungry?" Jack teased._

_Kate giggled, a strange, cute sound coming from her. "I guess so. I haven't eaten much today." She said as she stood, dusting the sand from her jeans. _

_Jack eyed her. Kate rolled her eyes playfully._

"_Don't worry, Dr. Shepherd, I'm taking all my vitamins." She teased, holding out her hand for him to take. He took it and interlaced their fingers, then playfully nudged her with his shoulder._

"_I think I have a few mangoes stashed back in my tent." He offered._

"_Sounds like you're trying to get me under your tarp." Kate teased, lifting an eyebrow at him. He reddened and ducked his head._

"_I was just talking about—"_

"_Don't have a heart attack, I was just kidding." She laughed, leading him along by the hand. "Besides, would it really be so bad if you did invite me in?" Kate said, looking back at him, a smile playing on her lips._

_Jack balked for a moment. "I—I mean, if you wanted to ever…I didn't want to rush anything."_

"_We've been on this island for almost a year, Jack." Kate offered lightly._

_He stopped, letting his hand hold her back too._

"_You're serious? You've thought about us…you know."_

_Kate laughed. "Jeez, Jack. I thought you were a doctor."_

"_I am." He said defensively. "I just don't want you to feel uncomfortable."_

_She smiled skeptically at him. "I don't think it's me who's uncomfortable."_

_He was silent, a little shell shocked. She tugged him along._

"_Don't over-think it, Jack. It's just us. I think we've done the hard part already. When you're ready…"_

"_I think I'm supposed to be the one saying that." Jack said, laughing nervously._

_When Kate didn't reply, he hurried on. "It's not that I don't want to. It's just that being on this island makes things a little complicated in that department. There's the issue of protection, not to mention privacy, and I didn't want you to feel like you owed me—"_

_Kate covered his mouth with her hand gently, smiling. "Stop talking." She said jokingly. "Let's go eat." She urged, and then walked on, leaving Jack watching her in wonder._

_But every time that they got close to going beyond kissing, they'd either been interrupted (by an awkward Hurley in the hatch) or Jack had stopped them, telling her that he didn't want to rush anything, or that someone could come in. Kate had acquiesced at first, agreeing that maybe things were moving a little too fast. But after a while, Kate found that she did want to move forward with him. It had been a long time, and she knew it had been for him, but for some reason he was still holding back._

_Now they were pressed heatedly against each other in the middle of the jungle, their moans muffled by the heavy thicket of trees. Jack's lips tore from hers and made their way down her neck, sucking at the skin behind her ear. Kate ran her hands upwards beneath his shirt, fingers tangling in the hair she found there. Jack pressed himself against her, knowing she could feel his reaction. Her fingers trailed over his right nipple and he groaned, then found her lips again. His hands squeezed her hips again before they moved beneath her purple tank top, palms coming to rest on the warm skin of her lower back, pressing her chest flush against his._

_Kate moved to her hands to the hem of her shirt, prepared to lift it over her head, but Jack's hands covered hers, effectively stopping her._

"_Wait, wait." He said breathlessly. She gave him a questioning look, her lips full from his kisses. _

"_Maybe we should stop." He said, stepping back from her, running a steadying hand over his face._

_She rolled her eyes and snorted. "_Okay_." She said, sounded slightly miffed._

"_What?" He asked, defensive. _

"_Nothing." She said, a little annoyed, straightening her tank top and walking past him._

"_No, tell me." He said again, more annoyed at her evasiveness. She rounded on him._

"_Don't you _want _to, Jack?" She said accusingly. His hands set on his hips as he explained._

"_Of course I _want_ to, Kate. I think you _know _that I do."_

"_Then what's stopping you? Every time we get remotely close to—"_

"_Nothing's stopping me, it's just not the right time, or place." He bit out._

"_I don't know if you've noticed, Jack, but we've been on this island for quite a while. I don't think we're getting rescued. So this isn't going to _be_ a better time or place. This is it." She exclaimed, flinging her hands wildly around her as she spoke. _

_His eyes softened and he stepped towards her._

"_Don't." She warned, her hands coming up to ward him off, but only half-heartedly._

"_Kate." He said pointedly, stepping forward and hands settling loosely on her lips. She stepped into him._

"_I'm sorry." He said softly, meeting her eyes and he stroked a wild curl away from her eyes. "I just don't want to mess this up. And you want to know the truth?" he asked._

_She nodded up at him._

"_If we do this—if we…have sex, then I know I'm not going to want it occasionally or just sometimes, I'm going to want it all the time." He conceded, laughing self deprecatingly. She ducked her head and blushed. _

"_I'm going to want it all the time because it's with you, Kate, and it's going to be amazing, but…" he thought for a moment, then continued, "the circumstances aren't ideal here. Protection, whatever we find—it'll run out and counting days, that doesn't always work. And I don't want to risk getting pregnant. Not now anyway."_

_She was quiet for a long moment, thinking. "Okay." She finally said._

_He looked confused. "That's it? After that long speech?"_

_She nodded. "Yeah, I know what you're saying, and I agree. I don't want to get pregnant either." He nodded, encouraging her to go on. "But," she said smiling softly, "I don't want that fear to stop us from doing what we want to do." She said, tracing her finger along the skin exposed by his open collar. _

"_Me neither." He said softly, pulling her closer to him._

"_So we'll be careful." She said. "And we'll talk Sawyer out of his stash." She continued, pressing a kiss on his collarbone, smiling. "And we'll do what we need to do to get by." She said against his skin, punctuating her thought with a wet kiss beneath his jaw._

_He smiled, letting out a chuckle as he let his thumb rub under her tank top, across the skin of her belly._

"_But now, it's almost dinner time." She said, pressing a quick kiss to his lips, then took his hand and lead him towards the beach._

_About a week later, Jack told Sayid that he and Kate were going to head farther down the beach for that night. Sayid had nodded, smiling knowingly, saying he'd watch things while the doctor was going. Jack had planned on surprising Kate with a small picnic he'd put together, then take her far down the beach where there would have privacy. Tonight was the night, he thought triumphantly. It had been a long time and he knew Kate would enjoy seeing the romantic side of his emerge. He'd packed a few candles from the hatch, some guava and a few other tasty treats, a brownie he'd talked Hurley out of amongst them. It was the night they were going to take the next step, and Kate was meeting him by the signal fire in about a half an hour. But while Jack smiled to himself, shoving a blanket into his backpack, he heard the gleeful shouts from outside._

_It was the night the rescue came. _

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Oh the irony! This was sort of a filler chapter to up the sexual tension for the next few chapters. Excuse any typos, it was a long chapter and I couldn't bear to read through it another time. More to come soon, and quicker! Review, review, review! Oh, and special thanks to two particular reviewers who were really wonderful and thoughtful in their comments, I appreciate it more than you can imagine! 


	9. Caught Up

After Jack returned from the store, hands full of shopping bags from various department stores, he made his way back towards the bedroom, excited to show Kate his purchases. He didn't fancy himself a style expert, but he thought the clothes he had picked out she would like. He'd had to ask for help from a clerk, not sure what exactly was in style in women's clothing, but she'd been helpful, and he felt confident that Kate would share his excitement.

He knocked once on the door before pushing through, barely able to contain his excitement. He hadn't exactly been able to give any presents to Kate on the island. Christmas presents had been a baggie of seeds he'd collected for the garden, one of the last chocolate bars from the hatch, and two travel size bottles of shampoo he'd stashed away.

The truth was, Jack liked giving presents. It wasn't just the excitement in picking out the perfect gift, it was seeing the person's face turn bright when they unwrapped it. It was special, and Jack was looking forward to sharing that experience with Kate.

When he pushed through the door, Kate's bare back greeted him. She was shimmying into one of Jack's t-shirts, wet hair falling down her back. She turned her head at the sound of the door opening.

"Oh. Oh, sorry." Jack said dumbly, quickly closing the door in front of him.

A moment passed; Jack held his breath. Well _that_ was awkward, Jack thought. He felt like pounding his head against the wall. As if things weren't difficult enough for them, he'd gone barging in on Kate half-naked. And though he hadn't seen anything too revealing, it was just another thing to add to their list of manifestations of sexual tension.

Her soft voice filtered through the door. "You can come in, Jack."

He proceeded tentatively, peeking his head in first before coming into the room entirely.

"Sorry about that." He said. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, hair still damp from the shower, his clothing drowning her. She seemed fresher, and rested.

"It's okay." She said, smiling faintly. There was an awkward pause before Jack remembered the shopping bags in his hands.

"What have you got there?" Kate asked, motioning towards the bags.

"Just the stuff I bought at the store. That's why I barged in. I guess I was a little excited to show you."

Kate smiled, tucking a particularly bothersome curl behind her ear. Jack walked over and set the bags on the bed. Rifling through them as he spoke.

"Now you can actually wear some clothes that fit. You're practically swimming in mine." He joked, pulling a neatly folded pile of clothes from the bag. She laughed.

"What, you think they're too big?" she asked jokingly, fingering the long hem of the t-shirt she wore. "They're comfortable anyways."

"Well, I hope you like what I got. I had someone help me at the store. I'm not exactly well-versed in shopping for women's clothes." He said, grinning down at her.

"I would hope you weren't." She teased, lifting a shirt from the top of a stack. Holding it out in front her, she smiled. It was a simple affair—a simple, dark-green fitted top, with a scooping neckline and short cropped sleeves. In the same way, she picked through the other outfits.

"These are great, Jack. Thank you." She said sincerely from beneath the pile of clothes in her lap. He beamed down at her.

"I'm glad you like them." He replied, bobbing his head. He cleared his throat, tearing his eyes away from her smile.

"I just went grocery shopping the other day, so I was thinking of making something to eat, if you're hungry." Jack offered, clearing the empty shopping bags from the bed.

"Oh no, I'll cook. I owe you one, remember?"

He eyed her. "You cook?"

"Sure I do." She said enthusiastically, and then thought for a moment. "Okay, maybe I need to brush up a bit. I can't remember the last time I cooked a real meal in a _real_ kitchen." She laughed, eyes bright.

"Not a problem." He said, laughing. "I can help you out. For the record, I happen to be a _great_ cook." He said proudly.

"Sure." Kate drawled sarcastically, teasing him.

"Hey, watch and learn. I can teach you a few things."

"Oh I'll be watching, I wouldn't miss this for the world." Kate said, laughing as she stood up, grabbing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt from her pile of new clothes. "Let me just get changed and we can get to work." Kate said, walking into the bathroom, then slipping the door closed behind her.

"Anything particular you have in mind?" Jack called from outside the door.

"No meat!" She called. Jack laughed, and then said just loudly enough for her to hear...

"We'll see about that."

Dinner had gone surprisingly well. It had been fun working together around the kitchen. They'd agreed on pasta—no meat in the sauce—and had set to work. They laughed, talking about nothing while Jack kept an eye on the sauce and Kate put together a salad. He loved when she laughed. Her head would tip back just a fraction and her eyes would squint in amusement, and she would let out a full bellied laugh that would always manage to force a wide grin from Jack's face.

They couldn't help but to notice each other's close proximity. When Kate reached up into a cabinet, her shirt riding up to reveal the toned skin of her stomach and the cute indent of her belly button, Jack had felt the temperature in the room rise a few degrees. In the same way, he couldn't ignore the fact that'd he caught Kate scanning him when she thought he wasn't looking. Occasionally their shoulders would brush while they worked side by side. Kate would lean across him to grab a knife from the block, and Jack could smell the freshness of her skin and would have to remind himself not to close his eyes against the familiar scent.

When dinner was ready, they sat down at the island counter to eat, plates steaming.

"First bite at the same time, okay?" Kate said, a playful shine in her eyes. Jack laughed.

"Alright. Ready? On three...one, two…three!"

Kate piled a large twirl of pasta into her mouth, making her cheek puff slightly. Jack nearly choked on his own food to keep from laughing.

"What?" Kate garbled out, mouth still full and almost laughing herself.

Jack swallowed. "You must be really hungry." He joked. She blushed a little.

"It's really good, okay?" She defended herself playfully, stealing a slice of tomato from his plate.

"Oh, no way. It's on." He joked, snatching a chunk of lettuce from her own plate.

Dinner had progressed playfully, both enjoying the food as much as each other's company. It had been a long time since he'd had that much fun, Jack realized as he and Kate cleared the plates. They stood side by side as they did the dishes, a comfortable quiet settling over them.

After cleaning up they settled onto the couch, each nursing a cold beer. They flipped through the channels until they found a nondescript movie. They watched mildly for a few minutes in silence. Kate took a long pull from her beer and let her head lean onto the couch back.

"It's been a long time since I've had one of these." She said dreamily, eyes closing.

Jack looked over at her. Her freckles dusked her cheeks adorably and her eyelashes were long a thick from where they swept out. He thought for a moment. Did he really want to broach the subject now? After they'd had such a wonderful day together. He decided that he had to know. He would have to ask eventually and, he thought, he deserved to know a little about what Kate had been up to.

"So what have you been doing, Kate? Where have you been?" He didn't say it accusingly, just softly.

She sat up, eyes darkening—knowing this was bound to come. "Don't ruin it." She said quietly, closing her eyes.

"I think I deserve to know." He insisted, his voice still even and calm.

Kate took a deep breath. "You're right. You do." She admitted slowly, her natural instinct to flee the topic at all costs, break free of the bindings of his expectations and run wildly away. Wouldn't that be best? Her brain seemed to argue with the other half. What good would telling him do? She reasoned. But she couldn't convince herself. She knew he had every right to an explanation. They way she had taken off had been so unfair, and she regretted doing it the way she did. Maybe he would understand.

"When I left L.A.," she started, eyes downcast on her lap, "I went to Texas for a few days, to get out of the city. It took a couple days just to get there, but I had scrounged a few dollars together, from wallets on the island, from Sawyer before we left." She didn't have to look to know that Jack's jaw clenched tightly.

"After I was in Texas for a little while, I was running low on cash so I hitch-hiked a ways east, and then got a cheap bus fare to Nashville. I knew Sawyer would help me out for a few days, until I got some money together to keep going, maybe get an old car."

Jack's eyes were trained in front of him as he listened.

"I stayed for about a week with him. He has this terrible place right in the most awful section of the city. Barely any furniture and smells horrendous." She laughed lightly at the memory. "He slept on the floor and I took the bed. He leant me some money, got a beat up truck off a friend for me to use." She gulped, prepared to drop the bomb. Honesty, she kept reminding herself, Jack deserved that much, no matter what it would do to them. "Then, just before I left, he—he kissed me."

She saw Jack's head snap towards hers. She hurried on. "It was stupid. Just Sawyer being Sawyer. I pulled away, it didn't mean anything. I left right afterward, drove to Iowa—"

"He kissed you?" Jack said incredulously. Kate closed her eyes tight against his anger.

"Jack. Before you get upset—"

"That son of a bitch!" He exclaimed, rising from the couch and pacing in front of the coffee table.

"Jack—"

"So when you told me nothing happened, the first night you came here—that was a lie." Jack said, turning on her, hands finding his hips.

"It wasn't a lie. Nothing _did _happen. It was a stupid kiss and I didn't kiss him back, not for a second, I—"

"That _is_ something, Kate." His stare bored into her. "I could _kill_ him."

It was like a repeat from the first night she came. Suddenly annoyed at Jack's behavior, Kate's voice rose.

"It's not like you own me anyway, Jack. If I wanted to be with Sawyer, I could have been. We're not on the island together anymore. I'm my own person and I can make my own decisions—do what I want." She said agitatedly, eyes sharp. Jack stopped his pacing and squared around to her.

"Is that what you want? To be with Sawyer? You think he gets you, don't you? You think that because you're both _criminals_," he spat, "that you have some little understanding, some secret that no one else gets—some agreement I was _never_ a part of."

Kate flinched. Jack was right in what he said. Sawyer had said that they had a connection, and she hadn't ever disagreed much. But she knew she didn't want to be with Sawyer. Could never feel the same way about him as she did about…

"It's not like that." She said softly.

"How is it then, Kate? You tell me."

"Just stop being so mad at me!" She exclaimed, eyes weary as she slumped dejectedly back into the couch, her head resting on the top of the cushion. Jack stopped, letting the anger run through him and drain away as he settled himself. He let out a sigh.

"Sorry." He said heavily, a twinge of anger still in his voice. He tried again. "I'm sorry. It's just…" he settled onto the couch next to her, turning towards her, "it's just the idea of Sawyer touching you, _at all_, it just—I can't stand it. I can't stand _him_." He said defeated, dropping his head to the back of the couch.

"It really _was _nothing, Jack. I don't want to be with Sawyer. I never have." Kate said carefully, turning to face him.

Jack sighed. "I know." He said, running a hand over his face wearily before letting out a long sigh. "I keep acting like an ass."

This garnered a smile from Kate.

"Yeah well—you get like that when you're mad. I remember." She said, laughing. He laughed too.

"God, I'm an idiot. How did you put up with me?" He asked, rubbing a hand over the fuzz of his hair.

Kate bit her lip at his insinuation of their time together. "You're not an idiot all the time. Just when you're jealous."

He looked at her carefully, a smile on his lips. "Jealous, huh?"

She nodded, smirking. "Yep."

He smiled at her, eyes studying the smooth lines of her face, the gentle curve of her lips and the brightness of her eyes. His eyes turned a little darker, Kate's smile faltered a little.

"I _am_ jealous." He said softly, inching closer to her. "I'm glad you're here now. With me, not with Sawyer." He inched a little closer, head rising off the couch cushion and meeting her eyes squarely. There was apprehension in them, a little fear, and something deeper, more primal, that he was sure was reflecting in his own.

Her head came off the couch as his approached her. He bowed his forehead against hers, hand coming up off his lap and bracing on her hip, thumb stroking her side. "I want you, Kate." He said softly, breath escaping in a rush across her mouth. She closed her eyes against the sensation.

"Jack. Don't." She breathed, but her plead was only half-hearted. She didn't want to give into this again. It would only make it harder later. The warning bells were shrieking madly throughout both of their skulls, but Jack ignored the noise and pressed his lips to hers in a wet, thorough kiss.

His grip on her hip squeezed tighter as he pulled her closer to him, tongue prodding gently between her lips, silently begging for entrance. She opened her mouth beneath his, letting their tongues slide together deliciously for a moment. Jack withdrew ever so slightly and ran his tongue teasingly along her lower lip, nipping at it and then diving back in, deepening the kiss. Kate pulled away after a long moment, bracing him with a shaky hand on his chest.

"I said not to." She said breathily, eyes still closed and faces only inches apart. Jack was breathing heavily, and nearly dove back in when he saw her lick her lips subconsciously.

"Do you really want me to stop?" He asked, willing her to open her eyes. She did, the green in them cloudy with lust and desire, lids hooded with a satisfaction she couldn't hide. She took in his wet lips, the swollen curve of them and the steady rise and fall of his chest—firm beneath his shirt. She shook her head firmly, before drawing his mouth down to hers again, a single word escaping before her lips pressed firmly against his…

"No."

* * *

_Ah! So they kissed, I know. I liked giving in. But that's not to say that there are a few tricks to come. Who knows what could be in store. And how far did a kiss go? We shall see!_

_Let me know what you think--it was an awkward chapter to write for some reason, at least it felt that way. Thanks again for some really nice reviews, thoughtful as always--they make my day and make writing this story worth while! I appreciate every one! Please review some more and we can get the next chapter posted soon. Let me know what you think!_ _Peace..._


	10. Decisions

_Thanks for the reviews guys, I squeal with delight whenever I see them, you have no idea. This chapter is a little different. In the past chapter I've done flashbacks through Jack's POV and now, since we've reached a pivotal part in the story--Jack and Kate's kiss--I'm going to switch it up and have some flashbacks through Kate's POV. I know some of you said that you missed them last chapter and you expected Sawyer to come around again. Well this chapter has a flashback for you and you can read on to see what comes of THAT! Thanks, looking forward to your reviews!_

* * *

The next morning was warm and the sheets piled loosely around them in bed. Jack didn't have to hold his breath before opening his eyes, fearing she would be gone. No, he felt the curve of her back pressed reassuringly against his side, could see the long tangles of her hair spread long over her bare back.

It seemed odd that their coupling—their first time together—would have occurred on an insignificant night, without the headiness of long-living declarations or promises for the morning after. Instead, it had slowly unraveled, one step after another, until they had laid exhausted, sweaty and panting, side by side on their backs atop his bed.

It had started on the couch. Their kisses, at first probing and heavy, had become more feverish, his lips skimming the column of her throat as her hands had found their way beneath his shirt. Then he had bared her down back onto the cushions, his body pressed firmly against hers. She could feel his arousal pressed against her thigh and had moaned, his kissing urging onwards as he'd sucked the flesh behind her ear roughly. Somehow his shirt had been discarded and her hands had begun to roam over the broad expanse of skin and hair, fingers running over one of his nipples and eliciting a loud grunt from him and instinctual thrust against her hips. She had gasped, surprise and pleasure thrilling her. He nibbled on the flesh of her neck, then soothed the angry red spot with his tongue.

From there things had escalated to the back of his bedroom door. With her arms trapped above her head by his one hand, her body was pressed flush against his. His other hand had snaked around to her thigh, pulling it up and over his hip as he pressed closer, pelvises rocking together, wanting more. This was what he had wanted for so long, he had thought as he heard her whisper his name in the dark of his bedroom.

When they finally made it to his bed, they'd collapsed atop the sheets. Somewhere between the door and the mattress she'd shed her shirt and he his pants. He settled above her, their heavy breathing floating over each other's mouths. He leaned down and pressed a sloppy, wet kiss to her lips, tongue darting into her mouth to prod hers. She curled her legs around him, pulling him closer. He moved a hand down to the button on her jeans, flicked it open, and helped her shimmy out of them. Once her skin was uncovered, his hands began roaming, kneading the flesh as she whimpered into his mouth. Slowly, they plucked the remainder of their clothes off, bodies hot against each other's. Just before Jack settled into her, he stilled his racing heart, bated his breath and leaned down to her mouth.

"I've wanted this for so long." He whispered, nose nudging hers. Her tongue found the curve of his ear then she bit down softly on the flesh of his lobe. He let out a strangled moan, fighting the urge to sink into her.

"I've wanted you forever." He whispered against her mouth, lips brushing across hers. She had squeezed her eyes shut against his declaration and nudged him closer, the gap between them closing with his guttural moan and the quick intake of her breath.

In the early hours of morning, while she was still asleep, he had woken. He was on his back, and her body was pressed into his side, one arm flung across his stomach as her cheek rested in the crook of his arm, her soft breath spilling over his chest. Surreptitiously, he scooted her onto her side, her back facing him. Then he pressed closer to her, spooning her from behind. She sighed and molded to him.

He wasn't sure what to make of it. They'd spent their time on the island building towards sleeping together, and now that they _weren't_ together and _off_ the island, it had finally happened. He didn't try to fight his happiness. He had known it would be good, but last night had been better than that. He had wanted her for so long. Maybe from the moment he met her. It had all been poured into last night—at least for him. He knew Kate had been hesitant, not wanting to get tied down. But he was sure things were different now. They'd slept together: if that wasn't an incentive to stick around he wasn't sure what was. It had meant some sort of commitment, and he wanted her to feel just as happy about last night as he was.

He drifted back to sleep, content to have her near and warm against him. Now it was morning, and they were still lying in the same positions, but now he was ready to get up, almost bursting with energy. He had plans bumping around in his head. He wanted to spend the day with her in bed. Maybe make her a nice dinner later, something vegeterian, he thought with a smirk. He rubbed her bare arm soothingly before leaning down and whispering against her ear.

"Kate."

She stirred slightly, then turned her head back to face him, eyes squinting in the morning light. He smiled, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. He pulled away before she could respond and brushed a curl away from her eyes.

"I'm going to make breakfast."

"Okay." She mumbled, rubbing her eyes and settling back under the covers. He watched her for a moment longer, heart flying, before he sat up. He scanned the room for his boxers, seeing them hanging off the dresser. He supressed a chuckle. He retrieved them, then tugged them on and ventured into the kitchen.

Humming and inspired, he set about to make some eggs and toast with jelly, pouring some orange juice and making some coffee. He arranged everything on a tray then looked hopelessly around the kitchen for a flower as a finishing touch. Finding nothing, he shrugged and carried the tray into the bedroom. Kate was on her back, sheets tugged up to her chest. Her hands were resting on her forehead as she peered broodingly up at the ceiling.

"You okay?" Jack asked, concerned. He set the tray of food on the bedside table and sat down on the bed next to her, arm reaching out for her hip.

She turned her head slowly to face him, her eyes sad.

"We shouldn't have done this, Jack."

His face fell, the hope for a light morning was gone, quickly extinguished. Some piece of him had hoped that things would fall naturally into place for them, but he realized that as usual, that didn't seem to be their fortune.

She waited for him to say something. When he didn't, she continued.

"I have to leave soon, Jack. I can't stay here forever." She sat up, pulling the sheet up around her naked form, holding it to her chest. With one hand, she absently tugged her hair behind her ear and tried to reason with him.

"It's not that I didn't want to, or that I don't want to now, but we—this," she said, gesturing between them, "it can never work. I can never settle down, Jack. Never."

By now Jack had turned his eyes away from her, settling them instead on the window. It was sunny out, warm probably, and things should have been going differently, he thought miserably.

"I'm sorry, Jack." She said softly. He was silent for a long moment, letting everything that had had happened in the past few days wash over him. It had been tumultuous, draining, unfair—but he never regretted that she had come to him, never regretted what had happened.

"Kate," he said, turning back to her, "let's just—while you're here. Let's just _be_ together. Let's just forget everything else." He ignored her bewilderment and gripped her hands. "If you have to go, go. But for right now, for today, for tomorrow—let's be together."

He could sense her apprehension, and he repressed his own. This was selfish. To weigh-lay the future so he could enjoy being with her in the present. It would hurt more later, he knew. It would be worse than when she ran, to have her and to knowingly give her up. But it didn't matter. He wanted her, and selfishly, he was going to take what he could, regardless of what it would do to them later.

"Jack—" she started, shaking her head.

"No, don't. Just listen. I—I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since—I don't even know, but right now, if it's all we get, then let's take it." His eyes were wild with his idea and she wanted to give in. She wanted to fall back into his arms and back into bed.

"This isn't going to fix anything." She said carefully. He flinched at the word, but recovered, nodding. "I'm still leaving in a few days, when I can get out of the city."

"Okay." He said, shifting closer to her. She wanted to pull away, forget that they had made love, had abandoned their fortifications last night in favor of finding something better in each other.

She put a stead hand on his bare chest. It was warm. He put his hand over hers, then guided it to his lips to place a kiss on the inside of her palm. She smiled sadly, eyes suddenly tired.

"C'mere." She said softly. He leaned closer to her and accepted her kiss. Her hands found their way to either side of his face, thumb grazing his stubble. His own hands fell to her back, pulling her closer against him, only the thing sheet separating them.

He bared her back onto bed, hands slipping beneath the sheet to the warmth of her back, fingertips tangling in the long ends of her hair. The morning disappeared behind them in a wash of regret and joy, love and despair, the realization of her imminent departure pushed to the far reaches of their kisses until they seemed to forget entirely.

"_Sawyer." Kate said as the door swung open. The southerner looked the about the same, his hair slightly shorter and certainly cleaner. _

"_Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Skip-town-before-my-boyfriend-turns-around." Sawyer replied with a smirk, dimples peeking out. _

_Kate flinched but played it off with a roll of her eyes. She looked from side to side—it was night but she was still out in the open._

"_I guess you saw that, huh?" She asked, eyes darting._

"_Mmhmm." He drawled. "But the real kicker was the look on Jack-o's face when you were gone. Priceless."_

_Kate tried to ignore the visual. "Are you going to let me in, or what?" _

_He opened the door wider and let her slip past him. "Right this way." He said, smiling._

_They moved into the kitchen. It was sparsely furnished. A cheap plastic hard-top table and a single chair went with it._

"_Living large I see." Kate joked, but immediately regretted it, knowing he would interpret it as a flirtation. _

"_Just saving my cash for when something important comes along." _

"_Oh yeah? Like what." She asked, taking a seat at the table and scratching at a hardened stain on the surface._

"_You're still running, Freckles. Whatd'ya think I'm still doin'?_

_Kate nodded. I'm not exactly one to judge, she thought. She tried to forget how angry Jack would be if he knew she was here. _

"_So what'd you come for, Freckles? Miss me bad, did ya?" Sawyer said, leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest._

_Kate rolled her eyes. She picked at her nails. "I need a place to crash for a few days. Until I scrape together some money." She said quietly—she never liked asking for help, especially from someone like Sawyer, who always expected something in return. _

"_Hell, I can give you some cash. We all got money from the airline, damn settlement checks still comin' in the mail."_

"_Thanks, Sawyer."_

"_You want something to drink? I think I got a bottle of Johnny Walker 'round here somewhere." He said, beginning to rifle through the cabinets. _

_She started to shake her head, refusing._

"_Aw, come on Freckles. Looks like you need this more than I do. Besides, Jackass ain't here to play cop for ya." Sawyer said, disappearing into another room and returning with a chair. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the counter and set it on the table, then pulled the chair up across from her. _

_Kate eyed him. "No glasses?" she asked skeptically._

"_Haven't exactly gone shopping lately, if you couldn't tell." He smirked, uncapping the bottle and taking a long swig. He let out a quick breath after._

"_Damn." He whistled. "Here, you take some." He said, pushing the bottle towards her._

_Kate eyed the bottle for a moment before taking an even longer draught than his. She needed this too. Her throat burned at the liquid, eyes beginning to water._

"_Damn Freckles, I thought you didn't want none." He laughed, taking the bottle from her and taking a pull._

"_You know what this got me thinkin' of?" he asked. "Our little drinkin' game in the jungle." He quirked a mischievous eyebrow. "Wanna play?"_

_She laughed out loud, feeling more relaxed from the alcohol. "No. No thank you. One time is enough."_

"_Aw, don't be a party pooper. First time you come and visit and you don't wanna have no fun." He said smiling, dimples seducing her into the idea._

"_Okay." She relented. His eyes sparkled._

"_I'll go first." He said, clearing his throat. "I never…done the deed with the Doc." Sawyer said with a nod towards her. She pinked. _

"_Drink up, Freckles." He encouraged, eyes darkening._

"_I don't have to." She said._

"_Don't cheat." He fired back._

"_I'm not." She said firmly. "Jack and I didn't sleep together." She said softly. She wasn't having as much fun anymore. _

_Sawyer was quiet before letting out a cruel laugh. "Well I'll be damned. Poor bastard didn't have it in him, did he? Cryin' shame." Sawyer said, taking another long drink from the bottle._

_Kate met his eyes hard. "Don't." She said warningly._

"_What? I'm just saying. If it had been me—"_

"_Sawyer."_

"—_I wouldn't have been able to hold out that long. Poor fuck, wasn't man enough to—"_

"_Stop it." Kate said harshly._

_Sawyer stopped, eyes meeting hers. "Your turn." He said, smirking._

"_I don't want to play anymore." She said._

"_Don't go cryin', Freckles. If you're worried about ol' Jackass, don't. He got plenty of women in the big city to make him feel all better." _

"_Why are you acting like this?" Kate said, hurt and incredulous._

"_I ain't acting." Sawyer said angrily. "The Doc and me never got along."_

_Kate shook her head vehemently. "You're drunk."_

"_I'm _fine_." Sawyer bellowed. _

"_Why do you hate him?" Kate shouted. "What is your problem?" _

"_I ain't got no problem. Hero-boy won anyway."_

"_Won what?" Kate said wildly, hating this side of Sawyer, hating the power struggle between him and Jack._

_Sawyer eyed her, serious "What do you think, Freckles."_

_It dawned on, Kate. This aggression was about her. She stayed quiet, letting the intensity in the room simmer._

"_Maybe I shouldn't stay here." Kate said softly,_

"_Just take the damn bed, Kate." The sound of her name startled her coming from him. But he had already stood, storing the bottle back under the sink. _

"_Bedroom's over there." He said, pointing out towards the hallway._

_Kate nodded. She walked out towards the doorway before turning and facing him. "Where are you going to—"_

"_I'll take the floor." He said gruffly._

_Kate was quiet a moment longer. _

"_Sawyer—"_

"_Just _forget _it." He said, turning away from her and leaning on the counter. She stared at his back for a few moments longer before turning and going towards the bedroom. _

_Kate settled into Sawyer's bed. The sheets smelled like expensive cologne and sweat, and it didn't let her sleep. I shouldn't be here, she kept thinking. It's only for a day or so, the other side would chime in. You need the money. Kate heard Sawyer move outside the bedroom door, a floorboard creaking. She lifted her head off the pillow towards the door. After a moment, he moved away. _

_Kate let out a sigh. Sawyer was waiting to explode over something. Whether it was because of her or not, she wasn't sure. It didn't take a rocket scientist to realize that Sawyer had plenty of issues, but she didn't want to stick around and be one of them. She and Sawyer had a connection, and at one time she had been attracted to him. But that was over no, she decided vehemently, she had been with Jack and that was that. She loved Jack. There was no question._

_She would leave in the morning, she decided. Find money some place else. But when the sun rose Sawyer was gone, a stack of bills on the kitchen table. She stuck around for the rest of the day, unsure of what to do next. She could leave, that would be it. No questions asked. She decided to stick around longer, and wait until he got home. Sometime between last night and this morning she had made a decision._

_And she needed one more thing from Sawyer before she left, and it would be the hardest to get._

* * *

More to come soon. Please review, I'll give you a big cookie if you do! And maybe the next chappy will come sooner too. 


	11. Torn

"Sports?" Kate whined at his side. It was late afternoon and they'd spent the day around the apartment, at first in bed, then in the kitchen, and finally had wound up on the couch watching TV. Kate tried not to let the domesticity irk her.

"What's wrong with sports?" He said innocently, remote poised in the direction of the TV. She rolled her eyes playfully then curled into his side, legs tucked beneath her.

He lifted his arm and settled it above her shoulder, allowing her to lean into his side, body warm. Tucking her closer into him, he let out a content sigh. Jack let his chin rest atop her head before dropping it to whisper into her ear,

"I'm so glad you're here."

Kate could hear the warmth in his voice, but couldn't stop the guilt from curling in her stomach. It was easier to push away the inevitability of her departure when they were in bed, passion making her judgment cloudy. But now, in the domestic moments where they only enjoyed the simplicity of each other's company, _that's_ when she felt it hardest. They'd only decided that morning that were going to simply enjoy their time together while it lasted. But they both knew that was an empty promise.

She forced a smile and looked up at him, placing a firm kiss on his lips. Just when he was opening his mouth under hers, sliding his tongue between her lips, she pulled away, eyes brighter.

"Hungry?" She asked cheerily. He laughed and licked his lips, recovering from their kiss.

"Yeah, actually. What'd you have in mind?"

"A solo project." She said, rising from the couch, his hands trailing down her sides as she stood. "I'm cooking for you."

Jack laughed. "You sure?" he said skeptically.

Kate lowered her eyebrows at him. "Are you insinuating, Dr. Shepherd, that my cooking skills are inadequate?"

He raised his hands in mock surrender. "Hey, it's all you. You're the chef."

She smiled triumphantly, rounding the couch, and then stopping when she reached the back.

"Hey." She called. Jack leaned his head back to look up at her. She smiled and bent down, planting a sloppy, upside-down, kiss on his mouth, tongue swirling in his mouth invitingly. When she pulled away, they were both breathless.

"What was that for?" Jack said dazedly. She only smiled and shrugged, disappearing into the kitchen. He was quiet for a moment, before chuckling. _Damn, _he thought, _she's good._

_Kate sat at Sawyer's kitchen table, hands folded patiently. He would be coming home soon, she reasoned, and that's when she'd ask. Just then, she heard the front door open and close loudly, the scrape of boots at the door, and then Sawyer strode in the kitchen, stopping at seeing her._

"_Still here, huh?" he said gruffly, retrieving the bottle of whiskey from beneath the sink. _

"_I need to ask you a favor." Kate said collectedly, eyes straightforward._

_Sawyer laughed loudly and bitterly. "That's rich. You mean you've got somethin' else you want from me, Freckles?" He said, uncapping the bottle and pulling a chipped mug from a cabinet._

"_So you_ do_ have glasses." Kate said, trying to lighten the mood._

_He turned and fixed her with a hard stare. "Whatd'ya want?"_

_Kate took a deep breath. "I need you to help me find Jack." She waited for some explosion; some outburst of incredulity, but nothing came. When she turned to look at Sawyer, his hair was shielding his eyes as he gazed heavily into his mug._

"_Sawyer, did you—"_

"_I heard ya." Sawyer barked, rounding on her. "Whatd'ya need my help for? Can't you get a damn phonebook somewhere?"_

"_I've tried. He's not listed and I don't know how to reach anyone else who might know how to get in touch with—"_

"_Why would I know? Jackass and I aren't exactly pen pals."_

"_I thought you might have heard something, from someone else from the island, or some connection you have in L.A." She said hopefully._

_Sawyer eyed her harshly. "What have you got to tell him, Freckles, that he don't already know?" _

_Kate looked confused. "What do you mean, I—"_

"_Ever occur to you he might not want to talk to _you_, cupcake? That maybe old Jack-o isn't exactly pleased as punch to see you after you took off?"_

_Kate eye's hardened. "It's not like that." She gritted out. Sawyer turned smug at her reaction._

"_Oh yeah? What's it like then?"_

Kate shuffled around the kitchen, humming to herself as she reached around the various cabinets for various ingredients. _Jack would never see burgers coming_, she thought to herself, amused. While she was reaching around the freezer for the ground beef, she heard a hard knock on the door. Her heart leapt into her throat.

When she straightened, Jack was in the doorway of the kitchen, eyes full and apprehensive. _Get in the bedroom_, he mouthed to her, motioning towards the hallway. Kate nodded, scurrying into the bedroom and closing the door behind her.

She perched on the end of the bed, hands tucked beneath her lap. This was ridiculous, she thought. They wouldn't find me here. It's nothing. She walked over to the window. Too far of a drop, she thought ruefully.

Meanwhile, in the hallway, Jack was still frozen in front of the door. Another insistent knock beat against the wood. Jack swallowed hard, then looked through the peephole. Marc.

Jack swung the door open. "Jesus, Marc. What is it?" Jack said exasperatedly, leaning on the doorframe with one arm.

Marc didn't seem perturbed. "I think I left my watch here. You seen it?" he asked, pushing past Jack.

"No. It's not here." Jack insisted, following closely behind his friend.

"Relax, I'll just take a look around, see if I dropped it." Marc said, rounding into the kitchen.

"What're you making?" He asked distractedly, scanning the counters for his watch.

"Huh?" Jack said dumbly.

Marc looked at him funny, then gestured to the various items of food across the island. "I said, what are you making?"

"Oh." Jack said. "Uh, I don't know. Just trying to figure that out actually." He said unconvincingly. Marc eyed him, but pressed on into the living room.

He lifted a cushion on the couch. "So did you hear that psycho killer chick from your plane crash got spotted in L.A.?" Marc asked, now on his knees and peering under the couch.

Jack froze at the mention, and hardened at what he said about Kate. Kate wasn't a psycho, or a killer in his book.

"No. I didn't hear that." Jack said firmly.

Marc laughed. "Yeah, it's too bad, she's pretty hot. They showed her picture on the news last night. You know her well? Must have been pretty freaky to find out she offed her dad or some shit like that, right?"

Jack clenched his eyes shut. "Yeah." Jack said, playing along. He eyed the bedroom door down the hallway. Could Kate hear this?

"Damn. It's not here." Marc swore, standing and dusting off his pants.

"Told you." Jack said hurriedly, trying to usher him towards the door.

"Just let me take a look in the bathroom. Maybe I left it there after my shower." Marc said decisively, making his way towards the bathroom.

Jack's eyes widened. Kate. "Wait, it's not there. I saw you leave with it. You must have taken it—"

But Marc had already pushed through the bedroom door. Kate sat, wide-eyed and looking guilty on the edge of the bed. Clad only in a pair of Jack's boxer shorts and a thin white tank top.

"Oh, Jesus, sorry, I—" Marc started, backing out of the bedroom, then stopped. His eyes narrowed. "Aren't you…" He was quiet for a moment, observing Kate.

"Marc…" Jack began.

"You're from the plane crash, the one everyone's looking for. Katherine Austen. Jesus." Marc turned to Jack. "Is this the girl?" Marc said loudly. "You're keeping her here?"

Jack looked over at Kate, her head was bowed.

"I'm not _keeping_ her anywhere. She's staying with me for a few days until—"

"Jack! She's a felon. This is so wrong. Is the girl you were all hung up about?"

"Marc—"

"Oh my god, Jack! This is ridiculous. You've got a fucking killer in your apartment." He rounded on Kate, noticing what exactly she was wearing.

He faced Jack. "You're sleeping with her? Jesus Jack, tell me you're not boffing this girl. Do you even know what could happen if the cops—"

At that, Jack wrenched his friend into the hallway, closing the bedroom door behind him. He yanked Marc into the study.

"What the hell is your problem, Marc?" Jack hissed, hands settling on his hips.

Marc looked flabbergasted. "My _problem_? You're keeping a killer on the loose in your apartment, and not only that, you're fucking her in the meantime! I think _that's _my problem." Marc yelled back at Jack, shaking his head in disbelief. "I can't believe this. This isn't you."

"Just…don't say anything, Marc. Please. I don't want her to get caught. She's only staying a few days—"

"A few days? She shouldn't be here at all, Jack. You're lucky the slut hasn't slit your throat in your sleep—"

Jack stepped dangerously close to his friend, face inches from his. "Shut _up_, Marc, before you make me do something I'll regret."

Marc didn't back down. "You better fix this, Jack. You picked the wrong girl to fall in love with, I'm telling you." He said carefully, before making his way back into the bedroom.

Kate was shimmying into a pair of jeans and turned at his entrance. Marc stopped and laughed cruelly, shaking his head. He went into the bathroom, and reemerged with his watch. Kate was searching for her shirt.

"Don't do this to him." Marc said carefully to Kate. She turned to face him, eyes sad and body wary. "You're going to ruin his life if you stay here, I'm warning you—"

"Get out, Marc." Jack said evenly from the doorway, eyes hard. Marc met his eyes, then looked back at Kate, disgust written over his face. He shook his head again, then exited.

Jack waited until he heard the front door close behind his friend before he spoke.

"Kate, I'm sorry, he just barged in and—"

"He's right, Jack." Kate said calmly. "Have you seen my shirt?"

"What? What are you doing? Kate, he's only looking out for me, he didn't—"

"Everything he said was right. I shouldn't be here. I never should have…" she stopped and took a heavy breath. "I can't stay."

Jack came fast to her, kneeling between her knees, hands coming up to frame her face. "Don't go, not after everything. I know that's not what you want."

"It _is_ what I want, Jack."

"_I'm not trying to get back together with Jack. If that's what you're thinking, Sawyer." Kate reasoned. _

"_What do I care if you do? I ain't helpin' either. You can find some other go-to guy to play cupid."_

_Kate stiffened. "This isn't about that, Sawyer. And whatever you have against Jack, or me for that matter, just get over it." She spat._

_Sawyer's hard eyes shot at hers. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."_

"_I don't?" She shot. "Tell me this isn't about me. About some sick who-wins game you've been playing since the island. Well, I've got news for you. I didn't pick either one of you, so you can stop hating him and you can stop hating me." Kate finished, voice harsh. _

_Sawyer studied her. In a rush of movement, he crossed the space between them. With one hand he pulled her by the back of the neck closer to him and pressed his lips hard against her, prying her mouth open roughly with his tongue. Stunned for a moment, Kate closed her eyes and stood motionless, then pushed him away roughly. With the back of her hand, she wiped her mouth._

_Sawyer was breathing heavy. _

"_What the hell, Sawyer?" Kate asked angrily._

_He smiled smugly, veiling some ounce of hurt in his eyes._

"_Just wanted the last word."_

"Kate, how can you say that? We made love last night and you just want to run?" Jack asked, eyes pleading with hers.

"It's not that I _want_ to, Jack." She said softly, her tiny hands wrapping around his wrists where his hands framed her face.

"Look, you heard what he said. He saw your picture on the news already. It's not safe to leave the city yet, everyone knows who you are."

Kate knew he was right. Was she willing to risk it?

"Just for another night or two, okay?" She pleaded, begging him with her watery eyes not to ask her to stay longer. He swallowed against the words scratching to escape.

"Okay." He reassured, leaning his forehead against hers. She leaned her mouth up and into his, kissing him sweetly.

"Want to help me find my shirt?" Kate said with a tiny smile. Jack laughed.

"I like you wearing my clothes." Jack said, kissing the tip of her nose, then moving to place kisses down her neck. "Actually, I like you wearing _no_ clothes." He mumbled against her collarbone.

Kate rolled her eyes, and pushed him back by the shoulders. "Jack. We've been in bed all day, aren't you hungry?" She urged, finding that she still wanted to make him dinner.

Jack tried to hold it in, but laughed.

"What's so funny?" Kate asked skeptically.

"Sorry," he laughed again, "but when you asked if I was hungry…"

"Jack." Kate chided playfully. "You're such a _guy_."

"I know. It keeps the sex good." He joked, placing a kiss on her lips, soft but probing. His hands trailed lightly down her sides until they slipped just below the waistline of her jeans, thumbs massaging circles into her skin.

Kate pulled away after a long moment, feeling weak but wanting.

"Hmm." She mumbled, tracing a finger along his rough, stubble-covered jaw line. "I guess dinner could wait if you want to take a shower." She asked innocently, though a knowing smile played on her lips.

"Good idea. I feel dirty." She laughed at his corniness and gasped as he swooped her up into his arms, walking into the bathroom and kicking the door closed behind him.

_When Kate woke up the next morning at Sawyer's, she knew that he would be no help in finding Jack. It wasn't as if she _needed _to see Jack, but the guilt she felt after running kept bubbling up inside her. She wanted to say sorry, she wanted to tell him that everything between them on the island had been real, but their reality had changed and she needed to along with it. _

_It seemed like a foolish risk. But she had never been able to tell Tom. It had been too late. She didn't want that for Jack. What she did want was closure, and telling Jack the truth, telling him how she felt, would be enough for that. She would be able to run, guilt-free, she hoped, and never look back. _

_She dressed and ventured quietly through the kitchen, ready to leave Sawyer behind and find help from someone willing. _

"_What, not gonna say goodbye?" Sawyer drawled from his seat at the table._

_Kate stopped in her tracks, wincing, then turned. "Sorry." She offered, smiling slightly._

"_It's okay, Freckles. I get it." He said, rising from the chair and coming around to stand in front of her. From his shirt front pocket, he pulled out a scrappy piece of notebook paper._

"_Got what you wanted. Right here." He said, waving the paper in front of her face. Kate made a grab for it but he darted it away._

"_Don't get all grabby, Freckles. Just wanna know how bad you want it." He said, smirking. _

_She leveled him a serious look. "Just give it to me, Sawyer. I mean it."_

"_So much for gratitude." He scoffed, pretending to be offended. "One little kiss, should do it. For old time's sake." He said smiling widely._

"_You're not serious."_

"_Serious as a heart attack, sweet cheeks. I'm sure the Doc won't mind anyhow."_

"_Go to hell." She fired at him. He laughed._

"_Alright, guess you don't want it that bad." He said, ready to stuff it into his pocket._

"_Sawyer."_

"_One kiss is all it takes, Freckles."_

_Kate studied him. He was serious. "Fine." She ground out. _

"_Ready when you are." He said happily. _

_Kate leaned in slowly, hating him, herself, anyone she could blame. She shut her eyes tight and wet her lips, pressing a chaste kiss against his lips. Just as she was ready to pull away, his wound his hand into her hair and pulled her close, shoving his tongue into her mouth and nipping at her lips. Kate pushed his hands against her chest, trying to separate them, but he pressed against her mouth harder, tongue twirling inside her mouth and body grinding into hers. _

_Finally, he released her, looking well-kissed satisfied. She slapped him hard across the face._

_He wound back around, rubbing at his cheek._

"_Damn, Freckles. I always knew you liked it rough."_

"_Give me the paper, Sawyer." She ground out, agitated._

"_Don't get your panties in a twist, sister, it was just a kiss."_

"_You took advantage."_

"_Cry me river. The Doc would've done the same—"_

"_Stop comparing yourself to Jack. You're not even close."_

_Sawyer looked hard. "What's so good about him, anyhow?"_

"_You have no idea what he…" She eyed him. "Forget it. Just give me the damn paper, Sawyer."_

"_What are you gonna say to him, Freckles?" Sawyer said, serious._

"_None of your business. Give me the—"_

"_It ain't never gonna work, a doctor and a convict."_

"_I'm serious Sawyer. I kissed you, now give it to—"_

"_What are you gonna tell him, Kate? Why are you going there?"_

"_Sawyer—"_

"_What are you gonna say?"_

"_I'm going to tell him I love him, okay? Are you happy? I'm in love with him, and I'm going to tell him that I'm sorry for running and that I never meant to hurt him. That I would be with him forever if I could, but I can't. I love him, but I can't."_

* * *

That's all for that chapter. More to come soon. This chapter was a little abstract in direction, but I think it explains why Kate came to see Jack--not just out of neccesity, but there was a deeper logic there. I figure that she never got to settle things with Tom, and with Jack she wants to wrap it all up so she doesn't have to come back and put him in danger. But as we see, she can't untangle herself that easily. More to come soon, with some happiness before some unhappiness. Thanks! Review count was a little weak last time, hoping for some more feedback! 


	12. Something More

_Warning: some sexual content._

* * *

"Jack." Kate breathed, prodding at Jack's shoulders. He rested above her, body still quivering slightly from their coupling, back slick with sweat.

"The phone's ringing." Kate murmured against his neck, pressing a lingering kiss against his shoulder.

Jack grumbled something unintelligently into her hair before scooting onto his side, pulling her by the waist to curl against his chest.

"Let the machine pick it up." He yawned, letting his arm wrap around the small of her back, dragging her nearer until they lay chest to chest.

It had only been a week since Kate had begun staying with Jack, but in the short time it took for them to resume the course of the relationship that had been left on the island, they also grew accustomed to shoving away the niggling trepidation they felt each time they looked at each other.

It wasn't going to last. It couldn't. Even if they prolonged it, if Kate stayed longer than necessary—the conclusion was inevitable, and their decision to throw caution to the wind was selfish on both their parts. They knew it, but despite it, they delved deeper into something they knew it would be impossible to fully detangle from.

It was around eight when Jack had woken to the sensation of tiny, wet kisses being dropped onto his chest, lower, and lower, until…

From there, things had progressed naturally. Jack had propped himself up on his elbows, breathless as Kate straddled his knees and pleasured him. When it got too much, and his clenched fists had started driving his fingernails into his palms, he gently nudged her and pulled her back above him. Daringly pushing his tongue into her mouth and sucking roughly at her bottom lip, he was only encouraged by her throaty moan as her hand snaked its way over the hair below his navel, then further down to where her mouth had just left.

The rest of the morning had been lost to moans and sighs—various couplings that had led them to now, curled into one another, sweaty and sated.

"You smell good." Jack mumbled into Kate's hair, nudging his nose deeper into the heap of curls. Kate tucked herself closer, one leg between his, her foot affectionately grazing the hair on his calf.

The answering machine's beep sounded, and a familiar voice started, after a long pause.

"Jack? It's Marc. Listen man, we gotta talk. If you're there, pick up."

Jack's head popped up immediately. Kate stiffened. The line was quiet for a moment.

"Alright, look. I just wanted to tell you," Marc sighed, "I was out of line the other day. Some of the shit I said—I didn't mean it. But this is a big deal man, and I think you've got to think about this. We've got to talk. I'm not going to say anything to anybody, but let's meet up, okay? Call me back when you get this."

Jack seemed frozen for a moment, and then sighed exhaustedly, letting a hand trail over his morning stubble. He lay back down on his back, eyes settling on the ceiling. Kate was quiet for a long moment before she spoke.

"Are you going to call him?" She said softly, eyes unreadable beneath the shadow of her eyelashes.

Jack turned his head to look at her. The color of her eyes was softer in the morning—something he'd come to realize since waking up with her. The green was dimmer, but nonetheless startlingly clear.

"Jack." Kate said again. He smiled at her.

"You're beautiful, you know that?"

Kate pinked, and then recovered, shooting him a look. He sighed, and then slid down and onto his side so that they were face to face. His arm found its way to her hip where his thumb traced a small circle on the smooth skin.

"Maybe later." He sighed, leaning closer to press a scratchy kiss to her lips. She responded for a second, mouth opening slightly and letting his tongue dart across her top lip before she pulled away, taking a long breath.

"Jack, this is serious. You have to call him." She instructed, placing a warm hand against the flat of his chest.

His own hand came to rest atop hers. "I don't want to hear anything he has to say." Jack said calmly.

"Why not?"

"After everything he said about you—"

"This isn't all about me." Kate said seriously, withdrawing her hand from his chest and pulling the sheets closer around her, turning defensive.

"What's it about then?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Aren't you two best friends? If he wants to talk, you should talk. He's worried about you, and he has a right to be."

"Worried?" Jack spat. "What do you think he's worried about—the cops or _you_?"

Kate flinched, wounded, then wound the top layer of the sheets around her torso, and scooted over to the opposite side of the bed, sitting up.

Jack cursed inwardly. "Fine, I'll talk to him." He relented, not sounding particularly enthusiastic.

"Do what you want, Jack." Kate retorted, leaning over and copping a pair of Jack's boxers and a black tank top from the pile of fresh laundry on the floor next to the bed.

"I thought you wanted me to talk to him." Jack said, annoyed.

Kate sighed, turning half to meet his eyes. "Forget what I said. He's your friend. I shouldn't be telling you what to do."

Jack eyed her, perplexed. Scooting over, he scooped her back into his chest, pressing a kiss against the back of her shoulder.

"I don't want to fight." He whispered against her skin. She looked over at him, eyes sad.

"Me neither."

Jack studied her for a second, hopeful. "I'll call him." He decided. Kate sighed.

"You don't have—"

"No, you were right. I need to deal with this." He said firmly. She looked pensive for a second, before nodding, and leaning over to kiss the space between his eyebrows, looking down at him and smiling.

"Want to take a shower before breakfast?" He asked impishly, quirking his eyebrows suggestively.

"You can never get enough, can you?" Kate said accusingly, but playfully, laughing a little at his boyish charm.

He laughed and sat up, kissing her once, then again. "Never." He said, serious. His eyes danced with the weight of the word and she fought the sentiment for a moment before collapsing into it.

Eyes warming, she pulled him to her mouth by the sides of his face, mouth insistent and open on his, sliding her tongue into his mouth without waiting for permission. Her hands trailed south over his chest, tangling in his chest hair and coming to rest just above where the sheet had pooled to cover him.

She pulled away, smiling at his eyes—still closed—and his mouth, wet and well kissed. Her smile broadened and her eyes glimmered with mischief.

"Last one there cooks breakfast." She blurted out, already racing towards the bathroom, stark naked. Just a moment behind her, in a long stride Jack scooped her up by her waist to her shriek of surprise and giggles and carried her into the bathroom, laughing all the way.

"_He's gotten so big." Kate said in disbelief, motioning towards Aaron, where he was bouncing happily on Claire's knee. _

_Claire was perched on a rock, enjoying the cooler weather the castaways had had lately. _

"_I know. Pretty hard to believe isn't it? Can you believe I gave birth to this little monster?" Claire joked, curling a finger beneath Aaron's chin, eliciting a toothy grin from the boy. _

_Kate smiled, then sat down next to Claire, fidgeting with the hair band on her wrist. Claire eyed her for a moment._

"_What's up?" Claire asked purposefully. Kate looked up as if she'd forgotten she wasn't alone._

"_Things between Jack and me…" She began, turning her gaze towards her lap and blushing, "I was wondering if you had any…you know…" She rolled her eyes self deprecatingly, "…any protection." She fumbled out the words and pinked furiously. _

_Claire laughed. "That's what's got you so bothered?" She quipped, bouncing Aaron on her knee again. _

_Kate ducked her head, smiling. "It's a little awkward." _

"_Kate, you delivered my baby. I think you and I are past awkward." She joked. Kate laughed, still a little nervous._

"_Well, I don't have anything. But I know someone who does." Claire offered. "Sawyer has some in his stash."_

"_No, I couldn't ask him. I'd never hear the end of it." Kate groaned._

"_But Jack would love it." Claire laughed._

_Kate laughed too, then buried her head in her hands. "Protection isn't even the biggest problem."_

_Claire furrowed her eyebrows and resettled Aaron on her lap. "What do you mean?"_

_Kate sighed, picking at the dirt beneath her fingernails. "Every time we get close to having sex, he just…doesn't follow through."_

_Claire bit back you laugh. "You mean he can't—"_

_Kate looked horrified for a moment. "Oh, god no. That's not what I meant." She laughed. "I mean…he always says we should wait. But I'm starting to think that he doesn't even want to." She smirked. "I mean, how many times can he say to wait before you think he actually means never."_

_Claire looked thoughtful for a long moment. _

"_You know Jack better than anybody does, Kate. But I think we all know that he some trust issues." Claire said, nudging Kate lightly. "Just like you." She said with an accepting smile. "It's obvious he wants you, but maybe he just thinks he's doing something right by waiting." _

_Kate nodded. "I know." She said finally. "I just wish I knew what he was waiting for."_

_They were quiet for a while, letting a breeze ruffle the soft tuft of hair atop Aaron's head. He had started crawling around and trying to stand. Occasionally, garbled words would emerge and he would point madly at a fruit he wanted to try, or a lizard scurrying across the caves. _

"_What are you going to do about protection?" Claire asked._

_Kate sighed. "I'm_ not_ going to ask Sawyer." She said firmly. "I'll just have to find some one else. I figured you'd be the least embarrassing to ask." She said with a rueful smile. _

"_Oh well." Kate said, rising from the rock._

"_Kate," Claire began, "you might have to think about asking Sawyer. You're going to have to get it from somewhere and--…well, let's just say that this isn't the best place to raise a baby, you know?" Claire said._

_Kate softened. "You don't regret it, do you?" _

_Claire shook her head. "Aaron's the best thing that's ever happened to me. But trust me, you don't want your and Jack's first baby to be an accident." _

"First_ baby?" Kate asked, surprised._

"_Oh come on, like you two aren't going there. You should see the way he looks at you—I'm sure he's got names picked out and everything."_

_Kate sat down again, looking a little green. "You think he's thought about that?" Kate asked doubtfully. _

_Claire shrugged. "Just my opinion."_

_Kate stared into the sand at her feet. A baby. They hadn't even slept together, but she wouldn't be surprised if Jack _did_ have some sort of expectations for their future together. Of course their budding relationship wasn't a fling, and even though she hadn't admitted it to herself quite yet, she was in love with him. A baby. Could she have a baby? Could she even _be _a mother? That would certainly seal the deal between she and Jack, and put a cap on any potential there was for running again. _

"_You okay?" Claire said, breaking her from her thoughts._

"_Sorry, I zoned out there." Kate said, offering a smile. She lifted her finger and let it trace down Aaron's chubby cheek, a wistful look on her face._

"_Uh oh." Claire teased. "Someone's got the baby bug."_

_Kate pinked and rolled her eyes. "I don't know about _that_." She tried, but her eyes softened as Aaron shoved his fist into his mouth. "But he's pretty adorable, isn't he?" She smiled. _

"_Just wait until you get one. Adorable? Yes. Quiet? No. Then you'll think twice about the adorable part." Claire teased._

_Kate said goodbye and headed towards the hatch. Jack said he'd be down there doing laundry during his shift. _

_The hatch was cool when she walked in, and immediately she heard the rumble of the washing machine. "Jack?" She called._

_She checked the laundry room, but found it empty. She rounded into the bedroom. Jack was hunched over, digging through the drawers of the small dresser. _

"_What are you doing?" Kate asked. Jack jumped at the sound of her voice, shutting the drawer quickly. _

"_You scared me." Jack breathed. He smiled at her, but he was masking something. _

'_What were you looking for?" Kate asked._

"_Nothing." He hurried, walking over and kissing her quickly. He turned and went into the kitchen. Kate followed him, noticing his fist clench in his hand._

"_What's in your hand?" Kate asked, leaning against the counter._

_Jack turned fast. "Nothing." He said again._

_Kate laughed. "Come on, let me see."_

"_No, it's nothing."_

"_What, is it a surprise?" Kate joked, reaching for his wrist. He jerked away. _

"_Don't. It's really nothing. Just forget it."_

_Kate looked skeptical. "Just let me see." She said, making a grab for his wrist and succeeding. _

_He tried to pull away half heartedly. "Kate—"_

_She pried his fingers back. In the palm of his hand was the compact, metallic square of a condom wrapper. Kate's mouth formed a small round 'o'. _

"_Oh." She breathed._

_Jack sighed and pulled his hand away, tucking the wrapper into his pocket. "I was keeping them in the drawer. I got some yesterday."_

"_You got some?" She asked._

"_Yeah," he lowered his eyes, "I got them from Sawyer."_

_Kate groaned. "From Sawyer? Of all people—"_

"_Look, he's the only one who had them. What's it matter anyway that I got them from—"_

"_What did you trade him?"_

"_I didn't exactly trade for them."_

_Kate lowered her eyes at him. "What do you mean?"_

"_I sort of…stole them."_

_Kate let out a smile. "Jack!"_

_Jack laughed impishly. "It felt good, too."_

_Kate laughed, sidling closer to him until she'd wrapped her arms around his waist, drawing close, and resting her chin on his sternum and looking up at him._

"_I didn't know you had it in you, Jack. I guess you _are_ a little bit of a bad boy." She teased._

_He raised his eyebrows. "Is that a good thing?"_

"_Sometimes." She started, letting her fingers rest in his belt loops._

"_Hmmm. What about now?" He mused, letting his hands trail beneath the bottom hem of her tank top._

"_Definitely." She said, mouth reaching up towards his and meeting in a soft kiss. _

"_How much longer do you have in your shift?" She whispered against his mouth._

"_Two hours." He said softly, trailing his lips past her ear to press a wet kiss behind it, tongue peeking out against the skin. Kate shivered._

"_Let's use it now." She said, looking up at him._

"_Kate—" he began, but she cut him off with an open kiss against his mouth, her tongue nipping behind his teeth invitingly as her hands dipped up under his shirt, palms kneading the hard muscles of his back._

"_Wait, wait." He said, pulling away, bracing her by the shoulders._

"_Jack—" Kate began exasperated._

"_I have this whole thing planned out for tonight." He began, tucking a curl behind her ear. "Picnic, some candles, chocolate…" he trailed off. Her eyes softened._

"_Chocolate? Really?" She asked, smiling goofily. _

_He nodded. "Yep." He assured her, drawing her closer. "And I figured we could head down the beach a way's for some privacy…lay out a blanket…_

"_I like the way you think." She breathed as he swooped down and placed a lingering kiss on her lips, hands gripping her hips. _

"_Tonight then?" He asked hopefully. She smiled, kissing him quickly._

"_Of course. Tonight." _

"This is a great tub." Kate said decidedly.

"It looks good with you in it." Jack shot back. Kate scooped up a pile of bubbles and blew them at him.

"You know, you've bathed twice in only a few hours. Think of the water bill."

"Hey, the first time wasn't exactly a proper shower." She shot him a look. "Thanks to you. You've got to keep your hands to yourself." She chided playfully.

He raised his hands in mock defense.

"Hey, I let you have the bath all to yourself." He said, then eyed beneath the bubbles. "Which I'm starting to regret."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm ready to get out anyways. I'm getting all pruney." She said, wrinkling her nose. Jack watched her, smiling at her adorability.

"Come on out then."

"Oh no, I'm not falling for that one. The moment I step out of this tub naked, you're going to harass me into bed."

"Harass you? That's harsh. You're always a willing participant. Especially if I remember this morning correctly…" He smirked. She blushed.

"Hand me a towel, lover boy." She ordered, raising an eyebrow as a challenge.

"If you insist." He said, pulling a fluffy white towel from the closet and holding it out for her. She stood and allowed him to wrap it around her. But as soon as he'd done that, she felt his chest mold to her back.

"You're nice and warm." Jack breathed against her neck, sending a shiver down her spine. "And wet." He said, punctuating the thought with a kiss just below her ear. "And clean." Another kiss down her neck, tongue tracing the skin there.

She closed her eyes against the feeling. "Not again, I just took a bath." She whined half-heartedly, but let out a soft moan when his hands smoothed down her bare arms, soft and slow. She turned in his arms, pressing herself against his chest and lifting her head up, waiting for him to kiss her.

He smiled and bent lower, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose. Another to her cheek. Then another at the corner of her mouth, until she got impatient and turned her lips to graze his, mouth hot and wet and insistent against his.

Her arms wound around his neck, pulling his mouth nearer. His hands pressed her body closer into his, until her pelvis ground against his and he let out a strangled moan. He broke away, eyes dark.

"This one's on you." He teased breathlessly, before swooping in for another numbing kiss.

They pushed and pulled back towards the bed, losing the towel near the sink in the bathroom, and his boxers at the foot of the bed.

When they collapsed atop the already tangled sheets, he groaned at the impact, feeling his need for her throb against her thigh. She wrapped her legs around him, inviting him nearer, and arched her hips against his, letting him know she wanted him now.

He pressed kisses down her stomach, tongue darting into her belly button before letting it trail upwards to suck roughly on her pulse point, forcing a whimper from the back of her throat.

Without breaking away he reached over towards the top drawer of the nightstand, feeling around for the box of condoms he knew was inside. Pulling out the box, he pulled away to grab one. It was empty.

"Jack." Kate moaned from beneath them, arching her hips into his and forcing him to steady himself.

"We're out of condoms." He said finally. Kate stopped.

"Out? Like, out out?"

He laughed ruefully. "Yeah, we're out. I'll have to run to the store and get some." He said with a sigh—the thought of letting his erection below the sheets go unsatisfied was a painful one.

Kate thought for a moment, cheeks still flushed from their near-coupling. She still felt him, warm and steel hard against her thigh.

"This sucks." She said finally. He rolled off of her, sliding under the covers beside her.

"You're telling me." He said, looking uncomfortably unsatisfied. She eyed his lower half, and then giggled.

He looked over at her smiling. "Hey, this is all you fault. Don't laugh." He said, propping up on his elbow to look over at her.

She turned over on her side. "My fault? You seduced me the second I got out of the bath tub."

"You seduced me! You can't just walk around in a towel like that. It's not fair." He smiled. She rolled her eyes playfully and sunk back onto the pillow.

She scooted closer to him, and then to his surprise, she straddled him, knees on either side of his hips. She pressed down onto him, making him groan.

"Kate, we can't." He ground out, steadying her by the hips, "We're out of—"

"It's okay. I'm due for my period anyways. We wouldn't get…" she balked, tucking a strand of wet hair behind her ear, "…you know." She trailed, hands braced on his chest. He let his hands flutter at her waist.

"You mean pregnant?" He offered.

"Yeah."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I thought about that a lot, you know. On the island."

"About what exactly?" She asked nervously.

"What would happen if we ever got pregnant. I mean, back then I didn't think there would _be_ a rescue, so I don't know. I figured eventually, if we slept together, we'd run out of whatever protection we could find and then…" he said, letting her complete the thought.

"Did you want one?" She asked after a long moment, eyes piercing and bracing herself for an answer she wasn't sure she didn't want to come.

His brow knotted. "Eventually, I guess." He paused, meeting her eyes. "I wanted one with _you_."

Kate didn't speak for a long minute. Sensing her unease, he hurried on. "It's okay," he tried, "I've always wanted you first. I get caught up and I think ahead and plan. That's just me. You don't have to, too."

Kate shook her head. "It's not that." She said, trailing a finger down his chest. "I sort of wanted one, too. With you."

He looked a little surprised for a moment, then pulled her closer and kissed her softly. As softly as she'd ever been kissed. He let his hand wind into her hair, tangling in the tresses that tickled against his chest. She let herself rest atop of him, his mouth and tongue exploring her mouth in earnest. Their kisses grew warmer, more frenzied and her hand made its way beneath the sheet, below his waist, and she found him there, ready.

It was long, and steady, but the slow burning of desire hummed beneath the surface of every touch, every moan and grunt of desire as he pushed into her. Whisperings against the skin and the sweat sliding against their limbs as they joined, over and over until they collapsed together, a jumble of moans and names, and a special shiver that ran through them just at the last moment. A warm little shiver that had never been there before.

* * *

_So that's chapter twelve, I hoped you enjoyed it. I let myself indulge in a little fluffy/smut this chapter. Next chapter comes an important conversation with Marc/Jack/Kate and more. Please review! They make my day and definitley inspire future chapters. Review away!_


	13. If You Really Love Him

"Marc's coming over." Jack started as he headed into the living room. Kate sat comfortably on the couch, bare feet propped against the coffee table as she read a magazine. She looked up.

"Here? Now?" she asked, surprised. Jack plopped down next to her.

"Yeah, I just talked to him on the phone. He wanted to come here."

They were both silent for a long moment. "What do you think he wants to talk about?" Kate said softly, trying to hide the accusation, the question in her voice.

Jack sighed and let his hand find her knee, squeezing it reassuringly. "He wouldn't rat you out, Kate. I know him—he's my best friend. He wouldn't do that." He paused, considering. "I think he knows how I feel about you."

Too tired of worrying, Kate turned to face him and shook away the nagging in her gut. "And how _do_ you feel about me, Jack." She asked teasingly. Jack looked surprised for a moment at how quickly she'd changed the subject, but laughed.

"Hmmm." He mused, pulling her closer so that she straddled his lap. Placing an open kiss just below her jaw—"I'm in love." He said finally, seriously. Kate balked a moment before blushing and burying her face into the side of his neck.

"_Jack_." She groaned into his neck, the sound muffled. He laughed, deep and throaty.

"What?" He asked incredulously. She withdrew from his neck and placed a sound kiss on his mouth, then pulled back further and studied his eyes.

"Nothing." She said finally, shaking her head and drawing his mouth to hers by the side of his face.

They kissed for a few minutes, breathing becoming more ragged as Jack's hand grew restless at her waist and slid just below her waistband, thumbs rubbing tantalizing circles into the warm skin.

She ground into his lap, hearing him moan into her mouth until she smiled. She pulled away, lips swollen and eyes dancing.

"Your friend's coming over, Jack. Don't get any ideas." She chided him jokingly. With a groan he let his head flop back onto the couch top.

"I can work fast." He offered.

She laughed, shaking her head. "No way. I'd like to be clothed for your friend's second appearance."

"You know, you don't have to keep saying _your friend_. You can just call him Marc." Jack said, his hand skimming her waist again.

She stiffed a little in his arms, but didn't move off of him. "I know, I just don't…know him at all."

"You _could_ know him. Eventually, I mean."

"Jack."

"Really, he's a nice guy. He just…his mouth gets away from him, you know?"

"That's not it." Kate said, now moving off of Jack and settling next to him.

"What is it then?" Jack asked, not angrily, only confused.

Before Kate opened her mouth to speak, there was a knock at the door. She lifted her eyebrows. "Bet that's him." She said. Jack studied her a moment longer before rising and moving towards the door.

A moment later Jack and Marc made their way into the living room, where Kate sat, her hands tucked beneath her and looking nervous.

Kate looked up at them as they entered. Jack sent her a reassuring smile, but it didn't ease her apprehension. Marc's own smile was tight and obviously forced. He sat in the chair next to the couch as Jack settled next to Kate.

"Marc Silverman, this is Kate Austen." Jack said, motioning between them. Kate wasn't sure who he was trying to fool with the formalities and introductions, Kate knew they'd each made up their minds about one another already.

There was an awkward silence before Marc cleared his throat.

"Listen, I'm really listen sorry for some of the stuff I said last time I was here. I was way out of line and I had no right." Marc said, looking genuine.

Kate was quiet for a moment, eyes defensive. "It's okay." She said finally.

"What'd you want to talk about, Marc?" Jack said, then let his hand come and grip Kate's jean clad knee. She didn't respond to his touch, only waited for him to continue.

Marc looked hesitant for a moment. "I meant what I said when I apologized, but that doesn't change some things. Whatever the situation is here—Jack, it's just not a good idea. You should see the posters everywhere. And the press? I mean, after what happened with the park ranger the city is going crazy trying to find her." Marc said, still speaking towards Jack.

Kate bowed her head. _So he'd heard about the ranger_, she thought wryly. _I bet that gives me plenty more points in his book._ Jack gripped her knee tightly.

"She was defending herself. You should have seen the bruises that bastard gave—"

"Jack." Kate said, stopping him. She turned to Marc. "How long do you think it'll be before it dies down?" She asked seriously. For some reason, Marc didn't seem surprised by her question.

He shrugged. "Who knows? Could be a week, could be a month."

Kate closed her eyes. A month? Hiding in the city where all the cops were looking for her wasn't exactly the wisest plan. Jack had a connection to her—the island. It had been a huge news story—who's to say the cops wouldn't check up on him, trying to find a lead on her?

"What I'm trying to say is," Marc began, "that you've got to figure out some plan here. No offense, but you can't stay cooped up in this apartment forever." Marc said to Kate.

"She can stay as long as she wants." Jack said defensively.

"No, he's right, Jack. I can't just live here forever. It would never work."

"So we wait then, until everything dies down. Then we move out of the city." Jack offered, hope flaring in his stomach.

"_We_? I can't move anywhere, Jack—I can't have anything permanent, here or anywhere else."

Marc stayed quiet where he sat, eyeing their exchange furtively.

"You didn't feel that way yesterday when you wanted to have my baby." Jack spat angrily. Marc looked uncomfortable.

"I never said that." Kate said quickly, trying to hide her embarrassment.

"You did too." Jack argued, feeling childish but unwilling to give up just yet.

"That's not what I meant when I said—"

"What the hell did you think _I _meant when I said it?" Jack hissed, eyes shooting daggers at her.

Kate was effectively quieted. "I don't know." She said softly after a moment.

"Like hell you don't." Jack sneered, rising abruptly from the couch, pacing a few steps back and forth before turning on her.

"You know what, Kate? If you want to go, go. I'm tired of waiting around for you to sneak off in the middle of the night anyways. I'm tired of feeling like you're doing me a favor by staying here. Go if you want, even if you get caught—then maybe for once in your life you'll have to stop running and figure out what the hell it is you're _really_ afraid of." Jack let the words charge out quickly, toppling next to each into a heap so that Kate felt weak beneath them.

Jack charged into the kitchen, leaving her and Marc in the living room, momentarily stunned.

After a long moment, Marc cleared his throat. "I don't think he meant—"

"He did. He meant every word." Kate said stoically, eyes studying her lap. Marc was quiet.

"I know I don't know you very well—at all actually, but I know Jack. I know he doesn't want you to leave, that he's probably planning out your whole lives together despite the fact that you're, pardon me, a felon. I know he wants you to stay, probably more than anything. But Kate," Marc said, leaning closer and lowering his voice, "if you really love him, I mean love him like he loves you—then you'll go."

_It was one of the hottest days she'd experienced on the island. Even the shade sweltered, the water wasn't cool enough—the humidity was like a drug and everyone moved slower. Kate had retreated to the caves after an unsuccessful fruit trek—she'd only gathered a few mangoes before she'd gotten too hot to climb for more. _

_She lay flat on her back in a quiet cave, small with a low ceiling, and let the cool of the rock seep through the thin fabric of her shirt. _

"_Been drinking enough water today?" Jack's voice appeared and echoed from the mouth of the cave. Kate lifted her head from the rock and smiled._

"_Plenty. But it's all warm." She replied, letting her head fall back onto the cool expanse of rock._

_Jack took a few steps inside the cave. They'd been so close lately, and she could tell without searching hard that he wanted to kiss her, wanted to be more than her friend. She wondered what was stopping him. She felt like laughing—who could have guessed that captivity would be the thing to draw them closer?_

"_Do you mind if I sit?" Jack said from above her. Kate shrugged, still prone._

"_Free island." She joked. He laughed, sitting._

_The quiet between them was peaceful, comfortable, but could have easily been filled with something deeper than the silence._

"_When I was a kid, it used to get so hot during the summers—I remember me and my friend Tom used to take whole buckets of ice water and dump them over each other, trying to get cool." Kate mused, eyes wandering listlessly over the cave's ceiling._

_To her surprise, Jack lied down next to her, not so close that they were touching, but close enough that she was sure she could feel the heat from his body—the sweet and sour soak of his sweat._

"_Tell me about him." Jack said._

"_About Tom?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Kate was quiet, feeling the familiar sense of secrecy creep up within her. _No, no, _she fought_, you can tell him—it would be okay.

"_You can trust me, Kate." Jack offered at her side, head tilting to face hers. She turned her head towards his._

"_I know. I do." She said softly. They stared for a long moment before she turned back toward the cave ceiling, pulling in a long sigh. _

"_Tom and I grew up together, back in Iowa. We were best friends, and then more when got older. We did everything together." She paused and licked her lips. "When I—after what happened—the _crime_ I'd committed,, I couldn't look at him without feeling guilty, that I wasn't good enough anymore. He never hated me for what I had done, he wasn't like everyone else. But still, something had changed. I left, went on the run, and sometime during then he got married, became a doctor. He fell out of love with me and wanted someone who could be there, to marry and have babies with." Kate thought a moment before saying softly, "Maybe someone who wasn't a murderer." _

_Kate's voice grew softer after that, and somehow the words flew out, one after another until she was telling him everything. About Wayne and her mother and Tom dying right next to her in his car—how she ran, and couldn't seem to stop running after that. She told him how the guilt ate at her always, that sometimes she felt like it wasn't guilt at all, that it was just something that had eventually attached itself to her—an ache that was satisfied by nothing, but absorbed everything. _

_  
Jack was quiet throughout. Occasionally she felt him tense at her side, and she almost thought he might run, might suddenly want someone else—someone whole. But he never left, and didn't try to make her stop crying when she started. Instead he'd scooted closer to her, let his arms curl around her as he spooned her, letting the humidity stick them together through their clothes. _

_Finally, after he sobs had subsided, her breathing had evened, he had whispered into her hair. _

"_You're not a murderer, Kate."_

_She had felt like hitting him. "I've killed people, Jack." She spat, trying to unwind from his arms._

"_You're not a murderer. You're too good."_

"_Stop it. Let me go."_

_He held tighter. "You're not. It wasn't your fault. Wayne, Tom—they weren't your fault."_

_Kate tried again to fight his arms around her, but eventually settled into sobs, turning and heaving them into his chest._

"_It _is_ my fault." She insisted._

"_No. You said you trust me, and I'm telling you—you're not a murderer."_

_He let her cry until her eyes were sore from the tears. He smoothed away the curls from her face, letting his thumb swipe away an errant bead of sweat from her hairline. And just with his words he had chipped a piece of her loose. A piece big enough so that he could hold it, could make something of it. The wall she had constructed, so painstakingly, was crumbling more and more each day, and as her defenses lowered, he started meeting her halfway. _

After Marc left, Kate wandered into Jack's study. He was there, standing by the window, hands tucked into his pockets and his head bowed. She lingered in the doorway, eyeing his back, then the few random heaps of half opened moving boxes. Sticking out of one of them was a picture frame, encasing a photo of Jack and a pretty blonde woman. They looked happy. _It must be Sarah_, Kate thought.

Just as Kate had shared with Jack the sordid story of her own past, he'd started opening up about his. It was hard for him, maybe harder for him than her, because he never ran from the memories, only lodged them deeper.

"Is this Sarah?" Kate asked softly, picking up the picture frame and studying the photo.

"Don't touch it." Jack said stoically from the window, without turning. Kate tensed for a moment.

"Is this her?" She pressed determinedly. Jack rounded on her, snatching the picture from her.

"I said don't touch it."

"Why not?"

"Because! It's none of your business. You have nothing to do with her." Jack shouted. Kate backed down a little.

Jack let out a frustrated sigh. "I just don't want to talk about her, okay?" He said more softly.

"What do you want to talk about then?" Kate asked, sitting down on the cushy leather armchair pressed back against the far while.

"Nothing." Jack huffed. Kate fidgeted in her chair. He sighed again. "I don't know, Kate. I'm just getting really tired of just waiting for you to leave."

Kate was quiet, pulling at a loose thread on her shirt arm. "You know that I don't _want_ to leave, right?" She said softly. Jack looked at her solemnly.

She shook her head. "I'd stay with you if I could. If I could I'd—I could marry you, have kids with you—I want all those things with you, Jack. But I can't just have what I want anymore. I gave that up a long time ago."

Jack swallowed hard, trying to blink away the prick of tears behind his eyes. He walked to her and knelt at her feet, taking her hand in his.

"I love you so much, Kate." He said firmly. Kate nodded sadly.

"I know, Jack."

"Do you love me?" He asked seriously. She gave him a pointed but sad look.

"You know I do."

Jack bowed his head, hand still gripping hers hard. Her hand trailed over his stubble, palm soft against his rough cheek. He looked up at her, eyes sure and penetrating as he spoke.

"What if I want to go with you?"

* * *

_Okay, I know that was a shorter chapter than usual and it took me a while to update, but hopefully I'll be able to pop out two more chapters a lot faster. Maybe before Monday? That'd be nice, and I'll try. Let me know what you think! Reviews have been a little slow lately, but I'd love to hear what you think. REVIEW!_


	14. Surprise

"I'm going to stay for a few weeks." Kate said softly, lying face up in bed hours later. "If that's okay."

Their fight from hours earlier had left them tense and on edge around each other. Kate had adamantly refused Jack's plea. She wouldn't, not in a million years, allow him to become the way she was, live the life she had to. He had stormed out in anger, choosing to walk the city for a few hours before returning home.

Wordlessly they'd climbed into bed, turning to opposite sides, the space between them cold. Knowing neither of them was asleep, Kate had finally spoken. It had scared her when Jack had left. She knew he'd have to come to back, but she hadn't seen him that angry in a long time. She knew she didn't want to lose him right away.

It was dark, but Kate felt his eyes fall on her.

"You're going to stay?" He whispered reverently next to her.

"Just for a few weeks. Then let's see where we are then." She turned towards him on her side. "I want to be with you, Jack."

He propped himself up on his elbow, a gentle palm finding her cheek in the dark. "I'm sorry about before. I overreacted about the whole thing, and Sarah."

Kate nodded. "Let's not talk about it anymore, okay?"

He studied her for a moment.

"Agreed." He finally sighed, pulling her close so that she curled into his side, arm flung across his stomach. She nuzzled into the hair on his chest, pressed a chaste kiss to his collarbone, and settled her head in the crook of his neck.

"That's better." She breathed into his skin, sending shivers up his spine. He let out a contented chuckle.

"I hate fighting with you." He said into her ear.

"Me too. Let's not do that anymore." She mumbled sleepily.

He laughed again. "I'll do my best."

Another two and a half weeks past without incident. Jack had gone back to work part time at the hospital, only working a few minor hours a couple days a week until the hospital decided to fully reinstate him again.

At first he didn't want to go back, only wanting to spend time with Kate. But once he began again, he found that he had missed it more than he thought he might. It felt nice having a larger purpose, saving people. It wasn't exactly as exciting as the island was, but then again—he actually had supplies to work with at the hospital.

"Jack. Get up." Kate said, poking him in the back, which was bare. Jack let out a garbled moan from where his face was pressed into the pillow.

"Get up!" Kate said again, shaking his shoulder. He lifted a drowsy head from the pillow and cracked an eye open.

"Huh?" He said dumbly. Kate was clad in one of his long t-shirts, perched on the side of the bed, wide awake—her bare legs making him sit up a little farther to get a peek.

"What is it?" he mumbled.

"You're going to be late for work. And I want you out of the house today. I've got a surprise I'm working on."

"A surprise for _me_?" Jack yawned.

"Of course for you." She smiled goofily, and leaned over and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Before he could deepen it she had shot of the bed and ambled into the bathroom. He heard the water of the shower running as she popped back into the bedroom.

"Go ahead, get up. I started your shower. What do you want for breakfast?"

Jack smiled smugly. "A little domestic, aren't we?"

She scowled. "I'm being _nice_, and if you don't watch it I might poison your coffee."

He feigned shock. "You wouldn't dare." He goaded then stood, clad only in boxers and making his way over to her. His hands found her hips and pulled her closer for a probing, wet kiss.

"Good morning." He mumbled against her lips as he pulled away. Her eyes were a shade darker, but she cleared the lustful fog away once she saw his smirk of satisfaction.

"Take your shower. I'm going to make pancakes." She said, placing a quick kiss on his lips and untangling herself from his arms. But in an instant, he pulled her back into him, hands skimming beneath her shirt.

"Jack, _no._" She said, but she couldn't hide the smile fighting at her lips or the way her body seemed to melt into his.

"You're not going to take a shower with me?" He said enticingly, his teeth nipping at her ear.

She placed her hands against his chest, fingers tangling there. His tongue darted out at her ear lobe and she let out a tiny gasp.

"Jack." She tried again.

His lips moved to her neck, spreading little wet kisses and licks down the slope as his hands squeezed her hips, bracing them against his own.

"It has to be quick." She conceded breathily and felt him smile against her neck.

After their shower, there was little time for breakfast. Kate poured him some coffee in the kitchen as he fumbled with his tie. She had only thrown on a pair of his boxers and tank top, letting her wet hair trail down her back.

"What's your surprise?" He asked, as he knotted his tie.

She laughed. "You know I can't tell you. But here's a hint: it's something you need. Trust me."

"Is it condoms? Because we ran out two nights ago." He winked, finishing with his tie.

She rolled her eyes, but smiled. "No, it's not condoms. But you can pick some up on your way home if you want."

"Betting on getting lucky, huh?" He teased, rounding the counter and accepting the coffee mug from her hands.

"Well you're going to owe me after you get your surprise. It's gonna be pretty good."

"Anything else I should pick up?"

She thought for a moment, before blushing.

"What?" He asked, noticing the look on her face.

She ducked to her head. "Is it really embarrassing if I ask you to pick up tampons?"

He laughed, setting down his coffee and finding her hips, and backing her slowly against the counter until their hips and chests were flush.

"I'm a doctor. Nothing embarrasses me." He assured her, pressing a sound kiss on her mouth. "This is probably weird, but I didn't think you were due for you period, are you?"

Kate blushed again. "I know, I just figured since you were picking up stuff…"

He smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

She rolled her eyes, slapping his shoulder playfully. "Get to work, bring home the bacon, be the man and all that stuff." She said with a smile.

He chuckled, checking his watch. "Damn." He muttered, then pressed a quick kiss to the side of her mouth.

"I'll be home around four, okay?"

"Got it. Your surprise will be waiting."

He laughed as he rounded into the hallway. She waited until she heard the door close behind him until letting the mischievous smile she'd been holding in slip out. Giggling to herself, she scurried into the study.

By the time Jack came home at 4:30 Kate was bouncing with anticipation on one of the plush armchairs in Jack's study. She had worked all day unpacking boxes, arranging old sports trophies, tidying up his desk. It felt domestic, sure, but it felt good. It felt good making this space Jack's and she had to admit, it'd been fun seeing goofy pictures of Jack as a boy—missing teeth and shaggy hair.

Kate heard the front door open, ears perking to the sound. "Kate?" Jack called.

She smiled broader. "In here!" She called excitedly. Jack's footsteps approached the door.

"Sorry I'm a little late, I got caught up—"

Jack rounded the corner and stopped, taking in the newly organized furniture and unloaded boxes, mouth open a little. Kate watched him nervous and excited, waiting for his reaction.

He was quiet, sheepishly approaching the desk where a few frames had been set out. One housed a picture of him and Marc in their college years; bear glasses raised in the direction of the photographer, eyes glassy in inebriation but smiles wide.

Another was a picture of Jack's father holding him when Jack had been a toddler. A young Jack was perched precariously on his father's knee, a confused expression on his chubby face as he pointed a finger at his father's nose. Christian's smile was genuine and his hands were tight around his son's small body.

"So what do you think?" Kate prodded timidly, coming up behind him.

He turned to her, a far away smile on his lips. "It's great, Kate. I can't believe you did all this. I've been meaning to get to it but…" he smiled, and pulled her close, pressing a kiss on her forehead, "Thank you. It's nice that you did all this."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her cheek on the flat of his chest. She sighed contentedly. "I'm so glad you like it."

He let himself enjoy the warmth of her body against his before pulling away. "I picked up the things you wanted." He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. "_Including_ the condoms."

Kate laughed. He felt the vibration against his chest and tightened his arms around her waist. She leaned forward, a breath away from his lips, hovering just close enough to make his heart begin to race.

She felt his breath against her mouth. "Let's save them for tonight. You're cooking me dinner." She whispered against his mouth, inching even closer, tempting him, before pulling away, laughing and skipping out of the study.

Jack got his racing pulse back under control before groaning and following after. "You're going to pay for that!"

After dinner, Jack offered to wash the dishes, despite that he'd cooked. It took some convincing to get Kate to acquiesce, but they finally compromised: she'd stay in the kitchen and at least keep him company.

It was quiet, the sound of the running water filled out the space peacefully. Kate watched Jack from behind as he did the dishes. Seeing his muscles bunch and flex beneath his t-shirt, sleeves rolled to his elbows while he did the dashes was strangely a turn on. Kate came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, letting her check rest against his back.

She felt the rumble of his laugh. A soapy hand found hers from where it was wrapped around him, pulling it up to his mouth and pressing a kiss to her knuckle.

"Kate?" Jack asked after a moment, turning to face her—eyes serious.

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What's the matter?" She asked, confused.

"Nothing," he hurried, finding her hips and bringing her closer again, "I just started thinking today, on my way home—don't you get bored sitting around here all day?"

"Yeah, I do. I miss going outside, being able to go where I want. Driving." She said at first, seeing the disappointment in his eyes, the anxiety, she continued, pressing closer to him. "But I like it here, too. I like our bed, and I like watching you check me out when I'm cooking for you, and waking up with you. I'm happy here, too."

Jack look a little more relieved, but was still lost in some emotion she couldn't tag. Like he'd swallowed an idea and was working up the nerve to let her in on it too.

"Why did you ask me?"

He smiled shyly at her, eyes dancing. "I have an idea."

* * *

_Okay, so no flashback this chapter, but you'll get a good one next chaper, and a longer chapter too. We're going to come to a crossroads soon and some definitive action will be taken. Please review! Love to hear from you, it helps a lot! _


	15. Run Away

So here's your very long flashback, and I'm pretty proud of it. I think I like this chapter best so far. The flashback really goes with the present day stuff in particular this segment. Also, reviews have been pretty low lately. Only two for the last couple chapters, so if you woudn't mind, please remember to leave some feeback! It really makes writing this worthwhile. Enjoy!

* * *

"_Okay, new one. Ultimate destination?" _

"_Hmm…that's a good one." Kate mused aloud. She and Jack were traipsing through the jungle. The day was oppressively warm and they were headed towards the waterfall, going for a swim to cool off._

"_I'd probably have to say Iowa." Kate decided finally. _

_Jack snorted behind her. "Iowa?" He asked incredulously. "Why the hell would you want to go to Iowa? You could pick anywhere."_

_Kate shrugged. "I used to live there." She said simply, pressing on. Jack was quiet behind her for a moment—the only sound was of the underbrush kicking up beneath their boots._

"_You lived in Iowa." Jack stated again, for his own benefit. "I guess I can see that."_

_Kate laughed, stopping in front of him and pulling out a water bottle from her backpack. _

"_You can see that."_

"_Yeah. You know…rough and tumble country girl. That's like you." Jack said, smiling broad._

_Kate guffawed. "Yeah, I guess so." She offered the bottle to Jack. He took a long swig and handed it back._

"_So how far off are we?" Jack asked, using his t-shirt sleeve to wipe the sweat accumulating on his brow._

"_Not far." Kate said, peering through a thick patch of trees. "I haven't been there in a while."_

"_Are we lost?" _

_Kate gave him a pointed look. "No, we aren't lost." _

_Jack laughed, arms raised in a mock defensive position. "Hey, you're the wilderness master. I'm just following you."_

_Kate rolled her eyes. "Alright then, follow the master." She said with a smirk. She caught the flash of amusement in Jack's eyes before she turned and headed onward._

_It had only been about two weeks since Jack had been mysteriously released from the Others' camp and had made his way back to the castaway's beach. Since his return he and Kate had certainly grown closer. The tension that epitomized their relationship before had somehow been glossed over into an open attraction, but they still walked the thin line around a potential romance. For now, each was content to spend time together._

"_So how'd you find this place?" Jack asked. Kate stopped in front of him, causing Jack—who had had his head bowed—to run right into her back._

_Kate felt his breath fan out across her bare neck and let an involuntary shiver shimmy up and down her spine._

"_We're here." She breathed. Jack moved to her side. Kate eyed him, seeing the flush on his cheeks—wondering if it was from the heat or the intimate contact._

_He cleared his throat. "This is it?"_

_Kate nodded. Slowly, a wide smile broke on his face. "Race you." He said quickly before darting towards the water, shedding his shirt and fumbling with his belt buckle along the way. _

_Kate hesitated for a moment, letting her own smile creep out before dashing after him, recklessly pulling her t-shirt over her head, letting it fall away behind her. By the time she dove into the water, only a few seconds behind Jack, she had stripped so that she was only in her underwear and the tank top that covered her bra. Jack had stripped all the way down to his boxers and was treading water a little further from shore._

"_Feels good, doesn't it?" Jack huffed, still a little out of breath from his sprint into the murky water._

_Kate nodded, trying not to let her eyes drift below his neck. _

_Jack nodded over at her. "Didn't have the guts?" He goaded, a twinkle in his eyes._

"_Excuse me?"_

_Jack floated closer to her, only a few small feet between them. "Your top."_

_Kate looked down as if to assure that it was still there. "What about it?"_

"_Didn't have the guts to take it off, huh?" Jack teased. _

_Kate lowered her eyebrows at him. "Trying to get me nude, I see. Not something I'd expect from someone like you, Jack."_

_Jack laughed. "Someone like me?"_

_Kate floated closer, enjoying the flirtation. "Yeah. Someone who plays it safe. Never breaks the rules." She splashed at him. "Someone _boring_." She teased back. _

_Jack's eyebrows rose in feigned astonishment. "Me? Boring? I think you have me confused with someone else."_

"_Do I? I don't think so."_

_Jack studied her a moment. "Fine, I've got a dare for you."_

_Kate rolled her eyes and ducked under the water. Resurfacing just a foot away from where Jack tread._

_Jack swallowed hard, trying to avert his eyes from the water droplets that had gathered on her eyelashes, the way the water coasted down the arch of her neck and disappeared into the bunched tank top that began just at the swell of her breasts._

"_Skinny dip. Right now." Jack dared, eyes flashing. Kate's eyes faltered in surprise a moment before she recovered and her jaw set._

"_You first." She demanded. _

"_Deal." _

_Kate laughed. "I can't believe you. This is _so_ not like you. You would never just—"_

"_What? Act totally spontaneous. Have fun? Oh, I can have fun, Kate. Just watch." He assured her with a smile, floating away a bit before his hands disappeared below the surface._

_Kate watched in disbelief as his shoulders shifted, then almost triumphantly, he pulled out his boxers from beneath the surface._

_Kate's mouth was open. _

"_Told you." Jack laughed, flinging the boxers towards shore, where they landed just on the bank in a wet, crumpled heap. "Your turn." He said, nodding towards her._

"_No way. This isn't fair."_

"_Fair? I get naked, you get naked."_

"_Okay, but you only had to remove one article of clothing, and I have to remove three."_

"_Hey, a dare is a dare. You agreed." Jack smirked. "Off with 'em."_

_Kate lowered him her worst look. "I think you just want to see me naked."_

"_I think that's pretty obvious." Jack joked, but Kate could detect the hint of lust in his eyes, the kind that made the brown of them go deeper, seem more visceral. _

"_Turn around." She instructed. Jack smiled knowingly, before acquiescing. _

_Kate watched the muscles of his back bunch and flex as he treaded to stay afloat. She smiled to herself, then tried as quietly as she could to make her way towards shore. _

"_Don't chicken out!" She heard Jack call, but she was already making her way up the bank and starting towards Jack's boxers. _

_She barely concealed a giggle of mischief before she grabbed the sopping wet boxers and cleared her throat. "Okay, turn around."_

_Jack rounded around, and then turned towards the direction of her voice._

"_You cheated!" He gasped, subconsciously dipping lower into the water so that she couldn't get a glimpse of anything she wasn't willing to reciprocate._

"_I wouldn't call it cheating. More like…bending the rules." Kate smirked, snapping the boxers. "Boxers? I would have pegged you for a tidy-whities type of guy." She teased, liking the way Jack squirmed._

"_Alright, joke's over. Hand them over."_

"_I don't know. It's kind of fun seeing you all flustered like this." _

"_I'm not flustered."_

"_Please, you're blushing."_

_Jack turned a brighter shade of pink. "I can't believe you chickened out." He fired back._

_Her eyes flashed. "I did _not_ chicken out."_

"_Haven't you ever skinny dipped before?"_

"_Of course I have." She said, eyes narrowed._

"_I don't buy it. With who?"_

"_My first boyfriend."_

_Jack was quiet for a moment, letting the jealously flare up before forcing it back down._

"_What was his name?"_

_Kate let his boxers drop back onto the bank, setting her hands on her hips. "Tom."_

"_Was Tom some kind of bad boy?" Jack asked jokingly. "I mean, he actually convinced you to skinny dip."_

_Kate thought. "He was actually a lot like you." She said after a moment, serious._

_He faltered a little in his stroke, a little surprised. "Like me?" _

"_Yeah," Kate began, pealing off the flimsy tank top. Jack swallowed hard, eyes a shade darker and breathing a little heavier. "He ended up being a doctor too, actually." She continued, wading back in the water. _

"_What kind?" Jack asked automatically._

_Kate's nose scrunched in thought. "I'm not sure. He worked in the hospital though, I think in the cancer ward."_

"_An oncologist probably." Jack said to himself. Kate waded farther in, arms dipping below the surface and resurfacing with the scrap of black material—her underwear._

"_I told you I didn't chicken out." Kate said, eyes fiery as she ducked lower in the water, hands fumbling behind her at the hook of her bra._

_Jack's eyes, stormy now, were focused just where her flesh disappeared beneath the grey murk of the water. _

"_You…you don't have to." He said huskily, but his eyes didn't leave her. _

"_I never back out of a dare." She said, dipping lower and letting the fabric slide off of her shoulders. Kate caught wind of Jack's warm stare, feeling her skin prick up at his attention. _

"_Take a picture, it'll last longer." She teased, lowering into the water until the line of it was just at her neck. _

_Jack cleared his throat. "Now what?" he said hoarsely, the flush creeping along his neck._

_Kate's eyes flickered to his mouth before forcing them away. _

"_Tell me about Tom." Jack offered._

_Kate huffed out a breath. "I don't want to talk about Tom."_

"_Come on, first boyfriend? I bet there are a lot of good stories there." Jack pressed, finding his voice again now that he'd forced his eyes towards her face instead of the expanse of flesh below._

_Kate thought for a moment, tempted to float on her back but quickly remembered her state of undress. She let a finger idle on the surface of the water, the droplets falling from her hand making a hundred tiny ripples._

"_Well…" she started, eyes looking faraway but still warm, "Tom and I grew up together—in _Iowa_." She said, shooting Jack a look. He laughed._

"_And we were best friends. I was a real tomboy, and we did everything together. When we were older, and it became…" she chose her words carefully, "more obvious that I wasn't just a tomboy, we sort of started dating."_

"_Sort of?"_

"_Well, he never had to ask me out. We kissed once, and then everything sort of just followed." Kate said, a little embarrassed at unearthing such careful snippets of memory she had locked away for so long._

"_So he was your first kiss?"_

"_Yup. It was awful the first time." She laughed, ducking her head. A few outlandish curls fell into her face and Jack had to bite his lip, clench his fists to keep from reaching over to brush them away._

"_We bumped heads, knocked teeth. It was pretty bad." Kate recounted. The blush that had crept away from Jack's cheeks and neck flushed back at the mention. _

"_Did you guys have…," Jack winked, "_other_ firsts?"_

_Kate rolled her eyes and blushed, choosing not to answer._

_Jack smiled knowingly, but couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy at the thought of Kate with another man, even a childhood sweetheart._

"_Say no more." He offered jokingly. She met his eyes only a moment before a nervous giggle bubbled up in her throat. _

"_So whatever happened to this Tom?" Jack asked, sinking lower into the water—letting it cool his neck. _

_Kate blanched. Jack narrowed his eyes at her. "What?" He asked. But before he could say another word a giant wave splashed towards him, accompanied by a guilty giggle from Kate._

"_Gotcha." She laughed after Jack recovered. A few drops of water had collected on his stubble._

_Closer now, Kate reached over and let her finger trace over the rough, yet soft flesh. Jack's jaw clenched at the feeling, suddenly feeling warmer—too warm. _

"_Tom and I used to talk about running away." Kate said softly, her words fanning out against the water. "Going somewhere exotic, somewhere near the ocean."_

_Jack could sense the wistfulness in her voice, tinged with a regret he wasn't brave enough to ask about. Instead, he let her float in the memory a moment, then offered to turn around while she collected her clothes._

"What kind of idea?" Kate asked skeptically, resting her chin on his sternum and looking up at his face—which looked both boyish and weary somehow.

Jack sighed, then moved her by her hips towards the opposite counter, putting some space between them.

"What is it?" She asked, confused, voice tinged with an annoyance at his crypticness.

"I've been toying with the idea for a few days and…damn it, I'm just going to say it. I think we should move out of the city. Together."

Kate was quiet for a moment, almost not believing her ears. "You mean run away?"

"Yes—well, no. I mean, I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be separated from you again." He moved forward, grabbing her hands in his. "Kate, if things had to go back to the way things were before you found me here—I just don't think I could do it. It'd drive me crazy, not knowing where you are, if you're safe, if you've been caught."

Kate bit her lip, unconvinced.

"We could get a place somewhere in the mountains, or on the east coast. Anywhere in the world even." He offered enthusiastically, eyes desperate to win her over.

Kate bowed her head, letting out a heavy breath. Reluctantly, she withdrew her hands from his and turned towards the counter, bracing her arms on the granite—steadying herself against the onslaught of every emotion.

"If you think I'd regret it, that I'd feel guilty or anything," Jack started, "I wouldn't. There's nothing left for me here. I thought maybe if we could start over somewhere, we could be together. Have a family, start new--"

Kate rounded on him. "Have a family? Start new?" She almost shouted, incredulous. "I don't know _how_ you've convinced yourself that any of those things are possible." She spat, frantic and angry that'd he offer such normalcy, tempt her with the hope of something she knew—at her very core—she couldn't have.

Jack's fists clenched at his sides, the vein at his neck bulging and pulsing fast. "If you really wanted any of things, you'd at least _try_."

"Don't. Don't try and make me feel guilty. I told you over and over that this could never go anywhere, that what we have could never be _normal_. I can't be that woman for you, Jack."

"Then why have you been here? Why have you stayed?"

"How could you even ask me that? You _know_ how I feel about you."

"Then why can't we make it work?"

Kate suddenly looked much older, much more defeated than he'd seen her before. Seeing her vulnerability he moved towards her, pulling at her hips until she was flush against him. He bowed his head to meet her eyes.

"Do you remember what you told me? About Tom and running away?" He said softly.

Kate flinched in his arms, trying to shake his grasp on her waist. "No, I don't remember." She fumbled.

"Yes you do. I remember. I remember when you told me about it, I could hear it in your voice how you regretted it. How even then you wished you had run away with him." Jack rested his forehead against hers. Her eyes were wet and she tried to avoid his stare, tried to deflect his advances and the compelling of his words.

Jack wet his lips before he spoke, closing his eyes at the enormity of his words, how much he knew he really meant it.

"I don't want that to be us."

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I'm on spring break, but stuck at home for 18 days so I'll be posting a lot and hopefully with more frequency. Next chapter: what they end up doing. Does Kate go along with Jack? Who knows! Please review! The more reviews the quicker the upload! Seriously, let me know what you think about the flashback, what Jack and Kate should do--those opinions really help! I know, I'm a ho. Review! 


	16. Moving

Warning: Some Sexual Content

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Boxes were scattered across Jack's apartment. It didn't seem so long ago that he'd just been moving in, trying to adjust to some sort of post-island rebirth. And now things were changing. This time, he hoped, for the better.

"_What are you doing up?" Jack's voice startled Kate out of her reverie. She was sitting in Jack's study, at his desk, an absent finger tracing over a picture of him—toothless and grinning as a boy. _

_Kate jumped and turned quickly towards him, features veiled by the dim in the room, but glassy from the moonlight filtering in. _

_Jack waited for an answer, and when he received none, he ventured towards her, a soothing hand finding the base of her neck._

"_What is it?" He said softly. Kate let out a quiet sigh. _

"_Are we really going to do this?" She said, voice defeated. Jack's eyes flashed and he knelt to her level._

"_Three hours ago you said you wanted this. You said you didn't want to leave me—that you thought we should go away together, too. You agreed." Jack said, words flitting out in a torrent._

"_I know." Kate said in a huff, pushing a way from him and pacing across the room, tiny hands finding a spot on her hips. "But this is huge, Jack. What about your mother? Marc? This life you have here, and being a doctor? You can't just—"_

"_I said I could find a job somewhere else, wherever we go. I can be a doctor anywhere."_

"_And what about the other things?" Kate said, eyebrow raised, daring him to find another excuse._

_Jack was about to fire back but bit it back, seeing the shadow in her eyes, something more substantial and more wrenching than determination or guilt. _

"_What are you so afraid of?" Jack finally asked, jaw setting._

_Kate dropped heavily into the arm chair, head falling into her hands. Jack could barely make out her voice through the veil of her hair, falling in front of her eyes and face. He stepped closer._

"_What if a year from now, after we've gone off together, you regret it. You'll hate me for it. Or what if I can't stay still. What if it's like Kevin and I just can't…" She took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to him. "What if we start over, and it's still not enough."_

That had been three weeks ago. Jack rounded into the study, a box in hand.

"Hey Kate, where's the—"

Behind a particularly high stack of boxes that somehow managed to make a small wall dividing the living room, a single hand outstretched straight up, holding a thick sharpie pointing toward the ceiling.

"Here." Kate said simply, without bothering to extricate herself from the fort of cardboard

Jack laughed, and then retrieved the marker after setting the box he'd been carrying down on the floor.

"What's in that one?" Her muffled voice asked. Jack peered over the boxes and there she was, sitting cross legged, folding clothes and placing them neatly into open boxes.

Jack stepped over the slight wall carefully and sat down next to her, forgetting the packing he'd been working on. He pecked a scratchy kiss to her cheek.

"A bunch of stuff. Some DVD's, some books." He watched her fold a pair of petite jeans and place them atop the stack. "Decided to forget the suitcases?" Jack asked with a smirk, motioning to the boxed clothes.

Kate rolled her eyes. "We ran out. You really only had two, and they're filled with all your stuff."

"You could have kept them for yourself. Your clothes are daintier."

Kate arched an eyebrow. "Daintier?"

Jack laughed. "Okay, sorry, use the boxes, be my guest."

Kate smiled triumphantly and continued folding. Jack watched her for a long moment, her careful fingers moving quickly to fold each shirt and pair of pants expertly. How she smiled proudly after the box was neatly filled to the top.

"You look good." Jack said wistfully, eyes glowing.

Kate snorted. "Folding clothes? I look like a mess. I've been moving and packing all day."

"You look like a good mess to me." Jack said, wagging his eyebrows suggestively and leaning over her body, pushing her back onto a heap of laundry yet to be packed.

Kate moved her hips to cradle his, smiling despite herself and the squished clothes under her back.

"You look like a mess, too." Kate grinned, tracing a finger over the arch of his eyebrow and the subtle worry lines near his eyes.

Jack smiled down at her, enjoying the softness of her touch before leaning down and kissing her passionately, hand finding its way to her thigh and hooking it more tightly against his hip. Kate let out a muffled moan.

Jack pulled away for a moment, but Kate's lips followed his. Her head leaving its resting spot on the floor to follow after his mouth. She let her tongue flick at his upper lip before tangling with his own. Her hands trailed just below his grey t-shirt, fingertips smoothing over the contours of his back and then rounding around to his belt buckle, expertly flicking it open.

Jack bared her down further, her pelvis grinding up into his until he groaned. He pulled away.

"On top of the laundry?" Jack breathed into her mouth. Kate stopped, panting.

"Where?" Kate asked, the green of her eyes cloudy and her pupils dilated.

Jack thought for a moment, hands sneaking under her blouse and rubbing circles over the flat of her stomach.

"You shouldn't have had them move the couch so soon." Kate giggled, hands flat on his chest. Jack huffed out a laugh, and in an instant scooped her up, her legs automatically wrapping tight around his waist.

Kate let out a shriek of delight. "Wow." She breathed, ducking to his mouth for another wet kiss, causing Jack to stumble back a bit and knock a few boxes over. A loud clatter separated their mouths.

Kate peaked over his shoulder and both were quiet a moment.

"What was it?" Jack asked cautiously.

"Just some trophies. I think we're good. Let's go to the kitchen." Kate breathed, then whipped her thin t-shirt over her head. Jack's eyes immediately darkened, and took in the expanse of creamy flesh, the way her chest rose and fell so quickly.

"Jack." Kate said again, exasperated. In another instant, he had maneuvered them into the kitchen and had seated Kate upon the island counter, standing in between her parted knees.

They resumed kissing, Jack's palms smoothing down her sides and fumbled with the button of her jeans. Kate's hands, insistent on tugging his shirt off, distracted him a moment, until the offending garment was removed and he worked her jeans off.

Jack's lips moved to her neck, sucking roughly on her pulse point until Kate moaned. "I always wanted to do it on this counter." Jack said huskily into her ear, making her squirm towards him.

She fumbled with his pants a moment before using her feet to push them down. He stepped out of them and was prepared to slide her panties down her legs before she stopped him with a shaking hand to the center of his chest.

"Condom." Kate said breathlessly, swallowing hard.

Jack looked distinctly pained, his obvious desire for her pressing firmly against her stomach. But he obliged, scampering into the living room and sifting through a box there before returning with the tiny square of foil.

Kate sent him a thankful look before taking it from him and scooting him back between her knees, his mouth finding hers with urgency.

"_Why wouldn't it be enough?" Jack asked incredulously, rushing towards her and bracing her by her arms._

_Kate suppressed a sob. "I don't know. But what if it isn't? I can't have a baby, what if I'm not a good mother? What if I ruin its—"_

"_What are you talking about? We don't even have to worry about that now."_

_Kate sniffled and was quiet a moment. "I know. It's just…I don't know. I don't know why I can't just let this happen." She said dejectedly. _

_Jack used a finger to lift her chin up. "It's okay to be scared, Kate. I am too. But this is what we have to do. This is what I want, what I thought we both wanted."_

"_I do want this." Kate said quickly, grasping his arm. "I do."_

Jack and Kate lay on the bare mattress in the bedroom. The headboard had been moved along with the rest of the major furniture, but that hadn't stopped them from moving into the bedroom just after their bout in the kitchen. The ceiling fan spun above them, cooling the sweat from their bodies, their limbs tangled in the thin sheet they'd dug out of the box of linens.

"Jesus." Jack muttered, gripping Kate closer into his side. His chest was still slicked with sweat, but the warmth of her body still felt good tucked into him.

"Huh?" Kate said dumbly, barely moving an inch.

"That was…" Jack let out a long sigh, "_good_."

Kate let out a tired laugh. "I wanted it on that counter, too." She said candidly.

Jack laughed a little louder at this and drew her closer, pressing a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"So why'd you pick Maine?" Kate asked finally, breath fanning out cool across his sternum.

Jack thought for a moment. "I wanted some place far. Where this isn't going to be a lot of media buzz about…," he nudged her, "you know. And I wanted the ocean, for us. Like the old times."

He felt her smile against his chest. "It's fucking _cold_ in Maine."

Kate felt the rumble of his laughter reverberate against her cheek. "Pack some sweaters." Jack teased and felt Kate pinch his side playfully.

"Ouch!"

Jack got hold of her wrists with one hand and trapped them above her head, the other hand moving down to her side and tickling her.

"Jack! No more, stop!" She squealed, writhing beneath him with laughter. Finally, Jack relented, resting his forehead against her belly.

He planted a kiss to her naval, tongue dipping in for a moment. Kate sucked in a quick breath at the sensation and arched her hips involuntarily. Jack smiled against her skin, moving back up her body and pressing a kiss to her mouth.

He washed his eyes over her face, lingering on the soft bridge of her nose, the scattering of freckles across her cheeks and the smart upturn of her mouth.

"What are you thinking?" Kate said softly, tracing his mouth with the tip of her finger.

Jack leaned down and let his nose brush against hers. "I love you." He said against her mouth.

Kate smiled. "We're going to Maine." She whispered against his mouth, and then kissed him softly.

"We're starting over." He whispered, kissing her once. "And we're going to have a huge new house." He kissed her again. "And have babies and be happy."

Kate let the thought wash over as Jack settled next to her, turning so that he spooned her, arm dropping over her waist comfortably. That night she didn't sleep, something nudging at her conscience in the base of her belly that told her somehow this couldn't work out. Somehow this couldn't be so easy. Somehow they could never get what they wanted.

"_I don't want that to be us either." Kate whispered against his mouth. _

_They stood, wrapped tight close to each other in his kitchen. Jack had made his offer. Had told her what he wanted, to runaway, to not be another Tom that she would regret missing, they way he regretted Sarah or Gabriella or anything else in his life that he let pass by too quickly, without enough fight._

_Jack seemed to freeze in her embrace at her words. "Really?" He asked excitedly, unable to mask the relief bubbling up at the thought. _

_Kate thought for a moment, studying the sturdy lines and contours of his face, the dips and tiny wrinkles she'd come to know with her mouth and her fingers, the lines that told her all she needed to know about Jack. That he was a hard worker, determined, passionate, caring—all the things she loved about him. _

_She felt his chest still against hers as he held his breath, waiting for her answer. She locked eyes with him. _

"_Let's go. I want to start over. I want to do what you said."_

_Jack let out the breath he'd been holding. "Okay. We're going to do this. We're going to start fresh. Together."_

_She almost believed his words, the beautiful simplicity of them, how easy they sounded coming from his mouth. He sounded so sure. And she almost let the sweetness of that assuredness wash over her. Almost._

* * *

More to come soon! Let me know what you think. I tried to leave Kate's...you know, hesitation, open ended so that you can interpret what's coming next in the following chapter. Because not eveything is as lovely and as happy as it was in this chapter. Let me know your predictions. Review please for mas! 


	17. What Would He Say?

Sorry it's taken forever to update. I sort of allowed myself a little bit of real spring break. The waves have been pretty good here in old San Diego so I've been doing a lot of surfing, a lot of hanging out, cooking, and seeing friends. Also, this was a hard chapter to write and I wasn't sure what to do until I stopped worrying and just let it come out the way it wanted. Enjoy!

* * *

Kate felt a twitch in her stomach and her eyes flicked open. She glanced over at Jack, still naked below the covers and asleep. He was lying flat on his stomach, head buried into the pillow and one arm flung around her hip where she faced him on her side.

She let herself enjoy the sight for another moment before the unpleasant twitch turned to a knot forcing its way up her throat. She swallowed it back down, feeling it burn. Kate scooted out of bed and found a clean pair of underwear from a box near the closet, then grabbed Jack's discarded t-shirt. She made her way into the bathroom, making sure the door was closed soundly behind her.

She waited for it, knowing it would come again. There. She let the meager contents of her stomach fill the toilet bowl. She wretched again, a cold sweat breaking out over her face and the back of her neck. She could feel her hand shaking from its position on the edge of the seat. She rested her head in the crook of her elbow for a moment, and then pushed herself back up after she was done, flushing the toilet. She took a drink from the sink faucet and moved out of the bathroom.

It had gone on like this since two days before. She had hoped it was a bug, something within the twenty-four hour range. But she had missed her period. She hadn't expected morning sickness so early. Not that she knew anything about the whole thing. Pregnant.

She watched Jack from the foot of the bed. He looked happy, she mused. They were leaving tomorrow for Maine. Was this part of the plan? Jack turned over, the coverlet slipping down a little so that it just barely covered his waist. Kate smiled. It was good to wake up with him.

She walked out into the hallway, headed for the kitchen. She tripped on a box and let out a hiss of pain, stopping to rub at her shin. She glanced back towards the bedroom, expecting to hear his concerned voice, followed by his footsteps. She waited. Nothing.

"_So what's it like?" Kate asked. She and Sun were working side by side in the garden, but the round bump of Sun's stomach made it difficult to work the way she used to._

"_What do you mean?" _

"_To be pregnant." Kate asked timidly, meeting the Korean woman's eyes before moving them quickly back to the soil in front of her._

_Sun smiled. "Sometimes it's terrible. But…" she trailed, trailing a finger over the mound of flesh, "…it's also nice."_

_Kate eyed her. "Do you get sick a lot?"_

_Sun laughed. "When I don't feel sick I just want to sleep, eat, or go to the bathroom."_

_Kate laughed, too. "I can't imagine."_

_Sun looked thoughtful. "I'm sure you will have your own one day."_

"_I don't think so. It's not really for me—being a mom." She smiled quickly. "I'm better at hunting a boar than holding a baby." Kate laughed, but it was hollow. _

_Sun touched her arm, leaving a smudge of dirt. "You'll be a good mother."_

_Kate was quiet for a moment, then smiled bashfully, tucking a string of hair behind her ear and setting back to work. _

Kate nursed a cup of tea at the kitchen counter, looking pensive.

"You're up early." She heard Jack say from behind her. He moved towards the coffee pot and set it, smiling back at her.

He was only in a pair of boxers and Kate let herself enjoy the sight, eyes pointedly trailing down his back and back up until Jack laughed.

"Feeling awake?" He asked, smirking.

She let out a breath. "No. Not yet." She smiled, letting a finger trail around the rim of her mug.

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?" Kate asked without looking up.

Jack leaned across from her. "I was thinking around nine. Get an early start."

Kate nodded. "What about the apartment?"

"Well I'd already paid the month's rent so it'll be empty until it's up. I already talked to the landlord."

She nodded again, scratching at the counter top with her fingernail.

"You alright?" Jack asked, brows knit.

Kate looked up at him quickly, a placating smile etched on her face.

"It's just…you've been back on forth on this whole thing for the past couple days." Jack pressed.

"I'm good. Just tired. I didn't sleep very well. I guess I'm just nervous."

Jack let out a sly smile. "I kept you up pretty late last night, huh?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "You're insatiable, if that's what you mean."

Jack let out a chuckle and shrugged.

Kate watched him ready his coffee, studying the muscles in his back and shoulders.

"_You seen Jack around?" Kate said gustily to Locke. He was using the long edge of his knife blade to knick at his stubble. _

_Locke stopped what he was doing and propped a foot up on a large boulder next to him. There was certainly no shortage of them at the caves._

"_I figured he'd be with you." Locke said. _

_Kate shrugged. "Thanks anyway, I must have missed him at the beach." Kate said and turned. _

"_I didn't expect it, you know." Locke said from behind her. _

_She turned to face him, confused. He had a knowing smile on his face. A gleam in his eyes._

"_Didn't expect what?"_

_Locke shrugged. "You and Jack. I knew you both had feelings for each other but I'm surprised that you had it in you to settle down." His voice wasn't accusing or nasty, only thoughtful._

_Kate shifted her weight and her hands rose to her hips. "It's not really your business." She said evenly, but even she could hear the knick in her voice. _

_Locke smiled and raised a hand. "You're right. Sorry." He looked down a moment before eyeing her again._

"_What?" Kate spat, feeling defensive and on edge now that he'd touched a sore spot._

_Locke laughed a little. "I'm sorry, it's just that—it seems like you're just as surprised as I am."_

_Kate shook her head. "I don't know what you mean."_

"_Someone like Jack—a man of science, likes to be in control, maintain a semblance of order—it's hard to imagine that you could settle down with someone like that."_

"_We're not settling down anywhere." Kate snapped, and then thought a moment. "What do you mean?"_

"_You and I are a lot alike, Kate." He let the blade graze his cheek. "We don't like taking orders and we don't want anything tying us down."_

Kate was staring pensively at the shower wall in front of her when Jack slipped in behind her, hands finding her waist and pulling her back against him.

She smiled and bent her head back and up to meet his mouth in a slow kiss, making Jack's hand on her waist fumble a little lower until Kate turned in his arms.

Kate poked him softly in the center of his chest.

"You're pretty hairy." She said finally, a wrinkle between her eyebrows thoughtfully. Jack laughed, thinking her adorable as he traced the little line.

"It's manly, don't you think?" Jack said, puffing out his chest—trying to make her laugh.

She smiled softly.

"It is."

Jack was quiet for a moment, moving them further under the warm spray of water before he moved his hands to brace her shoulders.

"What's up with you today? You seem…I don't know." Jack finished lamely, tracing a gentle finger along her collarbone.

Kate had her eyes on the plane of his chest, but she wasn't drinking him in. Her eyes were far off. He felt her shoulders quake beneath his hands.

"Hey," Jack started, ducking to find her eyes, wet and red-brimmed. "What's wrong?"

"Jack—" She choked out, a hand curling around the base of his neck. She let her forehead rest on his chest as she took a steadying breath.

His hands wound around her back, slick from the shower, and he pulled her close against him, smoothing her hair.

"It's alright, it's alright. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll fix it. It's okay." He mumbled into her hair, only loud enough to be heard over the din of the shower.

She nodded into his chest and finally looked up into his eyes, stomach pulling at the sight of them. She shut her eyes tight.

"I'm pregnant."

_His breath was rank and it felt like it was everywhere. She pressed hopelessly away from him again, struggling in his hold, trying to kick out against him but he was too strong. _

"_Let go of me." She ground out again for what seemed like the hundredth time. But he only grunted and pressed himself against harder, keeping her pinned against the motel room's ugly, cracked, stucco wall. _

_His hands were meaty and unshapely, balmy with sweat from where they held her hands down. Vainly, he tried holding both of her hands down with one of his own, trying to fumble at his button and fly. Kate wriggled harder, almost slipping past him, but he pulled her back roughly, slamming her against the wall so hard that she felt a little dizzy. Before her vision straightened he had leveled the back of his hand hard against her mouth._

_She gasped and felt the split in her lip with her tongue, the tang of metallic blood on it. _

"_You like that?" He said huskily, forcing his pelvis into hers. She could feel him there and shuddered, feeling like fainting or crying, but knew it would be worse if she did either. _

_  
She tried to head-butt him but she only grazed the side of his head and then he was angry. He hit her again, harder, and with his fist. Then he sent another blow at her stomach so that she lost her balance and folded into him, making him laugh roughly as he forced his hands down her sides._

_She had only been staying at the motel for two days. Trying to make her way through Texas on her way to Nashville, hoping to get a few things off Sawyer: information and money. Both of which she knew he wasn't going to easily part with, but the former even more so. _

_The motel clerk, she knew at first glance, was typical and ogled her. There was a time in her life, when she was young and awkward between tomboy and teenager, that she hadn't minded some of the attention she got from men. It made her feel like a real girl, pretty, because she hadn't felt that way ever. Now, she knew the look and knew better,, it was like Wayne's._

_She had requested a room tacitly, sunglasses on in attempt to look nondescript. The clerk was fat and unshaven. But it wasn't like Jack's stubble—that suited him. The clerk's was dirty and grungy and the stained white shirt he wore did nothing to shield him from the stereotype he was easily filling. _

_When he handed her the key to room eight he held the chain firm so that she had to meet his eyes._

"_Stayin' long?" He drawled, and then smiled, displaying a set of straight but browned teeth. _

_Kate grimaced inwardly, and maybe a little outwardly. "No." She said evenly and yanked the key from his grip._

_He smiled, seeming pleased, and nodded. Kate knew that he was staring at her as she walked away, but ignored the feeling of foreboding that had gathered in the back of her throat. _

_It had been late when she heard the knock. She immediately tensed. Flicking the TV off quickly and looking around the room quickly to take an inventory of her things—ready to jump up and leave. _

"_Room service." The clerk said from behind the door. He seemed to like his joke. Kate rolled her eyes._

"_I'm not interested." She called back, tugging her tank top lower over her stomach subconsciously at the sound of his voice._

_The man laughed, muffled by the door. "Just kiddin'. Got a message for ya."_

_Kate thought a moment. This was stupid. She looked through the filmy peep hole on the door. He was alone. No police, at least. She opened the door, leveling him her worst glare._

"_What is it? I'm not expecting any messages." She said tersely, crossing her arms over her chest. _

_She felt his eyes sweep over her bare shoulders, then down pointedly to her breasts, then down the length of her legs. _

_She cleared her throat. "What _is_ it?"_

_He let out a low whistle and rubbed at his jaw, shaking his head. He looked to his side before stepping in quickly and shutting the door._

_Kate had backed up. "What are you doing? Get out!" She hissed incredulously. He grabbed her arms and shoved her towards the nearest wall, slamming her roughly into it so that she crumpled a little._

_Kate had struggled vehemently at first, kicking and punching at every opportunity, until he got frustrated and whacked her across the face. When her body stopped screaming at the pain she called out loudly, earning her another blow. Now she was pressed against the wall, his weight smashing her into him, and her mouth bleeding. _

_She felt his lips down her neck and on the side of her face. A small tear escaped the corner of her eye—she wished she could brush it away. His breathing was rough and she waited for him to start pulling at their clothes. She shut her eyes tight and flexed her hands into fists._

"_Don't go gettin' any ideas, girl. Stop squirmin' and you might even like it." He said harshly against her ear and she choked out a sob. Jack, she thought. It was all she could think of._

_Another man crashed through the door and Kate felt the clerk's weight off of her. She slumped to the floor and bowed her head into her knees, shaking._

_After a minute or two of some scuffling, she felt a hand against her arm and instinctually pulled it away. _

"_Hey, it's alright. I'm here to help you. Are you okay?" A compassionate voice said. Kate looked up and for moment, she swore it was Jack._

_He was handsome, dark haired and unshaven—the good way, like Jack. And his eyes were deep and warm._

_She knew it wasn't him, obviously, but she ached to pretend that it was. The he was really here, and had found her, and had saved her. That he would tuck her away so she wouldn't get hurt again. She struggled to stand. He helped her gently._

"_I'm in the room next door and I heard—I thought you might be in trouble. I saw you come in here earlier and…" Kate was standing now and he was fumbling through his words. He was younger than Jack, Kate realized. Probably closer to her own age._

"_Are you okay?" He said again, eyes darting to the cut on her lip and the bump starting to bruise below her eye._

"_Yeah." Kate said softly. "Thank you."_

_He was quiet a moment, nodding. Kate looked over his shoulder where the clerk was unconscious near the bed. He followed her line of sight and gave her a crooked smile. _

"_I think he's out." The man brought his knuckles to his other hand and inspected them, then laughed, shaking them out._

_Kate was quiet, pushing her mussed hair behind her ear._

"_I should call the cops. Let me just—" The man started towards the phone on the bedside table._

"_No!" Kate said quickly. He turned, confused. She masked herself, carefully. "No, it's okay. I don't want to make a scene."_

"_This guy almost…the police should deal with him. It's okay to be scared, but he's not going to hurt you."_

_Kate shook her head. "No—don't."_

_He shook his head. "It's alright. Just sit down, I'll make the call." He led Kate to the plastic chair in the corner. Looking satisfied that she was alright, he turned back towards the phone. _

_Kate scanned the room, all her belongings stashed in the corner. She could make this easy, wouldn't have to explain._

_The man, who was not Jack—no matter how much Kate had wished it was him saving her—was fishing a quarter from his pocket to slip into the phone. Like everything else in the room, it was coin operated and made of cheap plastic. She watched his back, thinking of the strange world she'd fallen in to where things like this happened. Not the world she had started out in, with camping trips and family, and wanting better things._

_With a level blow from her elbow to the side of his head, he was out. Kate bit her lip, looking down at him regretfully. She gathered her things quickly, stopped at the door and turned back. She rifled through both their wallets. Only ten from the clerk's, almost fifty in the other man's. Enough for some food and bus fare. It would have to last until Nashville._

_She left quickly, slipping the door closed behind her. As she shuffled down the steps, Kate touched the cut on her lip. She could only imagine what Jack would say if he saw her like this. Saw what had just happened so quickly. She almost felt like laughing, hysterical even—because she knew exactly what he'd say. That he'd take care of it, and her, he would promise. He'd say that he'd fix it, and she would believe him._

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So there's chapter seventeen. I'm not really going to go back and dwell on the motel event further, it happened and I think Kate wouldn't want Jack to worry about something he couldn't change. And certainly she wouldn't want to drudge up something like that for herself.

Hopefully more soon! Can't possibly wait for Wednesday's LOST! It looks so goooood. Let me know what you think of the chapter, predictions, what you thought of the flashbacks, where you think it's all headed, let me know! Please review! **I'm dying to hear from you all!** More soon. Peace!


	18. Oh Baby

Jack was silent. "Pregnant?" He asked, voice cracking a little. His face was a wash of astonishment, but not necessarily the bad kind.

Kate watched his eyes dart down to her stomach and she swallowed hard. "Well? Say something." She bit out, aggravated that she'd finally gathered the nerve to tell him and he wasn't reacting.

He fumbled at her shoulders for purchase, thumbs digging in. "Are you okay with this?" He asked, eyes concerned, but he couldn't help letting a slow grin widen across his mouth.

Kate looked at him incredulously. "I…I don't know." It was the question she'd been ruminating over for what seemed liked ages, but she'd hoped the answer would magically fly from her lips when he'd ask, that the confusion would clear and she'd be able to say yes. To tell him what he wanted. But now that he'd asked, the fog seemed only denser and she was caught in the middle again, between what she really wanted and what she thought he wanted of her.

Jack kissed her abruptly; passionate enough that he pressed Kate into the tile wall at her side, and allowed the long plane of his body to press against hers. She kissed him back after a stunned moment, letting her hands find his hips. But when she felt him harden against her stomach, she pulled away.

"Jack." She breathed, bracing her hands on his chest. "I—_you're _okay with this?"

Jack looked at her confused. "Of course I am, Kate. We're having a baby together." He noted her expression, a storm of confusion and hesitance, and checked his enthusiasm.

"Look, I know this wasn't planned, but that doesn't mean this can't be…" he paused, licking his lips, "…can't be everything we've wanted." He shook her lightly by the shoulders, face lighting up again. "We're having a baby."

He hugged her, suddenly and fiercely, so that she crumpled a little into him and her arms were tucked awkwardly against his chest.

He pulled away after a long moment, eyes bright. Kate ducked at the sight of them, feeling guilty for not wanting this as much as him, feeling guilty for hating that he couldn't see why this was awful for her—what it meant for the semblance of freedom she'd been able to maintain.

The law could call her fugitive, could chase her across the world, but she could always run. Now, it wouldn't be just leaving Jack—feeling that ache for him, knowing how she could hurt him. There was something inside of her, intrinsically a part of her, and _them_ now, and she couldn't take it back—or run with or away from it.

"You don't want this." Jack said after a moment of studying her. His voice, sad and even, drew her from her reverie and she immediately pulled at his arm—desperate not to hurt him.

"I—this is really big, Jack. This is…I'm carrying a _baby_. You couldn't possibly know how that—"

"It's not just_ a_ baby, Kate. It's mine and yours. We made it together."

"We didn't _make _anything. This was a mistake—an accident. We weren't careful and now we're—"

Just shut the shower off quickly, ripping the shower curtain aside and taking a towel from the bathroom closet. Wrapping it haphazardly around his waist and rushing into the bedroom.

Kate knew she'd misspoke as soon as the words flew from her lips. In another world, another man—she'd expect a blow, _something._ But seeing Jack like this, the total wreckage in his eyes—this was almost worse.

Slowly, she stepped out of the shower, found a towel and ventured timidly into the bedroom. Jack was just pulling a white t-shirt over his head. She watched him reach into a drawer and pull out a pair of jeans. He yanked them on over his boxers, and then turned back to her.

She smiled faintly. He shook his head, and sat heavily down on the bed, head resting in his hands.

Kate sat down next to him carefully, keeping her hands to herself.

"I'm…I'm not going to say I wanted this. I want a baby with you Jack, but that's someday, not now."

She saw Jack flinch. She took a steadying breath.

"But now that it's here…now that I'm—pregnant…" She said the word carefully, like it was an awkward shape in her mouth. She rubbed his arm. "I know this can be okay. I believe you, when you said that this could be…" She trailed off. "I can want this. I just need some time."

Jack was silent for a long moment and Kate feared he would erupt again. He looked over at her, eyes a little red and Kate bit her lip at the sight.

"You _can_ want this?" He said reproachfully. Kate opened her mouth to speak but he shook his head vehemently. "You shouldn't have to _make_ yourself want to have my baby, Kate." He spat.

Kate's eyes flared. "You think this is easy for me?" Jack was silent, pulse racing at his throat. Kate glared at him.

"It's so easy for you to make me the bad guy—that I'm horrible for not wanting this. You seem to have forgotten exactly _who I am_, Jack. I'm a criminal." She let the bite of her words sink in. "Someday I'm going to go to jail, Jack. No matter how far I run and convince myself that I'm free…" Her eyes turned sad then. "And what then? What happens to a baby then? And to you and me?"

Jack's body was stiff, but his gaze had turned softer, as if he'd just realized what a toll this was taking on her, how it was a stealing away her ability to run—forever. Something she'd depended on being able to do, when everyone else failed her, when everything caved in. He reached for her hands but she pulled them away.

"Kate—" he started, but she shook her head.

"No, I don't want to talk." She said roughly. Jack looked desperate a moment, fists clenching at his side, before his eyebrows knit together hard.

"Only when it's convenient for you?" Jack spat.

Kate turned on him fast. "Just shut up, okay? Get out."

"I live here." Jack shot back.

Kate gave him a look, weary. "I mean the bedroom. I want to get dressed."

Jack's mouth twisted for moment before he stormed out of the bedroom, slamming it behind him. Kate flinched at the loud crack, feeling more tired than she ever could remember being.

_Kate and Jack were playing cards in the hatch, Kate keeping him company during his shift. He was going over the finer points of poker, but every time he tried to display his stony poker face, Kate had leaned over and kissed him. At first he laughed and said she'd never win if she played that way, but after she let out a light lick at his top lip he was sunk deep into her kisses. Eventually she'd break away, laughing and teasing him—saying she could beat him at poker any day. _

"_I've got to head out." Kate said after they finished a hand. She leaned over quickly and kissed him, then stood. _

_They'd only been together a week but Jack was a little disappointed when he wasn't spending all his time with Kate._

"_Where are you going?" Jack whined, gathering the cards and following her over to where she was zipping up her pack._

_Kate laughed. "Sayid and I are heading farther out to look for some new spots for fruit picking. Maybe make a few new trails."_

"_It's a little late in the day for that, don't you think?"_

_Kate shrugged, deciding not to mark his annoyance. "I got a late start. Sayid is probably waiting." She turned and walked to him, pressing a careful kiss to his mouth. "I'll see you later, okay?"_

_Jack sighed. "Do you really have to do this?"_

_Kate rolled her eyes. "Jack, stop worrying so much. Besides, I've been down here for the past three hours. I want to stretch my legs."_

_Kate strode past him towards the exit. "Kate—"_

"_Jack, I'm going okay? Just stop freaking out." She realized after she said it that her words sounded sharper than she would have liked. She closed her eyes, knowing what he'd make of it._

"_This isn't the safest place, Kate. I'm just looking out for your safety. You should try it sometime." Jack condescended._

"_You can't watch over me every second of the day. I'm spending so much time with you I'm starting to forget there's anyone else _on _this island."_

_Jack's mouth twisted, eyes angry. "I didn't realize I was such a burden." He spat._

_Kate sighed, realizing her mistake. "I'm only saying that just because we're together now, it doesn't mean I'm going to stop doing the things I normally do. I'm going with Sayid today, and if I wanted to do the same thing tomorrow, that's _my _choice." _

_Her words were calculated and she did her best to soften the flash of defiance she knew she was emanating. _

"_Fine. Go with him."_

"_Jack—"_

"_No, you're right. It's your decision. Next time you want to chase some boar, swing around some trees, fall off a cliff—"_

"_Like _you _don't take any risks. I'm doing something good for the people here, I'm not just running around—"_

"_You put yourself in danger everyday, and I'm supposed to sit back and watch?"_

_Kate crossed her arms over her chest, biting her lip before speaking. "Yeah. It's my decision how I spend my time."_

_  
She saw Jack lower his head. She walked towards him, reaching out to his arm. _

"_Sometimes I spend it with you and I love it, and sometimes I _am _going to be climbing trees and chasing boar…" she trailed, smiling. "But I would never put my life at risk, not when there's you now. Not when it means we wouldn't be okay."_

_Jack looked up at her. "Go." He said defeated. _

"_Jack—"_

"_No, it's okay. Really. You're right, I—," he rubbed at his forehead, "I can't be a control freak forever." He said, smiling wryly. He gripped her hips. "Especially now that I'm with you."_

_Kate smiled. _With him. _She liked the sound of that._

_Kate stood on her tiptoes and carefully drew his mouth down to hers, kissing him sweetly. She felt his tongue probing at her lips and she let him deepen the kiss, his hands rubbing circles at her waist and pressing her closer against his chest. Finally he drew away and let his forehead rest against hers._

"_I'll see you later." He breathed, smiling faintly. _

_Kate gave him a worried look a moment, trying to sense some unease. But he smiled at her more brightly, so she pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before setting out._

"_Kate." He said, before she went out the door. She turned, wary. "Be careful." He said thoughtfully, and Kate smiled._

"_I always am."_

After an hour of idling around the bedroom, Kate ventured into the kitchen for a snack. She grabbed a jar of peanut butter and a plastic spoon (since they'd packed all the silverware by then) and sat down at the counter.

"Peanut butter's good. Lots of protein." Jack said from the doorway. Kate looked up, a spoon of peanut butter in her mouth.

She forced it down. "Good for what?" She said softly, digging in again.

Jack's lips twitched. "For the baby. You need a lot of protein."

Kate ducked her head. "I don't want to talk about it."

Jack huffed out a breath and sat down at the counter.

"Well when, Kate? We're leaving tomorrow and we're just going to pretend that this didn't happen?"

Kate was quiet, the peanut butter sticky inside her mouth. She swallowed and met his eyes.

"Yes?"

Jack laughed, despite himself. And Kate found she was smiling a little, but she turned serious after a moment. "This isn't easy for me, Jack." She said softly.

Jack watched her closely. "I know." He breathed.

"What are we going to do, Jack?" She said softly, feeling her throat clench at the emotion.

Jack rounded around the counter so he was next to her. "Kate, we're going to do this. This isn't going to be easy—but what's the difference if we have a baby now or five years from now? It's going to be ours and we're going to love it."

"Everything is different, Jack." She said softly, eyes sad.

"No, no—nothing has to change. I love you. That's enough."

Kate stared at him sadly, finally nodding. "I'm going to take a nap." Kate said, rising and dropping the spoon into the sink.

"Want some company?" Jack said hopefully.

Kate looked back at him, looking worn and older than Jack had known her to be.

"Whatever you want, Jack."

* * *

_two notes: so, the whole "i always am" thing about being careful is a little bit of foreshadowing, just so you know. and the other thing, the last line. "whatever you want, jack" is obviously a little heavier than the obvious._

_let me know what you think! what you think of kate's reaction and jack's, how or if it'll work out between them, if they'll go away together, etc. review please and you're bound to get extra more sooner!** review!**_


	19. On the Road

_Warning: Some sexual content._

"Colorado." Jack mused, his hand perched over the steering wheel. It was colder in Colorado and the heat was on in the car. Kate was curled into her seat, staring through the window.

Jack eyed her.

"Day two of our road trip." Jack said absently, quirking an eyebrow in her direction. She was quiet still; chin resting on her hands, eyes focused on something distant on the horizon, a place Jack couldn't go to with her.

"Hungry?" He tried again. She had been withdrawn for the past two days, but he thought he'd made some sort of breakthrough when she let him hold her in their hotel room last night.

Silently, she had curled into him, a tiny hand finding its way outstretched across his stomach. He was surprised at first, but drew her closer almost immediately. He'd missed her warmth, and her presence, and the fit of her against his body.

Now she was silent again. Hundreds of miles of quiet behind them…and a thousand more he feared.

"We could stop and get an early dinner if you—"

"No, I'm not really hungry." She mumbled finally, answering his question though her eyes were still trained out the window.

Jack's fingers flexed around the steering wheel a moment. "You should eat something. You barely had any lunch."

Kate snorted reproachfully. "I'm sure I'll survive."

Jack's jaw tightened. He was trying to be patient, give her the space she seemed to so desperately crave, but when she was acting like this—like she didn't even want to be there, with him—it was difficult.

Jack didn't speak for another nine miles, until he went off an exit and found a small local diner in some nondescript highway town. He pulled into the lot, and Kate didn't budge.

He turned the car off and turned to face her. She didn't look at him.

"Damn it, Kate, talk to me." He said furiously.

She hardened, and then turned to face him, eyes wounded. "Can we take it to go? I don't want to go in there."

Jack softened at how softly she spoke. He sighed, reaching for her and letting her hair slip through his fingers as he tucked it behind her ear.

"Maybe we should take a break for the day. Get a room early and just relax. You can take a nice bath and we can get off the road for a while. That sound good?"

Kate smiled weakly. "Sure."

The hotel room was larger than any that Kate had been in, and she moved around it with a mix of curiosity and hesitancy. Jack set their shared suitcase on the floor next to the door and then flopped onto the bed with a gusty sigh.

Kate turned towards him and smiled faintly. Carefully, she sat next to him.

She watched him for a moment longer—the rise and fall of his breathing and the troubled lines on his forehead. She scooted closer and her fingertip traced the flat of his stomach.

"I've been thinking about this a lot…" she started, and Jack cracked an eye open at her, hearing the seriousness in her voice, "…and I think you're right."

Jack was quiet. He sat up next to her.

"About what?"

Kate shrugged. "About the—the baby. I think this can be good." She turned to him suddenly, eyes wide and feeling, "I want this with you."

Jack was stunned for a moment, unblinking and mouth open a little. Kate finally nudged him.

"Sorry." He fumbled, grasping for her hands. "Kate," he started, body on fire that she could want this after dashing his hopes days before, "are you sure?"

Kate looked at him a moment, the man she was going to have to give herself to completely. For an instant she felt as if she was drowning or suffocating, that the chance to runaway would be gone forever.

But she realized, in an unmasked moment of clarity, that she had never wanted that life at all—she had just convinced herself she deserved it. And now she was here, being offered the satisfaction of her desires and she was sputtering at the chance.

"Jack…" she gasped out after a moment, tears brimming at her eyes, "yes, yes…I'm sure. I'm sure."

She threw her arms around him and he laughed faintly into her hair. His broad arms circled around her waist and pulled her until she was straddling his lap. He pulled back to look at her, seeing the fear in her eyes, but the joy—the flash of excitement.

"We're going to be okay." He said faintly, and she nodded enthusiastically.

"I know. I'm sorry about before. I just—needed some time. This isn't going to be easy for me but…" she kissed him suddenly, "I'm glad I'm doing this with you."

Jack smiled broadly, then kissed her again, and again until he had her pressed below him into the bed. His hand slipped beneath her shirt and circled it until his palm lay flat against her belly.

He pulled away and let his lips fall down her neck and stop for a moment beneath her jaw. He lifted her shirt up and over her head and then settled between her legs, head bowed to her flat stomach.

He smiled to himself goofily, then kissed her there, once, twice, then met her eyes. "I love you, Kate."

She blushed, and ducked her head. "I love you, too." She said softly, thickly—like she knew it meant more now, now that there was someone else who could hear her, too.

Their baby.

They arrived in Illinois days later, tired and sick of the car. They cooped up into their motel room, Jack running to a pizza place they saw down the road and grabbing a box and making his way back.

Kate was waiting for him, freshly showered and dressed in a pair of sweatpants and sweatshirt.

He walked in, cheeks rosy from the cold.

Kate kissed his cheek as he set down the box of pizza.

"Living in LA you almost forget that winter happens everywhere else." Jack laughed, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

Kate smirked and took his hands in hers, rubbing them to warm them up. "And you picked Maine." She teased, then shifted her attention to the box of pizza. She grabbed a slice and took a big bite.

Jack grabbed his own and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed.

"Have you gotten any weird cravings yet?" Jack asked, trying to mask his interest and failing.

Kate crinkled her nose. "It's a little early for that, isn't it?"

Jack shrugged. "I guess you're right."

Kate finished off her first slice and took a second.

Jack eyed her again. She huffed and turned to him. "Stop looking at me like that."

Jack ducked, bashful. "Sorry, I just was wondering…"

"Yeah?" She said impatiently, nibbling at the edge of her pizza.

"Well…" he cleared his throat, "any dizzy spells? Insomnia? I know you've been getting sick in the mornings, but any soreness? Breast tenderness?"

Kate was quiet for a moment. "Are you like…examining me?"

Jack blushed again. "It's just…you haven't seen a physician and it's not like we'll be able to do everything—the normal way. I'm just trying to make sure everything is okay." He sputtered, and subconsciously eyed her stomach.

Kate caught his gaze and stood, pinking. "I'm fine. I feel normal."

Jack thought a moment, then nodded, satisfied.

"Alright then. Good."

"Good."

They were quiet for an awkward moment and Jack started to smile broadly. Kate tossed her pizza in the box, her hands finding her hips.

"What is it now?"

Jack laughed at her annoyance.

"Nothing, just…any sexual cravings?"

Kate glared at him. "You'd love it if I said yes, wouldn't you?"

Jack shrugged, finishing off his slice of pizza. "I'm you doctor. That would be unprofessional." Smiling lightly to himself.

Kate finally laughed, and plopped down next to him, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He wound his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"I could help you with those cravings, you know." He whispered warm into her ear, making her shiver and try to get closer.

"Yeah?" She said breathily, turning so that her lips were just a hair away from his.

Jack nodded, eyes dark. He nudged his nose against hers.

"Just think," he whispered, lips grazing hers, "soon we'll be in our new place," he wet his lips, "and in our new bed," he let his tongue peak out and pressed his mouth closer until he felt her hold her breath, "and we'll need to christen it…the new bed." He said at last, his mouth finally claiming hers.

Her arms wound around his neck and pulled him atop her, hips flush.

"Do you have any—" Kate started, and then blushed, silencing. He pulled back, scanning her face.

"What? What do you need?" He stammered, trying to fight the urge to thrust back into her hips now that they were pressed insistently against his.

"No—nothing." She tried, pulling his mouth down to hers again and he moaned into her when her hands snaked their way towards the front of his jeans.

He grunted and thrust against her hand. "Wait, Kate…what is it?"

She shook her head, blushing. "I was going to ask if you had any protection."

Jack smirked. "A little late."

"I know, I know. I guess I forgot."

Jack laughed, lips nibbling on her ear lobe. "It's okay…that's how it happened before and it turned out okay." He joked, but she could hear the tone of seriousness edged in.

Kate squirmed against his mouth, wanting it somewhere else. "Which time do you think it was?" She breathed, as his hands crept around her back and flicked the hook of her bra.

Jack stopped a moment, distracted by the site of her breasts, but pulled his eyes away.

"I don't know. When do _you _think?"

Kate thought a moment. "Maybe in the shower those two times…the first time we ran out." She thought again, pinking, "or maybe on the couch that time? The day before you went back to work and we were cooking that lasagna…"

Jack smiled smugly, remembering. "Does it matter? We went through a lot of boxes of condoms but we didn't always use—"

"I know." Kate said quickly, flicking open the button of his jeans. "It doesn't matter." She said, her mouth finding his neck and sucking until he groaned.

They stayed in a hotel in Philadelphia days later, then made their way up towards Maine. It was around ten o'clock and Jack was driving. Kate was tucked into slumber, curled into the passenger seat, head ducked into a blanket they had pulled from a box in the U-Haul they'd been carting behind them.

Jack saw the flashing lights in the side mirror and almost peeled off the road, panicking. He glanced at Kate quickly. She was asleep, looking peaceful.

"Kate," he hissed, though he wasn't sure why he was being quiet. She didn't stir. He hadn't noticed the police car behind him and they were on a quieter road.

The cop car's lights flashed and Jack pulled over to the side of the road, trying to play it cool. It was probably some local cop.

He rolled down the window as the cop approached the car.

"California plates?" The cop inquired pleasantly, shining a flashlight into Jack's eyes.

"Yeah, just passing through." Jack croaked, shielding his eyes from the light. "Visiting some family."

The cop nodded. Then the shine diverted to Kate's sleeping form.

Jack's eyes bulged.

"My wife." He proffered quickly. The light stay trained on Kate for another moment before flashing into his eyes again. "Is there a problem officer?" He almost squeaked. He was terrible at this, he realized.

"You got a tail light out on that trailer." The cop said. "Ought to get that fixed up when you stop."

Jack nodded. "Of course. Thank you."

The cop nodded, and Jack smiled nervously, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. The officer gave him a strange look.

"You alright, son?"

Jack nodded quickly. "Absolutely." Jack feigned a sigh. "Just a lot of driving today." He added.

"I'll bet. All the way from California." The cop replied, then gave Jack a lingering look before he turned on his heel back to his car.

Jack drove through the night. The adrenaline coursing through him keeping him awake and jittery. Kate shifted in her sleep.

He eyed her in the darkness of the car. He drove on, counting all the risks they were taking, all the laws being broken. He looked at her again, and let his nerves die a little. It was going to be okay, he assured himself.

Maine wasn't far away now and there—things could really begin for them. He pushed the ugly thoughts away from his mind and thought about the baby, about Kate. It was morning when he finally stopped the car at a gas station and the joining diner.

They ate breakfast happily, Jack not bothering to worry Kate about the close call with the officer. While they waited for the check, he reached across the table for Kate's hand.

She smiled.

"Not long now," he said, feeling a poke of wariness in his stomach but he forced away the thought and pressed a gentle kiss into Kate's knuckles.

He smiled, "We're almost home."

* * *

_Please review! Something interesting is on the horizon. Predictions? Review!!!_


	20. Home is Gone

I've been gone so long! And I know alerts are down right now and blah blah blah, but I'm back now, and feeling a little surge of creativity after feeling very deadened and bleached. But here we are. Chapter Twenty. The Major Turning Point. Take a read. Please please please leave a review and I'll be your best friend!

_Warning: Some sexual content.

* * *

They had been unpacking the last of the boxes when the insistent banging on the front door drew them from the study. Jack offered to get it and Kate nodded, staring pensively at the arrangement of furniture and wondering whether she should move the couch back to where she had had it first._

When he opened the door he was immediately forced to the ground, three guns aimed at him. The first thing he yelled was her name, which he realized was probably unwise. But all he could think was to warn her.

When two of the cops found her in the study she had her hands up already. After all these years of running, it was so strange that it should happen like this. But she'd made a mistake, she realized as they cuffed her wrists—too tightly—behind her back, forcing her to her knees. Stupid to think she could have a normal life. Stupid to think she could learn how forever worked.

She thought a sense of relief might come. They got her—no more running. But she only felt empty, the bit of wholeness she acquired since she'd been with Jack had fizzled away.

The policemen recited her rights and over their gruff voices she heard Jack shouting from the foyer. Calling her name. She closed her eyes against the sound and let them wrestle her away.

When they interrogated her, she told them he had nothing to do with it. That it was all her fault and that she'd convinced him, seduced him, that he was nothing resembling someone who could aid and abet a criminal. She didn't tell them she was pregnant.

He did.

"_Kate. Kate, wake up." Jack whispered, nudging her shoulder. It was early morning and Kate was sound asleep against the window, wrapped up in a puffy down coat. _

_She blinked dumbly before her eyes focused on Jack. "Are we there yet?"_

_Jack stifled a laugh, but smiled wickedly. "Yeah, we're here."_

_Kate yawned and looked out the window. The house was small, a cottage—with dark grey, weather beaten shingles and white shutters. The front door was wooden and red. The whole of it was quaint, adorable—and just beyond it was a stretch of Maine's rocky coast, interspersed with long stretches of grey sand. _

"_It's beautiful, Jack." She said sincerely, turning back to him and drawing him down to her lips with a cold hand on his cheek._

_After he broke away and took her hand in his. "You're freezing."_

_Kate laughed. "You think?" _

_Jack smiled. "Let's go inside. We can unpack everything later. Let's take a nap."_

"_You sure the mattress is even here? Let's go look around." Kate said, suddenly looking more awake—a rosy tint flushing into her cheeks._

_Jack smiled inwardly. "Whatever you say."_

It had been so easy to forget who she was, Kate mused, sitting in the balmy interrogation room. It was winter in Maine, and the heat was blasting from the vents on the wall. But the room had no windows, only one door, and the ventilation was poor.

Kate unzipped her jacket and shrugged it off. She wondered where Jack was—what they would do to him. Everything she had feared might happen in L.A. had in fact happened, just across the country.

She suddenly felt sick. She bowed her head between her legs, trying to quell the queasiness easing into her stomach. The door to the room chose to open, however, and a tall man walked in. He was older than Jack, by at least twenty years, but he looked dignified and levelheaded.

"Katherine Austen."

She steeled her eyes.

He let out a long breath and settled across the table from her.

"Bet you didn't think you'd end up getting taken in by a bunch of podunk sheriff deputies from Rockland county Maine, did you?" He mused, but it wasn't cutting, not like Kate thought it would be.

She met his eyes briefly before averting them, remaining wordless.

He laughed. "Well you're going to get taken back to Iowa for the duration, I'm sure you know that. Jurisdiction and all." He sucked his teeth. "Wondering where your boyfriend is?"

Kate's head turned towards him a fraction, and he smiled at the reaction. "Do you?" he asked again.

Kate met his eyes carefully. "Yes."

He grinned wryly. "That boy talks a lot."

Kate almost smiled. "What's going to happen to him?"

"Well," the man began, drawing in a heavy breath, "he's got no priors, an upstanding citizen—besides aiding and abetting a wanted criminal," he gave her a pointed look—it reminded her of her father, Sam, "and you've taken all the rap for him, despite what he says. It's hard to say all in all. Depends on the judge, the lawyer—all that legal business."

He thought for a moment and Kate swam in the possibility of what might happen to Jack. The man cleared his throat and leaned forward towards her, eyebrows scrunching into a worried scowl.

"What you really should be worried about, Ms. Austen, is what's going to happen to _you."_

_Jack was somewhere between sleep and awake when he heard Kate heaving into the new bathroom's toilet. He grabbed a pair of sweats and ambled into the bathroom—stark white and empty of the normal necessities dotting the counters._

_Leaning down behind her, he drew her hair away from her face and braced her hip with his other hand. He pressed a kiss into the center of her back, right through her grey tank top, trying to sooth her._

_She flinched for a moment, and then settled again, heaving again into the toilet. When she was finished she looked pale and waifish. Jack urged her to sip some water, and when the spell had passed she told him she was going to try out the shower. He promised to start on breakfast._

_When she came out of the bathroom she looked tired—more tired than he'd seen her in a while._

"_Morning sickness is a bitch." Kate mumbled, pajama bottoms too long for her legs trailed behind her feet a little, making her look younger than she was. _

"_Feeling any better?"_

_Kate sighed. "Yeah, just tired."_

_Jack proffered a steaming bowl of oatmeal. "It's just from the ready-to-make packets from one of the hotels, but it'll settle your stomach, and I haven't had time to get groceries."_

_Kate smiled appreciatively and then looked around her. "Nowhere to sit, huh?"_

_Jack pinked. "I guess I hadn't thought about that." He thought for a moment. "Let's take it back to bed. Maybe I'll give you a massage after you've finished."_

_Kate smiled tiredly. "That sounds good."_

_After breakfast, and a soothing massage from Jack which had turned into a soothing massage from Kate—they both had gone back to sleep. Around twelve, Kate stirred, feeling a cold finger tracing her stomach, making tiny rings around her belly button._

_She scrunched her nose and lifted the covers. Her tank top was pushed up above her navel and Jack was studying the expanse of skin seriously, mouth straight in a deep frown of concentration. When the gust of cold air hit him from where she had lifted the heavy comforter, he looked up bashfully._

"_What are you doing down there?" Kate asked, trying not to laugh at his boyish expression at being caught red-handed._

_Jack lowered his eyes sheepishly. "Just looking."_

_Kate smiled wryly. "You have to wait until I'm asleep to _just look_?" Kate teased. Seeing she wasn't uncomfortable, Jack met her eyes and smiled. Then he dropped his mouth to her stomach and placed several wet kisses there, making her squirm. _

_Jack moved slowly up her body, mouth trailing. He lifted a hand and slipped it beneath her shirt, finding her breast in his cold hand and kneading it. Kate let out a soft moan, hips rising slightly from the bed and into his. He bared his weight down against her, pinning her pelvis below his. His breathing was rough as he pushed her shirt up and off her, mouth moving down to the space between her breasts, stubble scratching her deliciously._

"_It's been two days since we..." Kate trailed. Jack laughed against her warm skin._

"_Trust me, I know." He said, and ground his hips into hers again, making her push back against his and he grunted. "Two _long _days."_

_He moved his mouth up to hers, while his fingertips skimmed down her sides and then found the waist of his own boxer shorts and pushed them down._

"_And now we're here." He said against her mouth. "And I'm going to make love to you in our new bed, in our new house."_

_Kate gasped as his teeth nibbled at her earlobe, his fingers slipping between her legs. _

_He laughed, his voice muffled against her neck. "It's good to be home."_

Kate waited in the dank room for another hour until the same man came back in. This time he carried a small stack of manila folders tucked underneath his arm. He settled across from her again. Sometime between before and now he had lost his suit jacket, revealing a pristinely ironed white oxford.

"Your boyfriend says you're pregnant."

Kate bowed her head a moment and cursed Jack for his stupidity. But why _was _it stupid, she thought after a moment. She had never thought out all the additional variables that might accompany a baby…on the run…and then getting caught.

"What if I was?" Kate asked, coating her words with a defiance she was too tired to really feel.

The man smiled.

"You are, Kate. You don't have to hide it from us." He said, and she flinched at the use of her name. Before—within these walls—she had been Katherine Austen. Ms. Austen. Never Kate. Not someone human here.

The man leaned back into his chair. "You know what happens to pregnant women who go to jail?"

Kate was quiet.

"Well, for starters, things are just about the same. Except you'll use the prison's facilities and doctors. Maybe they'll watch you a little better. And then when you deliver, that's all—they take it and give it to who they're supposed to—social services. Maybe Dr. Shepherd in this case, depending on how things go for him."

He wasn't trying to scare her, or sound ominous. He said everything clinically, like he was reading her directions.

Kate felt her throat close, and her eyes started watering. Hormones, she thought. She never cried so easily, she lied to herself. But she fought both sensations and shut her eyes tight.

They both stayed plunged in silence for a few minutes. Kate struggling against her own breath and her own demons, trying desperately to master herself in a place where they had mastered her so effortlessly. She tried to feel Jack through the walls, draw some kind of strength. But she only felt hot and empty, which felt wrong, because here—in Maine, where she should have been home—she was supposed to feel everything _but _hot and empty, and now, also, she was suddenly alone.

"Can I see him?" She finally whispered, not daring to give away her desperation by meeting the man's eyes.

"No." The man said, almost too gently.

Kate let out a partial sob but checked it.

"They're taking you back on a private flight to Iowa this evening and then you'll start going through all the legal proceedings back in your home court district. Dr. Shepherd will go back to Los Angeles and begin his own proceedings there."

Kate rubbed her forehead furiously. Everything seemed to be spiraling, all too fast to even grasp a piece of it—maybe a piece would let her start building it all back together again. But the room was spinning, and she was spinning, and everything was the opposite of what it should have been.

"Your lawyer will contact you when you reach—"

"I don't have one."

"Dr. Shepherd is arranging legal counsel for the both of you."

Just feeling Jack working somewhere, functioning despite the whirlwind, still watching out for her—Kate felt better.

"Good luck, Ms. Austen." The man said, rising.

"Wait!" Kate said too quickly. "Wait," she said more softly, collecting herself again, "why…why are you doing this? Being so nice to me, telling me everything…"

He sighed. "I'm not telling you everything. And I'm not exactly being nice. And really I'm only doing my job." The man said evenly, a little thread of remorse in his voice.

Kate nodded, deflated.

"To be honest," the man began, stepping towards the table and letting a finger trail over the edge, "you remind me of my daughter."

Kate eyed him, then ducked her head. Her handcuffs rattled against the metal table when she moved to rest them there and he eyed them, looking startled at the sound and almost guilty.

"I'll get you something to eat, some coffee."

"I can't have—"

The man smiled. "Right. No coffee. Water it is then. I'll be back."

Kate didn't say anything and he left.

She studied a long crack in the wall.

She was going back. Home. She had spent so long fighting it, fighting what it meant to her, running from it tirelessly. And now she was going back, her and her baby. And Jack was going to his own home.

But she couldn't help but feel more lost, despite the fact that the man who had told her exactly what might happen.

Iowa was where it all happened, where home used to be. But with Jack gone, and the baby inside her feeling foreign to her now that she wasn't just Kate anymore, now only reduced to a criminal—now home was nowhere.

Despair curled in her belly and she cried. Hard and heaping sobs that made her fight to catch her breath and clutch her stomach.

When the man returned with a meager ham sandwich and a bottle of water, she didn't stop to say thank you, only continuing to weep. The man said nothing, and left. And when he did, the door closing ominously behind him, Kate felt the last vestiges of what home might feel like leave, and she cried even harder.

* * *

_Enjoy it! More to come soon with some definitive answers. It's actually kind of cool because I have a good friend who is studying to be a lawyer so I can just pop in and ask a bunch of "hypothetical" legal questions to fact check. _

**Review!**


	21. Trapped

"How could you be so stupid, Jack?"

Jack loosened his tie and huffed out a breath.

"Can we not do this now, Mom?"

Margot looked at her son unpleasantly, lips stretched into a tight frown. Her face was pinched and she looked ready to fight with him, but he ran a hand over his head and sighed heavily, eyeing the passing highway lines with petulance. He looked so old and so young at once, and Margot felt her resolve weaken by a fraction.

"I still have the apartment. You can let me off there."

Margot hardened again, hands gripping tight to the leather of the steering wheel. She'd been his chauffer for the past four days, carting him to and froe from the law firm's offices, court, and back home with her, where he slept—uncomfortably—in the guest bedroom. His car was still lost in limbo at the house back in Maine. Which was another issue he had to deal with.

"So that's all? Your mother doesn't deserve an explanation for your reckless behavior? You've jeopardized your entire career for this criminal, and now you're going back for her, aren't you?"

Her words came out in a fury and Jack was too weak to fight them off. The hearing had been long, and his lawyer had thrown around enough legal terminology to bog them all down in semantics. But at the end of the day, Jack was free, convicted of only a misdemeanor which required no jail time, no parole, or otherwise. But freedom didn't feel right.

"What do you expect me to do?" He asked his mother quietly.

"I expect you to take some responsibility for your actions."

"We're not talking about this anymore." Jack seared, meeting her eyes with defiance before wrenching them back out the window. The California coastline was rocky and broken, and he felt a bit of comfort.

Another few minutes passed in silence. It was warm in Los Angeles and Jack started feeling sick.

"Tell me about her." His mother's voice was even as she addressed him.

Jack scoffed. "Trying another tactic?"

Margot frowned. "That's unfair."

Jack didn't answer.

"I deserve a little gratitude for what I've put up with these past few months, Jack. You come back from the dead after a year on that god forsaken island, and I have to practically force you to resettle yourself again. Not a word of thanks. You pick up to move across the country and I hear nothing. And all the while, it wasn't just my son blatantly ignoring his _overbearing _old mother—he's been destroying his life and playing house with a wanted murderer." Margot let the venom sink into Jack for a moment longer.

"So when I ask about the woman who's acted as the root of all this nonsense, who's carrying my grandchild—it's not just _another tactic,_ it's a flabbergasted mother who'd like to know what in god's name has come over her son."

By the end of her tirade, Margot's eyes were hard, but the abandonment, the bewilderment that she had been thrust into had crept back into her voice and Jack felt guilty.

"You know her name by now." Jack started, licking his lips and pouring over the mental inventory of knowledge he had collected about Kate. The birthmark just below her left breast. The way her hair and skin smelled just after they'd finish showering. How he knew he was imagining it—that it was far too early for it—but how her belly had just betrayed the slightest curve the last morning he'd been with her. The way she walked, and ran. The feel of her against him when they slept, the perfect mold of her.

"She—she's had a hard life, and she's not a murderer." He said, giving his mother a pointed look. Margot kept her eyes hard and trained on the road. "I've been in love with her since…I can't even remember when." He laughed, lost in the labyrinth of memory. "I've wanted her since the moment I saw her, but…she's just not like anyone else. She's caring, and stubborn," he laughed, "and beautiful, and compassionate, and selfless, and _good_."

Margot was quiet for a long moment. "This isn't right, Jack." She said softly, like she didn't even want to hear it herself.

Jack bit his cheek. "It _is_ right."

Margot sighed, pulling up along side Jack's building. "If you want to pursue her, that's your prerogative." She turned to him, looking old and feeble. "And I might not agree with it, but you're my son. And I think we've spent enough of our time estranged." She patted Jack's knee. "You let me know what I can do."

Kate's trial would be begin in two days, and she was stuck in her cell until then. The attorney Jack had hired was good, but cold, and Kate didn't expect any words of comfort, or hopeful promises. He was business. And maybe, she thought, it was better this way.

"Ms. Austen?" the attorney, Mr. McBride, pressed, looking a bit surly at her lack of attention. "Just a few more questions, Ms. Austen."

Kate nodded absently. "Sorry, what was the last one?"

They had been at it for about two and a half hours, going over the finer points of her case, making adjustments, prepping her for the questions she'd receive from the prosecution.

"Would you describe your relationship with Tom Brennan as romantic?"

Kate bit her lip. It was easier to dredge up the past with a stranger, someone who didn't seem to mind one way or another if she was guilty or innocent, but it still didn't feel natural.

"Not when—not when the accident happened, no. I wouldn't describe it as romantic."

McBride nodded matter-of-factly and scribbled onto the legal notepad. He was at least a decade older than Jack—sharp looking, with hard edges and a mean scowl. Kate cleared her throat.

"Have you heard anything from Jack?" She asked softly, trying her best no to portray the anxiety in her voice, her eagerness at the information.

McBride stopped scribbling and met her eyes with a look of caution. "I don't need to remind you, Ms. Austen, that your initial proceedings will begin in just a few short days. You'll need to focus one hundred percent—whether or not Dr. Shepherd is present."

Kate felt like she was being lectured. "Yes, I'm aware." She snapped.

She faced off with McBride's hard countenance a moment longer before he caved in.

"According to my colleague at the firm, Dr. Shepherd's hearing wrapped yesterday afternoon. The charges were dropped."

Kate's eyes bulged a little, and then she slumped back into her chair, letting out a sigh of relief. She laughed a little, her hand settling onto her stomach subconsciously. McBride looked uncomfortable.

"When can I see him?"

"When he arrives I'm sure we can arrange a visitation."

Kate deflated a little at the term 'visitation' but surrendered into happiness again. She sat up a little straighter and gave McBride a focused look.

"Okay, what's your next question?"

_The beach was nice. Sometimes, the sand wasn't. Today it seemed to be everywhere. In her hair, between her toes, in her mouth, in her food. With a frustrated groan she itched again at the speckles of sand dusted across her forearms._

"_Alright there?"_

_Jack's voice sounded amused. Kate turned, quirking an eyebrow._

"_I'm fine."_

_Jack laughed and sat down beside her, feet stretched out before him so that they just avoided the surf lapping up._

"_I hate sand." Kate said, sounding childish and petulant._

_Jack laughed again. "Maybe you should find a better place to sit then."_

_Kate shot him a look. "When you find a nice beach chair, let me know."_

_He grinned and scooped up a handful of sand, then let the grains sift through his fingers._

_Kate eyed him. "How're things?"_

"_What things?" He asked innocently, but didn't look at hers. _

_He'd mysteriously stumbled back into camp after a three week stint with the Others. He couldn't remember a thing, really, and it seemed to nag at him. He felt guilty, like he _should _have something to report, remember. People still seemed hesitant around him, like he was delicate, or ready to break down._

"_You've been back for a week now. Any thoughts? Any new memories?"_

_Jack's eyes darkened. "No. No new memories. Just the one."_

_Kate nodded. They let the conversation die down and the surf came in a little closer, sloshing at Jack's boots. He wrestled them off, then his socks, and dug his toes under the coolness of the wet sand._

_Kate smiled broadly. "You seem to have a lot more spare time these days." She said, eyeing his buried feet._

_Jack beamed impishly. "Not much going on, I guess. It's actually sort of strange. No emergencies, no fights or abductions. I mean, I know it's only been a week and all, but it's kind of nice."_

_Kate laughed, making Jack's heart swell a little at the sound. "Yeah, _kind of nice_ is just how I'd describe it."_

"_Do _you _remember anything? Does Sawyer?" Jack asked suddenly, like he'd been meaning to ask all along, but had been skirting it out of politeness._

_Kate swallowed. "No, not really. Sawyer doesn't say. And for me…I don't—there're only little pieces, here and there. And they're more like feelings, not actual memories."_

_Jack seemed disappointed. "What kind of feelings?"_

_Sighing, she picked some sand from beneath her fingernails. "Like being trapped. Like I can't move. Like there's a door somewhere and I could open it, but I can never get to it." She confessed, looking at him sidelong and waiting for a reaction._

"_That must be hard for you." He said after a moment._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Feeling trapped. If I remember correctly, you don't exactly like staying in one place too long."_

_Kate smiled, chagrined. "Yeah, well…"_

_Jack laughed nervously. He eyed her a moment, then reached over and used his thumb to brush away a streak of sand just above her eyebrow. Kate tensed at first, then closed her eyes against the gentleness of his touch._

"_You got some sand…"_

_Kate laughed nervously. "It's everywhere."_

_  
Jack laughed, too, nervous, and then removed his thumb, smiling at her sincerely._

"_All gone." He said after a moment. She smiled back. _

"_Thanks."_

_Jack looked back towards the ocean. _

"_I was so worried for you." Kate said softly after a moment. "When Sawyer and I had gotten out, but you were still with them. The Others." She said, as if to clarify._

_Jack didn't meet her eyes for her sake, knowing it was a difficult enough admission with the awkwardness of eye contact. _

"_In the memory I have—where we're in that room, strapped into those chairs," he began, Kate nodded, encouraging him to continue, "all I can think of when I see it in my head is how much I wanted you to be safe. How much I wanted…I don't know. I didn't want you to be trapped." He looked at her meaningfully. "I don't want you to feel trapped. I'd never want that for you."_

_Jack's admission made Kate's stomach flip flop about. It was acceptance, and forgiveness, and understanding—of who she was and what she'd done and how she ran. And no one could have given her a better gift at that very moment._

_Kate broke the silence by standing and offered her hand down to Jack. He peered up at her; the sun making his eyes slits again the brightness. He took her hand and used it to stand. _

"_Wanna go for a swim? Get all the sand off?"_

_Jack smiled bashfully. "Left my bathing suit at home." He joked awkwardly. Kate rolled her eyes playfully and nudged him._

"_Don't be such a prude, Shepherd."_

Kate was lying down on the cot in her cell, a finger tracing absently over her midsection.

McBride had left an hour ago and had even given her a warm smile at the end of their meeting, saying he'd be back the next day once he'd reviewed his notes and spoken to a colleague.

It was dank inside the cell, wet in the corners, and she longed for the island, for the coarseness of the sand and the whip of sea wind, the balmy heat. Jack, too.

"Austen." A female warden named Janet tapped the bars of Kate's cell with her knuckles. She was round and dark skinned and she'd been generally nice to Kate, despite a few wisecracks about the plane crash, about all the publicity.

Kate sat up quickly, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"Someone here to see you."

* * *

_May not be who you think it is! Let me know your guesses and your thoughts on the chapter in **a review! **Thanks! _


	22. Before

_Since it's been a while, I'd suggest going back and reading the end of last chapter so you're not lost as we dive in. And--for those of you who have seen the finale...um...wtf! Enjoy, anyways._

* * *

"Do you know who I am?" 

Kate's eyes froze on the woman's face a moment before she averted them.

"Do you?" The woman pressed again, her quivering jaw barely concealing the loss of control pushing up from under her skin.

The woman waited for an answer, then snapped. "Rachel Brennan—that's who I am, and I know exactly who you are. You're Katherine Austen and you killed my husband."

"_Don't look so happy, Freckles." Sawyer drawled sarcastically, grabbing a bowl from the top shelf of the beach's kitchen station._

_Kate was staring pensively into her own bowl when he had interrupted her thoughts._

"_I'm fine." She bit out, sloshing her oatmeal around with her spoon before pushing it away from her abruptly. _

"_You gonna finish that?"_

_Kate shook her head._

"_So what's gotcha all bothered? You can cry on my shoulder if you want." Sawyer said, grinning—cheeks dimpling attractively as he made a grab for her oatmeal._

_Kate smiled a little. "I think we should go back out into the jungle again. Look for him. There's a whole other part of the island we haven't—"_

_But Sawyer was already shaking his head._

"_What? He's could still be with them, or out there. We can't just _give up_ that easily. It's only been two weeks that we've been back. Two weeks—that's nothing." Kate protested._

_Sawyer waited a moment before speaking, eyes moody. "You really believe that?" He said darkly, lethally. _

_Kate's eyes flashed before she set her jaw. "Yeah. I do. I just don't see how everyone can sit around on the beach and pretend like Jack's not missing. How no one feels the slightest bit guilty. Don't _you_ feel guilty?"_

'_Why should we?" Sawyer spat, jerking his head up roughly. "I ain't got nothing to feel guilty for and neither do you. We didn't ask to get dropped into the middle of the jungle without dear Jack-o."_

"_I know." Kate said softly, bowing her head—a few errant curls falling out from behind her ear._

"_You're gonna run yourself into the ground, Freckles." Sawyer said more gently, his eyebrows still hard._

"_It's not fair." Kate whispered, swiping a hand beneath her nose and sniffing._

"_It's not your—"_

"_It may not be my fault," Kate snapped, watery eyes striking out at Sawyer's, "but it's not fair that I…that he's still there while we're free. We don't even know if he's alive. And I can't do anything about it."_

_Sawyer watched her eyes for a quick second before they masked themselves again; dressing up with bravado and then slinking back towards the rough wood of the table. _

"_I've got to…" Kate trailed, then turned on her heel and headed out of the food station, not daring to stop at the sound of Sawyer calling her name, not daring to turn around and let loose the flood gates again. It would only slow her down._

"Say something." Rachel said, frantic now. Her perfectly coiffed hair seemed a little errant, her eyes a little too wild.

"What do you want me to say?" Kate gritted—lower lip trembling as she forced her eyes downward.

"I want you to pay for what you've done to us." The woman choked out a small, delicate sob. "I loved Tom. He was everything to me. And you took that away from me _and_ my son. And I want you to pay."

Kate looked up, eyes red.

"They said you were pregnant. On the news." Rachel bit out, looking disgusted. "And they said you were coming here for your trial, and I knew I had to see you. To see if _I_ could see whatever it was Tom saw in you." She leaned closer to the glass, eyes glaring, "But I just feel sorry for you."

Kate closed her eyes tight. "I loved Tom, too, and I am _so, _so sorry. I—I never meant for him to—"

"Don't you talk about Tom, you have no _right_ to say a _thing _about him. I was his wife, I had his child and you came and ruined everything. You killed him."

"I'm sorry, I just—he wouldn't get out of that stupid car and I tried to—"

"Just shut up!" Rachel screeched, covering her ears.

A guard came over to the window seat and wrenched Kate up by her arm. "That's enough, Austen."

"Wait—" Rachel instructed, leering. She leaned closer to the speaker box, and annunciated clearly despite the wetness in her eyes, voice cutting.

"I want you to know that I will _be_ at your trial, and I'm going to make sure I do everything in my power until you pay for what you did."

Kate shut her eyes and let her hair fall over her face. She heard the perfunctory click of heels through the garble of the speaker box and knew Rachel had gone. The guard walked her back to her cell, leaving Kate to herself, cold and guilty—again.

She missed Jack and wondered why he hadn't come yet. If he realized his blunder already, that he didn't want her after all—that he'd wanted someone who wasn't stuck in jail—someone he could touch, someone he could really raise a family with. Like Tom wanted. That's why he stopped loving her. Not because of Wayne, because she wasn't there and she was always guilty and always running.

Jack didn't arrive until the next day, early in the morning, with Mr. McBride in tow. Jack looked tired, but clean and out of place inside these walls.

When Kate had been escorted to the bland room where she had been briefing with McBride, Jack was there, eyes downcast towards his folded hands resting upon the table. He stood when she entered, and her eyes widened at the sight of him.

She only managed to say his name once before he had wrapped her in a tight hug, one arm gripping tightly around her waist while the other wound into her mess of curls and pulled her closer.

Her hands, handcuffed, were tucked into his chest awkwardly, crushed against him, but she burrowed her face into his neck, inhaling aftershave and dryness and Jack.

"When did you get here?" She managed, muffled by his hold on her.

He released her, finally, opting to push his hands into his pockets, at a loss.

"Last night. I had to make a few arrangements, smooth a few things over before I could come."

Kate nodded. "I thought you weren't going to come at all." She admitted softly.

Jack shook his head vehemently. "I wouldn't leave you. Or the baby." He assured her, eyes serious.

Kate nodded, itching to touch him, but it felt wrong here. McBride saved them from awkwardness and gestured towards the table.

"If you don't mind, I think there are few points we should review before tomorrow."

Jack nodded dutifully, pulling up one of the battered metal chairs. Kate slunk behind him, disappointed that this is how their reunion would go—detached and uncomfortable.

An hour and a half later—filled with awkward silences as Kate rehashed more details of her indiscretions while Jack averted his eyes, looking weary and ashamed—they were finished and the guard had stepped in to retrieve Kate. McBride was buckling his suitcase, heading for the door.

"Can we," Kate gestured between herself and Jack, "can we talk?"

Jack nodded, looking towards the guard. "I'll give you a few minutes." The guard responded, and shut the door behind McBride.

Kate sat again and Jack joined her, looking uncomfortable.

"How's the baby?"

Kate smiled a little. "Good. Nothing's changed really."

"Have you seen a doctor yet?"

"No. But I've only been here for a few days…"

Jack nodded—"I'll arrange it."

They sat silently for a moment, unsure and stifled in the small space with so little to say.

"I'm sorry, Jack."

His eyes shot up at hers. "What are you sorry for?" He asked incredulously.

"That you're getting dragged through this because of me."

"Kate—it's not like that. I'm not going anywhere no matter what."

Kate nodded mutely. He reached across the table and grabbed one of her cuffed hands and pressed a kiss across her knuckles.

"I just think we need to focus now. This is your only chance."

Kate nodded again, hardening. He quirked a smile. "I missed you." He said bashfully.

She let out a smile at that. "Yeah?"

Jack let out a relieved laugh. "Yeah."

He scooted around to the opposite side of the table, sitting next to her and drawing her closer for a kiss. Her lips were still for a moment until he prodded at them with the very tip of his tongue, and then her mouth opened beneath his. His strong hand, warm, crept around to the back of her neck and he pressed his mouth closer.

He pulled away after a moment, reluctantly, lips catching on hers. "I should go."

"Go? You just got here." Kate breathed, her voice almost temptation enough for him to stay as long as he could. Jack laughed and ducked his head against hers.

"We should both get some rest. Your trial starts tomorrow, and it's going to be a long day."

Kate nodded, ducking her head. "Yeah, I know."

He sensed her withdrawal, the malaise of depression creeping up on her again.

"Kate, I know this isn't go to be easy but if we just get through this part then—"

Realizing where Jack was going, another encouragement, she broke in quickly—what had really been eating at her.

"Someone came to see me." Kate said evenly.

Jack scooted closer, confused. "Who?"

Kate chewed her lip a moment before looking up at him—her eyes were steely, but red rimmed.

"Tom's wife."

Jack looked confused for a moment before it seemed to settle in. "Tom…your Tom?"

Kate let out a choked laugh that sounded more like a sob. She dabbed furiously at her eyes. "No, not my Tom. Her Tom."

"And you're upset."

Kate glared at him incredulously. "Of course I'm—," she shook her head, mastering herself and lowering her voice, "You didn't hear what she said to me. How much she _hates_ me."

"Kate," Jack started softly, reaching for her hand, "she doesn't even know you, or what you've been through. She's just grieving, and taking it out on you."

Kate tried to find comfort in his words, in their sincerity and in their logic, but found none.

"You don't understand." She said quietly, defeated.

Jack sighed in frustration. "You can't let this get to you. Not right now. Not with your trial—"

Kate turned on him. "Is that all you can think about? I _ruined_ this woman's _life_. I don't deserve to be selfish."

"You don't deserve to spend the rest of your life in prison, either." Jack squeezed her hands in his. "Kate, listen to me—you have a shot at winning this case. I know it seems like everything is stacked against you, but if we do exactly what McBride tells us, we can do this. You can be free." He let a hand find the curve of her hip, his thumb tracing over the edge of her stomach. "We can have a real family—a real life together. Don't let guilt throw this opportunity away."

Kate hated him and loved him at once, and the pull was so strong that she didn't know which to fall into. She hated that their relationship had put her here, finally, and all that running had been a waste—Tom's death had been a waste—since she wasn't free. But she loved Jack for trying, because people had long since stopped giving her the benefit of the doubt.

"She's going to be there tomorrow. She's probably going to testify, too."

Jack shook his head. "It won't matter."

Kate sighed, sniffling and letting her hand fall out of Jack's. "You better go."

He found her arm and turned her roughly to face him. "Don't give up on this, Kate."

She shut her eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, Jack."

* * *

_More sooner. Oh, someone asked about last chapter who Margo was--I kept spelling it Margot because I've always seen that name spelled that way, but turns out Jack's mom spells it Margo! My apologies. In the meantime, next chapter: the trial, summed up in one chapter so we don't have to tire ourselves with law semantics. Please **review**, you'd be my love!_


	23. During and After

"Let's talk about your mom."

Silence.

"Kate."

Kate's head swung around at the sound of her name, forgetting where she was, who she was with. She snorted.

"Let's talk about my mom? I thought that was just an old shrink joke."

He didn't look amused. "Don't you think it's important to discuss?"

Kate sighed, slinking lower in her chair. "I don't see how." She mumbled.

The therapist took a hard look at her before leaning closer, elbows resting on his knees.

"These sessions could actually be beneficial if you'd give them a chance. I think that's a fair request." He waited for a response, but her eyes were still steely with defiance.

"The more cooperative you are, Kate, the better a review I can give to the behavioral committee when it's time to examine the possibility of parole."

Kate met his eyes sulkily after a moment. "What do you want to know about my mom?"

He sat back in his chair, satisfied. "What would you like me to know?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Can we stop playing this game where I ask a question and you answer it with a question and then I answer it with another question?"

The therapist chuckled, hand folding across his round stomach. "Sure, Kate. You lead the way."

"_How would you describe your relationship with your father?" The prosecutor asked, tone even but predatory. He looked slick—but not as slick as McBride._

_Kate let out a huff. "Wayne wasn't—he was never a father to me. He was a drunk, came home that way and beat my mom around. Sometimes me."_

"_Was that the extent of his alleged abuse?"_

_Kate felt like rolling her eyes at _alleged_. In court, she was beginning to learn, everything seemed to be fiction awaiting validation—everything was alleged. _

"_He—he made comments, grabbed me sometimes."_

"_In a sexual manner?"_

"_He was a pervert, yeah."_

_The prosecutor smiled wryly. "Did your father ever attempt to translate these alleged comments into actions?"_

_Kate swallowed hard, feeling her throat close on instinct. The words—a clump she'd only recently resurrected in her prep sessions with McBride—were knotty and tried to lodge themselves deeper into her. _

"_Ms. Austen, please answer the question." The judge prompted. _

_Kate nodded, eyes focusing on the hard wood of the bench. "He tried twice. Once when I was sixteen, and then again when I was eighteen—the night of my high school graduation. But he never…" Kate swallowed again, "He only tried. That was it."_

_The courtroom was stuffy and quiet. Kate looked towards Jack. His hands were folded tightly, and his eyes were focused on the lock of his fingers. She could imagine his jaw clenching, working to keep his anger in check. _

"_Ms. Austen, isn't it true that you were on the run from the police for three years before Agent Mars took you into his custody?"_

"_Yes."_

"_And isn't it true that in that time you robbed a bank, shot and critically injured three men, and then fled the scene of Tom Brennan's death? Let alone the fact that you killed your biological father in a premeditated fashion?"_

_Kate chewed her lip._

_The prosecutor didn't wait for an answer. "Ms. Austen, what do you have to say for these actions?"_

"_I never meant to hurt anyone."_

"_Except your father."_

"_Objection." Mr. McBride said calmly from his seat. The prosecutor smirked. _

"_Withdrawn."_

"How are you feeling?"

Kate picked at her fingernail. "Okay, I guess."

"And the baby?"

Kate met Jack's eyes—they were tired and hungry, like he'd been starving to see her, while she had just turned off the emotions tied to everything she wanted.

"It's fine, Jack. I'm doing okay."

Jack sighed, a little relieved. "They said tomorrow they'll give you a proper prenatal exam. I asked if I could go but…"

"They said no, right?" Kate asked, unsurprised.

"Yeah."

It was quiet. The glass between them made things awkward.

"I've been looking at houses out here." Jack said, forcing a bright tone—but his eyebrows didn't rise along with voice.

Kate looked at him harshly. "Don't. This place is a hellhole."

He looked at her confused. "You said you loved Iowa. I want to be near you and the baby."

Kate bit her lip and leaned closer to the glass. The speaker box made their voices sound grainy and far off.

"I don't want it to grow up here. Not like me."

Jack didn't consider this. "The baby isn't going to grow up without you. You'll be out by then. McBride said the appeal would—"

"I don't care what McBride said. We didn't win, Jack. I'm going to be in here for a long time." Her voice lost its edge and she looked down at her stomach. "You'll take the baby when it's born, and that'll be that."

Jack's jaw clenched, stubble shifting over the bulge. "_That'll be that_? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Kate sighed, tired. "I mean, what are you going to wait around for?"

"What kind of question is that? You. Our family."

"I don't count anymore, Jack!" Kate's voice made the guard eye her and she immediately calmed herself, leaning forward.

"I'm sorry, but this isn't…this isn't fair to you. Coming here every Wednesday and Friday—for what? To talk for a half hour between an inch thick piece of glass?"

Jack considered this. "I'm not giving up on you. How could think that I wouldn't want to wait for you?"

Kate sighed and stroked away an errant tear she hadn't realized had fallen. "It hurts too much to see you like this and not be able to—" She cut off, choking on a half-sob. She turned her head so Jack couldn't see.

"Kate, listen. This ten year sentence could be chopped in more than half McBride says. Maybe even less than five with good behavior and a favorable parole sentence." Jack seemed to grapple with the truth of his own words.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." Kate conceded, but her voice and body weren't in it, and Jack fumbled for purchase.

"Trust me, Kate."

She half-smiled and met his eyes. "I do."

_Kate had fifteen minutes with her lawyer following her sentencing. It was in a tiny, drab room in the courthouse. There was a Coke vending machine in the corner and Kate saw Jack sitting in the chair next to it when she came in._

_Immediately he was off his feet and over to her, holding her hands. "Are you okay?" He asked. Kate felt like she hadn't heard his question right. _

"_I can't believe it's all over." She said softly, feeling as if her body wasn't attached and time had started turning upside down and inside out. Free but not free. Free from running, but not free from a ten year sentence._

_Jack pulled her out of the muck of her thoughts. "We talked about this before. Mr. McBride says it's a worthwhile appeal. It'll diminish your sentence."_

_Kate nodded, mute, while Jack's hand crept over her belly—still smooth and flat, though the skin was a little tighter there, she'd realized last night._

"_How's the—"_

"_Normal. I haven't gotten sick in the mornings lately."_

_McBride was shifting through papers in his briefcase propped on the table in the center of the room. _

"_All in all, I think it went rather well." He said, as if he'd been talking about a dentist appointment, or something equally trivial. Jack and Kate looked at him blankly for a moment, until he gestured to the chairs at the table. "Why don't we sit?"_

"_Going into this case, the facts were clear: while your original offence could be considered provoked, the subsequent offences were going to be the main subject in determining your sentence. Believe me, Mr. Shepherd, Ms. Austen, things could have gone a lot worse. Provoked manslaughter and a small list of defendable felonies—a ten year sentence, with the possibility of an appeal, is a gift."_

"_So you think the appeal will work?" Jack asked excitedly. _

_He held up his hand, calming Jack. "Like I said—with a ruling like this one, good behavior and strict parole after some obligatory jail time is a common alternative to serving a full sentence. Especially considering the circumstances," McBride's eyes flicked to Kate's stomach for a second, "the right judge might be even more lenient."_

"_What's the best case scenario?" Jack's voice was brimming with enthusiasm, but it wasn't catching in Kate. He squeezed her hand in his._

"_Best case scenario, we're looking at two years and strict parole—given good behavior."_

_Kate felt her stomach bottom out. Would the baby even know her? Jack's energy seemed to falter too, his hand gripping hers going a little slack._

"_Two years," Jack said hoarsely, turning to meet Kate's eyes, "we can do two years, right?"_

_Kate forced a smile. "Piece of cake."_

"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" Kate's therapist asked at their next session.

Kate met his eyes furtively. "No."

"How was your exam today?"

Kate wriggled in her seat, hand creeping over her belly. "Fine. Good."

The therapist—Mr. Aubrey—shifted in his chair, too.

"Are you happy about this pregnancy?"

Kate smirked. "It's not actually my pregnancy anymore, is it?" She asked wryly, but Mr. Aubrey didn't seem to understand, his bushy brown and white eyebrows knitting.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because," Kate began, flicking a string of hair away from her eyes, "I'm in prison—the moment I have this baby they're going to take it away. So all this time—while I'm pregnant…it's just a waiting period until it's not mine anymore."

Mr. Aubrey considered this. "Assuming your appeal goes well, you'll be out of prison in a few years. What then?"

Kate turned a little pale. "I don't know. Jack…he'll have the baby with him, I guess."

"And you'll be living with them?"

Kate laughed ruefully, coughing to cover the catch in her voice, trying to imagine who she'd be in a few years, who Jack would have become without her, and the baby, who'd be a stranger to her—a moving picture in the TV box of the visiting room windows.

"Jack says it'll be fine. But everything is different. He won't even know what to do with me once I'm out. The baby will only love him." Kate met Mr. Aubrey's eyes, her own bare and glassy and real—"They won't even know me."

* * *

That's 23! I only got about three or four reviews last chapter, and I'd really like to bring up the count if it's not too much trouble. I know these have been a dark few chapters, but won't it make the light at the end of the tunnel all the brighter when it arrives? Looking forward to some feedback: let me know what you think about the dialogue, the format of the chapter, what you think about Kate's depression and the trial, favorite quotes, anything! I'd love to hear from you. More soon...**REVIEW!**


	24. Dr Gorman

When Kate's sentence was reduced to one year and ninety days, Mr. McBride had explained through his excitement what a _gift_ it was. That _fate_, and the judge, had been on their side.

Jack, who had been lost in the current of McBride's jubilance, was breathless and Kate felt the knuckles of her hand, in his, turn white. Jack had kissed her soundly on the mouth, his hand finding the gentle curve of her belly, his thumb circling the skin through her shirt—and in the moment Kate felt some of his excitement dip into her, too. But hours later, when she was tucked away in the same cell as before, she'd forgotten the feeling already.

She'd been in jail a month before the appeal, and then it took another month to wade through the proceedings. She felt the tan slipping off her skin, felt her hair uncoil a little from its springs, felt her voice grow softer and drier. Today would be her third prenatal exam in prison. Jack was coming, but she wasn't sure she was as happy as she should be. It just made things harder.

"_Katherine Austen?"_

_It wasn't the same doctor as the one from her first exam. He'd been around forty, sharp-nosed and cold. This new doctor was a woman. Kate hadn't been expecting that. She was pretty too, blonde and young—maybe in her late thirties. _

"_Yeah, that's me."_

"_I'm Dr. Gorman. I'll be your physician for the duration of your pregnancy." The doctor gave her a perfunctory smile and patted the long reclining chair. "You can lie back here."_

_Kate, uneasily, sat and settled back into the medical chair. The doctor smiled._

"_You can relax, Katherine—nothing serious today, just a typical checkup." She snapped on a pair of the standard white, latex gloves. Kate tried to imagine what Jack's hands would look like inside gloves like those._

"_What happened to the other doctor?" Kate asked after a moment._

_Dr. Gorman looked up from adjusting her gloves. "Dr. Spellman transferred to an out of prison clinic. I'll be taking over his former cases." She rolled her chair closer to Kate. _

"_Do you have any questions?"_

_Kate shook her head._

"_I have your history here. No history of thyroid disorder, sexually transmitted diseases, or anything else worth noting. Should I know anything before we begin?"_

_Kate felt like asking her if she knew her other history, too. Why she was there to begin with, instead of in a real hospital, not just a removed clinical ward. _

"_Did my—" Kate squirmed and retraced her words, knowing the answer already "…the father—Jack Shepherd—he's not going to be here?"_

_Dr. Gorman smiled sympathetically, but her eyes sparkled a bit. "Unfortunately, Katherine, Jack won't be able to attend _this_ exam. But I believe arrangements are being made so that he can attend the next one."_

_Kate's brow knotted. Since when was Jack allowed to attend her exams? And since when was he on a first name basis with prison doctors? _

"_It's Kate," she offered first, "and do you…have you met—"_

_Dr. Gorman blushed a little, ducking her head and laughing nervously. "I met Dr. Shepherd earlier this week. He asked to speak with me."_

_Kate smiled ruefully. That sounded like Jack. "And he's allowed to come to the exams now? How did that—"_

"_We discussed the possibility. And following our meeting I made arrangements with my superior."_

_Kate noticed the flush on her cheeks. What, did Jack sleep with her so he could come visit? _

"_Just like that?" Kate asked, though it was more of a statement. She looked skeptical, and Dr. Gorman looked guilty, but she replied cheerily anyway._

"_Just like that."_

That had been at least three weeks ago. Jack visited every Wednesday and Friday and stayed as long as he was allowed. Kate said little, and Jack jabbered meaninglessly about house-hunting, Charlie and Claire, how Hurley was investing in a fledgling record label from Atlanta. Once, when Kate had asked about Sawyer, she had seen Jack tense. His voice already sounded harsher than it was through the speaker box.

"_Why?" He asked._

_Kate shrugged. "You mentioned everyone else from the island. I guess you haven't heard about him."_

_Jack eyed her. "No, I haven't. He doesn't keep in touch with any of us—like that's a surprise."_

_Kate had sighed, trying to rub at her chaffed wrists._

"_I'll be at your next exam." Jack said softly after a moment._

_  
Kate looked up, a smile creeping on her face. "I heard." She squinted a little. "From Dr. Gorman?"_

_Jack ducked his head, pinching the bridge of his nose as his cheeks pinked. "I kind of flirted with her a little. So I could see you."_

_Kate smirked. "She blushed too."_

"_She mentioned me?"_

_Kate laughed, then raised her voice an octave and to a breathier tone, mimicking the doctor: "I've made arrangements for Jack—I mean Dr. Shepherd—to attend your next exam."_

_Jack laughed too._

"_I think she's got the hots for you." Kate said, voice returning to normal. Jack ducked bashfully._

"_Yeah, well. I've got _the hots_ for someone else."_

_Kate smiled. "You don't have to do that, you know."_

_Jack looked up, confused. "What?"_

"_Convince me that you care about me."_

"_I'm not trying to convince you."_

"_Good." Kate said, smiling. "Because I know you do. And I love you, too."_

_Jack blushed again, insides aching through the speaker box. "I love you." He said softly, and Kate could barely make out the three little words through the grain of the speaker box._

"_Next Monday, right? The exam?"_

_Jack nodded, shifting into business mode. "I'm going to make sure they're giving you proper treatment."_

_Kate grinned. "I'm not sure they will. Dr. Gorman might be pretty distracted with you there."_

_Jack rolled his eyes. "Don't you mean Marie? We're, after all, on a first name basis." He said teasingly._

_Kate giggled. "Shut up. I'm the one carrying your baby."_

_Jack turned serious._

"Our_ baby." He shifted closer to the glass. "I can't _wait_ to see our baby with you."_

_

* * *

_So that one was a little short. But next chapter you'll get a nice, in the present, Jack/Kate bonding (with Dr. Gorman creeping over their shoulders) and some more interesting twists. More to come very soon, hopefully before Monday. You guys were amazing with reviews last time. I'd really love to keep it up. It's pretty inspiring and makes it alllllll worth it. Love it! Review, please! 


	25. Sam

_Jack sat in an overstuffed chair, looking desperate for something as he rubbed into his temples furiously. _

"_Is this what you wanted all along?"_

_Kate's brows met in confusion. "What are you talking about?"_

_Jack stood, starting towards her—eyes dark with anguish, rage._

"_You never wanted this baby."_

"_Jack—" Kate started reproachfully, hands coming to round around her stomach. But when her hands didn't curve around the familiar bulge, she started, looking down and seeing no bump at all._

"_What…" She trailed, not believing. "I just felt—"_

"_Don't lie to me!" Jack shouted, slamming his fist against the wall near Kate's side. She flinched, but Jack didn't stop._

_Leaning in, she felt his breath rush across her face, felt the heat rising off him in waves. She sucked in a breath at the look in his eyes._

"_I can't even look at you." Jack spat, voice venomous._

_She reached out to him, but he shook her off, back now turned as he headed for the door. _

"_Wait! I don't even know what's going on. Jack, I'm sorry, I don't--"_

"_I'm leaving, Kate. I can't do this anymore. I never should have started this with you to begin with. This was a mistake." He looked back at her. "You ruined my life."_

Kate sat up with a gasp, hand finding her belly. She felt sick, a wave of bile rushing up her throat just before she made it over to the toilet in the corner of her cell.

When she was finished she sat back, hand wiping away the sweat that had crept onto her brow. The same dream for two nights running. The second time had felt even more real than the first.

Jack would be coming tomorrow for her third exam. She wasn't sure what she was afraid of, what was making her wake up in a cold sweat for two nights a row—but maybe seeing Jack would fix it. That always fixed it.

The exam room was cold and drab looking. Kate fidgeted in the long, pea-green exam chair. The gown they had given her was papery and light and she knew what Jack would say when he saw how thin she'd become—the only sign of a weight gain showing from the soft protruding of her belly.

The guard at the door was at least fifty, and skinny, but he ignored her and kept his eyes trained ahead of him. Kate let out a long breath and saw the guard shift a fraction at the door. She rolled her eyes.

This would be the first time she'd be in the same room as Jack since her latest appeal. And even then, he had been so out of reach, so removed. And now he'd be here, holding her hand while they saw their baby for the first time together.

The door opened and Dr. Gorman walked in with Jack on her heels. She was talking about something and Jack gave her a polite nod and tight smile before he was at Kate's side, a gentle hand curving up her arm before he pulled her shoulders towards him in a hug.

"Hey." He breathed against her ear. She squeezed him a little harder. He let his hands drop away and they found her cheeks, thumbs brushing just beneath her eyes. He kissed her gently, mouth dry against hers before he pulled back, licked his lips and dove in again, and she could feel his smile pressed against her mouth.

Jack pulled away, his eyes sparkling. "I can't believe you're here." Kate whispered.

He smiled and shook his head. "Me neither." He gripped her hand in his—it was sweaty and Kate felt like giggling.

Dr. Gorman cleared her throat. "I think we're ready to get started." She said cheerily, but her smile was fake.

Jack's return smile was just as forced. He wheeled a small stool beneath him and drew close to Kate, sending her a warm smile.

"Feeling okay? Eating and sleeping well?" Jack asked worriedly.

"Now, now, you're in _my _exam room now, Jack." Dr. Gorman teased and Jack laughed lightly, blushing.

Kate felt like rolling her eyes. She squeezed Jack's hand "I'm okay."

While the doctor fidgeted with the numerous machines, Jack leaned close to Kate's ear, breath warm and making Kate shiver.

"I wish we were _really_ alone."

Kate smiled, but it didn't meet her eyes.

When Dr. Gorman lifted the gown to find Kate's stomach, she felt Jack's eyes slide up her legs and settle onto her belly—stretched taut over her bump. Dr. Gorman squirted cold gel onto Kate's stomach and began rotating the wand over her flesh—looking for the telltale shape of the growing fetus.

"You're about four months along now, Kate, but you're not exactly where I want you weight-wise. I'm going to have medical services provide you with a few extra vitamins to supplement your meals."

Jack nodded dutifully along with Dr. Gorman, and the doctor sent him a sympathetic smile that made Kate uncomfortable. Why should she feel sorry?

"When is the baby due?" Jack asked.

"About October seventeenth. But, as I'm sure you know, Jack, it's not unusual for first time mothers of Kate's age and health to deliver a week or two early."

Jack nodded again, looking pensive.

"And the services she'll receive here? I mean, it's already June and this is only her third exam. I want to be sure she's receiving proper care."

Kate watched on with fascination as Dr. Gorman's back straightened an inch.

"I can assure you, Dr. Shepherd, this facility doesn't shirk its medical responsibilities just because its patient field consists of convicts."

Kate felt Jack tense, but he seemed to keep it in check, meeting Kate's eyes a moment before responding. "I understand."

Dr. Gorman nodded quickly before turning back to the sonogram machine. Jack looked at Kate and softened, pushing some hair behind her ear.

"You're not eating." He said softly.

Kate fidgeted. "I am too. Their food makes me sick."

Jack frowned. "Are you eating meat?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Kate, you have to take all the proteins you can get." He sidled closer, voice dipping. "Do it for me, for the baby."

She looked at his him closely for a moment. He looked tired. She nodded and he seemed relieved.

"I rented a house."

Kate groaned. "You didn't."

Dr. Gorman looked over, as if she disapproved. Kate only just stopped from shooting her a glare.

"I want to be here. You'll be out in a year—the baby will only be a few months old. I want to make sure we're close by so we can see you."

Kate let out a frustrated moan.

"Kate, you said you loved Iowa." Jack implored.

She glared at him. "That was before I got imprisoned here."

Jack smirked. "We'll be fine. You'll love the place. It's got three bedrooms." He wet his lips. "Maybe we'll settle down here," he said softly, "I want our baby to be like you, not raised in a smoggy city." He smiled crookedly and Kate softened.

"Just until I'm out, okay? Then we'll look somewhere else." Kate looked around the drab exam room, the grey walls and the sticky vinyl of the exam chair. "I don't want to be near this place any longer than I have to."

Before Jack could answer, a distinct whirring drew their attention towards to the monitor where Dr. Gorman had focused in on a large white flicker on the bottom left of the screen.

"There," Dr. Gorman pointed, "that's the fetus at approximately fourth months."

Jack was quiet a moment before laughing and turning to kiss Kate, hand cradling the back of her neck as he pried her mouth open with the tip of his tongue. Kate kissed his back but knew she hadn't seen it.

When Jack pulled away he glued his eyes to the monitor again. "Can we get this printed?" He asked breathlessly.

"Jack." Kate said softly, eyes searching the monitor blankly. "I don't see it."

"What? She's right there," he assured her, pointing to the sputter on the screen's corner, shapely at this stage.

Kate squinted towards it, like it might help her see it better. Finally, she made out the shape surrounded by black. It just looked like a white blob in a mass of dark, but then—just there she could see the shape, the distinctness outlining itself to her eyes.

"Do you see it?" Jack asked. Kate nodded wordlessly.

"And that soft whirring is the sound of the heartbeat." Dr. Gorman said frankly. "Perfectly normal. Sounds very healthy."

Normal. That was new to their lives.

Kate turned back to Jack abruptly. "You think it's a girl?"

Jack blushed, ducking his head. "I don't know." He said bashfully.

"I can find out the sex of the baby if you'd like." The doctor offered.

Kate would have said yes—it might have given her something real during the whole pregnancy, a piece of it she could count on during the whole of it. But Jack had already shaken his head firmly.

"No, I want to wait." He looked at Kate. "If that's okay with you."

Kate nodded mutely, still in shock over seeing the baby. It really was inside her. Not just some passing illness, not something that would be cured. It was really there. And she really did want this.

"I'll print a few copies." Dr. Gorman said softly and froze the image on the screen.

"Do you—do you think we could have a few minutes alone?" Jack asked cautiously. Dr. Gorman seemed nervous, unsure—glancing at the guard by the door.

"I—I suppose that's alright. I'm going to grab a few pieces of paperwork for you in my office. Some insurance issues I need to go over with you." Dr. Gorman stood. "I'll be back in a minute."

Jack smiled before swiveling back to Kate. As soon as Dr. Gorman left, Jack looked back at Kate.

"How is it here? How are they treating you?"

Kate laughed. "I'm okay, Jack. It's prison, what do you expect?"

Jack's eyebrows knit and he scowled. "It's not funny. This is really serious. If they're not treating you right, I need to know. I want to keep you and the baby safe."

Kate nodded, fidgeting and picking at a tear in the arm rest's vinyl. "Pick any names?" Kate said quietly, trying to be nonchalant. Jack grinned.

"A few. Girls' names. I know it's not—nothing is for sure. I just feel like it might be a girl. I'd be okay with either one."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Yeah right. You just want a girl who you can spoil." Kate poked at his chest softly, "A girl you can boss around who might actually listen." Kate teased.

Jack laughed, and Kate realized how much she'd missed the sound.

"I miss you." Kate said seriously, holding Jack's gaze until he broke it, nervous.

"I wish we could…I miss being with you. Sleeping with you. It's lonely here." She confessed.

Jack shifted closer and smiled slightly. "I'd try for conjugal visits, but we aren't exactly married."

Kate huffed out a laugh and swallowed back the tightness in her throat. "I know."

Jack wet his lips and looked over at the guard—his eyes still trained ahead. "When you're out of here, I'm going to change that."

Kate looked up at him, but Jack kept going. "I want you for myself. Forever. I want a family with you and I don't want to waste anymore time. I want to make you my wife." His hand cupped her cheek—it was cold.

"What do you say?"

Kate laughed, and swatted at a runaway tear. "We have the most serious conversations in the strangest places." Kate tried, but Jack didn't avert his steady gaze.

Kate nodded. "Okay. I can do that."

Jack smiled. "Do you want to? You wanna marry me?"

She smiled. "Uh-huh. But don't go getting a big head. You're only marrying a convicted—"

But Jack cut her off with a kiss, deepening it into her mouth as her hands crept around under his arms, pulling him closer. Jack pushed the armrest up and out of his way and found Kate's side, pulling her into a curve into his chest—warm and solid and the best feeling he'd known in a long time.

He broke from her lips, laying a soft kiss just under jaw and then the base of her neck. He stopped there, breathing into her collarbone while her fingers kneaded his back.

"I hate that I can't have you right this second." He said softly, the words moist against her neck.

Kate rubbed his back soothingly, urging him back to her mouth. She dipped her tongue into his mouth, soothing it over his until his hands curved farther up her sides in tantalizing strokes, eliciting a small whimper up and into his mouth.

The guard coughed purposefully from his spot at the door and Jack broke off the kiss as if he'd just been caught by his parents. He closed his eyes and caught his breath before smiling impishly at Kate.

"Sorry." He mouthed, pressing two quick kisses to Kate's lips.

"Do you want me to write to you?" He asked, hands still warm at her sides.

"Are you going somewhere?"

"No—it's just…I only get to see you for a combined hour a week. I just thought you might want…you know, to talk more."

Kate shrugged. "Okay. I'm not so good at writing letters."

Jack smiled again. "It's okay. I'll send pictures of the house," he leaned closer, "and our bedroom."

Kate laughed. "It won't be as good as the real thing."

"You can just imagine you're there with me."

Kate nodded, turning sad. Jack frowned. "Just a year. Next June you'll be out. We'll do anything you want. Go anywhere." Kate didn't smile. "You can name the baby," Jack tried.

Kate looked up at him, thoughtfully and morose. "No, I want you to. I don't know—I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know if I can do this." Kate confessed, looking guilty.

Jack only shook his head. "You're going to be great. And you're brave. We'll do this together."

"You're not going to be allowed to be there when I have this baby."

"I know. But that doesn't mean I can't bring her to see you after."

Kate didn't say anything and Jack watched her die a little under the weight of everything.

"I was thinking Samantha. Since you want a girl. We could call her Sam." Kate tried.

Jack smiled. "I like it. It sounds like a name your daughter should have."

Kate grinned. "Don't forget, she's _ours_." Kate teased, reminding him of all the assurances he'd given her over the past few months.

"Samantha Shepherd." He tested.

"Shepherd?" Kate snorted.

"What, you wanted Austen?"

Kate laughed. "Does that mean I become a Shepherd too?" She asked, crinkling her nose.

Jack tweaked it, and she hummed with laughter.

"It means you both get to be mine. That's the way I want it. I want you both to be mine. And I'm going to be yours." He dipped his head, resting his forehead on hers, mouths just barely touching. "Be safe here. Be healthy. I can't let you get hurt in a place where I can't stop it, where I can't help you."

"I will, don't worry. I'm in a four-by-six cell for practically twenty-four hours a day." She kissed him, wet and deep so that he would forget his anxiety. Her hands gripped at the muscles of his back just above his belt. "What's the worst that could happen?"

* * *

_So that's that chapter! Number 25. Sorry it's been so long. Been on a few trips round South America on surf trips but I finally got around to posting. More to come soon. Reviews are pretty low, only about 3 since last chapter. Hope you're still liking it! More to come soon, sense the foreshadowing! Review please!_


	26. Letters

**Warning: sexual content in some form or another, could be considered a little more graphic than usual**

* * *

"_Hey John, you seen Kate around?"_

_Locke smirked visibly, wielding his knife as he made easy swipes against his stubble with the long blade._

"_What?" Jack asked, huffing a bit from the walk._

_Locke shook his head, grin still stretched. "Kate just came by asking for you, too."_

_Jack eyed the tree line of the clearing. If he hurried, maybe he could catch up with her._

"_Did you see which way she went?"_

"_Playing hide and seek?" Locke joked. He set down the long blade on the rock he was propped against. He took a long damp towel that hung from his pocket and used it to dab at his freshly shorn cheeks._

"_The beach maybe?" Jack pointed behind him, clearly not amused._

_Locke eyed Jack closely, the familiar look of study and analysis making Jack squirm. _

"_I told Kate something I don't think she liked hearing much, Jack."_

_Jack tensed, shifting his weight and setting his hands on his hips, waiting for Locke to continue._

"_I told her how surprised I was that she could settle down with you. That she could settle down with someone _like_ you. A man of science, a leader—a man who likes control. I told her I was surprised she'd let herself get tied down that way. "_

_Jack shook his head, frustrated with Locke's unpredictability and cryptic behavior._

"_Why the hell would you tell her something like that? Why would you even think it at all?" Jack snarled._

_Locke shrugged, looking innocent. "It was just an observation."_

_Jack snorted. "Well, you can keep your observations to yourself. What goes on between me and Kate is not even close to being any of your concern."_

_Locke laughed._

"_What?" Jack practically barked._

"_You two said the same things, but I can't help but wondering if you both don't secretly agree with me."_

_Jack watched him a second, his jaw clenching tight before he stormed off back towards the beach. He'd wait a while before he went after Kate. _

It was raining so hard outside that Jack had to pull over to the side of the road to let the worst of it pass. When he thought Iowa—it didn't include torrential downpours in the middle of June. The windshield wipers whisked away the water, but not fast enough.

Miles of farmland. Cows. Fields. All spread out in full-fledge Iowa farmland basking in the summer heat. Jack missed living in a city and practicing medicine and his mother and the few friends he had left. Iowa wasn't for him. But neither was L.A. Not without Kate.

He hadn't made any friends in Iowa. Not that a few months really qualified him as a townie—so he wasn't expecting any real shows of welcoming. Dr. Gorman had left him a few messages over the past couple months. Once asking him to dinner. Another time for coffee. He'd called her back and explained that he couldn't, was quite busy with securing the transfer from St. Sebastian's to the local Skillet County Memorial Hospital. That securing the rental on the house would take time. And moving from L.A.

Dr. Gorman—Marie—had seemed to understand the subtext. That he wasn't interested.

But it was lonely. Sometimes Jack wished he'd never taken Kate cross country. Then maybe she wouldn't have been caught. He wished a lot of things these days.

He headed home after the rain eased up. He grabbed the mail and slipped off his shoes after he'd made it inside the door—not wanting to track mud across the hardwood.

He flipped perfunctorily through the few envelopes. Bills and junk, then a fine handwritten scrawl, a bit splotched by rain. Kate.

He tossed the other letters down on the kitchen counter, took out a knife and slit open the top of Kate's letter. It'd been two weeks since the exam. And she'd had to miss the last two visits so that she could meet with her therapist after he'd rescheduled. And now her letter was half open in his hands. He yanked out the letter and out fell a square, grainy black and white picture. The baby.

_Jack, _

_I bet I know what you're thinking. I know—I'm not much for letter writing or any other kind of writing, I guess, but I wanted to send you these and to let you know I'm okay._

_I'm sorry I had to miss the last two visitations. The shrink said it was 'imperative' that the sessions be rescheduled. He just happened to pick the worst possible times. You don't know how much I look forward to seeing you every Wednesday and every Friday. Every time our half hour is up I feel like I'm diving back underwater and seeing you every week is the only time I get to breathe. But don't worry about me here. I made a friend. Her name is Marge and she's probably as old as my mom would be. She's pretty nice…she's been here a long time. It's good to talk to someone who isn't trying to psychoanalyze me. It's nice to just not worry or miss you all the time. _

_I know I said I hated it that you rented the house, but I guess you're right. You can't raise a baby in hotel room and I know you're not gonna go back to Los Angeles while I'm still stuck in here, no matter what I say. But Jack, you have to promise me you won't paint her room pink. I know I'm not around to make all these very, very important decisions like what diaper brand to put on her, what's for breakfast, and what kind of duck wallpaper to spend hours hanging—but please, no pink. _

_I was thinking—I know they said a year and three months after the parole hearing, but what happens if I don't make parole? I should start lying to my shrink just so he can think he's making some big breakthrough and then he'll give the review board a good report. That I'm a reformed criminal or some bullshit. I've been thinking about the sentencing and parole board a lot but I was too scared to talk to you about in person without crying. Sometimes I think this is all too much and I might just die inside here. I spent so much of my life running from exactly where I am. _

_Mostly things are good, I miss you and I decided I want the baby to have your straight hair. I don't think any living thing deserves the burden of dealing with the mess of hair I have. I hope you're okay. Send me pictures of the house, and of you—so I can keep them here along with the baby's. I'll see you soon._

_Love,_

_Kate_

Jack read through it a second and third time before he folded it and examined every inch of the baby's sonogram picture. The letter had ended abruptly, like Kate had gotten caught up and then tugged suddenly away. He could almost hear her voice reading it to him, like in a movie narration. He took the single magnet from the fridge—shaped like a house with the real estate agency's information inside—and pegged the letter up. That night when he went to bed he set the baby's picture leaning up against the bedside lamp so it'd be the first thing he'd see when he woke up. Sam. No pink.

"_Want some fruit salad?" Kate asked innocently, proffering the crude bowl to Jack, but he only shook his head, eyes hard with concentration. He sat down heavily next to her, eyes still steely and not meeting hers._

_Kate let the bowl sit on the kitchen station's table. "What is it?" She asked carefully leaning towards him, her eyes darting around to the outside of the station, watching who was around._

"_Did Locke talk to you?" Jack asked suddenly, eyes flying up to hers. Kate sat back._

"_Did he talk to _you?"_ Kate asked._

_Jack smiled faintly and lopsidedly, a bit of tension easing out of him and the muscles of his neck. _

"_Yeah. About the same thing."_

_Kate looked surprised for a moment before blowing a wild curl away from her face. _

"_That's Locke for you." Kate tried._

_Jack nodded, picking at his fingernail. "Do you think he's right? Do you feel tied down by me?"_

_Kate snorted. "Since when did you start taking what Locke says seriously?"_

_Jack looked at her hard. "Answer the question."_

_Kate's back straightened. "Why should I? Why would I even be with you if that's how I felt?"_

_Jack's eyes wavered but he didn't lose the aggression in them._

"_Jack, I'm not sure how many more accusations I can take before I actually start to feel guilty for things I haven't even done."_

"_Since when do you feel guilty about anything?" Jack spat back without thinking, regretting it instantly when the hurt lanced across her face._

_She leaned close to him, voice low and harsh. "When you feel like acting rationally and getting your head out of your ass, why don't you come find me."_

_Kate let her eyes bore into his a moment longer before turning on her heel and striding off towards the jungle, sand kicking up behind her determined strides. _

Jack let the hot water rush onto his back and work to uncoil the tension in his neck. The water in the rental house sometimes ran cold at odd moments, and he knew the shower leaked—another problem he'd have to fix—but he'd been in bed for two hours tossing and turning and he hoped that a warm shower might calm him down.

His left hand itched at his side. He thought of Kate—the way her eyes looked sleepy in the mornings and how warm her body was, how her leg would somehow get pressed in between his, the top of her thigh rubbing into him and making him wake up with a grunt every morning.

He thought of her cooking and the way her tank top would ride up when she reached for something up high. He thought of her getting out of the shower and how she'd let him unknot the towel and press her back into the wall, his knee nudging between hers and his hands slipping up her sides until she whimpered and begged him to kiss her, begged him to touch her, how she'd beg him until finally she'd take his hand and guide it just to where she wanted him. He'd laugh into her mouth and she'd buck her hips into his hand while her forehead rested in the crook of his neck—her mouth breathing out quick puffs of hot air against his collarbone while he worked her.

Jack felt the heat in him rise in tune with the movement of his hand. He put out his right hand to balance himself against the cold tile as he grew more frantic, hotter. He thought of them reading the paper in the mornings back in his L.A. apartment. How he'd went to refill his coffee and Kate had crept behind him, hands slithering around to loosen the string on his pajama bottoms. He remembered how he'd turned, surprised, and she'd shoved him back into the counter, body sliding down his deliciously until she'd kneeled preciously in front of him, instructing him to close his eyes and not make a sound while her mouth found him and his hands had curled into her air—coffee forgotten.

Jack came with a shout and slapped a blunt palm against the slick tile wall while he shuddered. Just as soon as he came down from his high he felt guilty and worse than before.

He slipped back into bed, not bothering to dress or dry off. He felt the sheets cling to him and found he could sleep less now than he could before.

He wondered if Kate was lonely the way he was lonely and what she did about it if she was. Just as quickly as the thoughts arose he shoved them purposefully away—the image of them making him grown warm again.

"Sam." He said out loud, testing the sound. "Samantha."

"Katherine Shepherd." He tried. "Mrs. Dr. Jack Shepherd." He laughed at that one.

"Kate Shepherd." That sounded best, he decided.

He got up and flicked the light on, rustling around the bedside table's drawer and yanking out a notebook and pencil, both inscribed with the real estate company's insignia—again.

_Kate_

_I miss you. I thought of you tonight over and over again and wished you were here. I wouldn't even mind it if I was there, as long as I could be with you. Can you imagine? I don't think I ever used to sound this romantic before I met you._

_I don't know why I'm writing if I'm going to see you tomorrow at the visitation. After a few weeks we'll be able to meet in the regular visiting quarters instead of through glass. I don't know why it takes so long to get clearance for stupid stuff like this. Maybe I'm just ego-tripping. I _am_ a doctor, you know._

_Speaking of which, I think the transfer has finally been processed at the local hospital. Maybe you won't like my asking but did Tom work there? It's not L.A. but I guess you don't need a big city to treat patients. _

_The more and more I think about it, the more I like the name Sam—Samantha. If it's a boy (even though I don't think so) what will we name him then? I promise no pink. Maybe yellow? You can choose when you come home. I'll take pictures of the house tomorrow. Every room. A couple of our bedroom so you can start getting ideas—I know I have. _

_Kate, I don't want you to give up. I think if you really try in your therapy sessions you could get something out of it. And if cooperating will get you out sooner then that's what you should do. Every time you're lonely or going crazy, just remember what's waiting for you, and just touch the baby and think about what our future is going to be like. Full of soccer games, ballet classes, mini-vans and camping trips. And sex. Lots and lots of sex. (I just remembered that the prison probably scans these…oops.)_

_I miss you more than you know. I think about you all the time. I don't feel like unpacking a single box until you get here. Be safe and healthy. I'll see you soon. I love you._

_Jack_

_P.S – When you get out, you're going to get the best massage you've ever had._

Jack set the pen down and read through the letter again. Erasing all the cross outs and making it look neat. His doctor's scrawl would have to do.

He slept better that night, until morning—then it all started again.

"_Room for two?" Jack asked through the tarp on Kate's tent, trying his best to sound innocent and apologetic all at once. Kate didn't seem to buy into it too fast._

"_Have you retracted your claws?" She called back._

_Jack laughed and ducked his head._

"_Claws retracted, yeah."_

"_Come in then."_

_Jack lifted the flap and Kate was there, back settled against one wall of her shelter and her legs spread out in front of her, feet buried in the sand and her chin almost touching her chest. She looked up at Jack moodily and he sidled into the tent, crouching and then sitting up on his knees. He waved an absent hand in front of him, unsure of how to begin._

"_Hey."_

_Kate smirked. "If I had a coconut for every time someone started an apology that way…"_

_Jack smiled. "You're right. I'm apologizing. I was out of line."_

_Kate seemed more interested at this, shifting to sit up a bit and raising an eyebrow. _

_Jack took this as a cue to continue. "I shouldn't have…what John said was ridiculous and I shouldn't have bought into it and then turned on you like that. And then gone after you about," he motioned awkwardly, "your past."_

_Kate fidgeted. "Yeah, well." She mumbled under her breath, fingernails picking out the flecks of sand that had combed into her shirt._

_Jack sighed. "So, I'm sorry. I messed up."_

_Kate eyed him, and finally sat up. "It's okay." Jack smiled and crawled closer to her until their shoulders brushed and he settled back next to her._

"_I'm sorry, too." Kate said softly and Jack looked at her questioningly._

"_Kate, don't—this was my—"_

"_No, just listen," she started, raising a hand to stop him, "when you asked me about what Locke said…"_

_She fidgeted, picking at a hole at the knee in her jeans. "I guess I got so mad because maybe a little bit of what he said was true."_

_She felt Jack tense next to her, ready to attack. "But it's not you that makes me feel tied down, and tied down isn't even the right word," she said quickly, feeling Jack halt and let her finish. "It's just that…I'm not used to sharing anything with anybody. It's always just me, and being with you now—here—it's not just like dating out in the real world. I could never escape you here, we could never _not_ work out. It would be it. And Locke was right—that _is _settling down."_

"_Escape me?" Jack said hatefully and Kate shut her eyes._

"_I mean it's a bigger deal on the island. Not to mention if we, when we," she amended and motioned between them, "there's nothing to protect us. And a baby? Jesus, Jack. That's a big deal."_

_Jack seemed to consider this, quiet, and Kate waited in suspense for the blow she anticipated. _

"_I want to be with you, but you just have to understand…me. I'm giving myself to you by being with you, and all the sudden I want to. I just don't know what happens after I do. And that scares me."_

_Jack was quiet, unmoving another moment and Kate felt like tearing through the tarp of her shelter and running away. Down the beach to nowhere until there was nothing but rocks, trees, and sand and she could disappear into one of them._

"_I think I could be with you forever." Jack said carefully after a long minute. He was looking straight ahead, but he could feel Kate's body stiffen next to his and he turned to face her. "I don't want you to hold back and I don't want you to feel stifled or tied down—then you wouldn't be you." Jack said with a lopsided grin and reached out to tuck a curl behind her ear._

"_And I'm…I'm scared, too. But let's be scared together if that means you won't run from this. I don't want you to get half way in and then go, find someone else, break it off. If you're going all in, then I am too. But let's really do it, let's not kid ourselves."_

_Jack thought it might have been the best thing he'd ever said to a woman, and he was ready to revel in Kate's wonder at his words, but she ducked her head and when she looked up to meet his eyes again she had a laugh stretched into her grin._

"_That was pretty damn poetic. Like something right out of Jerry McGuire."_

_Jack look stunned a moment before laughing loud and kissing her. She pressed close to him, mouth moving under his until his opened wider, letting her tongue sweep inside and slide around with his, making his skin crawl with the desire to touch her. She pulled back after a moment, lips swollen and moist._

"_We should go make out in front of Locke and _then_ see what he has to say." Kate joked, and Jack drew her closer, pressing her down into the sand with his weight atop hers. _

"_I think we should make out right here and then go beat up John a little later…_after_ I've ravished you senseless."_

"_Ravished is a pretty strong word. Think you can live up to the hype?" Kate teased, nipping at his bottom lip while he adjusted himself to lie over her, body heat molding into hers deliciously. _

_Her hands snaked around his back just over the top of his jeans and he felt like groaning loud, but held it in._

"_Just watch me. You might learn a thing or two."_

_Kate laughed and Jack took the opportunity to dip his mouth down to hers and steal her breath right from her with a long exhale into his mouth, and he found—with a smirk against her lips—that it was his new favorite sound._

* * *

Tried a few new things in this chapter, hope you liked it! Thanks to Athena Alexandria for a great suggestion! And for the reviewer wondering, I actually was in Costa Rica! It was gorgeous there and we caught some good waves after a few days of pretty flat waters. Always cool to meet a fellow surfer--where are you from?

More soon since I'm home now! Please review, please please! Loved 'em last time, and looking for some more!


	27. County Regional

Guess what! I'm still alive! I've just been not in the mood and busy and travelling and enjoying my time off before I head back out on the road for a bit. Hopefully these chapters will come a little faster. Please let me know what you think, throw a few words my way! This chapter is really just laying the groundwork for the future and the flashback is sort of just...there. Anyways, let me know what you think!

* * *

"Is this Jack Shepherd?"

"Yes, who is this?"

Jack could feel the sense of dread pile into his stomach, making his fists involuntarily clench at his sides. He'd just returned from a run and the sweat that drenched his t-shirt made him shiver as it cooled in the air-conditioning.

"This is Diana Feldman, the inmate clinic director at—"

"What happened?" Jack asked sternly, knowing that the director of the prison's clinic wouldn't be making personal house calls to report any good news.

The woman on the other end took a breath, anticipating Jack's hostility.

"Kate was transferred to County Regional Hospital this morning. There was some minor bleeding and we felt it'd be wise if she spent the duration of the pregnancy in an environment less stressful and more equipped to—"

"Why didn't someone call me earlier? I'm her emergency contact. It's nearly six o'clock at night. You said this happened this morning."

"Mr. Shepherd, I can assure you that—"

"It's _Doctor_ Shepherd, and I was _previously_ assured that your facilities were more than well equipped to handle any possible complications—"

"The circumstances required a slight change in protocol. This is a perfectly normal situation, Dr. Shepherd, inmates often spend time in local hospitals under guard watch when the situation calls for a transfer."

Jack didn't respond, flipping his cell phone closed, grabbing his keys, and heading for the car.

"_Sun's having the baby." Kate panted. After a lengthy sprint from the garden to Jack's medical tent on the beach, she took a long breath before starting again, seeing Jack's entire body tense._

"_We were in the garden, her water broke, I think—I, I ran here as fast as I—"_

"_Is she still there?" Jack asked firmly, already collecting items and throwing them haphazardly into his leather backpack._

_Kate nodded, then realized he was too busy to see her affirmation. "Yeah, yeah she's still there. I didn't want to move her."_

"_Do you think she'll be _able_ to move?"_

_Kate looked lost and flustered. "I—I don't know. She said she was having contractions, I don't know how far apart they are or, I don't know if she can even stand up right now, I don't—"_

"_Kate." Jack ordered firmly, making her steady herself and stop her limbs from twitching and shaking at her sides. "I need you to find Jin, then get some towels, lots of water bottles, and something to wrap the baby in. Then, I want you to come back to the garden and help me."_

_He could see her eyes flicking back and forth trying to remember the ticker list of items to remember. "Towels, water…" She mumbled under her breath, counting them out._

"_Go. Now." _

_  
Kate nodded, turning on her heel and bounding out of the tent and into Sawyer's chest._

"_Hold on there, Freckles, I think you damn near broke my rib."_

_Still quivering, Kate tried to edge past him, but he caught her arm._

"_What's all the fuss about?"_

"_Sun's having the baby. Let me go, I've got to get Jin."_

_Kate didn't wait for an answer. _

_Sawyer peeked into Jack's tent._

"_Where is she?" He asked cautiously, noting the fierceness and deliberation in Jack's movements._

"_The garden. Keep everyone here. I don't want a crowd."_

"_You sure you want _me_ babysitting?"_

_Jack stopped and leveled him a hard look. "Just do it, Sawyer." He brushed past him brusquely, finding Kate with his eyes as she stood across the beach camp, trying to calm down Jin who was frantic and nearly shouting in Korean. _

_Jack made his way over._

"_Jin, you've got to come with us to see Sun." He said evenly. Jin nodded enthusiastically, pointing and yammering on again in frantic Korean. _

_Kate eyed Jack with relief, glad he'd come over and he seemed to have kept his head in the process._

"_Yes, yes, go!" Jin said again, and Jack motioned for him to follow, Kate tagging behind and trying to clear the fog from her brain. Would this be the second baby she'd deliver on the island? _

_No place else could a murderer be a community's resident midwife. _

"Hello, Dr. Shepherd, I thought it was your day off today?" Said a red-haired receptionist at the entrance of the hospital.

Jack almost blew past her before remembering himself. "Checking on a special patient." He replied curtly, smiling politely as he hurried past, bypassing the elevators and taking the stairs two at a time to reach the fourth floor's maternity ward.

"Kate Austen?" He asked breathlessly at the front nurses' station.

"Are you a family member?" She asked curiously, eyeing Jack's familiar face, recognizing him as one of the doctors here, even if he hadn't been active in this particular ward.

"She's my fiancé." Jack said after a beat.

The nurse leaned forward a little, her voice lowering. "You're going to need an I.D. pass from one of the guards in order to visit this patient. She's listed as high security." She nodded her head in the direction down the hall, where Jack assumed Kate was.

"Look, she got brought in here on an emergency this morning. I need to see her. At least let me talk to her doctor, see her chart."

The nurse, Rita, sat back in her chair. "I'll page Dr. Ross, but you'll have to talk to the guards about visiting."

"_Think she'll be okay?" Kate asked, just as Jack had reappeared outside Sun and Jin's tent. The birth had been breached, making it especially painful for Sun. But besides that, the baby seemed healthy—a girl—and all involved seemed exhausted. _

_Jack didn't smile. "Yeah, they should be fine."_

_He trudged past her in the direction of his tent, not bothering to invite her along or fill her in on my details._

"_You okay?" She tried, turning on her feel and making her way after him, sand kicking up behind their feet. It was dark by now, and cooler, the sand almost felt good as it brushed against her calves._

"_I'm fine, Kate." Jack answered gruffly, leaving little room for further prying._

_Kate frowned, but kept it, pulling him around by the shoulder to face her. "What's wrong with you? Are you just tired or is it something else?"_

_Jack rolled his eyes. "I don't need a therapist right now. I need a shower. And some sleep."_

"_Are you going to the hatch?"_

_Jack clenched his jaw, aggravated at all the questions._

"_Yes."_

"_I'm coming."_

"_Why?"_

"_I want a shower, too."_

_Jack was ready to fire back, but stopped, feeling the temperature rise a bit at the prospect of a joint shower. Kate seemed to read his mind and blushed furiously._

"_After you, I mean." She corrected, flushed._

_Jack couldn't help his lips from twitching with amusement. "Ladies first, I guess."_

_Kate rolled her eyes, smiling playfully. "I feel like I just swam in placenta."_

_Jack wrinkled his nose. "That's disgusting."_

_Kate shrugged. "I know all sorts of medical terms now. I'm a regular midwife."_

_Jack turned and started walking towards the hatch, Kate at his side. _

"_Well, I'd talk salary with you, but I don't think I've got enough guava to match what you'd ask."_

_Kate huffed out a laugh. "It's okay. I can find my own guava, thank you very much. I didn't do anything really." _

"_Kate, I wouldn't trust anyone else to be in there with me but you."_

_Kate met his eyes, dark and serious, for a long moment before smiling shyly and turning them towards the underbrush._

"_That was pretty scary though, huh?"_

_Jack smiled crookedly. "Yeah."_

"_But you kept your head. All business in there. I was impressed." She tried, nudging his shoulder._

_Jack's face darkened though, skin slackening and making him look older._

"_Kate—the reason I, I wasn't just tired. I mean, when you asked me if there was something bothering me…"_

_Kate stopped, looking at him curiously._

"_What are you talking about?"_

_Jack ducked his head, rubbing at his jaw with one hand and stuffing the other into his pocket._

"_Kate—what had me hung up, it wasn't just Sun's baby. I was thinking…I was thinking about all the women on this island. Claire…you."_

"_I don't understand."_

"_How many more births will there be out here? I mean, not only does it get me thinking about the fact that we'll probably never be rescued, but I don't know how many more accidents and labors we can survive without losing someone. Without the right equipment and technology, _no_ sterilization…"_

"_Jack," Kate began, stopping him with a steady hand to his shoulder, "you can't control things like that. You do the best you can and that's all."_

_Jack shook his head. "If something were to happen to you. I mean, god, Kate—that could be you someday."_

_The words tumbled out of his mouth and he realized the sheer enormity of them as they crashed at her feet, making Kate's breath flee out of her lungs and into the moist jungle air. _

_She swallowed, catching herself and steeling her eyes and spine. _

"_You can't keep doing this to yourself, Jack. You can't protect and save everyone all the time. Sometimes things might not work out. You have to deal with it."_

_Kate sounded firmer in her direction than she felt, and she was sure Jack could see through it, see her shaking on the inside at the thought of having a baby here, or just whose baby Jack meant—she couldn't decipher which frightened her more._

_Jack sighed. "We better get moving."_

"Kate—Kate, wake up, it's me." Jack said softly, rubbing Kate's shoulder until her eyes drifted wearily open.

"Jack? What are you—how'd you get here?"

He smiled crookedly. "I drive my big Iowa tractor."

She managed a smile, then yawned. "They let you in? Are there still guards at the door? I was kind of out of it for a while."

Jack's brow creased. "I got in. I told them I needed to see my fiancé."

Kate's eyes brightened a little at his words, trying to shift up in her hospital bed. She glared at her wrists. "I'm surprised they didn't cuff me."

Jack squirmed. "I read your chart."

Her eyes moved slowly to his. "And?"

"And what? You don't know what's going on?"

"They keep using doctor language. No one will explain anything."

"For now, it's nothing serious." He started, one hand finding hers and trying to ease the tension out of her shoulders.

"For now?" She nearly shouted. His eyes shot towards the door and then back at her.

"There was some bleeding—a little more than normal, but the baby is fine. They want to keep you here for the duration, make sure there's little stress, little activity."

"Well, why? Why did this happen?"

Jack shook his head. "There's nothing…there's nothing you _did_. There was just a complication. Fetal distress—I don't know how to explain it, but as long as you rest, _relax_, it should be okay, alright?"

Kate looked troubled for a long moment, nodding her head absently before sitting back against the pillows.

Jack was quiet, taking in her tired eyes, the faint purple bags like half-moons waning just below the pale green of her irises. Her skin was pale, unnaturally so for the summer weather. Her hair was stringy, shorter than she usually kept it, the natural sunny highlights sliding out.

"Don't you work here?" Kate asked suddenly, breaking out of her reveries and fixing Jack with a look that was both defiant and mischievous.

"Yeah, two floors up."

Kate smiled, her hand finding his again across the bedspread. "So you can come visit me huh?"

Jack ducked his head, bashful. "I hope so."

"And look, I'm in a private room." She teased, waggling her eyebrows suggestively and making Jack laugh.

"Jesus, Kate, aren't you tired?"

She grinned. "You haven't kissed me yet."

Jack rubbed his jaw, laughing before leaning forward, letting their noses brush before pressing his lips to hers, slow at first, and then more demanding, his tongue peeking to prod at hers inside her mouth.

She felt his hand curl around into her hair, tugging on a strand playfully before nipping at her lips again. Kate reached her hand up, letting it rest on his cheek, her thumb brushing back and forth across the rough stubble. She started laughing into his mouth, making him groan and back away.

"Sorry." He tried.

"No, no, it's not that." She laughed again, her nose crinkling. "I just…you kind of stink."

Jack was a bit shocked for a second before recovering, laughing too. "I just had come back from a run when they called me to tell me you were here. I didn't have time to shower."

Kate grinned, licking her lips and setting her eyes on his. "Is it terrible that I'm glad I'm here."

Jack hesitated. "I'm glad I can see you more. But Kate, you've got to listen to your physician. I mean, this is serious."

Kate frowned. "I know that." She snapped.

"If you don't take it easy, who knows what could happen to the—"

"I get it, okay? I was the one who woke up this morning bleeding. I understand what could happen."

Jack looked at her hard a moment, struggling with apologies and regret before taking her hand between both of his.

"I wish I could have been there. I wish you didn't have to do this alone."

Kate nodded, eyes set on their joined hands. "Don't you wish all those wishes would just come true already?" She joked feebly, trying to mask the snag in her voice.

Jack eyed her sadly, finally resting a kiss on her forehead and standing. Kate tugged at his hand.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm only supposed to have fifteen minutes." He started, shuffling. "And today was probably hard. You need rest, the most you can get. I'm going to talk to your doctor, make sure he comes to check on you personally."

Kate smiled, biting her lip. "I'll see you again soon then?"

His eyes warmed, "I promise."

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Review please! I usually get an average of about four, I'd really like to get a few more! Thanks! 


	28. Getting Some

Jack gave a perfunctory nod towards the guard in front of Kate's room. Kate had been admitted to the hospital for a week and Jack, trying to be as diplomatic as possible, had made nice with her round of guards. He brought them the occasional cup of coffee, was always polite—and in turn, they were more lenient with the time he spent with her.

Jack knocked on the door twice out of courtesy before slipping inside. Kate, who by the looks of it had been staring at the stark white of the ceiling, lit up when she saw him enter.

"Hey." He beamed, setting his cup of coffee down and making his way over, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey look. I'm still alive." She joked wryly, making Jack roll his eyes.

"Very funny."

"Who's on duty today?"

"Looks like Clem."

Kate's nose screwed up. "The big guy? Brown teeth?"

Jack smiled again. "Yeah, that's the one."

Kate nodded, heaving a big sigh.

"So how long have you got?" She asked, trying to mask the hopefulness in her voice.

Jack tucked a long curl behind her ear.

"I weaseled out about forty-five minutes."

Kate's eyed widened a little bit. "Who'd you pay off?"

Jack didn't answer, instead silencing her quips with his mouth over hers, probing and steady. Kate raised a hand and let her palm scratch over the peaks of stubble on his chin, making him nuzzle into her hand all the more. He let his tongue wander further in her mouth and she tried to scoot closer, shifting until he towered over her, back arching and creating a small shell for the both of them. He set his hands on either side of her, dipping further into her mouth and making her breath catch in her throat, a little whimper escaping. Instead, his palm came down on the bed's remote and a sudden whir forced the back of the bed to go flat, sending them both off balance, Jack nearly falling on top of her.

They both looked momentarily stunned, eyes searching each others for some explanation of the shift in the universe, until Kate let out a loud laugh that puffed right into Jack's face, forcing a loud guffaw from him too. They quieted after a moment, realizing what a ruckus they were making and what the guard outside the door might be privy to hear.

"Smooth." Kate teased after wiping a tear from beneath her eye. Jack smiled crookedly, still hovering over her, bracing himself on his arms on either side of her body.

"This is quite a comprising position, Ms. Austen." Jack said suggestively, waggling his eyebrows.

Kate looked ready to laugh, and then bit her lip. He was just about to open his mouth when Kate covered it with hers, tongue brazenly diving inside and tangling with his own. Her hands smoothed down his sides until they found his hips and tried to pull her on top of the bed and over her.

Jack slowed her down, breaking off the kiss—lips swollen. "Kate, you're kidding me."

Giving her a stern, but almost wavering look that made her smile bashfully.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, but here? Come on. You can't be serious."

"We've got forty-five minutes. Who's going to interrupt?" Kate tried, hands smoothing up and down his sides.

"Clem will interrupt. And it will not only be embarrassing, but I won't be allowed to come see you again. Plus, you're here for a reason. You've got to take it easy."

"Oh come on, pregnant women have sex all the time."

Jack felt himself shiver and grow a bit warmer beneath his white oxford shirt. He gulped.

"Kate. No."

She could tell his resolve was cracking by the way his eyes shifted over her both nervously and hungrily.

"Well, if you don't want to have sex…"

"I _do _want to. We just _can't_."

"That doesn't mean we can't do…other things."

Jack thought he might explode. His eyes peeked towards the door. Kate grinned broadly.

"Can't you lock the door?"

Jack gave her a pointed look. "No. And they only lock from the outside anyway."

She shrugged innocently; fingertips gliding over his sides and to his chest, sliding lower down his stomach and over his belt buckle and finally lower. He bowed his head, eyes slipping closed, breath beginning to turn labored. It'd been a long time.

"Don't you miss me? Miss us?"

Jack nodded without a word, finding her mouth without opening his eyes and kissing her deeply, making her hands almost shake and as they snaked their way inside his dress pants.

Jack's mouth curved down her neck, finding her pulse point and biting a little, flicking over the mark with his tongue and making her squirm, her round belly brushing him.

Kate's fingers curled around him, squeezing lightly and making him grunt. He climbed all the way onto the bed and atop her. He maneuvered them onto their sides so that they were facing each other, his back towards the door.

He let his hands find their way under her hospital gown, her skin surprisingly cold against the heat of his palm. His fingers climbed up across her round stomach, finally settling on her breast, cupping its new fullness and making her wriggle closer to him. She buried her face into his neck, but gave herself enough room so she could watch what she was doing to him.

She quickened her pace and started leaving wet, warm kisses on his neck. His hips gave a lurch in time with her movements, and his hand idled on her breast, focused on what she was doing to him, how long it had been.

"Jack." She whispered into his neck, pulling his hand from her breast and sliding it down to where she wanted him most.

His eyes, dark and smoky, found hers just as they closed in pleasure, back arching and pushing her full stomach into his and he smiled. Her hand fluttered where she was holding him firm. He bit out a low growl into her ear and she returned it with nonsense whispers as he worked her too.

After a few more minutes she let out a surprised sound and shuddered as she came, her free hand curling into his chest as she bowed her head against the base of his neck, body thumping.

A long moment later, when she'd recovered and her hand had started working at him again, her mouth pressing open, wet kisses underneath his jaw—his breath puffing out against her, Jack felt himself drawing close too, pulling her closer and thrusting dryly against her twice before he came, biting lightly onto the side of her neck to suppress the groan threatening to rouse the guard on the opposite side of the door.

When both their breathing had slowed, Kate untucked her head from the crook of his neck and met his eyes shyly, a glitter of mischief and wicked satisfaction making her eyes dance as the met his.

"I can't believe that just happened." Jack managed, letting out a long breath but unable to fight the grin that stretched his mouth wide.

Kate smiled broadly. "Believe it. And right about now I think we need to clean up the evidence." She said boldly, eyeing the sheet between them.

Jack pinked and grabbed a few tissues off of the bedside table and made quick work at cleaning up and straightening his disheveled clothes.

"Are you leaving?" Kate asked quickly.

Jack glanced at his watch. "I think I've got ten minutes before time's up."

Kate relaxed again, settling back against the cushions and let a distracted hand trace over her stomach. Jack's eyes followed to where her fingertips drew lazy circles across the thin material of the hospital gown, stretched across her rounded belly.

He smiled warmly. "How's our girl doing?"

Kate's eyes flew up, surprised at being caught, but smiled. "It's okay. Been quiet today."

His eyebrows furrowed. He grabbed her chart, flipping through a few pages and glancing up at her.

"Everything seems normal here."

Kate nodded, eyes troubled. "I know."

"Then what is it?"

She studied her fingernails for a moment before purposefully clearing her eyes of the cloudy worry of before.

"Nothing, I feel good. Just a little tired. I think you wore me out." She tried, smiling brightly.

Jack couldn't hide his grin at that.

"I missed you. I missed being with you." He said softly, hands stuffed into his pockets to keep from reaching out to her again.

"Me too. I missed your hands. I missed how warm you are. I missed being close to you." She tucked a curl behind her ear. "I just missed you." Kate said earnestly, eyes dark and honest as they met his.

He shuffled closer, sitting at her bedside and letting a hand find her cheek.

"You'll be back home soon."

Kate smiled a false smile, but one bright enough to make him happy. "How's the house?"

Jack sighed, hand dropping away from her cheek and folding into his own.

"It's good…it's…not done. I haven't started the baby's room. Or any room I guess. I guess I just don't know how long we'll be here, if it's worth putting in the effort of fixing up."

Kate thought a moment before answering. "I wouldn't."

"Wouldn't what?"

"Put in the effort. I mean, after I'm out, I don't want to stay here. I want to go back to our real house."

Jack smiled ruefully, "Kate, I don't think the apartment in L.A. is going to be enough for all three of us. Or…I don't know, if there's more someday."

Kate ignored the niggling in her stomach at the mention of more children even before the one inside of her had made its entrance into the world. "I mean our real house. The house. In Maine."

Jack stopped, surprised. "You still want…I mean you still want to go back there? I thought after—"

"Do you still have it?"

Jack ran a hand through the short crop of hair on his head. "Well, yeah."

"Then we should keep it." She reached across her lap and found his hand. "Only eight months left."

Jack let out a breath, looking back at her and smiling. "When did you start being so optimistic?"

She shrugged, untangling her hand from his and picking at a thread on the coverlet.

"I don't know, I just…seeing you here everyday. I don't feel so far away from you anymore. I don't feel so trapped. So lonely."

Jack's lips curved into a sad smile as he leaned in to kiss her thoroughly, making her breath catch and his skin feel dangerously warm again.

There was a knock on the door that separated them. The guard stepped inside and frowned at their position.

"Time's up."

Kate smiled weakly at him and he found her hand and squeezed it before leaving. Kate watched him go, feeling a kick coming from inside her stomach just when he through one last look back at her before shutting the door behind him.


	29. Paul

Hey everyone. Thanks for the reviews! They started out slow but a few more came in over the course of the week, so I really appreciate it! I'm trying to update more frequently. I think the return of Lost sparked some of my interest in these stories again. Anyway, let me know what you think!

It was late afternoon when the doorbell rang, pulling Jack away from the unfinished nursery. The nursery where he'd be standing in, staring at the unpainted walls, the lack of furniture, the sheer emptiness of it all.

When he opened the door, a squat woman in a boxy pantsuit shoved a clipboard in this direction.

"Please read and sign." She said with a perfunctory nod.

"What? What's going on? Who are you?" Jack asked, confused, as he took the clipboard, just registering the child's car seat at the woman's feet. Inside, swaddled in a bundle of blue blankets was a very tiny baby.

"Is this…is this my…" Jack trailed, clipboard forgotten.

"I'm here to turn over custody of your child. Once you sign the document, I can—"

"When did this happen? How's Kate? Is she alright, I mean—"

"Sir, I'm simply the state's liaison. I don't have any information regarding your wife."

Jack stared at her a moment, the words barely registering. He hadn't been ready for this. Kate wasn't due for two more weeks. He should have been there. It was Sunday, he wasn't working. He should have been there. Somehow.

"Sir—"

"Sorry. Sorry." He managed, signing the document perfunctorily.

"It's a boy. Congratulations." The woman said with a nod, and picked up the car seat handle and handed it to Jack.

Jack watched her go, get in her nondescript state car, and drive away. He stood in the open doorway, staring out at the setting sun and the different colors the sky, the way the grass moved imperceptibly with the summer breeze ruffling through its lengths.

A slight gurgle shook him from his trance. He looked down, seeing a tiny pale fist shake free of the bundle.

"Hi."

"_This is the most emasculating thing I can imagine." Jack huffed, stroking the thin nail polish brush across Kate's toes where they were propped against his knee._

"_Come on. At least you're not bored. This house is empty. There's nothing to do. And it's too cold to go outside."_

"_That didn't stop you from dragging me out onto the rocks yesterday. I nearly broke my neck."_

"_You did not. You're such a baby."_

"_Besides, we do stuff." Jack said mischievously, eyes glinting. _

_Kate rolled here eyes. "Very funny. I've already got proof of that." She said, gesturing absently to her stomach, only the slightest of curves developing there._

_A warm look crossed Jack's face, making him forget the task at hand._

"_You look so beautiful." He said reverently, his features smoothed and focused intently on her, making her blush and nudge him with her foot._

"_Stop that."_

_Jack leaned forward, letting his hand glide up her bare leg until it reached the bottom of her shorts, then stroked back down again._

"_You just look good. I'm serious. You're glowing."_

_Kate rolled her eyes again, but was unable to fight the smile that tugged at her lips. "I think you're seeing things. That glowing thing about pregnant women is so not true."_

_Jack quirked an eyebrow. "Oh really?" He shifted her foot carefully off of him and scooted closer to her, leaning towards her mouth._

"_I think it's true." He said softly, breath rushing warm against her mouth, making her eyes focus on his own mouth._

"_Yeah?" She said faintly, waiting for his lips to claim hers._

"_Yeah." He let a finger reach out and slide softly against her cheek. "Here." He let his thumb stroke across her bottom lip. "I can taste it on you."_

_Kate laughed, startling the moment away. "C'mon Jack. Be serious."_

_He laughed too. "Okay, maybe that was too much. But I can tell. You're…different. I love it."_

_Kate lowered her eyes, fighting a smile. He tilted her chin up and closed the space between them, mouth finding hers in a gentle kiss, tugging at her mouth with his lips, making her sigh into his mouth._

Jack had set the carrier on the bed and sat down cross-legged facing it. The baby gurgled up at him, his eyes closing and opening, undecided on waking or sleeping. Then he started whimpering, first softly and then gradually building momentum.

"Um…" Jack said to no one, unsure at the first course of action.

"I need stuff." He said absently, looking around the room as if a multitude of baby supplies might magically appear.

"I need stuff. Definitely." He grabbed the carrier and drove to the nearest store, bought everything he could think of to buy, racking up an exorbitant bill and driving at an overcautiously slow speed on the return trip home. The baby stayed quiet the entire time.

He'd gotten a few curious looks by shoppers who took in his totally lost expression, how he muttered nonsense to himself as he pulled every imaginable object off the store shelves.

"What's your baby's name?" A girl who looked to be about ten asked.

Jack looked at her for a second. "It's uh…it's—"

"Is it a girl or boy?"

Jack gulped.

"A boy."

The little girl crinkled her nose and peered into the carrier.

"He's so little. Like my little brother was."

Jack stared, surprised.

"What was your brother's name?

The girl looked up at him innocently. "Paul." She shrugged. "My mama said it meant 'small'."

"Paul." Jack said quietly, letting it fall over his mouth. The baby kicked a foot out, five tiny toes meeting Jack's eye for the first time. He _was_ small. Like a football, or a loaf of bread, or a shoebox. Jack hadn't even held him yet but it felt right. He looked like a Paul. He looked so tiny. Jack_ felt_ so tiny. "Paul."

When Jack got home, Paul was asleep. Jack pressed his bed up against the wall, and took Paul out of the carrier, feeling the slight weight hold in his arms. Paul shifted, almost waking at the awkwardness of Jack's handling. But then Jack got it right, settling him into the crook of his arm and taking special care of his head until Paul settled back into sleep, his thin eyelids covering the dark, undecided mix of colors that made up his eyes.

Instead of setting him on the bed, surrounding him with pillows, Jack stood in the middle of the room with his son in his arms, letting the weight of him become familiar in his hold, feeling the curve of his small body against Jack's larger one.

"I wish your mom could be here, little guy." Jack said softly, pressing his lips against the soft dark hair of his son's warm head.

"I think you've got your mom's nose. Maybe my ears. But I hope you have her eyes. Your mom has green eyes, you know. Bright green eyes. And long curly hair, dark like ours."

He talked to him for what seemed like hours. Telling Paul everything he knew about Kate. What she looked like, what she liked, how they met, how she wished she could hold him. How he loved her and she loved him and he loved him and one day they'd all be together again.

_It was their third night in the new house. A branch had swung against the bedroom window and had woken Kate up from an already troubled sleep. She'd been having a dream about having the baby, where all there had been was blood. And her screams and a baby's screams and before she could see it, before she could run a finger down its cheek, it was gone, and Jack was gone and the only thing left were the bloody sheets and the empty feeling in her stomach and in her chest._

_She frowned and sat up, Jack's arm around her waist shifting off and back under the covers. She slipped out of bed and padded into the kitchen, fishing around the cabinets until she found some decaf tea and a kettle._

_She looked down at her stomach from where she leaned against the counter._

"_Hey baby." She whispered softly. "I know you're still probably the size of a pea, and I'm crazy for talking to you and even crazier for thinking you could even hear me but," she bit her lip, "when you're born, I'm probably going to screw up a lot. I probably am going to be the worst mother in the world but, if you take it easy on me, I think you'll have it pretty good."_

_She brushed some hair behind her ear, and let her find round across her stomach cautiously._

"_You're going to have the best dad in the world. And he wants you so bad." She blinked back a few tears. "And I'm sorry I didn't want you sooner. I'm sorry I can't be as good a mom as you deserve. But I'm going to try, okay? I really am. Your daddy deserves that, I owe him that, and I owe it to you, too. So sorry in advance for all the time I'm going to mess up." She paused, wiping away the tears that had started falling after she'd mentioned Jack's name. "Just don't let it hurt too bad, deal?" She laughed, a finger sliding over her belly button and back down._

"_Who are you talking to?" Jack asked sleepily, startling Kate away from the counter._

_He smiled impishly. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." He proffered, walking towards her and gliding his hands up and down her bare arms._

"_You must be cold." He said softly, eyebrows creasing into the familiar hard line of worry._

"_I couldn't sleep." She shrugged, steeping into Jack and feeling the warmth radiate off his chest and from his palms where they settled on the small of her back._

"_Bad dreams?" He asked knowingly, meeting her eyes full on._

_She didn't bother lying. She nodded, eyes determined but soft. "Yeah. But I'm okay now."_


	30. He Needs Her

"This looks embarrassing." Jack mused aloud, taking in the sight of his tiny son dressed in an oversized outfit—an outfit that was themed to be a train conductor's, complete with embroidered locomotives and a matching conductor's hat.

Paul hiccupped from where he was lying down, dark unreadable eyes absorbed in staring at Jack's. Jack moved to the dresser and pulled out a simpler affair, something he thought Kate would prefer seeing her son in for the first time.

He selected a simple, navy blue one-piece that seemed to bring out the stormy not-yet color of Paul's eyes. Jack smiled, niggling a finger lightly into his son's stomach and making the boy's feet kick out in delight.

"Okay. Ready to go see mommy?"

After a call to the hospital Jack was informed that Kate had been transferred back to the regional prison. Then Jack called the prison, ready to rage against whoever had the misfortune of picking up the phone. After being transferred to the chief medical officer of the health ward, he was informed that Kate was just fine and had been instructed to take it easy. He'd made up his mind to visit right away.

When Jack joined the rest of the visitors in the allotted meeting area, Paul was snoozing lightly on his shoulder, his tiny fist shoved into his even smaller mouth, making all the female visitors sigh and swoon at the sight of father and son.

"He takes after you." One woman said.

"Yes, you've got the same eyes." Chimed in another.

But Jack only smiled and thanked them; all the while he quietly thought to himself that Paul really took after Kate.

After spending only a day alone with him, Jack already realized Paul had inherited several of Kate's qualities. Her stubbornness, for one thing. Paul had at first _refused_ to take to bottle-feeding. Crying in protest until his face turned purple, making Jack nervous until Paul, hunger driving him, finally relented.

Now Jack sat, fidgety, in the clunky plastic chairs of the visitation room, watching as prisoner after prisoner filed in to the fluorescently lit room. He scanned the herd for Kate, but the door closed behind the last prisoner and Kate was not amongst the group.

Jack waited, Paul becoming fussy in his grip after twenty long minutes of non-activity, but she never came. He returned home, chalking up her absence to the weakness she most likely felt so soon after giving birth.

But when she didn't show up at the next visitation, or the next, he knew something was wrong.

"Dr. Shepherd, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Jack shook the prison therapist's hand and sat opposite him, eyes steady and waiting for an explanation.

"They told me you were the person to talk to." Jack said uneasily, wringing his hands between him.

"How's your son?"

"How did you know it was a boy?"

"Kate mentioned it in one of her sessions. You must have picked out a name by now, of course. Kate was curious…"

"It's, it's Paul. She mentioned him? I just, I'm sorry. I don't understand. I haven't seen her in a week. I don't even know what's going on."

The therapist sighed and stroked his graying beard, leaning forward and meeting Jack's eyes with an equally intense focus.

"Kate has decided to discontinue her visitation for the time being."

Jack sat back. "What?"

The therapist rubbed his hands together. "I don't know the reasoning behind her decision, all I know is what I can gather from our sessions."

Jack was quiet, body on edge, waiting to fall forward or backward into anger or despair. "She doesn't want to see us." He said evenly.

The older man shook his head. "Dr. Shepherd, to be quite honest with you, from what I deduct, Kate is simply trying to protect herself. I believe she feels like seeing her son before she can be there to raise him would be too—too painful for her."

"This is what you've deducted, is it?" Jack spat, standing abruptly and beginning to pace.

"So she's just not going to come out, for another eight months, she's just going to pretend like we don't exist." Jack bit out, not bothering to slow his rant or lower the volume of his words.

"Dr. Shepherd, you have to try and see this from her perspective."

"That's all I have EVER done."

"I'm not saying her decision was the right one. But you and I can do nothing about it except let her come around, let her sort through her own pain and hesitations on her own."

Jack stopped his pacing and met the man's eyes. "And how long is that going to take?"

"You and I both know we can't put a time table on something like this."

Jack was quiet for a long moment. Jaw setting and tensing, fists flexing at his sides.

"Fine. You tell her something for me," Jack started evenly, keeping his emotions in check, "you tell her…tell her to just forget about her, forget about me, and just, just let her know that her son needs to her. He needs to know her."

For three more weeks Jack kept attending each visitation, Paul in tow. He was growing now, his eyes dark like Jack's, his nose short and cute like Kate's, he gummed on everything, especially Jack's fingers. Kate never came to the visitations, and each time, Jack felt himself deflate, felt himself shy away from Paul and his cries, felt himself resent the distance and the time wasted and the hard-heartedness Kate must be employing.

It was late one night when Jack couldn't stop Paul's cries after an hour of trying that he picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Mom? I need your help."

Jack's mother had flown in the next day, two large suitcases indicating her plans to stay for some considerable time. When she saw her grandson for the first time, she looked surprisingly warm.

"He's got your frown, Jack." She said easily, before handing Paul back to him and swiping away the potential wetness that had threatened to leak from her eyes.

She didn't ask questions.

Jack returned from his sabbatical and began working again, but still made it to every visitation at the prison, meeting no one.

_Kate felt a strong jolt from inside her stomach, waking her up. She moved an experimental hand over her large stomach and felt a sharp pain force her eyes closed and her fists to clench. _

_She started breathing roughly, gritting her teeth until the pain passed, leaving only an ache that she would grow into a stronger wave of pain. _

_She fumbled around for the nurses' button, pressing it multiple times. She waited, two hands clutching her belly._

"_Don't come. I'm not ready yet. Please." She begged to no one, just as a nurse rushed into the room. _

"_Am I having the baby?"_

_The nurse eased her onto her back._

"_We'll see, dear. Just relax."_

_Kate tried to get her breathing under control and ease her hold on her stomach._

"_It's too early. I'm not due for two weeks."_

_The nurse looked her squarely in the eyes, serious. "Relax. You've got to relax. Everything is fine."_

_Seven hours later, everything was _not_ fine._

"_I'm NOT fine!" She shouted in pain. The doctor between her legs told her to push again and she gritted her teeth and did as she was told._

"_Push, push, you've got to push, Katherine." The doctor said roughly. _

"_I'm fucking PUSGHING goddamnit!" She shouted again and felt a strong tidal wave move through and then felt as if the pressure that been squeezing down her spine had been suddenly lifted into stronger arms._

_The thought was interrupted by the sound of a baby's cries who Kate only faintly registered as her own. _

_She looked up, face sweaty and hair matted to her head._

"_It's a boy, congratulations." The doctor said before handing him off to a nurse who took it to clean it._

"_Can I hold him?" Kate asked meekly, still out of breath and feeling weak._

"_I think it's best if you rest." The doctor said evenly, but Kate could see the look in his eyes._

"_No, no, I want to see him."_

"_Katherine, Ms. Austen, I've been instructed to turn over the child to family services so they can transfer custody to the father."_

_Kate shook her head. "No, it's too soon. He needs me right now. How can that be safe? To take him so—"_

"_I'm sorry, I'm only following orders."_

_Kate grabbed hold of the doctor's sleeve. "I want to see my son. He doesn't even have a name. He doesn't—"_

"_Let go, Ms. Austen." _

"_No, I won't, not until I can—"_

"_I don't want to have to sedate you." He said evenly._

_Kate shook her head. "No, don't--"_

"_Nurse," the doctor gestured, and instantly a nurse appeared bedside and injected a small dose of amber liquid into Kate's line._

"_No, I don't need that. Just let me see him, I'm fine—" Kate tried to fight, but she felt very drowsy and then grey crept over her eyes until she fell fast asleep, the last thing heard was the sound of a little baby's hiccups and screams fading into whispers. _

Next chapter: Kate comes home. Please review! You guys were great with it last time. Let me know what you'd like to see in the future, I can write it in for you!


	31. Jack Was Right

Hey, I'm back again with another installment. I should update again before the weekend comes. I know I promised Kate would come home in this chapter but this one is extra long anyways. She'll be back 1st thing next chapter. Leave me some lovin' and enjoy!

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"Hey buddy." Jack said softly, creeping into Paul's bedroom eight months later, a slow smile creeping onto his face when he saw his son pull himself up by the gate of the crib.

Paul reached out a pudgy hand towards Jack, gurgling and smiling at the sight of his father. With one swoop, he lifted Paul from his crib and settled him into his chest.

"Grandma not up yet, huh?" Jack mumbled, making his way into the kitchen and setting about to prepare breakfast.

By now they'd settled into a decent rhythm, a routine. After a month of leave, Jack returned to work, taking shorter shifts so he could be home for Paul. His mother, who had moved herself into the spare bedroom, watched Paul during the day. Kate was rarely mentioned between them.

In fact, the only times she was mentioned was when Margo snapped at Jack, wondering why he still took Paul to the biweekly prison visitations when no one ever came, and she had to watch her son return every week dejected and self-loathing as he wordlessly handed Paul off to her and retreated into his bedroom.

Margo heard about Kate one other time, the first week she'd moved in. She had gotten up in the middle of night to get some aspirin from the kitchen, and had passed Paul's bedroom and heard Jack's soft whisperings.

She had peeked inside the bedroom and Jack had his son in his arms, rocking him slowly as the little boy's eyes stared up dark and curiously at his father's.

"It's not that she doesn't want to see us," he'd been saying, "but your mommy is really complicated, okay? She just needs some time. But soon she'll be home, and you can get to know her, and you'll love her, too."

Margo set her mouth in a hard line and was about to break into the room and scold Jack for filling her grandson's head with lies, but she bit her tongue when she saw Jack lean down and press a gentle kiss to Paul's dark tuft of hair.

"I promise, things will get better." He'd said. And even though Margo wasn't sure they would change at all, she held her tongue, and kept walking.

"You're up early. I thought you had an early shift." Margo queried, walking into the kitchen and watched Jack as he fed Paul.

Jack shrugged offhandedly. "I thought I'd take the day off, spend some time with Paul."

Margo shot him a look, but kept quiet, by now she had learned not to interfere with her son's work habits, good or bad or as careless as she might consider them at times.

"We were going to go to the park later. You're welcome to join us." Jack offered, eyes warming and mouth quirking when Paul sneezed with a spoonful of baby food in his mouth and the goop started dribbling down his chin and shirtfront while the baby let out a gurgly laugh.

"That's alright. I've got to run to the market, pick up a few things for dinner. Make sure you bundle him up, it's still cold out for April."

Jack nodded. "Mind watching him while I take a quick shower?"

She nodded and he moved past her quickly.

"Jack," she said, stopping him. "You can't keep pretending that she's not going to be released in a few days. I need to know your plans."

Jack frowned. "I'm not pretending."

Margo rolled her eyes.

"Jack…"

"Mom, I'm not. She's coming home. That's that."

"Coming home." Margo stated accusingly. "This is home to her now?"

Jack shifted, hands finding a place on his waist.

"What, you want me to throw her out?"

"I want you to see her for who she is, for what she's done to you and your son."

His jaw clenched hard, and he looked like he was in pain.

"It isn't that simple."

Margo scoffed, laughing cruelly. "Isn't it? You haven't seen or heard from her in eight months, Jack. You think I don't see what it does to you every time you come home from one of those visits?"

Jack remained quiet, eyes steely because he knew his mother was right and above all the other times when she had been right and had rubbed it in, he hated that she was right about Kate, right about her this time.

Margo shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, son, but you've got to open your eyes. You've got to make a decision regarding this woman. Not _only_ for you own good, but for your child's."

_Jack had tried to follow his mother's advice once. Her advice to move on. So Jack, at a loss for what exactly he was supposed to do in a situation like this, had accepted an offer for coffee from a nurse at the hospital who was cute enough, nice enough it seemed. _

_He walked side by side with her on the way to the coffee shop, letting the sound of another woman's voice resonate inside his head. Her name was Laura, and she was at least three heads shorter than Jack, but she was the total opposite of Kate, and that—he thought—was exactly what he needed._

_Laura was petite, soft, and blonde. Her long, straight hair was cut fashionably; she wore trendy clothes and heels to offset her shortness. She wore enough makeup to make it noticeable but not enough to look overdone. And she talked animatedly with her hands, making wide sweeping gestures and motions that told the story of even the most mundane activities, like walking her dog or visiting her sister in Phoenix. _

"_So, Jack, now that I've talked you ear off, why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself? Besides the fact that you're a spinal surgeon from L.A. who landed here in Iowa somehow…" She smiled._

_This woman was nice, Jack thought, and settled back into his chair, deciding just what information to start with._

"_Well," he tried, "I've been living here for about a year. And yeah, it's…" he looked off, smiling crookedly, "I hate Iowa, basically." He said with a laugh and she started laughing, too._

"_Then why stick around? With a reputation like yours I'm sure you could excel in a larger hospital than County Regional."_

_Jack sighed. "Yeah, I guess. I just have a few ties keeping me here, that's all."_

_Laura leaned forward onto her elbows. "I'm glad. Especially if it means we can do this again sometime."_

_Jack almost smiled, but he felt a nudge in his gut from the inside that reminded him of Kate._

"_Laura…" he started, but she raised a hand to stop him, realizing his hesitance and the shift in his attitude._

"_I'm sorry, I don't mean to scare you off like that." She said meekly, straightening her blouse and sliding back in her chair._

_Jack shook his head. "It's not that. You seem like a really nice person, but I've got…it's not just loose ends keeping me in Iowa, there's someone I need to be here for."_

_Laura shook her head, confused. "I don't understand."_

"_I have a son, Laura. His mother is here in Iowa. That's why I'm here."_

_She looked momentarily shocked before recovering. "I—I didn't know that. I'm sorry."_

_She looked ready to bolt, but Jack stopped her. "I'm sorry, Laura. I should have told you sooner how complicated it was. I didn't mean to lead you on."_

_She forced a smile, tightlipped. "It's no problem at all, Jack. I'll see you around." _

_Laura collected her jacket and purse and made her way out of the café, leaving Jack sitting at the too-small table with a half empty espresso, loathing himself for letting Kate ruin something else, for letting Kate hold him back without even lifting a finger to do it._

Kate settled into the familiar wooden chair across from the same white-bearded prison therapist she'd been talking to for the past innumerable months.

"Hello, Kate." He said in that same even tone that made her want to roll her eyes, but she forced a smile, knowing every word she said would go back to the board reviewing her possibility for parole only two days away.

"What's on your mind today?" He started, clasping his hands together across his round stomach.

"You tell me." Kate bit back, without thinking. She sighed. "Sorry," she backtracked, "I'm just tired."

He smiled. "It's alright. Why don't we start off by talking about your review board hearing this Friday?"

Kate shrugged. "What's there to say?"

He leaned forward. "Some inmates feel a sense of dread when they know their release is impending. They feel they've made a home here, that they won't survive in the real world."

Kate laughed. "That's not me."

The therapist looked at her thoughtfully. "Have you made arrangements for your release?"

Kate froze. "I…"

"I know you've stuck by your decision to refuse visitation, Kate."

She looked down into her lap, quelling the tears stinging the backs of her eyes. She hadn't cried in so long that it stung especially hard this time.

When she didn't say anything, he tried again. "Are you prepared to see Dr. Shepherd and your son, Kate?"

Kate bit her lip. "I…I don't know. Maybe. I don't know."

The therapist chuckled, making Kate shoot him a hard, though watery, look.

"What's so funny?"

He stopped laughing. "I've been meeting with you for over a year Kate, and in my time at this facility I've dealt with some real hard-asses, some stubborn, stubborn inmates, and it isn't hard to figure out what makes them tick. You're no different."

She opened her mouth, ready to argue, but he lifted a hand. "Kate, fear is the motive behind most decisions, and the one you've made regarding Dr. Shepherd and your son is just that—based on fear."

He scooted closer, peering over the top of his glasses. "I encourage you, Kate, to reclaim your life once you're released. To seize it. You are very lucky to have the people waiting for you that do. Don't let fear ruin such a gift."

When Kate was escorted back to her cell, she found the familiar pile of letters and photos that she kept neatly tied in a bundle beneath her pillow. She picked up the photo on top, one Jack had sent a month ago.

It was of him and Paul at the park. Paul was dressed in a fluffy coat and matching hat, sitting well strapped into a baby swing. Jack was holding the edge of the swing mid-air and was looking eye to eye with Paul, smiling broadly as the little boy grabbed at his nose, red at the tip from the cold.

Kate wondered who'd taken the picture. Who Jack trusted enough to let inside the tight circle of his trust and his life. She shook away the thought and moved on to the letter at the top of the pile. One he'd sent a few days ago. The letter that had been keeping her awake, that made her sick when she ate, that made her feel horrible, and dirty, and tired, and cold.

_Kate,_

_It's been a while since my last letter. I've been busy at work and with Paul. And, to be honest, it's getting easier to not write. To let myself quit writing and sending stupid pictures that never seem to draw a response from you. Like today, I made it all the way to bed without thinking of you. And for once, I didn't feel guilty about it. Because, I guess, I don't even know if you're thinking of me, or our son. _

_You'll be out in a few days, I know. My mother says to not count my chickens before they've hatched, but the parole review board is just a formality. So you'll be coming back here and I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. How I'm supposed to act around you. I thought that when you went to prison, it would be the end of your running, that once you served your time you could come back to us and we'd be together, like a happy little family._

_But now I know you went to prison, and you couldn't get in the car and go anymore, couldn't run, so you just ran in a different way. You ran from me and our son, and I don't think I can forgive you. For almost eight months, I thought I could. But now that you're coming home, I don't think I can stand to see the look on Paul's face when he doesn't even recognize you, and really, I don't think I'd recognize you if I saw you either. _

_Either way, Paul deserves to see you, even if I don't want to. So, I'll pick you up after the hearing, bring you back here, and you can figure out your next move. I don't want this to be over forever but I don't know what to say to you._

_Good luck this Friday,_

_Jack._

Kate finished reading the letter for what seemed like the thousandth time. She pressed it hard against her chest and took a deep, shuddering breath, tying not to cry after she'd done so well to suppress the tears for the past eight months.

No matter how hard she fought to cry, to fight the onslaught of every emotion in the book, she couldn't stop one pervasive thought from burrowing into her brain:

Jack was right.


	32. Her Chance

_So here's the newest chapter. I only got three reviews for the last one, so I hope I can get a few more for this one, since Kate is finally home. It's still a little angsty, but I promise that will ease up over the next chapter or two. Enjoy!_

* * *

It was three o'clock in the afternoon by the time Kate's hearing wrapped, and just as Jack, Kate's therapist, and her attorney had predicted, she'd been released on a strict two-year parole sentencing, combined with three hundred hours of community service

She thought she would be relieved, she thought she'd be happy. But when she found Jack waiting for her in the lobby of the municipal building, leaning against the wall with a battered look on his face, she wasn't any of those things. She was at a loss. And she didn't know how to begin explaining.

She waited until the lobby cleared before she walked slowly over to him.

"Hi." She tried. She saw his body tense before he looked up. His eyes were hard and cold.

"Ready to go?" He replied evenly, jamming his hands into the pockets of his suit pants.

She nodded vigorously, eager to please him. "Yeah, yeah, I'm ready."

He nodded back, not meeting her eyes as they walked to the car. It was cold outside, although April was beginning to shift towards a warmer May, and Kate shivered, but Jack either didn't care or was too absorbed in dismissing her to notice.

The ride back was quiet, but not empty. The silence was precariously balanced, and Kate knew if she even breathed the wrong way that Jack might snap.

Despite that fact, Kate tried to get through to him.

"Jack…can we—can we just talk this thing we're not talking about?" She asked hopefully, voice shy, trying somehow to make the whole subject easier.

Jack barked out a harsh laugh. "Oh, _now_ you feel like talking? Great timing."

Kate ducked her head, cheeks reddening.

"I'm sorry." She began in a whisper, "I can't possibly explain myself, I can't make you understand or believe that I thought I was doing the right thing, but I am so, so sorry. You have to believe that."

Jack was quiet a moment, jaw clenching and unclenching before he cast her a hard look that made Kate feel weak. "No, I don't have to believe it. I don't have to believe anything you say anymore."

Jack's eyes turned backed to the road and Kate said no more, exiting the car wordlessly when they pulled into the driveway belonging to a pretty, yellow, split-level home with a pleasant looking red front door.

She followed him up the path and scooted in the door behind him, feeling like a stranger, a visitor to some museum where she shouldn't touch anything, like a field trip from prison.

Jack walked into the kitchen and tossed his keys on the counter and loosened his tie. When he turned around Kate was standing in the doorway, looking small, thin, and uneasy. She was pale, and her hair was stringy and dry. It was harder to hate her when she looked so weak to begin with.

"Where is he?" She asked meekly.

Jack set his hands on his hips, licking his lips and biting back a harsh retort.

"He's sleeping." He settled for; his unmoving, hard gaze challenging her weak one.

She shifted uncomfortably, arms crossing at her waist.

"Now what?"

Jack turned and yanked open the fridge door, rummaging around before pulling out a carton of orange juice and drinking from the bottle.

"Do what you want. I don't care."

Kate nodded mutely. "Where do I sleep?"

Jack eyed her a moment before setting the orange juice back inside the fridge.

"My mother has the spare bedroom, and Paul has his own so…you can take the bed in my room. I'll pull out the couch."

Kate smiled weakly, recalling fondly how gentlemanly Jack was, no matter what the circumstances were.

"No," she refused, shaking her head. "I should take the couch, it's only fair."

"Don't be ridiculous." He said a little too harshly, and she flinched. "Just take the bed. I don't care."

He waited for her to go towards the bedroom before he realized she didn't know where it was.

"Follow me." He mumbled, charging by her. She trailed dutifully but stopped when the door to the guest bedroom opened with a creak and she sidled towards Jack.

Jack's mother poked her head out, not immediately noticing Kate.

"Jack?" She called, and he turned back.

"What is it, mom?"

She opened her mouth to answer before her eyes settled on Kate.

"Oh." Margo's nose seemed to crinkle in disgust. "You."

Kate gulped. "Hi. I'm Kate."

"I know who you are." Margo answered rudely. She eyed Kate for a longer moment and Kate blushed under her scrutiny. Prison had made her gangly and pale, her clothes from the hearing made her seem twice her age and frail.

Without another thought, Margo turned back to Jack.

"Dinner will be ready at six. I'm going to take a nap. Paul will be up in an hour or so."

Jack nodded, casting a blank look back at Kate before continuing towards the bedroom. She followed him inside and it was just as she'd pictured it. The room was impeccable in neutral tones of gray, beige, and blue. It smelled like him.

"There's a bathroom through that door. And I haven't got any clothes for you, so I guess I can take you tomorrow to do some shopping. And dinner is at six."

Kate nodded. Jack shifted his weight back and forth between his feet before moving back towards the door. Kate touched his arm and he tensed.

"Jack," she began, in a voice he knew too well, "I don't know what to say."

He finally seemed to smile, however ruefully, and met her eyes. "Neither do I."

Kate slept through dinner, and Jack was thankful. He wasn't sure he was prepared to deal with Paul, his mother, and Kate all in one sitting. He ventured into the bedroom around nine, when she still hadn't emerged and Paul was already back in bed for the night.

But Kate wasn't sleeping. She was sitting on the edge of the bed, still dressed in her clothes from the hearing, staring pensively at the wall.

"Kate?"

She looked back at him slowly.

"If you want dinner, there are leftovers in the fridge. Spaghetti."

She nodded, smiling faintly.

He was ready to leave, wanting to put as much distance between he and Kate before he knew he would fall under her spell again, but he stopped himself just before he closed the door. He shut his eyes, wishing he were strong enough to offer her anything.

"Paul's sleeping, but if you want to see him…"

Kate looked back at him suddenly, eyes dark and unreadable, and with a start Jack realized he recognized her expression as one Paul made, too.

"You'd let me?" She asked quietly.

Jack nodded. "He deserves to know you. To see you at least."

Kate wrung her hands for a moment. "Okay."

She followed him down the hallway to Paul's bedroom and slipped inside. It was dark except for a nightlight that sent colorful shadows and outlines of stars and moons around the room. Following Jack's lead, she ventured towards the crib and took a breath before peeking over.

Paul was sleeping, a thumb shoved into his mouth where he was splayed on his back. His hair was dark and flat, like Jack's, and fell over his head in soft wisps. His eyelashes were long and dark and his nose, like Kate's, was short but cute.

Jack watched Kate's face for a reaction. Her hand came to grip the gate of the crib and Jack noticed her knuckles were white. She let out a brief sob and turned away, looking horrified as she moved a hand to cover her mouth.

On instinct, Jack moved to touch her back and she flinched. It'd been the first time he touched her in eight months. He removed his hand as if he'd been burned but turned her to face him.

"What's wrong?" He whispered, careful not to wake Paul.

She shook her head wordlessly, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"I was so stupid."

Jack shook his head, not understanding, and she sobbed again, making Paul almost twitch awake inside his crib.

"I was so stupid." She said again, hand bracing against Jack's chest to steady herself, and without thinking he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her slim frame and holding her close, rocking her into him until she quieted.

She sniffled and looked up, mouth dangerously close to his. He watched her curiously for a long moment, watched her as she licked her lips, already wet from her tears. He watched her as he felt her shift closer to him within his grasp and felt his body start to warm. He watched her lift her chin towards his and sniffle again, trying to force away the last remnants of her breakdown.

A soft gurgle from the crib made him jump and let go of Kate immediately. He looked at her, forcing his eyes to turn from warm to steely. She bit her lip and with one more glance down at Paul, she went back to her room.

The next morning Kate crept into the kitchen early, around six, and smelt coffee already brewing. Margo was seated at the table, nursing a mug and reading a newspaper.

She looked up as Kate entered.

"Good morning." Kate croaked, voice still not having found its place in the day. She watched Margo's eyes look her up and down and pinked, realizing that she had slipped into some of the clothes she'd found in Jack's drawer.

"I didn't have any extra clothes so—"

Margo waved a hand dismissively, indicating she didn't want an explanation. Kate stood still for a moment, unsure of what to do next, then tried to find a mug from the cupboard.

"It's the cabinet above the bread bin." Margo said coolly, eyes never leaving her newspaper.

Kate whispered a thanks and fixed her own cup, opting to lean against the counter rather than join Margo at the table.

"Where's Jack?"

Margo quirked an eyebrow but didn't look at Kate. "The hospital. He had an early shift."

"When will he be back?"

"Early this afternoon."

Kate nodded to no one, knowing Margo was paying her no attention.

"When does he usually get up?" Kate asked.

"It depends on the shift."

"No, I mean Paul." Kate corrected with a faint smile, and finally Margo looked up.

"Soon. Around seven."

Kate bit her lip. Taking a sip of her coffee and looking around uneasily before setting her eyes on Margo.

"I can't imagine what you must think of me." She mumbled, eyes refocusing on her feet, which were covered in the layer of extra fabric from Jack's pajama bottoms.

She heard the rustle of Margo's paper being refolded and placed carefully, primly, on the table.

"If you try hard enough, I'm sure you could imagine just what I think of you." Margo responded coolly, and Kate's eyes shot up to meet the steely ones staring her down.

"I didn't do it to hurt them, you know. I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Then you obviously didn't think much about it at all." Margo condescended, standing and rinsing her coffee mug in the sink next to Kate.

"I just want to make things right." Kate whispered, just loud enough so that Margo could hear her over the din of the sink.

Margo shifted, body on edge as she looked at her.

"I want to learn how to be his mom. I want to be there for them. I don't want Jack to hate me." The words seemed to rush out in a torrent Kate couldn't control. "I know I can't fix everything, I can't erase the past eight months, but I want to change. I need to do this for Jack and my son; I need to be the person they need me to be. I need that chance."

She wasn't sure why these confessions, these hidden desires of the deepest sort, were spilling themselves at Jack's mother's feet, but they were. So Kate waited quietly for the tongue-lashing she presumed was coming, the noncommittal eyebrow raise and shrug that would dismiss such ludicrous dreams in an instant.

"Then I suggest you tell all those things to my son, instead of me."

Kate swallowed hard, and nodded. "I know, I know."

Margo eyed her a moment. "Paul will be awake soon. I've got to get dressed and then I have some errands to run. You'll watch him for the morning, won't you?"

"What?" Kate asked, eyes wide, a hint of fear making her feet twitch, wanting to run.

Margo only smiled faintly, letting her eyes meet Kate's before she looked away, resuming her steely composure.

"Jack will be home at one."

"What do I do 'til then?" Kate asked desperately.

Margo cast her a bored look. "You're the one who wanted a chance dear. Here it is."

* * *

_I'm going to work in what you guys asked for last chapter, don't worry! Including the more random requests. Tell me what else you'd like to see and I'll get in in there. Up next: Kate's day with Paul, Jack comes home, a family trip to the store, and Jack and Kate in bed...in some form or another. Please, review, and I'll get it up sooner!_


	33. Stupid

_So here's the latest, and it's the last chapter of angst for a while, but mostly it's the reconciliation that you've all been waiting for! The light at the end of the tunnel has finally arrived and I'm pretty happy about it, too. Let me know what you think. You all were great, great, great, with reviews last time and I hope you keep it up. It was really encouraging and inspiring. More to come soon, hopefully by Friday!_

* * *

The moment that Margo shut the door behind her at precisely seven o'clock that morning, Kate heard a tiny squeal from Paul's bedroom. She felt her whole body tense and her feet itched towards the door, wanting just to take a breathe of fresh air, she reasoned, just a moment alone.

But then her eyes caught on one of the only decorations in the entire whitewashed house—a small brown frame on the mantel, holding a picture of Jack, crammed into what seemed like a very uncomfortable position on the living room couch And then there was Paul. He was sleeping, looking barely two months old, and so small, just like Jack had written in all his letters. He was prone on Jack's chest, a chubby cheek smooshed against Jack's sternum. In the picture, Jack's stubble was extra long, and just the slightest bit of chest hair peeked out from the top of his white t-shirt. His arms had come around Paul's tiny body and held him close, guarding him even in his sleep.

Kate smiled, letting a finger trace the hard line of the frame and looked back towards the bedroom, a faint quirk of her lips tipping upwards at the sound of another gurgle from Paul.

She took a breath, wrung her hands nervously before creeping into the bedroom and looking over the gate of the crib. She'd barely ever held a baby. And this would be the first time holding her own. She felt sick.

She cleared her throat and Paul sent her a quizzical look, his feet kicking out impatiently. He sent her a disapproving stare that Kate recognized as one Jack gave her often. She bit back a grin and traced a finger down Paul's tiny nose and he sneezed, looking up at her with wide hazel eyes.

She laughed and felt a tear drop from her chin onto the stomach of Paul's footy-pajamas. She hadn't even realized she'd been crying.

"Ready, baby boy?" She asked Paul, who only clenched and unclenched his fists in her general direction.

"Okay, me too." Kate breathed, then scooped Paul into her arms, mindful of his head, and felt him adjust his weight into her, reaching towards the curls that spilled over her shoulders.

"Wow." Kate whispered breathlessly, feeling the life curled into her arms, pulsing and real, the warmth from the son she'd made with the man she was afraid to love.

"You're pretty perfect, huh?" Kate sighed, tracing a finger along the line of Paul's forehead, imaging the worry lines he'd grow into, the ones he'd be sure to inherit from Jack.

She gazed at her son another long moment, feeling her heart ache with the love that'd been waiting to spill out. She was free now, she reasoned, now it's okay to want you. I'm here, you're here, and we can do this_together_. Not from a cell while you're in suburbia. Not when I'm Wayne and you're me and I'm the screw-up and you're the big chance. But now. Now it's okay.

Her internal dialogue, her big awakening, was suddenly interrupted with a sharp tug at her hair. Paul pulled hard and tried stuffing a curl inside his mouth before Kate gently untangled it from his fingers.

"Hungry?"

By the time Jack got home at one that afternoon, Kate was rocking Paul to sleep in the nursery, the curtains drawn and blocking out the sun outside. With a small pop, Paul released the nipple of the bottle and blinked slowly a few times. Kate settled him onto her shoulder and rubbed his back in small smoothing circles, easing him towards seep.

As she bounced him lightly, walking tiny loops around the darkened room, she wondered where it came from, this fierce, wild, instinctual love. She felt the pull from deep inside her, some hand forcing her own that made it clear just what she had to do, what Paul needed.

She'd read what she could at the prison library, when no one was looking, when she could steal twenty minutes on her own. But now she was here and she felt like this was what she was meant to do, that it had just been waiting on the inside of her skin to seep out and into her own child.

Paul's fist clenched at her sleeve and he let out a miniature sigh, and Kate knew he was asleep.

She heard a shuffle in the hallway and heard Jack call out, "Mom? Kate?" before pushing into the nursery but stopped in his tracks, throat bobbing.

Kate lifted a finger to her lips, quieting him. She nestled Paul into the crib, bringing the blue print blanket up to cover him. She let a hand trail over his hair and his little rosebud lips, pouted into a serious expression.

When she turned back towards Jack she saw the same look on his face.

"What are you doing?" He asked slowly. But Kate placed a steady hand on his chest and gestured towards the door. He followed her out without argument, but she could feel the intensity in his eyes as they trailed over her from behind.

She led him into the kitchen and set the bottle down into the sink, turning and leaning back against the counter.

"Hi." She tried, smiling confidently. Feeling like finally, she had something to offer him. A reason for him to take her back, to want her again.

Jack seemed wary. "Where's my mother?" He asked dubiously.

Kate shrugged. "She said she had errands. She asked me to watch Paul until you got home."

"Errands."

"Yeah, that's what she said." Kate set her eyes steady on his, feeling invigorated from her day with Paul.

Jack shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. "Well, how'd it go?"

Kate ducked her head, grinning. "It was…" She searched for some word that would suffice. She looked towards the ceiling. "I can't describe it."

Jack smiled crookedly. "He's…"

He let the silence fill in everything. Kate nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"It's amazing, isn't it? It's unbelievable. I can't even believe it some days. That we made him." Jack shook his head, wonderfully incredulous, and beamed.

Kate laughed. "Your mother…"

Jack rolled his eyes. "She's just watching out for me. And for Paul."

"No, that's not it. I just…I can't believe she even gave me a chance with him." Kate met Jack's eyes seriously. "I don't deserve it."

His jaw shifted and she knew the moment was lost. Not everything was so easily found.

Jack cleared his throat. "So you probably need a few things."

Kate paused, not answering for a moment while she tried to find a reason to go back to where they were just moments ago, but she found no bridge, no connecting memory or assurance.

"Yeah. I could use a change of clothes. A toothbrush." She replied wryly, fingering the oversized sweatshirt she'd stolen from Jack's drawer this morning.

He pinked. "I should have thought of that."

"You've done enough for me already."

They stayed quiet a moment longer. "Well, when my mom gets back I can take you to the store."

"I don't have any money."

Jack looked surprised. "I'll pay for you, Kate."

She pinked, picking at her fingernails. "I feel bad. Taking so much from you…after everything…"

He shifted, both avoiding each other's eyes.

"Do you maybe think…do you think we could start over? I know how stupid that sounds. I just can't think of a way to explain—"

"I don't want to start over." Jack cut in, and Kate felt the cold start to seep back into her before Jack continued, "I just want things to be better. I want them to feel right again."

Kate stared at his face, rugged and tired and wanting. She nodded. "Okay. Okay, we can do that, right? We can do that."

He studied her a moment before taking a hesitant step forward. "But first I want to know why."

Kate stiffened. "Why what?"

He just shook his head, eyes on his feet. "You know what."

Kate's toes flexed against the cold tile floor and she could feel her palms sting where her fingernails drove into them.

"I…I was holding Paul today. Just standing there, holding him, and it felt so right, you know? It just felt _good_ and the whole time I was—was in prison, I just kept thinking about Wayne."

Jack eyed her curiously.

"What's Wayne got to—"

"Just let me finish this, okay?"

Jack nodded, shifting nervously.

"I kept thinking about Wayne and how he was my real father, that he was supposed to be my _parent_," she spat, "and you kept sending me these beautiful letters and pictures of Paul and I kept obsessing over Wayne. How I would ruin Paul like Wayne ruined me. How being in prison was like some disease, some kind of disease that would rub off on Paul. That even if he wouldn't remember me there, even if he wouldn't remember the prison or me dressed as a convict…it would ruin him. Like it's all he would see. For the rest of his life that's who I'd be to him."

Kate took a shuddering breath and turned back towards the counter, bracing herself with both hands and feeling dizzy.

Jack crossed the space between them and put a steady hand on her lower back, firm and warm and comforting. He didn't say anything, knowing she'd look at him, talk to him, when she was ready.

"It was selfish, I know. And stupid. So stupid. But when I held him today, I felt like maybe I'd done the right thing. I don't think I could have survived seeing you holding him in front of me every Wednesday and Friday for visiting hours. I don't think I could have watched you two leave." She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. "I counted down the days and saved every single letter. Probably memorized them all," she laughed haggardly, "and I waited. And I knew you'd never forgive me. I knew you'd hate me. But I couldn't make myself see you and Paul. I couldn't and I'm sorry."

Jack's hand, which had been rubbing a soothing pattern into her back, slowed and stopped, but didn't leave. He was still for a moment, and he could only hear the sound of her harsh breathing, trying to master itself again. Then, he let his hand slide up to grip her shoulder and turn her towards him.

"You were stupid, Kate, yeah," he started and she bit her lip, trying to tug away from him but he held her strong, "But if you really think I could hate you, that you could ruin our son just by being you," he tucked a wayward curl behind her ear and smiled, "then you're even more stupid than you thought."

Kate's eyes, wide and disbelieving, met his.

"What?"

"I'm trying to say I don't hate you." Jack laughed, thumb smoothing over her freckles.

"I'll ruin him, Jack. Somehow. He's so perfect and I'll just—"

"You're not going to ruin _anyone_, Kate. Except me maybe, for other women. I am ruined for other women. But Paul? No. You won't. Never." Jack said this with all the confidence in the world and it made Kate smile.

"How can you say something like that?"

"Because if we fuck him up, we're going to do it together. And he can't be more damaged than we are, that's for sure."

Kate laughed, bowing her head against Jack's collarbone and feeling his arms flutter at her back, not sure how to hold her. She tucked herself closer, letting her arms slide around his waist until she hugged him tight and his arms settled around her back.

"Things aren't going to be the same." Kate admitted softly into his chest. Jack nodded against her hair.

"I know. They're going to be better."

* * *

_Yay! I hope that wasn't too contrived or forced. I wanted them to reconcile but not too quickly or easily. Let me know if you have any desirable scenarios for the reunion jex I will be delivering your way very soon. Watchaaa!!! _


	34. Just Like That

_So this chapter is pretty fluffly and is gearing up for reunion jex in the next chapter. There's only a few more left, so I hope you enjoy them. I'm beginning to craft some ideas for either a bunch of one-shots or another series. Let me know if you have any desires, suggestions, whatever. Enjoy! _

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"So, um, where do you want to start?" Jack asked nervously, tucking his hands deep inside his jeans pockets while the bustle of shoppers filtered out and around where they stood at the head of the local Target store.

Kate bit her lip. "Clothes?" She offered meekly.

She'd never been out in public like this with Jack before. All these people in one place made her nervous. And Jack, the two of them together—alone—made her even more nervous.

He nodded. "Lead the way."

Kate blushed and made her way through the clothing department, grabbing a few pairs of jeans and shirts along the way. She'd never been good at shopping. Jack followed her idly and she felt nervous under his scrutiny.

"You know," she offered, looking behind her, "you can go look around. I can find you when I'm done."

Jack frowned. "You don't want my help?"

Kate laughed. "What kind of help are you offering exactly? Planning to model any of this for me?" She teased, gesturing to the pile of clothes in her hand.

He pinked, and made a grab for the items. "I can hold these." He mumbled and settled them into his arms, making Kate smile warmly.

"I think I'm through anyway." Kate sighed, looking around like she was lost.

Jack cracked a smile. "You're no good at this, huh?"

She laughed, ducking her head and tugging at the hem of her sweatshirt, a too big one that Jack had lent her.

"No. I'm not."

Jack smiled reassuringly. "Well, I've shopped for you before, I think I can do it again."

Kate rolled her eyes.

"First, we need a few more things besides jeans and t-shirts. This isn't the island. Maybe you could use a dress." Jack tried, doing his best to be helpful.

"You should probably hate this right now. Isn't shopping with your girlfriend a man's worst—"

Kate stopped suddenly, realizing what she said. "Oh, I didn't mean—"

"I'm not shopping with my girlfriend." He said steadily, making Kate wince.

"I know—I didn't mean—"

"I'm shopping with my fiancée." Jack finished with a smug smile on his face.

Kate blinked up at him. "What?"

"That day, in Dr. Gorman's office, you promised me you'd marry me." He answered, blushing slightly and directing his eyes towards the ground.

"Jack…"

He waved a hand, dismissing it. "No, it's okay. I know it was a long time ago."

"It's not that." Kate swallowed hard. "I just want to get this right. Before we…before anything big happens again. I want to figure out what I'm doing and try to do it right this time."

Jack smiled. "I know what you mean. And it's okay. I'm not in any kind of rush."

She nodded, biting her lip.

"So…a dress?" She tried.

"Well, I try to stick to short-shorts and mini-skirts these days, but—"

Kate smacked him playfully in the arm, hiding her smile. "I mean for _me_, smartass."

"What about that one?" Jack asked teasingly, pointing towards a slinky red number on the rack.

Kate sent him a look and he chuckled, trying to look innocent. "What?"

"I mean like…a mom dress. Not a _I want to see Kate in this_ type of dress."

Jack crinkled his nose. "A mom dress? Like…a pant suit?"

Kate snorted, making Jack laugh. "No, I mean something…appropriate."

"So you want to be a hot mom." Jack teased, stepping closer to her and letting his free hand, the one not holding the pile of clothes, brush her side.

She looked back at him over her shoulder, subconsciously sidling closer to him.

"Something like that."

Jack didn't break his gaze, staring straight and headlong into her eyes. She raised her chin a fraction of an inch, eyes drifting over his lips as she wet hers with her tongue, making his free hand reach for her to draw her even closer.

He leaned towards her, eyes drifting closed, ready to kiss her after eight long months. He was a breath away from her lips when a cheery middle-aged clerk piped in.

"Can I start a dressing room for you?" She chirped, motioning to the pile of clothes in Jack's hand.

They bolted away from each other as if they'd been caught, and the lady's lipstick perfect smile faltered a little bit, catching on.

Jack recovered, handing her the clothes and thanking her. Watching her ruefully as she walked away before turning back towards Kate, who'd busied herself searching through a rack of dresses.

"So…" He tried, smiling boyishly.

Kate didn't meet his eyes, only pulling out a black wrap dress and showing it to him.

"What do you think of this one?"

Jack smirked, eyeing the plunging neckline and short hem, quirking an eyebrow.

"Hot mom dress?"

She blushed. "Maybe."

"Is that for when I take you out on a hot date?"

Kate rolled her eyes, shooting him a look. "I don't think so."

He feigned offense. "What, you don't believe in wining and dining?"

She scoffed. "You and I have never even been on a date and we already have a kid."

Jack nudged her. "So that doesn't mean we can't start now…"

She turned suddenly, giving him a hard look. "Doesn't this feel wrong to you? Just jumping back into whatever we were before? Just like that?"

Jack shook his head, confused. "What? I thought that's what we were going for."

Kate swallowed hard. "I don't…I don't know what I want." She rubbed at her forehead. "I'm saying this all wrong," she mumbled, "I just think…don't you think…shouldn't you be mad at me still? I mean, after—"

"Kate. Haven't we wasted enough time? You know I…you know I love you."

She softened, mouth quirking. "So it's just like that, huh? All is forgiven?"

Jack shuffled. "I don't…I'm not sure I'll ever agree with what happened, what you did…but I understand it, I think I get it by now. And now that you're here, as long as you're committed to staying, to being Paul's mom, to…trying to be with me, to be a family, then that's all I can ask for."

Kate nodded enthusiastically. "Okay. That's fair."

Jack rubbed his hand up her arm, making her shiver. "Dressing room?"

Kate stepped out of her dressing room in the same black wrap dress she'd showed him before. Jack, who had been sitting aloofly on a bench, looked up when she crept out. His eyebrows shot up.

"What do you think?" She asked bashfully, twirling in a circle for him.

She was skinnier, and less tan, but the same lithe figure that had made Jack's skin heat up was still there. The dress clung to her in all the right places, dipping low in the front to allow Jack a measured glimpse at what lay below the fabric. The hem of the dress fell a little above her knee, making Jack's eyes start their trek at her toes and all the way up until her skin disappeared beneath the hem.

"You look," he began, in a throaty voice before he cleared it, "You look good. Really good."

She beamed, seeming satisfied. "So that's a yes?"

"Definitely. Definitely a yes."

She shrugged happily and skipped back into the dressing room.

By the time they were ready to leave, she'd gotten enough clothes to fill out her scanty wardrobe, and had purchased all the typical toiletries and necessary items. Jack encouraged her to spend more, nearly shoving items into her hands. But she refused.

"I should get a job."

Jack laughed, taking the shopping bags from her hands before she could refuse.

"Why do you need a job?"

"I don't know. So I can pull my weight around the house. I don't want you mother to think I'm a slacker."

Jack thought for a moment. "You know, now that you're back, she'll probably go back to L.A."

Kate looked sharply at him. "Why?"

He shrugged. "She only moved out here to help me with Paul. But now that you're back…" Jack trailed, hoping she would catch on.

"I don't want to replace her."

He laughed again and Kate started to feel her nerves prickle. "You're his mom, Kate. You'll always be number one to him. She'll understand."

"Well, she should stay if she wants to stay."

He eyed her, the way she walked defensively, arms crossed over her chest, her chin jutted out in protest and eyebrows low in thought. He chose not to pick a fight. "Okay. We'll talk about it."

She nodded thoroughly, placated. He smiled and shifted the shopping bags into one hand. He ran a hand down her arm until he gripped her hand, turning hers over until her little palm slipped into his larger one.

She looked at their fingers intertwined for a moment before meeting his eyes, smiling, swinging their hands between them as they walked back towards the car.

When they made it home Margo was sitting on the couch with Paul balanced in her lap, chewing aggressively on a teddy bear's ear.

"Daddy's home." Margo cooed as Jack walked in the door, and Kate reddened, realizing she'd been left out.

"And mommy, too." Margo added a moment later, softer but clear. Jack sent Margo an appreciative nod.

"I'll start dinner." Margo offered, standing and proffering Paul to Jack.

"I can help." Kate tried, but Margo shook her head. "That's all right, dear. You relax. Get your new items all put away."

Kate wasn't sure how to react to this new side of Margo. She wasn't warm by any stretch of the imagination, but she wasn't cold either.

"Go put your stuff away. I've got him." Jack said, bouncing Paul on his hip.

Kate smiled and walked up to him, brushing a hand down Jack's arm before leaning in and rubbing her nose against Paul's shorter, stubbier one.

With his tiny baby fingers he tried squeezing her nose and babbled, a dollop of drool creeping out of the side of his mouth. Kate thumbed it away and smiled. She looked up, sensing Jack watching her. He had a curious look on his face.

"What?" Kate asked self-consciously. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Jack shook his head, seeming to draw himself out of his stupor.

"Nothing, I just…it's nothing."

Kate laughed. "You looked like someone hit you with a frying pan."

He grinned, but seemed to regain that same far-off look he'd just had.

"What's got you so—"

But before Kate could finish, Jack leaned forward, Paul in between them, and silenced her with a steady, warm kiss to her lips. He could feel her eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and she froze for a moment before settling.

Cautiously, like it was the first time, she brought her hands up to frame his face, a palm on either side of his stubbly cheeks. She pressed her lips more thoroughly against his and he sucked in a breath, but smiled, like he was pleased she thought to move closer.

He let his free palm slide along her side until it reached her hip and tugged her closer into his chest. She sighed into his mouth when he let his tongue slip inside to touch hers, softly at first, then more probing, then steady and like a rush until she felt her breath leave her altogether at the wetness and thoroughness of his mouth against hers.

Kate let one of the hands cupping his jaw fall and land gently on his chest, feeling the thump of his heart against her palm as she opened her mouth wider for him. Just when she thought she couldn't get pulled any deeper, when she might drown in the moment, she felt a harmless but firm bat at her shoulder, grazing her hair.

She pulled away and found Paul looking at her carefully, his curled fist rising and falling in her direction again, swatting at her shoulder and her hair. Jack laughed, amused.

"Sorry, kiddo." He said softly, adjusting Paul's weight against him. "Looks like mommy and me got carried away." He smiled ruefully, looking at Kate, still tucked into his chest, cheeks flushed and lips red and wet.

She looked up at him, seeming to remember where she was, and took a step back, running a hand through her hair.

"I think I'm going to take a shower before dinner." She said quickly, and Jack beamed.

"A cold one?"

Kate shot him a look, but grinned. "Forget you saw that, Paul." She said jokingly to her son, tapping a finger lightly on his nose. He tried to grab it and stick it in his mouth.

"I think our son is going to be a real ladies man, Jack."

Jack grinned, watching Paul's head swing back and forth across the room, trying to find something else to hold his interest.

"With those dashing good looks, he must take after his dad." Jack teased, nudging Kate with his free elbow. She only rolled her eyes.

"What's the plan for tomorrow?" She asked, shaking Paul's little hand in hers.

Jack shrugged. "I don't know. We could just take it easy. Take this little guy to the park, watch a movie. Go to bed early." Jack finished, waggling his eyebrows.

Kate blushed. "Don't get ahead of yourself, Casanova."

He shrugged playfully. "A man can dream. Imagine a world where engaged couples share the same bed." He said in a mockingly wistful voice.

But his playfulness didn't have the desired effect. Kate reddened and looked down.

"We could…if you wanted to share…"

Jack shook his head. "I was just kidding, Kate. We don't have to."

"Well," Kate said quickly, tugging at her hands, "maybe I want to."

"Are you sure?"

She shuffled. "We could just sleep for now." Jack gulped at _for now_, but let her finish. "It's a really big bed."

Jack nodded. "A very big bed."

"And the couch is pretty small for a big guy like you."

"It is."

"And it's just sleeping."

"Kate."

She looked up at him, smiling shyly. "So…"

"_So_, I'm going to get the best sleep I've had in eight months." Jack finished for her, smiling triumphantly.

"But your mother…" Kate said softly, casting a furtive glance towards the kitchen where she could hear Margo shuffling around.

Jack nodded. "Right. My mother."

Kate shrugged, looking up at him for an answer.

"I'll handle my mother. You go get a shower and then we'll talk at dinner."

Kate sighed. "Just the conversation I've been looking forward to."

He gave her a sympathetic look.

"The hard part between you two is over. She's giving you a chance."

"Yeah, but I don't think she intended for that chance to include sharing a bed with her one and only blameless son."

He frowned. "It's not like that."

She sighed, frustrated. "I know. I just want her to like me."

Jack smiled, rubbing her shoulder and kissing her forehead gently, making her blush.

"Have your shower. I'll handle this."

"Jack—"

"Relax. Just think positive thoughts. Like you, me, and a big bed waiting for us tonight."

"For sleeping, Jack."

"I prefer to leave my options open."

Kate hid a smile as it grew.

"Behave." She chided jokingly.

He feigned innocence. "I'll bring my sleeping bag."

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed that! Ideas for reunion jex? Let me know! I'll try to make the next chapter as smut filled as possible!_


	35. Thunder

"Kate. You awake?" Jack whispered into the dark of his bedroom. It was only ten o'clock at night and he should have known he'd be wide-awake.

Kate grunted in response. "Yeah?" She croaked, obviously on the brink of sleep.

"Sorry," Jack whispered again, and scooted closer to her in bed. He placed a flat palm against her back. He felt her tense beneath his fingertips.

"Jack…" she started, voice sounding stronger.

"I'm not…it's not that. I just want to talk."

She paused a moment, considering, then turned over slowly to face him, his face like a shadow in the blackened bedroom.

"What do you want to talk about?" She said softly, curling her hands into her chest and tucking them under her chin.

Jack shrugged, though the motion was partially obscured by the darkness and the mattress. "I don't know."

Kate let out a breath. "You know, when I was in prison, sometimes I would pretend to talk to talk to you."

Jack smiled lopsidedly. "Like an imaginary friend?"

Kate giggled at how boyish Jack sounded. "No, not like that." She smiled, remembering fondly. "I'd think about something, read something in the library, or hear a story someone told me and I'd want to tell you, but I never could. So I just had the conversations in my head. You and me. Over dinner, or in the living, at night, like this sometimes. Just stories, thoughts. And you'd listen and sometimes talk back."

Jack was still a moment before scooting closer, making Kate suck in a breath.

"What did I say?"

She rolled her eyes. "Nothing important really. My mind just filled in the gaps in the conversation. Like somewhere in time you were somewhere else, and we were just talking on the phone. It put me to sleep. No nightmares." She smiled softly.

He stared at her a long moment, making out her features dimly before stroking her cheek with the back of his hand, making her nuzzle into him.

"Jack." she breathed, and struggled closer into him until their bodies were flush. She laid a palm on his chest, feeling the warmth radiate out from beneath his thin white t-shirt.

His hand came to rest on her hip, where the fabric from her tank top had ridden up and had made a sizable gap between her shorts and shirt. His thumb ran a circle over her skin and she felt the spot prickle warmly.

He ducked down to her lips and kissed her, not hard, but steady, with a probing tongue and a hand that pressed her against him firmly, the planes of their bodies matching and rubbing against each other with each kiss. She breathed into his mouth, feeling his wet tongue dive deeper and make her let out an involuntarily moan, just loud enough so he could hear it.

He pulled away, breathing heavy, and looked longingly into her eyes. She studied him, the familiar stubble beneath her palm. His eyes flickered to her mouth and she kissed him this time, nipping a little at his top lip and soothing it with the very tip of her tongue, making him grunt. She felt him begin to harden at her thigh and she pulled away.

"Jack, we shouldn't."

He kissed her again anyway, letting his hand drift from her hip down to her thigh and rubbing his palm up and down the space in between, making her sigh into his mouth.

She let the hand on his chest slide until it grazed the hem and slipped beneath the fabric, shocked at how warm his skin was, how real it felt against her palm. She let it trail up, dipping into the dive of his belly button and coasting upward, tangling in his chest chair. She moved her thumb in circles, driving him crazy.

His lips shifted onto the underside of her jaw, sucking roughly and reminding her of the man she knew on the island. She felt his teeth nip at her and his tongue roughen the spot and knew she'd have a love bite tomorrow, but didn't care. She only pressed herself against him more thoroughly, her pelvis grinding into his, and he groaned, more loudly this time, loud enough that they both stopped their ministrations and listened for any sounds in the hallway.

Jack tried to resume his branding right way but Kate turned her head.

"Jack, your mother is in the bedroom across the hall."

His hand, which had made it beneath her shirt and had been coasting up her back in long smooth strokes, stopped.

He groaned and buried his face in her neck. "You didn't just bring up my mother."

She felt him go limp at her thigh and suppressed a giggle. "I'm not going to have sex with you when there's a chance your mother might hear."

Jack, his head still buried in her neck, trailed kisses onto her skin. "I'll be quiet."

Kate bit her lip. "Maybe _I _wouldn't be quiet."

Jack stopped, bringing his face up to look at hers and even in the dark Kate could see the lust in his eyes like molten lava.

She smiled. "Ain't gonna happen, Romeo."

Jack groaned again and fell onto his back next to her.

Kate bit her lip and propped herself up on her elbow to face him.

"What about tomorrow?"

Jack looked over at her skeptically. "Are we scheduling sex now?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Take it or leave it."

"When?" Jack asked quickly, and Kate, for his sake, tried to hide her amusement.

"I don't know. Maybe your mother will take Paul for a little bit. Get out of the house, so we can have some time alone."

"Go on."

Kate giggled. "And…we can relax, I can test out your bathtub…"

"_Our_ bathtub." Jack reminded her gently and she felt her cheeks heat.

"So, this is home, huh?" Kate asked quietly.

Jack scooted closer to her, pulling her nearer by her hip. "If you want it to be."

"What about Maine? Or L.A.?" She asked, settling her cheek atop his chest.

She felt Jack's shoulders shrug. "I'll go where you go."

Kate bit her lip and tilted her head up to look at him. "I don't deserve you, you know."

Jack grinned lopsidedly and stroked her hair. "Don't talk like that. I'm right where I should be, where I belong."

She snuggled further into his chest. "I'm not going to try and top that," she started, pressing a few light kisses onto his sternum and closing her eyes, "but I love you, I love you, a million times I love you."

With a knowing smile, Margot had volunteered to take Paul grocery shopping with her that afternoon. Kate had been with him all morning, never letting him out of her reach, always wanting to touch him, hold him, and kiss his cheeks and nose. And even though Jack had warned her that Paul would get fussy if he was coddled too much—"Just like his mom," he'd said—Paul didn't seem to mind the attention.

He'd babble senselessly and grab at Kate's hair, or try and stick his little stubby fingers inside her mouth, or squeal in delight when she blew raspberry kisses on his stomach. All the while Jack watched, letting mother and son bond while he felt the warmth wrap around his heart like a wonderfully painful vice.

Kate had looked up at him, a wide smile on her face as she tried styling her son's short hair into a fake Mohawk.

"You checking me out?" She teased, eyes sparkling. And Jack, from where he sat across from her, a bracing hand on their son's back, felt his throat close when he looked at her.

"I think you've got the hot mom thing down." He rasped, eyes searching her as his throat bobbed.

Her smile faded, and she met his eyes steadily, hers growing darker.

Just when she thought the tension between them was unbearable, that she'd have to take her chances and take Jack right there on the living room floor, Margo had swept into the room and offered to take Paul for the afternoon, and even, she'd said, out for dinner.

Jack had eyed her curiously and she'd laughed. "I'm starting to feel useless around here, Jack. I thought I might have a last pleasant afternoon with my grandson before I consider going back to L.A."

Kate eyed the exchange furtively, drawing Paul into her lap.

"You're thinking about going back to L.A.?" Jack asked, surprised.

Margo laughed, but Kate could make out the sadness in her eyes. "I can't stay here forever, Jack. Besides, to be quite honest, I don't think Iowa is really my speed. And the weather is atrocious, too cold for an old woman like me."

Kate smiled faintly, realizing that Margo was trying to make a graceful exit.

"Mom…"

Margo raised a hand, stopping him. "Jack, I've got the house back in Brentwood, and there's always the guestrooms when you visit. You've got your family back now, it's time for me to go."

Jack swallowed, rising and drawing his mother into a long hug as Kate watched on.

When Margo pulled back here eyes were wet but she blinked the tears away quickly. "Now," she laughed, "let me take my grandson out and spoil him a bit, alright?"

Kate nodded, standing and proffering Paul towards Margo's waiting arms.

"Kate," Margo said softly, and reached out and touched her arm, "take care of my boys, won't you?"

Kate nodded eagerly. "Of course."

"Make Jack a little less boring?"

Kate laughed, nodding, and finding her own eyes starting to fill.

"Well don't start crying yet, I've still got to pack and book a flight." Margo chided but her voice was thick with emotion.

"Thank you, Margo. For everything." Kate said steadily, and the older woman smiled.

"I know all about second chances, dear."

Though the build up had been there from the beginning, Jack and Kate felt at odds now that they were finally alone. Margo had taken Paul out and they had the whole afternoon and into the evening at their leisure.

Now they both sat tensely on the couch, pretending to watch some Sunday afternoon movie on TV.

There was at least a foot of space between them and Kate was perched nervously on the edge of the couch, biting at her nails.

A sudden burst of loud thunder made her jump.

Jack smiled wryly.

"I didn't even realize it was raining." Kate said, trying to sooth her nerves.

"Iowa spring. It's been raining all season."

Kate looked over at him slowly. "Iowa spring, huh? You sound like a local."

He blushed. "Yeah, well, I'm a townie now. I talk tractors, livestock, and spinal surgery. My three areas of expertise."

Kate snorted. "Where's all your flannel then?"

"I keep it hidden in my sock drawer. I don't want you getting too excited."

She smiled and sat back on the couch, their banter lulling her back into their familiar rhythm.

"Smart move. I love a man in denim and flannel." She scooted closer to him until her had a lift an arm and brace it around her shoulder, her head falling onto his shoulder. He could smell her shampoo.

"Do you still want to go to Maine?" He asked softly.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes.

"I think we should be close to your mom."

Jack swallowed. "Really?" He asked wondrously. And she nodded.

"Yeah. Think she'd like that?" Kate asked softly, smiling.

Jack nodded, pressing a kiss to her nose and making her bit her lip. "You're the best, you know that?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Hungry?"

Jack hesitated before answering. "Hungry for what?" He asked wickedly, smiling guiltily.

Kate's eyes widened. "Jack!"

He laughed, a hand finding her cheek and brushing her hair behind her ear. "I _am_ hungry."

She blushed and let her hand find the collar of his button-down shirt, fiddling with the fold there.

"It's been a long time." She started, uneasily.

He nodded. "Trust me, I know."

She looked down. "Did you ever…was there ever anyone else?"

Jack could hear the trepidation in her voice and bit his lip. "I tried to go on a coffee date once."

Kate's eyes found his, unreadable.

"It didn't work out. Nothing happened. I was still hung up on you."

She studied his eyes for a long moment before nodding. "You could've, you know. I would have deserved it."

Jack shook his head vehemently, pulling Kate onto his lap in a sudden swift movement, so that she straddled his lap.

"You and me aren't about what we _deserve_, Kate. We both made mistakes. But I don't want to live in the past anymore."

Kate nodded. Another crack of thunder made her jump atop his lap and he braced her hips with his hands, smiling.

"Are you scared of thunderstorms, Kate?"

She ducked her head, cheeks reddening. "No."

He laughed. "Uh-huh, sure."

She fixed him with a glare. "I am not. It just surprised me, that's all."

He looked at her for a long moment before standing abruptly and grabbing her around the waist and slinging her over his shoulder.

"Jack!" She cried, kicking out, but her held her firm. Managing to make it to the front door and yank it open.

"What are you doing?" She shouted, trying to wriggle out of his stronghold.

He padded out on to the front lawn, barefoot and jean bottoms getting soaked.

"It's freezing cold and raining, Jack." She whined, and he set her down and her arms wrapped around herself, rubbing at her bare arms, protected only by a short sleeve t-shirt.

His gaze was warm and he drew her into his arms, chest flush against hers.

"Scared?" He whispered, water dripping down his face and hers.

She tilted her chin upward. "Nope."

Another crack of thunder made her jump and squeeze her arms around him.

"Can we go inside now?"

He smiled. "Admit it."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm freezing. I'm going to get pneumonia."

"I'll nurse you back to health, I promise."

She snorted. "Fine. I'm scared of thunderstorms."

He smiled triumphantly.

"I only brought you out here so I had an excuse to get you out of your clothes when we got back inside."

She smacked his shoulder hard.

"Ow!"

"Pervert." She shot back, but he could see the smile in her eyes.

She took his hand and led him back towards the front door. "If you wanted to get me out of my clothes, all you had to do was ask."

* * *

_Next chapter, promised jex scene will arrive. And quickly, too! And possibly various couplings. Review, please! _


	36. What Do You Want?

_Promised jex scene has arrived, taking up the entire chapter, which is the last main plot one and then the final epilogue will be coming up next, unless you all want more after this chapter. Let me know! And enjoy! Obviously, adult content warning. _

* * *

From where Jack had her pressed against the wall, his hands fumbling blindly at the button of her jeans, she could see the entire living room. The toys scattered across the floor, the mug of tea she'd left on the coffee table, the muted Sunday afternoon movie playing on the TV.

Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Jack's lips sucking roughly up and down the column of her neck, the way his hands gripped her hips just a little too hard, but exactly the way she needed it, hard enough to remind her it was real.

Without controlling it, a whimper escaped her lips when his hand slipped beneath the waistband of her underwear. She could feel him smile against her neck, pleased, and the pulse of his hot breath against her skin made her shiver and brace his shoulders.

He looked up at her, pained. "What is it?" He said breathlessly, hands finding her hips and fluttering there, wanting desperately to take her, but she swallowed and took a steady breath.

"Bedroom." She commanded, and he picked her up without a thought, her legs curling around his waist and he gripped her bottom hard in his hands, making her hips rotate where they were anchored against him. He groaned. Loud.

"Kate, you're killing me." He breathed into her hair, finally making it to their room and letting her drop onto her knees onto the end of the bed. He didn't waste time.

In an instant he draped his body over hers, her back digging into the mattress with his weight perched above her. She stared up at him in wonder, like she was just a spectator, an outside observer.

He sensed her distraction and pulled away from dropping kisses onto her stomach where he'd pushed up her shirt just below her breasts.

"Kate." He said softy, but not without hurry. She snapped out of her trance and let her palm fall gently against his stubbly cheek, smiling.

"All I want is you." She said carefully, each word deliberate and full. She leaned forward and caught his lips up in hers, deepening it until she had him on his back, his hands gliding up and down her back and finally settling into the back pocket of her jeans and pressed her into his pelvis.

She gasped, and ground into him further, his eyes nearly rolling back in his head.

"Take off your pants." She ordered, sitting back off of him and waiting. He froze for a moment, eyeing her with both hesitance and unabashed arousal.

"Do it." She repeated softly, licking her lips. He shucked them off and she could see the bulge in his charcoal grey briefs. His body still seemed so familiar to her, after all this time. He toed off his socks, too, and waited.

"Now what?" He asked hoarsely, eyes never leaving hers, but his hand itched at his side.

"Your shirt."

He didn't bother unbuttoning the oxford shirt, instead yanking it over his head with his undershirt too, all in one shot. He tossed the pair onto the floor next to the bed and Kate watched the quick rise and fall of his chest with curiosity.

His fists clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides. If he couldn't touch her, he at least wanted to relieve himself.

She made him wait a moment longer before she sat up on her knees, drawing the zipper down on her jeans and shimmying out them slowly. She could feel the heat from Jack's stare, could feel the trickle of excess rain water make its way down the side of his neck, mixed with sweat, and undoubtedly warm, salty, sweet.

She met his eyes as she reached for the hem of her t-shirt, pulling it slowly over her head and let it drop behind her. She saw his eyes wander down her body, slowly, down and up, and could see his body wriggle almost imperceptibly, trying to assuage the arousal dying for release within the confines of his briefs.

"Kate." He urged, almost shifting to touch her, but when he met her eyes, he stopped.

"What do you want?" She asked evenly, fingers toying with the thin straps on her underwear.

He licked his lips, body stilling. "I don't care, I just need you now." He bit out, reaching out, but she shifted away from his fingers.

"Tell me." She tried again, body poised.

He shook his head, mouth hanging slightly open, looking for words, some composure.

"I want your mouth."

"Where do you want it?"

"On me."

"Where on you?"

"On my cock."

She quirked a knowing half-smile and licked her lips, making him suck in a quick breath when she moved towards him on her hands and knees, drawing her body over his, skin brushing against his, hot and ultra sensitive. She straddled his knees, back arching as she bent towards the opening in his briefs.

His hand found her cheek, cupping it and smoothing a thumb over her patch of freckles, making her look up at him and he tried to smile, but all he could do was look at her through her curtain of curls and watch her bit her lip, red and swollen from kisses. He felt the breath in his chest freeze and he knew he'd never seen anything he'd wanted to remember more than this moment.

She shifted, her core brushing against his knee and she closed her eyes, sucking in a breath.

"Kate, you don't have to." He said softly when she leaned her head down, her hand ready to snake its way inside his underwear.

She looked up at him a last time but said nothing, only holding the eye contact as she pushed down his underwear and drew him into her palm, letting her hand flutter on him, testing the feel of him in her grasp again. He groaned, his hand finding its way into her hair and tangling in her tresses.

"_God_, Kate."

She smiled triumphantly and pumped him, the feel of him coming back to her, like riding a bike, she smirked.

She could feel his breaths coming out labored. He'd let his head drop back onto the pillow, unable to hold it up any longer. She lowered her mouth down onto him, and she felt his grip in her hair flutter and tighten temporarily just before he let out a throaty groan.

"Fuck." He bit and she swiped her tongue around him, lavishly slow circle around his head and he hissed.

With his free arm he propped himself up on an elbow, watching her, her head bobbing slowly up and down, her tongue working in invisible circles around him.

She peered up at him, her mouth sucking him harder. She watched his eyelids flutter halfway closed and then struggle to stay open, to watch her, to watch her watching him. To watch her eyes look so innocent when she did such things to him.

She shifted and her center brushed his leg, sending a shock up her spine and she let out a tiny moan involuntarily, sending a vibration down his cock that made him grunt, sending a thrust into her mouth that she accepted.

"Kate, I'm not gonna last." He choked out, and she released him with a pop.

"So don't."

He nearly came right then, but bit his lip, guiding her up towards him, his lips whispering against hers.

"I don't want to come in your mouth. I want to come inside you. I want to feel you."

His mouth pressed against hers as his fingers wound around her back, flicking open the clasp on her bra and guiding it off of her, only to have his large hands come back around cup each one, letting the fullness settle into his palms.

She moaned, eyes fluttering shut, and let his thumbs graze the nipples, feeling them pebble into tiny peaks beneath his fingers. She sucked in a breath and pressed herself closer, her arms wrapping around his neck and leaving no space between them.

"Now, Jack. Please."

He chuckled. "After what you did to me? I don't think so."

He unwrapped her arms from around his neck and settled her onto her back. His lips finding hers and letting his tongue dip inside her mouth and tangle with hers. Her tiny hand came around and gripped his neck, forcing his mouth deeper into hers until his tongue got lost into the depths of her mouth and she whimpered, her hips rising into his.

"Now, Jack. Now."

He moved his mouth away from hers and let his lips trail down her collarbone and to her breasts, giving each the attention of his mouth, letting his tongue roll her nipples into hard buds until her back arched off the bed and she held his head closer to her chest, panting.

"You like that?" He asked teasingly, goading her.

"_Jack." _She breathed, but his mouth moved lower until she felt his breath just above her underwear and she bit her lip, waiting.

He tugged her panties down by the sides, face level with her pelvis, and she could feel his breath fan out against her and her hands brushed over the soft fuzz atop his head.

"I won't last either." She said softly from above him.

"Let's find out." He said mischievously and let his mouth dip into her cover, tongue brushing over her in small circles and he could hear her cry out, feel her hips push up against his face.

He braced her thighs in his hands and tugged her closer so that his tongue dipped inside her and nearly screamed, panting hard.

"Jack." She said it over and over, rising in crescendo the faster he went, letting his mouth find the little bundle of nerves and suck hard and then lap fast over it with the very tip of his tongue.

Her toes curled into the mattress and he could sense she was close and backed off, drawing himself so that they were face to face. Her cheeks were flushed, and he felt how hot her skin was, how she couldn't catch her breath.

"You stopped." She panted, hand trailing down towards her core, desperate, but Jack caught her hand, and he drew it up to his lips, pressing a kiss into the center of palm.

"We're gonna make this last." He chided her and she could feel his velvety heat pressed against the inside of her thigh, making her squirm.

Her hand reached down and touched him, guiding him to her and teasing him at her entrance. His eyes fluttered closed and she pressed a kiss against either lid.

He buried his face in her neck and pushed inside, making her hands grip his shoulders hard, nails digging in and he growled low in her ear.

"Oh fuck." He groaned and she shifted, tilting her hips and he slipped in an inch deeper and she came with a shout, clenching around him and arching off the bed, eyes wide and mouth open in a silent scream.

When she came down she was panting and Jack smoothed a hand across her forehead, finding her lips and kissing her gently and lingeringly.

"You're so tight." He whispered against her lips reverently and groaned when he began moving, at first at a slow steady pace, hips drawing out and then driving back in completely, making her breath hard into his ear.

Her inner walls still fluttered around him, making him thrust harder against the friction. Her thighs braced his sides, legs drawn around him and she started to thrust up in time with him, sending him in deeper and harder.

He found her hands and drew them up above her head and holding them there with his, and she shifted her hips in small sensuous circles, and then lowered her mouth to his ear.

"Harder, Jack. Let it go." She whispered and he sped up, pounding into her harder and quicker, her hips hurried to keep up and she started mumbling incoherently, and he started swearing underneath his breath.

"Oh God, Jack, _Jack_." She kept saying his name and he clenched his eyes shut and thrust harder, moving one hand to her lower back and bracing himself as he thrust deeper, making her shout and come again.

The tight fit and her pulsing muscles around him, shuddering in waves, was too much and with a groan he came, thrusting deep up inside of her and letting go, jerking once, twice, and collapsing atop of her, shuddering and sweaty.

Her hand found his back and rubbed soothing circles there as she felt him soften within her. She knew she'd be sore later, but it was worth it, to watch him lose control for once, to see the look in his eyes when she said his name in warm, humid, hushed breaths.

After a long moment he propped himself up and looked down at her, her cheeks flushed red and a love bites trailing down her neck and chest.

"I got you pretty good." He mumbled, eyeing each hickey.

She rolled her eyes. "Your mother will love that. We're living in sin."

He rolled onto his back and drew her with him so that they still stay connected as she was draped across his chest, naked chest to chest. "If this is living in sin, I'll choose hell any day."

She laughed. "You are so corny."

He smirked, hand trailing up and down her warm back, slick with sweat.

"Seriously, that was the best sex I've ever had."

She snuggled deeper into him. "I'm a wonder in bed." She said casually, closing her eyes.

He chuckled deep, making his chest rumble against her ear but let out a breath when the last weak wave of orgasm rolled over him inside of her, making him thrust against her and she laughed in surprise.

"Easy tiger. I think I need a nap."

He chuckled, brushing her hair down her back.

"Good, 'cause when you get up you've got to finish what you started." He teased, waggling his eyebrows at her and she laughed.

"I will if you will."

"Deal."

* * *

_So let me know if you want to see anything else besides the upcoming epilogue. If you have more jex ideas or anything else you want finished up that you don't think would be generally covered in the epilogue. I'm open to suggestions. Enjoy! Please review.  
_


	37. Epilogue

_So this is the last chapter. I tried to include the one request I got for a certain setting for jex. Also, read the A/N at the end for a preview of possible upcoming fics and one-shots._

* * *

Epilogue.

The house in Santa Monica wasn't too big. But it was near the ocean, like Kate had begged for it to be. It was within a half hour of Margo's. It was only a twenty-minute drive to the hospital. Every morning Kate woke up first and saw the ocean just over Jack's naked shoulder. She knew this was what home was supposed to feel like. 

On this particular morning the cold November air made the floorboards like ice. Kate tiptoed hurriedly towards Paul's bedroom, painted green, and peeked in at him over his crib. He was sound asleep, the dark wisps of his hair flat against his forehead, his tiny fist curled tight around the ear of a stuffed dog Kate had bought for him for his first birthday. 

She ran a tender finger down his chubby cheek, scooping a tiny bubble of drool away from his mouth and smiling. 

Kate crept out towards the kitchen just as the coffee maker grinded to life. It was 6:30 in the morning. Early. But it was Saturday, and Jack didn't have work. She grabbed a banana and thought about taking advantage of the morning together in bed while Paul was still asleep. She nibbled on the piece of fruit and thought about the errands she had to run.

The grocery store—she needed ingredients for dinner tonight. The jeweler's—she had to get her engagement ring resized to suit her petite fingers. The park—she'd promised Paul, even if he'd probably forgotten. And the boutique downtown—she wanted to pick up something special to surprise Jack with something special for the night. 

She was so absorbed in mapping her day that she jumped when she felt a pair of strong, warm arms encircle her waist and lodge her back against a firm, bare chest. 

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." Jack whispered into her hair, and she settled. The flight instinct in her might have weakened, but sometimes it lingered, when she heard an unexpected knock on the door or someone looked at her curiously at the store.

She huffed a laugh, dropping her banana on the counter and smoothing her hands over his bare arms. "It's okay. I thought you'd be sleeping in on your day off."

"And miss the privacy? I don't think so."

Kate smiled, turning in his arms. "You always liked it in the mornings."

Jack's eyebrows rose humorously, "Me? _You're _the one who's already up."

She rolled her eyes, nudging him. "I was checking on Paul."

"Oh, don't you use our son as an excuse. That's pathetic."

She smiled bashfully, pressing closer to Jack so that their bodies were flush and she felt him take in a sharp breath.

"Maybe I _was_ thinking about it…"

He nodded appreciatively. "Mm. Now you're talking." He began, pressing closer and kissing for the first time that morning, long and slow, drugging until Kate had to pull away for air.

His mouth only moved to the spot below her earlobe that made her spine tingle. She let out a whimper and in one fluid movement he picked her up and set her back down on the counter top.

She yelped. "It's cold!" She whined, trying to wriggle away from his grip on her hips.

He only laughed. "You should have worn real pajamas, instead of stealing a pair of my boxers."

"I like your boxers."

"I like them too. On you they're okay. On me, they're even—"

But Kate cut him off with a firm kiss on the lips making his mouth smile into hers when he felt her tongue peek out and pry at his lips, trying their best to gain entrance.

Jack let his hands run down her sides until his fingers curled around the hem of her thin t-shirt and whipped it up over her head, making little goose bumps prickle up all over her. 

He let his mouth drift over her shoulders and collar bone, the column of her neck, and back to her mouth, effectively warming her until her chill was gone and all she felt was a steady heat rising in her stomach and in her cheeks. 

She let her hands slip away from Jack's neck and slide down his chest, fingers tangling in the hair they found there and finally coming to rest on the front of his long pajama bottoms. 

He moved further in between her legs, as much as the counter permitted and held her closer, wrapping her up and pulling her nearer until their bare chests were flushed and he groaned at the feel. 

"This is the first time on the counter." He whispered, making her huff into his mouth.

"Are you keeping a scorebook somewhere?"

"I've got a bet going with Marc." Jack teased, fingers sliding inside the sides of her shorts and trying to wrestle them down.

"Well, if you want to win we've got a lot of work cut out for ourselves. There's the balcony," Kate said softly, punctuating each thought with a kiss against his chest, "and the laundry room, and the car…"

Jack groaned at the thought and finally got her shorts down, just as Kate's feet toed down Jack's bottoms and then they were naked, flushed, and breathing as hard and as quietly as they could in the kitchen, with the sun just peaking over the ocean. 

"I'm not sure this is sanitary." Kate whispered.

"I don't care."

Jack tugged her close and in one quick thrust filled her, making her shout and bite into his shoulder. Once she caught her breath, and Jack his, they waited to hear the sounds of Paul calling out, trying to be rescued from his crib. But Kate's shout hadn't woken him.

She could feel Jack throbbing inside of her and Jack could feel her tightness making him see stars. Then he started moving and she let out a squeak when he picked up the pace and her hips started meeting his. She could feel his warm breath puff against her neck where his head was buried, and she only squeezed her arms his neck even tighter. 

When they finished, Jack helped her hop off the counter and redressed her, slowly, like a child, and set about making breakfast, still shirtless. She watched him move with ease, still young at heart, despite the years, and she almost had to catch her breath at how things had changed.

"Momma!" A cry came from the bedroom just as Jack set the pancakes on the table. 

"I'll get him," Kate smiled, traipsing towards Paul's bedroom and watched her boy pull himself up on the rail of the crib and clap his hands when he saw her.

"Hey, baby boy, you hungry for breakfast?"

Paul, who had only mastered a few of the basic words, only gabbed gibberish as Kate went about changing his diaper.

"You're getting so big, you know that?" She nuzzled him as she set him into his high chair. Paul only banged joyfully on the tray in front of him, enjoying the noise the erupted.

"A little drummer boy, huh?" Jack mused, settling beside Kate at the table and shooting her a private little smile that only she seemed to understand. His thank you, his gratitude, his love, his contentment. 

"I was thinking, you know…" Kate began cautiously, "I was thinking about something kind of important."

Jack looked up from his mouthful of pancakes and looked worried. "About what?"

She nearly laughed at how puffed out his cheeks were with food, mouth coated in a thin layer of syrup. She leaned forward and kissed him, tasting the sticky sweetness on her lips. He looked dazed.

"I want another baby."

Jack nearly choked. "Really?"

She paused a moment, eyeing Paul. "Yeah, I do. I've wanted another one for a long time."

Jack smiled, swallowing a big gulp of his breakfast and drawing her onto his lap, kissing her soundly until her hands wound around his neck. She could feel him begin to harden beneath the thin material of their pajamas. 

She pulled away reluctantly and looked over at Paul who had started smashing his Cheerios with his little fist, then picking up the crumbs and stuffing them unceremoniously into his mouth.

"He's pretty perfect."

Jack laughed. "Just wait until he's a teenager and tells us we're ruining his life."

Kate groaned. "Will we ever get that old?"

Jack shrugged. "I wouldn't mind. As long as it's with you. And ten more babies."

"Ten? You're dreaming."

"Ah, you say that _now_ but once you get another you'll want more and more. And I don't mind putting in the hours to making sure you stay barefoot and pregnant until we've got twenty little monsters running the place."

She rolled her eyes and rested her head on Jack's chest. "We could use a few more babies. Make your mom happy."

He soothed a hand down her hair. "It'd make _me_ happy. Even happier. Too happy even."

She smacked his chest playfully but turned to look in his eyes seriously. "I'm so glad I'm doing this with you. Living this life, in this house, with our son, all with you."

He gulped, kissing her nose. "Me too. You don't even know."

Kate smiled, shrugging and grabbing a piece of pancake with her fingers, sticky with syrup, and slipping it past Jack's lips. "I know what you mean."

* * *

_upcoming one-shot: instead of Kate and Juliet being handcuffed together in "Left Behind" it's Kate and Jack handcuffed and left behind to fend for themselves._

_possible upcoming fic: a series of vignettes about off-island future jack and kate and all their problems, etc._

_possible upcoming long term fic: AU, kate is a waitress at jack's country club, they meet just as jack and sarah's marriage is disolving_

_okay! so those are my ideas. let me know what you think, what you want to see, what you want to come first, your reactions to the whole story as a whole and these new ideas! coming sooon..._

_thanks for hanging in there!_


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